Posts by Code Monkey

Nokia C1-01 budget voicephone

Tempting

That looks like really good value for taking on hols if you fear having your smartphone nicked or aren't sure you'll be able to charge it up every night.

Government should extend agile development for IT

Agile

It's a nice buzzword to throw around.

It genuinely does make a difference at the dev team level. As for stopping IT project failure? Stop moving goalposts and stop civil servants jumping ship so often that there's no accountability.

Self-erasing flash drives destroy court evidence

They're saying...

...if you're up to no good, get an SSD

Euro court slaps down insurers over gender risks

They are already

"Is your car modified in any way (including wheels)?"

My 2p: I don't think I've ever used "it's political correctness gone mad" without taking the piss before. Gender's a genuine indicator of risk and this change will be another excuse for the insurance cartel to dick us all.

Julian Assange™ applies to trademark himself

Oh the irony

How very dare you publish an article as "Team Register"!

yous,

AC

Pint?

Here it is. No, no, my shout.

Apple fanbois leak secrets of Mac OS X Lion

It's called...

It's called having an opinion. Now how about stopping being an AC and playing nicely?

Oh come on!

I enjoy bitching about Apple as much as the next commentard but a new version of a popular OS is news. No, really it is.

Faces of the iPad 2 and iPhone 5 revealed

Title

iMeh

Anon Mail commenters to stay anon

Sensible and reasonable readers

I get the impression that a lot of Guardian readers troll the Mail fora (and vice versa).

Judge shows common sense?

Blimey. Maybe there's some hope for this sad island after all.

US scientists build laser-killing device

"absorbing 99.999 per cent of incoming light"

They've invented the priest's sock?

South African dam sluices 609 elephants per second

African

South African dam, African elephants.

If Indian dams ever break the 600 (African) elephant per second barrier, then we can start to argue.

Nice

Especially as this would rate the dam at a magnificent 3654 PPM.

Elephants per second

That has just shot to the top of my list of favourite measurements, wiping the floor with the Wales and even beating the Bulgarian Airbag.

EU bottoms up committee slates body scanners

UK.gov response:

Fuck em. We can't put the rights of the general public above those of company executives to line their pockets with people's tax pounds. We'll support this scam and concoct some wacky terrrorism bullshit to cover our backs. Oppose the perv scanners? You must support the terrorists! You must be a terrorist!

MS fesses on silent security fixes

True, but

True, but that's a risk fixing all bugs. Disclosure doesn't make my bug fixes better or worse and I can't see why that's any different for MS.

IMO that's fair enough

Not often I agree with Redmond, but for bugs that have been found internally, just fix them!

IT grad claims £5m for crap degree

@AC

I'd rate not being a dick as far more important than the grade(?), subject or even having a degree.

@AC

I was speaking purely for myself, though admittedly I should have added pointing and laughing for completeness.

It's that sort of thinking...

...that earns you Desmond*.

* I don't have a degree at all yet feel educated enough to sneer at Mr Wogu.

iPhone 5 rumors: bigger, smaller, cloudy, keyboard-equipped

You don't have to join the tech pissing contest.

Maybe you're used to a Pavlovian dash for your debit card as soon as Apple releases new shiny but you don't have to. The old iPhone is a perfectly capable device (once you slap an oversized rubber band over it).

Twitter off-limits for cricketers

Swanny

That's a shame as Graeme Swann is quite entertaining. Anyone know of a spoof Swanny a la TheBig_Sam?

Samsung readies Android-based iPod Touch killer

It's the Angry Birds

Personally I've no use for this but I can see parents getting their (lucky) kids one to stop them nicking their phones to play Angry Birds.

OFT waves through UK.gov's national addressing database

Great

Now where do I opt out?

HTC takes a flyer on tablets

My thoughts exactly

Hopefully they've scaled up the battery otherwise it'll flop like nobody's business!

Google Chrome extension bars domains from search results

Experts Exchange

That was my first thought, too. And that's one bit of information I'll happily share with Google!

HTML5 kicked into 2014

"Another three years of crushing hype"

How wonderfully, if depressingly, succint.

Wooden spaceship descends into Moscow sandpit

Life imitating art

I wonder if they got the idea by reading Omon Ra by Vicotr Pelevin.

Flying dildo downs Oz stag party bloke

7m - wow!

Now that is impressive!

English Defence League site pulled offline after defacement

"I'm not racist, but..."

In the sense that they're "not racist, but..."

Protection of Freedoms Bill is released

A cautious welcome

I didn't know that fraud trials without jury were in the sights as well. I've always viewed jury trials as an easy target for the Tories as they can argue it's red tape in the way of getting jsutice done.

So it's a welcome from me, suspended until the fine print has been examined (by someone more clued up than I).

Bluetooth Special Interest Group hands out cups

Actually...

...the head trauma monitor does sound extremely useful (potentially a life-saving app, rather than killer app) but would, as, Dale 3 says, require a decent connection.

Italian white van man nudges sound barrier

"especially when a delivery is late"

When the driver's late for his cuppa more like!

Android inches nearer NFC nirvana

Gingerbread is half baked

[applauds]

3 Rs

Reading, writing and spelling

Google, antitrust, and the 'Copygate' hypocrisy

bit.ly?

Post a proper URL

Starbucks' iPhone barcode app easily scammed by screengrab

Coffee is lovely...

...ss long as you're careful not to buy Starbucks' vile cups of over-roasted pish.

Alabama sex shop owner swaps 'Guns for Toys'

Bang bang!

Only in America would they have a gun sale to raise money for crime victims. I love you all, you crazy bastards!

iPad TWO: What, already?

Clam down dear

That is all

RealNetworks unhooks 130 employees in jobs cull

So long nagware

Annoying the hell out of your userbase not a good business model? Well I never.

I'm not even that sorry for the poor basts losing their jobs.

PSP playing boy plunges onto railway

It's Friday

There'll be falling over/into things/onto things aplenty going on in and around city centre boozers the length and breadth of the UK. I'm not sure which you'd pick as the 3rd.

The child is an idiot

For once I don't blame the parents.

Big stink over Malawi farting ban

Deny everything!

Deny everything!

Glad I'm not Malawian(?)

Having just chowed down on a big plate of veg samosas I'm grateful to live in a country with freedom of, er, gas.

First they came for the flatulent...

Scanner snares senior servant

Architectural Ironmongery

And there's the real reason he was sacked, for not claiming he was searching for architectural ironmongery.

Post-a-puppy woman hit with cruelty charges

Yes

Via airmail, of course

UK's Supreme Court greenlights Twitter usage

How about

They all put their fncking phones down and take court cases seriously?

Official: PhD in 'Essential Oils' or 'Natural Toiletries' = 'a Scientist'

Wow

So... when I was down the pub on Saturday I was being a Beer Scientist? Actually with over 20 years research I'd be overqualified in the Essential Oils sector.

UK probes ebook pricing

Charge them (almost) full whack

While the material and distribution costs are negligible, the authors still have to be paid. Your typical eBook price complaint completely devalues the months of work represented by a good book (or the days of work represented by a Dan Brown novel).