back to article Flying dildo downs Oz stag party bloke

A shaken Oz stag party reveller has recounted how he was left "battered and bloodied" after taking a head shot from a flying dildo. According to a very silly NT News report, 31-year-old Darwin architect Jure Skumavc joined groom-to-be Peter Rolih and around eight other pals in a Brisbane pad on 28 December for the traditional …


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  1. Elmer Phud

    Knob Head?

    as per title

  2. Ian McNee

    Revenge of Sadville??

    Cut your internet pipe (no double-entendre intended...*ahem*) - Sadville is invading Earth, it's just as it was predicted in Doom! Only with more cocks...

  3. lglethal Silver badge

    Im sorry but...

    ... why on earth would you go to the press with this story? Are you that desperate for publicity that you really want to me known throughout the world and interwebs as the guy who got battered by a flying dildo?

    Honestly i will never understand people...

    1. g e

      More likely

      the a mate Farcebooked it there n then and the media 'received word' of said event :o)

      I'd Farcebook that immediately complete with snap!

  4. Cunningly Linguistic
    Paris Hilton

    An anagram for a name?

    ..."vacuum jerks"

    Did he ever consider that the blood may not have been his own? Most dildos don't have sharp edges.

    1. Dennis

      Could have been worse ...

      "Most dildos don't have sharp edges."

      Wasn'tt the Rev Shayne stabbed to death with a dildo in Crimes of Passion?

  5. Code Monkey
    Thumb Up

    7m - wow!

    Now that is impressive!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    just, priceless!

  7. s. pam

    Reminds me of Priscilla, QotD

    Anyone remember the lady with the ping-pong balls in the Bush bar in Priscilla QotD?

    Sounds like she's got a much more wild sister -- game on. As I'm heading up organising a stag do in a few weeks could I have contact details please El Reg so we can book her...

  8. Eden

    BOOM!! Headshot!

    I'm gobsmacked!

    1. Piri Piri Chicken
      Thumb Up

      Boom! headshot? Surely that would be Womb! headshot!

      Standing on the shoulders of giants.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fair play

    He didn't whinge and threaten to tell his mum/lawyer.

    1. FreeTard

      normal mate

      He's from Darwin... proper Australians.

  10. Adrian Challinor

    Clue is in the location.

    "Darwin" - says it all really.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    7 metres?

    Pictures or it didn..... never mind.

  12. Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of the infamous

    incident with Kasparov and the amusingly shaped model helicopter at that press conference.

    AC, or should that be Ack?

  13. BigG

    Playmobil reconstruction


  14. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Disappointed in El Reg

    Yes, yes, it's in Bootnotes, but this sort of story should be reserved for Fridays.

    Unless there's a Playmobil reconstruction :)

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Disappointed in El Reg

      Well, it should just serve to remind you how far away Friday is. I have to suffer all week, I don't see why you should get away with it.

      Happy Monday!

      1. Shane Orahilly


        Happy Monday indeed. You're twisting my melon, Mod.

    2. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Why wait for Friday?

      I was amply reminded all week long that today was the very-romantic-and-not-a-commercial-stunt known as Valentine's day. So this story seems quite appropriate, in "an awkward sort of angle", as the bloke put it.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I call aimbot on this. Everyone knows that a headshot with a dildo from 7 metres is impossible. Damned h4x0r!!!!11!eleven!!

  16. HFoster

    The Honeymooners

    POW! Right in da kisser!

  17. asiaseen

    He was lucky

    it wasn't a Bangkok girl playing darts.

  18. Nick Galloway


    There must be a school in Oz that trains these ladies in the mystical martial art of hands free projectile motion. I wonder if they conduct tours...

  19. Andy Taylor

    Could this be used as another Register unit of measurement?

    Speed of a dildo in flight perhaps?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      NEW Science of ...

      DILDONICS !!

      1. Ugotta B. Kiddingme
        Thumb Up

        or a not-so-new science

        TELEdildonics. Since the meat substitute in question was, in fact, fired from across the room this would qualify as teledildonics, would it not?

  20. Ugotta B. Kiddingme
    Thumb Up

    insufficiently humiliating?

    "As regards the velocity of the 'darting dildo', Skumavc noted: 'It wasn't a strong shot. It probably just landed on an awkward sort of angle.' "

    Let's see, which one to use first...

    "Being hit in the forehead with a plastic prick isn't awkward enough, so you have to bring geometry into it?"


    "The Angle of the Dangle is proportional..."

  21. Joe User

    Dare I ask?

    How, exactly, was she "shooting dildos at the guests"?

  22. NoneSuch Silver badge
    Paris Hilton


    ...because you need the right catcher...

  23. Natalie Gritpants

    "I wonder if they conduct tours?"

    Tours of what? I doubt there would be room for you and a guide. It's not going to be Wookey Hole.

  24. Displacement Activity

    No frickin title

    They sell *twelve* *centimetre* dildos in Australia? Que??

    And if, like me, you have no idea what this is about, here's the clip from Priscilla. I still don't believe it, though. Possibly NSFW.

  25. Anonymous Coward

    Watch your units...

    Since it is a dildo, 12 centimeters wouldn't qualify for damage, unless this dancer has l33t skillz that I'd like on my girlfriend to propel such *dart* at reasonably damaging speeds, or the instrument was made of solid steel. On other hand, (no pun intended) 12 INCHES....

    The only unanswered question, really, was this actually his blood...

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