Posts by Code Monkey

Sharp intros 5in ARM-based netbook

@Sampler

I agree completely. The Asus 701 didn't appeal to me for that exact reason. It wasn't til the advent of the 901 that I seriously considered a netbook, eventually getting an Acer Aspire One.

Japan fine with cheap old mobile phones, ta very much

Another vote for dumbphones

My phone makes and receives calls; sends and receives texts and doesn't put stretch my pockets too much (in both senses). That's all I want. Generally people don't /need/ mobile internet, they just use it because it's there. I'm happy to have a break from the fecking thing!

Zombie plague analysed by Canadian maths prof

Smith?

If he wanted to step out of fat Bob's shadow he could have gone for Robert Smyth and avoided coming across as a complete bellend. Ah well.

Prof develops football-match scheduling software

@TeeCee

It certainly stopped me whining. Well it did until this season's fixtures came out.

More complex

It's probably a lot more complex in reality than our boffin has realised. The beeb covered this before this season's fixtures came out.

As an example Norwich being home or away can affect the fixture-scheduling as far away as West Ham (seriously - read the article below).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/paulfletcher/2009/06/secrets_of_the_fixture_compute.html?page=18

British boffin named first ever 'doctor of texting'

Texting?

Next it'll be a PhD in going to the pub. Actually that'd do me nicely.

El Reg space paper plane christened Vulture 1

@Charles King

And gaffer tape. If it doesn't work, you're not using enough gaffer tape.

Cops and ISP in paedophile data mix up

"Better checks and balances"

"Better checks and balances have been put in place" - only for them to be labelled as unnecessary red tape at the next round of spending cuts and thrown out.

Google lights up Moon on Apollo 11 anniversary

Cheese?

I've not looked at Google Moon since it launched. Great as it is I'd love to see the return of the cheese when you go to maximum zoom.

Vulture Central plans Brit-Yank dictionary

@Steve 64

Bad example. Both bands are both tossers and wankers.

Shell issues 12% pay cut ultimatum to IT contractors

@chris

Boycott one and you just end up buying from some other cnuts. No such thing as fairtrade petrol :o\

Kingdom of Sweden dragged into Reg smut-basket

Smut Basket

"sweepingly throwing a whole country in the smut-basket of TheRegister.co.uk"

Magnificent!

Masked passwords must go

Usability

That shoulder surfing isn't an issue may be true but a big feature of usability is familiarity. I used to read Nielsen's column before he ran out of ideas and started coming out with daftness like this.

There are several usability areas that Nielsen himself would say aren't ideal but are familiar enough to be classed as a standard (e.g. using HTML select boxes for navigation and having a window's scollbar on the right, away from most websites' main naivagation menu).

Even if I believed that plain text was easier, there's no way I'd waste time arguing that my company's websites should use it. Our credibility would take a nosedive and we'd be fielding far too many support calls on it.

It may or may not be a good idea but it'll never float!

Girls Aloud net obscenity case falls at first hurdle

@Graham Marsden

Just because this didn't result in a prosecution does not mean it's a waste of money. In fact the law has been further clarified and now it's less likely that more public money will be spent chasing smut writers.

Web swoons as Jackson dies

Sickipedia

Sickipedia was also titsup as people look for jokes.

Boffins: Gigantic crustacean sperm is 'viable strategy'

17m

Imagine the socks your average Reg commenter would need!

Buggy 'smart meters' open door to power-grid botnet

Easily Hacked

"The newfangled meters needed to make the smart grid work are built on buggy software that's easily hacked" - we're talking Windows, here, right?

Companies to be Bob the Builder with Firefox 3.5

Iceweasel

Hopefully the Iceweasel folks can use this to make something more stable (although in fairness, recent versions have been fairly good) and with a less embarassing name (which is still an issue).

Millions opted into UK mobile phone directory

From the FAQ

"Please allow up to 4 weeks for your ex-directory request to take effect."

How does it take that long? Incompetent twunts

Acer Aspire One D250

@Chippy-Minton

IMO, the hard disk really makes the permanent card slot a little redundant.

I agree completely on the price though (even if I paid a whopping £200 for mine). For ~£300 I'd be looking at a slightly-less-than-cutting-edge Thinkpad

BNP DDoS 'mega-assault' not actually mega in the least

No surprise

The initial article smelled somewhat of shite. This just confirms it.

Weary locals scratch Butt Hole Road

Bell End

I'd be sad if the magnificent Bell End in Rowley Regis were ever to be similarly censored. That said I wouldn't want to live there!

Atmos cloud wafts up at EMC World

Atmos

Nice to see the Atmos name getting another airing

http://www.old-computers.com/MUSEUM/computer.asp?c=79

Gordon Ramsay breaches f**king broadcasting code

Aw come on

He's an obnoxious wanker. If you don't like swearing you know what to expect, watch something else or (gasp) switch the fucking telly off!

Acer ponders Android smartphone

"Google OS"

Cue lots of FSFtards demanding it be changed to "GNU/Google OS".

It's US vs Europe as world e-car plug standard race nears end

Willy-waving

OK I really don't get this. Surely there can't be much between the 2 standards technically. So is this just down to willy-waving between the 2 camps?

€25k for an old Nokia handset?

Moto V66

I'm considering paying over the odds for an old Moto V66. I'm no scammer, it's just I've not liked a phone since that one got nicked.

Pirate Bay fans: Lay off our neo-Nazi Sugar Daddy

@AC (Some TPB users vote labour)

"I would say most of the people that use TPB are not trying to bring down any company, simply are calling for an utilising the Libertarian, Freedom of Information angle which is totally opposite to the facist/socialist way...."

And there was me thinking they just used TPB to get free films.

GM, Segway to unveil iPhone-driven wheelchair e-car

Using a phone while driving?

So it's a "car" that you /have/ to use a mobile phone to operate? Smart move Sherlock. Good luck getting that certified road legal in the UK, fools!

Photocops: Home Office concedes concern

Suspicious behaviour

We're heading towards a situation where the only non-suspicious behaviour is sitting at home drooling in front of the telly.

Terry Pratchett cuts ribbon on Treacle Mine Road

Lancashire

But the real treacle mines are in Pendle, Lancashire (the county that also gave Pratchett the Lancre Witches and Alice Nutter from Good Omens)!

Man gets life for killing game-obsessed partner

Regally?

Sorry to get all typo-Nazi but shouldn't that be "regularly"?

White wine stains your teeth too

Bunk

'Immersing teeth in white wine for one hour "is similar to the effect of sipping the wine with dinner"'

If it is then I'm never having dinner with these (verry ill-mannered) boffins.

Drinking wine with dinner for normal people is more like the teeth get an occassional splash of wine which is then washed off by food and saliva. After dinner most of us would clean our teeth before hitting the sack.

This study is utter bunk and whatever time it took could've been more usefully spent watching Cash in the Attic or something.

Unauthorised Wolverine claws his way onto interwebs

DVDs

Those "you wouldn't steal a car" ads on the start of DVDs are bloody infuriating. I'VE PAID FOR THIS DVD ALREADY NOW STOP NAGGING ME YOU 'TARDS!

Google to fund 'video Street View' for Central London

1st April

8/10 not bad.

What's wrong with a Twitter degree?

UCE

The University Formerly Known as UCE (i.e. the grades you needed to get in)

Atlantis finally go for Hubble mission

No piss recycler

It was only after getting to the end without reading anything about a piss recycler that I realised it was Hubble rather than the ISS.

A golden watercooler for Hubble say I!

Budvar beats Anheuser-Busch in latest Budweiser battle

Excellent news

Gorgeous Continental Lager 1 - Watery Pish 0

WAG sues CPW for phone pic nick

Private

If the pics are that private, don't keep them on your phone. Stupp'd tart!

Mormons demand ICANN plugs net smut hole

Hey morons

Hey morons leave my pr0n alone as Pink Floyd defiinitely once said.

Councils clamp down on Strategy Boutique Newspeak

"This gobbledegook has to go"

Blimey. Over the years I've heard some shite in my office but nothing comes close to "Predictors of Beaconicity".

Scientology spokesman confirms Xenu story

Wacky but...

No more wacky than all that Jesus horse-pucky I was fed in school.

Sadville transports shaggers to porncentration camp

Still going?

Second Life still going? Well stone me!

Still enjoying First (Real) Life myself...

Apple to show off iPhone OS 3.0 next week

Cut and Paste

OK Apple bashing isn't terribly original* but no Cut and Paste? Really? In 2009?

* it's fun though

Screeching rails close London Tube station

Health and safety gone mad

Don't leave your homes. Ever.

Stay inside away from the chavs/dangerous dogs/scary Tube noises.

Stay inside and watch endless shite and insurance adverts on the telly.

I swear I hate this island more and more each day.

UK gov gets twitchy on Google feature creep

Govt's Privacy Concerns

Good one!

But not so good it couldn't have waited til 1st April.

Social networking and blogs more popular than email

@Lexxy

According to the delete account procedure it's there for 14 days should I choose to reactivate it then it's wiped.

Whether you trust that or not is another matter.

Facebook

I deleted my Facebook account yesterday. It felt go-o-o-o-od!

Sexy Namir sportster to rewrite fuel economy rulebook?

Schwing!

The car's a looker too.

Multi-sense VR helmet in development

@Liam Johnson

For the feel of Victoria Beckham you could try grabbing a bundle of sticks