Posts by Code Monkey

Welshman attempts to board train with pony

Welsh Bernie Eccleston

He likes em tall.

I've always said our trains are a bit pony

Mine's the one with Dick van Dyke's Bumper Guide to Cockney Slang in the pocket.

Schmidt: Android will bring DEMOCRACY to the WORLD

Gnonsense

Gnonsense if you ask me. Improved clock speeds are the friend of the dictactor and revolutionary alike.

LinkedIn thinks it's worth $4bn on eve of IPO

Just Bubble numbers?

Yes

Gates defends Ballmer's Skype gamble

$8.5bn

I just dowloaded it from their website. For free. Silly, silly Ballmer.

Facebook planking game claims its first victim

One less idiot

To quote (possibly misquote) Bill Hicks "We lost an idiot. The world just got lighter."

Boy George plonks tech centre onto Silicon Roundabout

Re: 3 cheers

Yeah. I loved Nathan Barley, too.

Three to supply UK Chromebooks' 3G access

Wifi only

In which case you might as well spend £350 on a netbook. Or am I missing something?

Google lobbying to make driverless cars legal in Nevada

No witnesses?

If I were offing some Vegas type and dumping him in a freshly-dug hole in the Nevada desert, the last thing I'd want is to arrive in a Googlecar.

You might *think* you'd wiped the car's history...

Facebook pulls plugs on Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook profile

Beginning?

I agree with the overwhelming majority of your post. It's just the word "beginning" I object to.

Slovakian cannibal's dinner calls in cops

Pigs

I always like it when the pigs show up for breakfast.

Plague of US preachers falsely claim to be Navy SEALs

"Just needs his ass spanked"

How refreshing to hear of an American capable of resolving something without getting the lawyers involved.

Steven Moffat fumes over Doctor Who plot leak

"I just hope that guy never watches my show again"

Don't tempt me.

Make no mistake the leaker's a complete tool but, IMO, this series has been a bit bobbins so far.

Series so far

First two were far too complicated. I really couldn't be arsed. Far too much shouting in the 3rd. Well there are a few gaps I can fill in the Tom Baker collection. Much better!

Nude gardener's arse hauled into court

@Intractable Potsherd

Thank you. Every day's a school day

Engorged hampton

I've no idea what an engorged hampton is and will just have to (try not to) imagine until I can get off the work network to Google it. Meanwhile, please send a fresh keyboard to my office forthwith.

Or to turn it around...

I was naked in my hotel room and the maid walked in. Eventually.

Mine's the flasher's mack

Guess the contents

Guess the contents of a story entitled "Nude gardener's arse hauled into court". Not that difficult, surely?

HTC Facebook branded, buttoned phones appear online

Roll up, roll up!

This is your chance to own next year's MySpace phone!

TalkTalk goes silent

"Lidl of telephony providers"

Can I be the 1057th commentard to complain it's grossly unfair to compare a fine supermarket to this shower of kronk.

Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

So not the Turing test...

Maybe the Ballmer test?

Reg reader lost for words over blank HP keyboard

A long, long time ago

Working at a reseller, we got sent some Danish-localised PCs. I told our marketing manager they were the new EU-approved Pan-European keyboards. Next thing I know our company newsletter has an article about them!

Dumb much?

Boffins herald end of stiff screens

Bendy iPhone

Imagine the thousands of ways you can hold this one wrong!

Calm down dear

Maybe the author was just using the iPhone as an e-x-am-ple (and one that scans better than "iPhone/Android/Windows phone/Blackberry/other").

Samsung quietly lowers tablet graphics chip spec

Why I say that

It's true there are users who'll buy Apple no matter what and those that buy what works. I'd say they are the two extremes in this market. In between are the majority of folks who assume a tablet computer is called an "iPad", an MP3 player is called an "iPod" and assume other devices in those categories are knock-offs. Hence my saying they need to be better or cheaper than Apple (ideally both)

Interesting market

The success of the iPad had made this an interesting market. For the majority of *Pad buyers (Apple-phobes aside), Android offerings need iPad-like performance for less or cost signifiantly less to have a chance. Expect a lot more vague claims about performance and read the reviews carefully.

Me? I'm just glad I'm not an early adopter!

Amazon jumps on time-limited sales

This is the future of shopping isn't it?

Soon buying a pair of kecks will be as much of a pain in the balls as buying a train ticket.

I'm sure it's fun if you like shopping, chase bargains and whatever. Those of us that value our free time a little more are going to end up getting fleeced.

Apple ex-evangelist Kawasaki pans, praises Jobs

Apple survived because MORONS exist

It's an easy mistake to make.

Boffins develop liquid crystal solid-state raygun turret

Polarisation gratings

Good progress boffins. Now how do we stick a polarisation gratings to a shark?

Ubisoft to turn games into movies, TV shows

Game to Fillum

The genre sucks huge ones but you've got to admire their persistennce.

"One day my boy we'll do a game adaptation that doesn't stink!"

Paris because she sucks big oh what's the use?

Government slashes consultancy spending

Not all cuts are bad

Here's a spending cut we can all support.

Sikorsky, US Army claim whisper-flapcopter test success

Whisper mode

I suspect most of my neighbours would chip in to buy local plod a quieter heilcopter. Then maybe we'd get some sleep

Pakistani IT admin leaks bin Laden raid on Twitter

Not a time for cynicism...

Cynicism no. Sketicism always!

Robot moon lander airship test enhanced by iPhone app

Location

Just what the fanbois would want. More location-based fun and games.

Revealed: Secret security plan should Kate leave Wills at the altar

Barmy families

Compared to this lot, even the Fritzls look sane

TomTom sorry for giving customer driving data to cops

I agree, but

"authorities should have free access to anything they want" is indeed the regime we now live under but these are anything but I'd not describe it as "liberal".

Vote now for the best sci-fi film never made

all

Not voting at all is effectively a vote for all.

Cops hunt man who befouled drugstore's cough drop stash

Nitpickers unanimous

"Why indeed, when Walgreens is famous for its extensive of goods, from cosmetics and pharmacueticals to general hardware."

I think you something there.

No need to publish my nitpicking.

Five amazing computers for under £100

Stinkypad

Good call. I paid £200 for a T43 last October and it's been solid as a rock.

Animal lovers stamp on goldfish racing

They might be dicks

But that doesn't mean they're wrong.

Dell refreshes Alienware laptops

LAPtops

Rugby players' laps? What about the rest of us?

Multimillionaire's private space ship 'can land on Mars'

Good luck fellas

I'm hugely envious of the generation that saw man land on the moon and would love to live to see the day our species sets foot on another planet.

Internet child porn investigators net South Aust MP

Won't somebody think of the English Language!

Loving the pedantry on this thread!

(FWIW I'm with the "destroy a large proportion of..." crowd).

US Army to issue Droid dev kit in July

Or...

For those still working in Iraq, Angry Kurds

Mine's the one with... ah what's the use?

Scottish news site admits coding mishap caused outage

Fair play

Come on web developers. Who hasn't claimed a DDOS was at fault for that shonky code you knocked out at 4 o'clock on a sunny Friday?

Well maybe not so sunny in Scotland.

Calling all readers: Want some new icons?

Father Ted and Dougal

Down with that sort of thing.

Prob just the horns would be enough

He doesn't have many fans on here (writers or we commentards). No need for a halo.

Wanker

In honour of Reg's April Fools story, could we have an iPhone iCon for wankers?

Doctor Who's Elisabeth Sladen dies at 63

Sad

This weekend I'll watch The Hand of Fear, raise a glass and probably shed a few tears. What a terrible shame.

AutoTrader crashes off the road in DDoS congestion

DDOS?

Two people using the site at the same time more like. Awful thing that it is!