Posts by drunk.smile

A sex show of truly Olympian proportions?

IT Angle

I loved way you crowbarred in the Nortel link to get an IT Angle.

Good show sir, good show.

Google tells the world how to talk

"The Telegraph reports that a Scot asking for iPhone was offered searches for Sex instead"

Sounds like it works perfectly for us Scots. Wait.. does it still produce the same result if we search for bicycles?

Tragic Twitterers tweet goodbye to family life

El Reg = an 'Internet scandal-sheet' says BBC's Rory Cellan-Jones

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/technology/2008/11/close_to_you.html

I wonder how many times this article will be mentioned on twitter.

In fact... I wonder if that was partly the purpose in writing? ... just asking (although good show).

Roachzilla menaces Florida

What? No Lawyer gags?

El Reg, you disappoint me.

Agile fraudsters prey on clueless UK surfers

@It's obvious

Matt, I do hope your joking with that statement. You need to get an antivirus program regardless of how secure your operating system is.

One of the unmentioned problems of the Open Source World is the lack of 'great' antivirus packages for Linux.

Now, as soon as Norton port over their excellent AV software to that 'ooboontoo' thingy then I'm there.

Geeks whup Marine ass in Call Of Duty 5

@stranger on the road

You forget that most american war tech these days uses Xbox controllers so they've practiced for real with airstrikes on schools, hospitals & british ground troops.

Batman sues Batman over Batman

@Melbourne Claim

I do hope that people make up this shite on wikipedia...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batman_(mass)

'A batman... It is equivalent to 1000 pood'

The pood article then contains the glorious quote:

'An old Russian proverb reads, "You never know a man until you have eaten a pood of salt with him." '

I'm going back to my SQL it's safer.

Lib Dem stripogram councillor quits politics

accuarcy

Love it, nice touch.

Drunken Brummie hack resigns on YouTube

Adam Smith

... from the Birmingham Mail website:

"He previously worked as a dustman, a security guard, in call centres, countless factories and Burger King before becoming a journalist"... brilliant

His article I can't find on the Birmingham Mail site, but I it's on Google cache. Yep, definitely a big cut and paste job. (He certainly fits the cowboy hat)

Also from his Oct 22 2008 story on Toronto..

"TORONTO passed an equality law a few years ago that women can legally walk down the street bare chested because men can do the same.

As I was standing amongst one million people at the city’s giant Caribana festival, half of them bikini clad women, I was a tad disappointed that the good people of Toronto do not take their laws a bit more seriously."

El Reg, seriously you need to hire this guy to get your Paris Hilton angle in every story.

Freesat gets Five

Freesat gets Five?

OMG!!!!1111

The reason I was holding back from buying is FINALLY resolved!!!

W00t!!!111!!11111111

House key copied from photo

5" telephoto...

How long before they copy keys from Google Earth, I say? Only a matter of time. Ban this sick filth and all the information regarding it. Doomed we're all doomed!

David Tennant quits Who

I like the suggestion of Paterson Joseph

Although only because I have nostalgia for his role in Neverwhere (Great tv show).

I sadly fear that Russel T Davies will have a hand in the end of Tennants doctor so it's likely that 'the Doctor's Daughter' will come in and fill the role when this current doctor dies. (Kinda like Saw II - yep shite).

My vote still stands as it did last time with Eddie Izzard for doctor.

Orange ditches Phorm

"Privacy is in our DNA, so we need to be honest and clear about what we are doing"

Bwa-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha HA HA HA HA HA AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

<cough, cough cough> HAhhahahaahahahahahahahahaaaa.

That is all.

Berkeley boffins save Moore's Law

"microscopic scale aircraft wing technology"

Didn't properly read the article, are you saying that they are making chips from Airfix?

One billion unwanted opinions in real-time: Now SHOUTED at you

No. No. No. No.

Sweet jayzus.

- I tried to think of ways that the site could be useful. Even clicked around to see what sort of passionate debates are going back and forth. Let's hear someone get passionate about their chosen topic, I thought. I found none. Instead I stumbled on paramore_lover's posts.

FFS - There is no defence for this site. Seriously FFS.

I'm off to scrub out my ears with bleach.

Dawkins' atheist ad campaign hits fundraising target

@Duncan Hothersall

"Anonymous Coward 12:14".

Are you quoting from the Book of El Reg there?

Palin demands $15m to search her own emails

I don't think the Republicans want to win.

I really don't. They've made their money through a few dodgy deals and have a nice pension ahead immune from responsibility so now it's time to quit and let someone else sort out the mess.

Only problem is that since those crazy hippy democrats picked a black man for the ticket the Republican's campaign team have had to work a bit harder to lose. (hence Palin).

Penguin because I want to stay as far away from Alaska as possible.

In-body electric eel tech to make 'leccy from body fat

May I be one of the first

to welcome our eel/human hybrid overlords.

Anonymous plans zombie Scientology protest

Cakes

18th October you say? Will there be cakes?

David Blaine tw*tdangle ends in controversy

@ all this talk of doubles..,

JESUS F*CKING CHRIST!

THERE'S 2 OF HIM?!!??!??!!!!1111

[Insert appropriate tw*t(dangle)-o-tron here]

"I am totally unimpressed"

I spent some of the first fricking months of my life dangling upside down.

What was the big deal? More to the point though... David Blaine has 100s of fans. Jesus & I thought the credit crunch was a sign things were bad.

Can we have a david blaine icon preferably to represent stories of people making a twatdangle of themselves for publicity?

Paris because we'd all love to tw*tdangle for her.

Daily Mail hacks get emergency bird flu jabs

Daily Mail

I thought that cockroaches could survive just about anything.

El Reg dresses The IT Crowd

Paris because...

...at least she has a stretch limo.

French firm intros remix-friendly music format

I'm not buying it until

they have the music in round spheres that we shake to make the remix.

And the music is a liquid.

Noel Gallagher takes a tumble on YouTube

BASTARDS!

Damn you El Reg. I had to sit through 1 minute and 20 seconds of that drivel to get to the push.

Ivan O'Toole? That's nothing, snorts Hugh Jass

2 people with the surname: Fuchsova

And one with the forename: Muthughanthreege

ID scheme plans 50,000 cards by April

50,000 ID Cards

All issued to the same ukraine human trafficing ring.

Anonymous fights Scientology in schools

I walked by...

...one of the Anonymous protests in London last week.

They were giving out cakes & buns. More protests I say more protests.

Down with this sick filth! (ooh is that chocolate chip?)

Paris because... buns

History shaped Google's Trojan Horse

I see a resemblence...

with the iPHONE!!!

I'm sick of the Google Chrome coverage just as I was sick of the 1000s of iPhone stories.

And you know what's worse? I CAN'T STOP READING THEM!

Please Reg, make it stop.... make it stop.

Government kids database under fire, again

@Another vulnerability not mentioned

Not to mention

> the children of bank managers so they are not held ransom for access to the cash

Big demand for pay by phone tech, claims Nokia

Priorities

"Apparently 22 per cent of triallists increased their use of public transport too, but that could be thanks to the £60 credit they were all given at the start of the trial"

Seriously? Your given £60 to spend on booze and 22% choose to spend it on a bus ride instead?

Dabs.com courier goes titsup

@Anonymous Coward @Solomon Grundy

Bit out the loop mate.

DHL own Securicor/Omega (long time ago now) all the vans are rebranded

FedEx now own ANC and I believe have also rebranded.

yep... I'm sad.

Having experience of both...

Amtrak & Business Post. Really folks you are not improving by much.

Service, is about the same. (shite) Although this is true for all the lads, DHL, Citylink, FedEx. because they all underpay, undertrain and over work their staff.

From the side that matters to the customers: BP do have a reasonable home delivery service if the sender fills in the despatch info properly (we never do this because we can't be arsed and only care about my final point)

In my experience are a bit cheaper than Amtrak.

IT angle icon because Business Post wrote their consignment software using FoxPro and...well seriously, FoxPro?. [Flame on]

Russell Crowe to play Bill Hicks?

Chas Early...

..doesn't do a bad showing playing Bill Hicks in Slight Return, but it's still not Bill Hicks.

Russel Crowe though...

HP offers gov half-price printers

@Recycling

Oh yes, because thanks to HPs cartridge recycling program (Can't be arsed to dig up a link to their self congratulatory bullshit of a press release). HP cartridges are now shredded and the plastic is made into brand new HP cartridges.

Wow! Totally Green HP. Totally Green. Is the shredder run by a wind turbine?

National DNA database grows on the genes of the innocent

May I be one of the first...

to welcome our database wielding police state overlords. (they're watching us - quickly, kiss me before they read our minds!).

Tired of RRoD taunts? Turn your Xbox 360 into a PC

@Why are we still getting PS3 vs XBox360 vs PC comments?

Because it's fun that's why. My iPhone's better than you [insert phone of choice: Nokia, Samsung, Alcatel, Tyco] phone battles.

Lian-li's next case in this vein should be a PS3, Xbox, Wii, PC combined case. That would be fun. Particularly the part where you have to wave your keyboard in the air as the Wiimote is inside it.

NASA spies liquid in Titanic lake

"7,800 square miles in area"

So that's around 1,000 nWa using a real measuring standard.

C'mon Lester, you started these you may as well continue. It's not even been a year yet.

IT career virgins need a cherry on top

@No surprise here

Missing a trick there.

With the right bullshit to your bosses and a quick call to India you can code in 15+ different languages. Outsourcing code is so cheap now it will barely dent your beer money. (Particularly when you can now command better salaries than most of your peers).

Computer Science degrees in the UK are a load of shite - just do a couple of language courses in Hindi or Gurjarati... sorted.

Plods say it's OK for them give out your DNA

Computers ARE the FUTURE!!

See! This is exactly why I want my entire personality downloaded to a computer as soon as possible and the body destroyed. (something amanfrommars did many years ago I hasten to add & didn't cause him any harm...)

> You want my DNA officer! ... For YOUR database!

> Well sir, I have no DNA because I AM YOUR database!!! Mhu ha ha HA HA!!

Hey.... what are you doing? Stay away from that plug socket! No stop! I'll n.....<BZZT>....<BEEP>

Microsoft Mojave 'outs' secret Vista lovers

Can't view it...

I have and will only ever use Microsoft products because the alternative just doesn't bear thinking about.

This means that I cannot view this website... do they have a Silverlight version. I mean silverlight is just so cool & great & beats that Adobe flash shite.

Hey I know, Microsoft, why don't you do the same thing, but showing people the difference between Flash & Silverlight... Let's see it blow them away!

Sony to bring E Ink eBook reader to UK in September

I'd like a couple

They'd make great talking points in training meetings. The handouts for the training would be stored on the machine. Once training is over all the participants have a copy of the pdf emailed to them.

Yeah, I can see a use for it. As a replacement for a real book... nope sorry, but as a corporate gimmick that I can use to show folk how much I care for mother nature by not wasting as many trees at presentations, it could have some legs.

Japan kicks off electric car format war

Why...

do all these cars have silly names?

HP shatters excessive packaging world record

@John Robson

I wish the person who packed this is also available to pack for supermarkets. All the packing they use & their fruit still gets bashed meaning I have to spend an extra 15 seconds picking the best quality for my plate.

All bananas should be shrink wrapped & come in HP boxes henceforth!

Irate sysadmin locks San Francisco officials out of network

If only...

our own government systems were this secure...

Baptist church in assault rifle giveaway

Godly Rifles

So this is how they intend to stop Gay & Women Bishops...

Fight for the law!

Yahoo! opens search to all

@glenn

This is because nobody bothers to register their sites with yahoo anymore.

Less sites, less shite.

Rabbit murderer stalks Ruhr Valley

Bunnicula

They only logical conclusion is that a Vampire Rabbit is doing these crimes.

In other news...Babs Bunny will play Bunnicula in a movie version - Wer-Rabbits vs Vampire Bunnies...I should stop now.