Posts by FozzyBear

Facebook ordered to open internal docs for investors livid about losing cash following data slurp scandal

Re: Is it me

Not sure about lovecraft but if ZuckerFace had a heap of tentacles on his face ........

Kenshi: Sandblasted sword-punk D&D where the dungeon master wants everyone dead

Re: " the dungeon master trying their darnedest to kill you"

Nope A DM's job is to provide the voice over dialogue as the players star in their characters movie ( that said ours typically is a smash up of games of throne meets the three stooges) . A good DM also provides plot twists, tension and what the character wants or needs. A great DM provides all this but not in the way the players expects.

Introducing 'freedom gas' – a bit like the 2003 deep-fried potato variety, only even worse for you

Re: "Methane is odourless"

You do have to admit that your regular El Reg reader is not a "vast majority of people".

Senator: US govt staff may be sending their smartphone web traffic 'wrapped in a bow' to Russia, China via VPNs

As a result, Krebs says, there is a "low to moderate" risk that some US government communications could be intercepted by an overseas VPN service and handed over to a hostile government in, oh, say, Russia or China.

However, it is an absolute certainty that your personal information and Geospatial telemetry information is being gathered by Google & Apple. Even when you try to disable those options. I wonder which is more valuable over time

Ex-student, 52, suing university for AU$3m after PhD rejection destroyed 'sex drive'

Again, back in my day pay the very ugly rumour was that you could basically pay for a degree from a lot of Indian universities. No skill or knowledge required, just a big enough cheque book. The more I am reading on this story, the more I suspect he is one that has taken advantage of this.

The big question he has yet to answer is that with all of his "years of experience" in Journalism, why a 7/11 Clerk since arriving in Australia Australia has a large Indian Community and a number of independent newspapers.

but claimed he was accused of plagiarism and told he wasn't "up to the mark".

Wondering if being accused of plagiarism has the same "seriousness" as it did back in my day ?

He's Linkedin profile is an interesting read

"I thrive in a high-pressure environment, enjoy the challenges of meeting deadlines and managing a team, and am comfortable researching, writing and editing on a wide range of topics.". I guess he can't say that anymore.

Want a bigger laugh, check the "university" reviews , a majority of which are related to the student food centre.

I'm starting to think that the only original work he has composed is his online profiles and the law suit

Why telcos 'handed over' people's GPS coords to a bounty hunter: He just had to ask nicely

Re: Capitalism baby

Did you want the Communist or capitalist version?

NASA boffins may just carve your name on a chip and send it to Mars if you ask nicely

Yep it's all a matter of perspective

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUEG-O8AL64

Salesforce? Salesfarce: Cloud giant in multi-hour meltdown after database blunder grants users access to all data

Can't find it

The Related "Who, Me!" article

Japan's mission to mine Mars' moon is cleared – now they've filled out the right paperwork on alien world contamination

Marvin the Martian

Is going to get seriously pissed if we keep screwing around with his home.

Now where is my Alludium Pu-36, Explosive Space Modulator.

Japan on track to start testing Alfa-X, fastest train in the world with top speed of 400kph

Well this is depressing

Spent 1 hour and 20 mins on a Sydney train to travel a total of 50 km. It's a coin flip as to whether my usual train it is even running or not. Delays are more often than not. I drag my sorry arse into work. Coffee and morning dose of El! Reg to start the day. I read this article and the comments and realise that Australia, well Sydney at least, should be considered a 3rd world country.

Here's what Autonomy told its salesmen they were allowed to do

Now if they

Published the deck as a Dr Seuss Book the sales drones might have been able to understand it

It must be in a VAR to get that car.

A purchase order will solve your money disorder

If your in the duffer don't ask Stouffer

If it's in a mail you go to gaol.

Timely Trump tariffs tax tech totally: 25 per cent levy on modems, fiber optics, networking gear, semiconductors…

Re: *NOT* Emabarrassed American!

This has to be the most naive and uneducated comment I've read in a long time.

Congratulations .... I think

Sushovan Hussain told me to fiddle revenues, says Autonomy sales chief

A legal Cage match

No gloves.

and a Judge that doesn't mind stepping between the two and giving each a slap across the ears.

Only thing missing is the girl walking around the court room with the Round card.

Ding , Ding , Ding Round # 4

Autonomy's one-time US sales chief can't remember if he took part in grand jury hearing

What the hell

He paid $923,000 in "disgorgements" to American prosecutors and secured a deferred prosecution agreement in respect of conspiracy to commit wire fraud.

Now reading this, he basically paid off the prosecutors so they wouldn't proceed with fraud charges. ( correct me if I'm wrong). How the f&^k can you have faith in a justice system that allows the criminal to literally pay blood money to escape punishment.

American Justice, it truly is the best money can buy. ==> icon as this should make everyone sick

Re: Who needs a soap opera...

I wonder what the season one cliff hanger is going to be ?

Blockchain is a lot like teen sex: Everybody talks about it, no one has a clue how to do it

Re: "Blockchain is a lot like teen sex" because;

Typically done alone,, behind closed doors, after having only skimmed through a couple of articles.

Water big surprise: H₂O found in samples of 'dry' asteroid brought to Earth over millions of miles by plucky probe

If they find traces of Urea in the water sample I'm running for the hills

The Year Of Linux On The Desktop – at last! Windows Subsystem for Linux 2 brings the Linux kernel into Windows

Re: But why?

Don't worry MicroSlop are on top of it. To assist users with their burning questions, MicroSlurp are including an AI assistant. It will able to answer your questions, AND based on your activities within the system it will Intuitively know what you are trying to do. Providing help popup's, with Links, FAQ's and all sorts of helpful information. Micro$lut is calling it Mr Lippy.

HPE court witness subjected to own LinkedIn page

Re: Random executions

We could, but that's revealing the punch line without telling the joke.

Personality quiz for all you IT bods: Are you a chameleon or an outlaw? A diplomat or a high flier? Vote right here

Re: Poor show....

Yeah, Couldn't find "UNDERPAID" in the list either

Taylor drift: Finally, a use for AI emerges? Cyber-smut star films fsck-flick in Tesla with Autopilot, warns: 'I wouldn't recommend it'

"We're not holding our breath..."

Whatever you are holding, you can keep that to yourself!

Microsoft promises to boil down its lengthy and confusing privacy controls… in 1,500-word announcement

Microsoft said it would split data gathered into "required" and "optional."

It's obvious that you have NOT listened to users based on this statement above.

I'm telling you Macro$lurp right now there is nothing , NOTHING on my Laptop, Desktop or otherwise that is required, needed or crucial to you after I have purchased the OS licence. Nothing, not the version, config, search items, not one bit, not one byte. Are you listening you fucking retards. NOTHING

What are we more likely to see? A smooth Windows 10 May release... or a xenon-124 decay? Oh dear, bad news, IT folks

Re: Fishing

will take longer than the current age of the universe.

Seems like a tick of the clock compared to work laptop applying the latest updates. F*&k it, coffee time, again

Windows Decay/failure

Electron Transition Frequencies used in Atomic Clocks have trouble keeping up with the frequency of those events (

BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH

Re: IBS?

If you want to scorch earth, Bratwurst, sauerkraut, pickles and a nice side dish of baked beans. If you want to flirt with the Geneva Protocols on Chemical weapons, add a few pickled eggs.

The difference between October and May? About 16GB, says Microsoft: Windows 10 1903 will need 32GB of space

Re: Windows 10

Yep and that's the problem. Give me an OS that is an OS. Secure and with updates that patch the holes. I'LL decide what additional software is installed and run on the machine.

When it takes longer to cull the crap from the base install, you know something is seriously wrong with the OS

Accenture sued over website redesign so bad it Hertz: Car hire biz demands $32m+ for 'defective' cyber-revamp

The law of averages suggests that they should have successfully hit at least one of the requirements or standards. But you have to hand to Accenture they didn't let the usual standards of incompetence stop them. Nope it sounds like they managed to dodge every single requirement or standard.

Congratulations Accenture! I'm impressed

It's Big, it's Blue and it's down for 3Q: Whomp... there goes IBM's storage hardware revenue

Re: Posting IBM

In fact IBM hasn't mattered for a while now. All we are doing is the IT equivalent of poking the dead carcass with a stick.

Whilst IBM might be waiting for the next mainframe cycle to inject some revenue and confidence into the business, they better lower their expectations. There are two companies that I know that are moving their mainframe systems to other platforms. No doubt there are others.

To be honest their other products and/or services just aren't compelling. In fact in many instances they are second rate on price, performance. Long gone the days when no one got fired for choosing IBM.

Shame really, but what do you expect when you tie CxO bonuses to share price only.

That's the way the Cook, he crumbles: Apple, Qualcomm settle patent nuclear war – as Intel quits 5G phone race

I thought i felt something

It was like thousands of voices suddenly screamed out in terror and suddenly silenced as they contemplated having to drive last years BMW model

Telly production biz films maternity clinic, doesn't tell patients, gets fined £120,000

Oh you accidentally switched channels to "married at first sight" too.

I wondered what brainless drivel I had switched to. I lasted 5-10 seconds before I turned the TV off.

Seriously, making a documentary on Stillbirths and not getting permission or even speaking with the patients beforehand on what they were doing and why. Talk about a bunch of uncaring pricks

The fine doesn't go far enough.My first thought that everyone in that production company should made to do a "Cersei walk of shame".

Trend Micro antivirus fails to stop measles carrier rubbing against firm's Ottawa offices

Re: What a pile of poo

"Common Sense is so rare it should be considered a superpower"

Stated by my 10 yr old son in hearing distance of a local politician

Amazon woes and wins, IBM thinks it's solved employee happiness and Duplex phony phone calls everywhere!

Re: Alexa can talk to you about your health privately

And yet the shareholders have taken steps through the SEC to try and stop the facial recognition software due to possible privacy and civil rights. Completely ignoring, Alexa, the most blatant abuser of privacy.

One might be forgiven thinking this is just a political move by some special interest groups. Unfortunately gross stupidity can't be discounted

BT Tower broadcasts error message to the nation as Windows displays admin's shame

Re: "A technical issue"

Well that would be the diplomatic term used in polite company. Around this office, though, it is more commonly referred to as a fucking nightmare

Eggheads identify the last animal that will survive on Earth until the Sun dies

Is no one going to talk about

"can even exist and be revived after 10 days of being exposed to the vacuum of space"

Revived?

Who developed the tech to enable intubation and defibrillation for a water bear?

Who worked out the compression/breath ratio ?

Ex-Mozilla CTO: US border cops demanded I unlock my phone, laptop at SF airport – and I'm an American citizen

Re: Don't travel to the US.

based on past experiences, we are talking about petty officials with huge egos that have been given a vast amount of legal power. Petty Officials who take an extreme amount of pleasure in intimidating, bullying and in many cases assaulting people. The real trouble is when they pick on someone that actually knows their rights, so these little piss-ants double down on the intimidation.

Pecker-checker Becker's hacker wrecker: Saudi cyber-crew stole Bezos' sexts from phone, fed them to tabloid – claim

Re: provide evidence of that truth

The way US media is now, there would be a high chance of them alleging a trump Russia and Satan collusion. Can see the headlines now !

The unholy trinity (Trump, Satan, Russia)

Former HP CEO Léo Apotheker tells court he didn't read Autonomy's latest accounts before fated $11bn buyout

Re: Sometimes, just sometimes, you wonder what exactly a bosses job is ?

My bonus. Where is my Bonus!

BOFH: Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...

Re: Musak

They tried something similar years ago at one company. However their (HR pukes) choice of music was along the lines of Kylie Monigue and Rick Ashley. From 9.30am to 5pm every day (Hr Never got in on time). I lasted 3 days before I started hunting down the System and replaced the feed with a healthy selection from the IT department. Heavy metal, Death metal, Industrial, you know, easy listening music.

Re: When was blamestorming invented?

Interesting, I would have pegged blamestorming about the time the first time an employer had 2 or more employees

Stop us if you've heard this one: IBM sued after axing older staff, this time over 'denying' them their legal rights

Re: Once...

Words to live by mturn, words to live by...

HPE lawyers claim Autonomy chief Lynch knew all about 'revenue-pumping' carousel

This has been asked before but

if the figures were so inflated. How was this not picked up in the audit before purchase? There are only explanations in this case. First, complete and utter incompetence on those that did the audit (KPMG wasn't it?) , or they did some discrepancies that warranted further investigation, but HP C suite made the decision to push ahead with the purchase. Regardless there are more than two that deserve to be hauled into court and beaten repeatedly with a couple hard bound law books.

Brit prisoners to be kept on the straight and narrow with JavaScript and CSS

Help desk ?

Getting these guys to man the help desk would be awesome.

Should be able to sign them up cheap. More importantly they would have skills we just don't in the gentle art of (L)user re-education.I can only ever see an end user making a stupid mistake once, at best. Particularly if they knew the person they had to see was a 6' 3"ex-con, with a couple of tear drops tatted under his eye, or a version of "Happy" from SoA.==> Smiley face for multiple reasons

Following 'stellar' flat sales growth, operating profit dip, Oracle says it has 1,000 Autonomous Database customers

Re: Hidden beef

That has to be one of the scariest summaries of the, once, tech giant I've read in some time

Sadly, it is one of the most accurate descriptions I've read in some time

Science says death metal fans delightful and intelligent people, great at dinner parties

Re: OMFG factually-accurate death metal references!

Alice Coopers shows cannot be considered concerts. They are more akin to musical theatre. Yet that description pales in comparison to the performances.

I still remember an interview with Alice when he was asked about Mason. His response

The guy has a girls name, he puts on makeup, sings and has a theatrical show. Wonder where I've seen that before....

Re: Two kinds of music

We have both kinds here

Alphabet top brass OK'd $100m-plus payouts to execs accused of sexual misconduct – court docs

accused him of coercing her into oral sex.

Most guys I know beg, unashamedly, for it

Not a great day for Oracle: Top cloud exec jumps ship, analyst recommends cutting shares

Google has poached another of Oracle’s top cloud execs

Never been a big fan of poaching. I prefer to prepare my exec's by hard boiling them or a nice slow roast over a naked charcoal flame

Strewth! Apoplectic Aussies threaten to blast noisy Google delivery drones out of the sky

Re: I wonder

Not hard, but you can buy them from "speciality" stores.