* Posts by FozzyBear

992 posts • joined 15 Feb 2010


Three things that have vanished: $3.6bn in Bitcoin, a crypto investment biz, and the two brothers who ran it


About the only thing missing from that story was that the investors heard about the investment opportunity from a Nigerian prince

Indian tax authorities summon Infosys to explain glitchy tax portal’s obvious shortcomings


Infosys really should change their name to "Seagull Solutions"

They swoop in, steal your money, shit all over everything, then fly away before anyone realises the mess they have made.

Indian government reverts to manual tax filings as new e-tax portal remains badly borked a week after launch


El Reg!

Don't expect a response anytime soon. They are too busy blaming each other for the TITSUP. Take comfort though, like any other major government engagement this is the gift that will keep giving for IT journalists.

Just sit back, relax and grab the popcorn

McDonald's AI drive-thru bot accused of breaking biometrics privacy law


I was replaying the "Dude, Where's my car" chinese drive through scene whilst reading the article. Go in for a coffee and exit with 2 family boxes, 5 sundaes, 10 large cokes, a dozen boxes of cookies and a small packet of apple slices.

Oracle and partners sued over claims they over-elevated NetSuite's capabilities


Look on the bright side

At least the sales manger got his commission bonus

Lotus Notes refuses to die, again, as HCL debuts Domino 12


Re: Notes was the past.. and the future!

Personally go back to hand typed office memos. Stop all the pointless emails that flood the inbox.

Alibaba to serve up Kentucky Fried smart speaker, with a $1.4bn side of e-commerce integration


KFC for breakfast

That stuff is gut wrenching at the best of times.

For breakfast, I don't mind admitting I dry heaved a few times.

Huawei P40 Pro: Camera setup really captures the misery of an empty world foods aisle


Um, so this smart phone

Can you make phone calls on it?? Send simple text messages?

This grumpy old bastard wants to know.

Corporate VPN huffing and puffing while everyone works from home over COVID-19? You're not alone, admins

IT Angle

Re: Teams!

Teams is the answer according to Microsoft.

Only if the question is

What has been forced onto every company laptop and is such a resource hog at startup, configured so badly , that you can turn the laptop on. Go downstairs, grab a coffee, have a chat with workmates, go to the toilet. Have another chat and then slowly wander back to your laptop to be in time to cancel the load error message and finally start your day?

IBM's outgoing boss Rometty awarded $20m+ in 2019 for growing revenue 0.1%


Rometty - the poster child for corporate executive greed

20+mil for What? Really?

Honestly, the only thing these executives are good at is negotiating their contract that ensures their yearly bonus. Being measured on real growth in the company would have every one of them sitting on a street corner begging for change. They all seem to use the same management handbook. Cut staff, Cut more staff, and if that doesn't more cut more again

Personally they couldn't manage to get laid in a brothel with a fist full of fiftes in one hand and a fist full of roofies in the other, let alone a major company!

NSO Group fires back at Facebook: You lied to the court, claims spyware slinger, and we've got the proof


Re: What laws have they broken?

That is true. However the prophets Parker and Stone said it best some 15 years ago.

Team America World Police

Fuck Yeah!

We regret to inform you there are severe delays on the token ring due to IT nerds blasting each other to bloody chunks


Ivor's lesson to avoid further calls from distressed customers? "Don't play computer games at work until after 5:30pm!"

Nope. 3pm start friday afternoon. A couple of beers and wholesale network slaugther. The rest of the company were either already powering down for the weekend or took the slow network as a queue to power down for the weekend.

Our 'solution is killing us in a number of areas' IBM said about doomed £175m Co-Op Insurance project


The Power of IBM's Marketing & Sales

Of course we have an insurance solution. Seriously, off the shelf.

Of course, there are just a few minor tweaks that will need to be made to cater for the UK market. But you are getting a bullet proof, proven solution used by over 30% of the US insurance Companies. You wont regret it, no one has ever been fired for choosing IBM !


Re: Old Codger Talks about the "old days"

Today, it's my understanding that writing a "requirements document" is thought to be not only unfashionable, but useless.

Yep, right up to the point that the IT director and PM realise that project and solution is essentially a truck load on manure dumped in their laps. At that point the review meetings turn hostile.

The Company demands certain functionality

The vendor calmly points out they would be more than happy to deliver that functionality. However, as that was not in the original agreed specs it's a change request and they will need to provide an estimate for delivery. Depending on the estimates, this of course then means either a revised priority list or timeline for delivery.

Rinse and repeat as the IT director and PM work down the list of the recently completed requirements document.

Meet Clippy 9000: Microsoft brags about building Earth's largest AI language model, refuses to let it out of the lab


Re: My litmus test

The gist of the article is that it does consider context. "I'm going to turkey" will assume you forgot to capitalise.

Or season properly.

Super-leaker Snowden punts free PDF* of tell-all NSA book with censored parts about China restored, underlined


Re: Based on the last para it sounds like we should stop complaining, assume the sheeple position

Nope, never going to happen.

I aim to misbehave!

What a terrible result from this year's Super Bowl. Can you believe it? Awful. Yes, we're talking about the tech ads


You can't live without Alexa

Yeah I can. Been doing it for more than 40 years.

In fact life was pretty good before of all these intrusive pieces of crap

Little grouse on the prairie: IBM's AI facial-recognition training dataset gets it in trouble... in Illinois


Hope they win. $5K per photo. That should make that last quarter profit disappear.

Accounting expert told judge Autonomy was wrong not to disclose hardware sales

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Hospital hacker spared prison after plod find almost 9,000 cardiac images at his home


Re: Everyone's missing the point

Now they seem to think that because they arrested the "hacker" the problem is solved?

Of course it is. The blame has been neatly, efficiently and more importantly, legally, shifted to someone now outside the company.

All past misdeeds and any short term future ones can now be blamed on the recent "hacking" crisis.

You're not Boeing to believe this: Yet another show-stopping software bug found in ill-fated 737 Max airplanes


Thought Exercise

Boeing execs/Managers

You forced short cuts simply so the plane would be commerically ready based on your unrealistic timeframes. Cut costs so it would fit your budget expectations. All so you could bolster revenue, met your Performance margins and get a nice little bonus for the year.

It has been almost a year since these aircraft have been grounded. Tell me, if you had taken this last 12 months to do things properly the first time. Proper software checks, pilot training, etc.

Would these aircraft now be flying about the skies? Rather than being grounded indefinitely

Would your share price be riding a high with the release of a more efficient, safe aircarft . Rather than having tanked over 25% from last years high point.

Would your companys reputation be intact, if not even improved. Rather than the joke it is today.

The "earning" of a bonus last year worth it. Knowing that you are likely going to be sacked over this debacle . If not have your personal reputation destroyed. Oh, and If I had my way facing multiple criminal and civil charges.

Tell me is not taking that extra 12 months not worth the 300+ lives that were lost due to your fucking greed.

Totally Subcontracted Business: TSB to outsource entire IT estate to IBM for a cool $1bn after 2019 meltdown


Re: Problem solved!

Service reducto!

Leaks point to Samsung Galaxy S20 Ultra with mammoth 108MP camera and ... what? 16GB of RAM


Re: But Wait, Act Now And Get...

OMG! Shut up and take my money.

Pomp and ceremony: When the US Secretary of State meets Oracle overlord Larry

IT Angle


Larry could be discussing his run for president. Having some senior staff defecting to Camp Larry would be a big win in the race.

Oh Crap !

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret


Laxative cake

Ah, memories.

Earlier days of shift work. One guy on afternoon and night shifts would simply steal peoples food from the fridge. You would get back to find your container with just chicken bones or empty sandwich wrappers. The guy was a fucking pig. Even when caught we continued doing it

Plan formulated for next night shift . One of the girls came in with a beatifully crafted birthday cake. She must have been pissed at him. Liquid laxative in the cake. Chocolate Laxative in the icing and Laxative Chocolate buttons as decorations. Everyone gets a small slice and just before we can all "enjoy" our birthday cake an emergency call is received. Everyone runs out leaving said pig with the cake.

By our reckoning he ate about a third of the cake. Though he claimed the peices fell on the ground when he was putting the cake back in the bridge for everyone

Came back 2 days later looking at little paler and thinner. The fat bastard ate the rest of the cake when no one was around!

What was Boeing through their heads? Emails show staff wouldn't put their families on a 737 Max over safety fears


I don't get it.

Honestly I don't.

If a person causes the death of another through, negligence, lack of duty of care, or failed to take resasonable actions (Death by Omission) that individual is charged with manslaughter.

We have seen the reports, know about the emails, we know senior mangement made decisions based on potential profit. They intentional misled. They intentional omitted information in their submissions. They deliberately ignored safety concerns and flaws from the experts.

Why are there not investigations to find the individuals who made these decisions? Based on email threads and notes from meetings this would be relatively easy to do. Defending themselves from 300+ Manslaughter charges should be these assholes primary concern now. Not whether they are getting a bonus.

Google and IBM square off in Schrodinger’s catfight over quantum supremacy


Re: Square off?

Yes and No.

And stop calling me Shirley.

Eggheads have crunched the numbers and the results are in: It's not just your dignity you lose with e-scooters, life and limb are in peril, too


All in all, you'd have to be a damn idiot to ride on those things drunk or high, without a helmet.

Perhaps, but admittedly, after a night on the turps, getting on one to get home is probably the best idea you had, since getting that chilli chicken kebab at 2 in the morning.

FYI: FBI raiding NSA's global wiretap database to probe US peeps is probably illegal, unconstitutional, court says


Re: Hmmm

Yep called chain of custody. Prosecutors and Defence (if they are submitted their own evidence) must be able to show that the evidence they are presenting can be traced back to the source. Without any broken or even bent links. In the instance of verbal conversations without direct source it's called heresay and immedaitely thrown out.

If there is even a hint of either I've seen Magistrates and Judges verbally beat them stupid before the other side can even get in their objections.

However, you did answer your own question. It is US law we are talking about.

Xerox woos HP stock owners with talk of layoffs, selloffs and cash payouts post merger

IT Angle

Re: "Undisputed strategic logic"

What's the term for a triple oxymoron?

Fucking idiotic

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Copy that? We'll never join you on the Xerox side if you don't answer simple questions – HP



Two great inventive companies once. Now past their prime scrapping it out in the board room and in the public arena like a school yard cat fight.

I'm not , not condoning it. It's just going to make for an interesting read over the next few weeks, months.

'Horndog hackers' have a Wales of a time slinging smut from UK gov Twitter account

Paris Hilton

Honestly, Why are they apologising?

PIctures of people getting screwed. It's closest to the truth politicians have cum in telling everyone what they are doing to the country

'Big Bang': Great for creating the universe, but not as an approach to IT migration, TSB told


Re: Congratulations TSB Another waste of Money

Thanks TRT, but it's not arrogance. It's common sense.

If you are sick, see a doctor.

You want to build a bridge, get a engineer

You want to implement a banking system, system network get an IT professional in that area

If you want to absolve or distance yourself from any legal matter, you get a lawyer


Congratulations TSB Another waste of Money

Firstly, WTF does a law firm know about IT systems, Banking platforms, Migrations methodologies, strategies and testing procedures

Secondly, as already mentioned, the number of defects is irrelevant, it is the number of showstoppers. I don't give a damn if there are 5,000 in the queue if they are all category 5 such as "Snr Mgr can't change colour of menu bar". We've all had ones like these. The question that needs to be answered is "How many showstoppers did the decisions makers know about & downgrade so they could meet the go live date and so as to not incur financial penalties?"

Thirdly with statements like this "we specifically asked for a fully independent and thorough inquiry. Although the report doesn't paint the full picture of migration"

If the report doesn't paint a full picture of the migration then "IT"S NOT A FUCKING THOROUGH INQUIRY"

I'm surprised you overpaid wankers can tie your showlaces in the morning.

Finally, If the IT contractors had multiple successes in data migrations before, the argument can simply be made the only variable were the the overpaid tosspots , aka PHB, at TSB.

Second time lucky: Sweden drops Julian Assange rape investigation


Bugger Off!

Assange, fosters beer. We export the crap we can't stand.

I'd happily overload a couple of 747 with politicians, but apparently I've been told it is morally depraved to put the flight crew thorugh such an ordeal.

Magic Leap's CFO and creative director quit, and it's not a harbinger of doom or anything


When the PHB's even realise that things are bad and start abandoning H.M.A.S Sinking Ship

What's that, Skippy? A sad-faced Microsoft engineer has arrived with an axe? Skippy?


Re: Skippy-speak

if only we could train mangement to communicate that efficiently.

IBM stands for I Block Money, says sales rep: Big Blue sued yet again by its own staff over 'missing' commissions



The executives have their incentives, stock options, bonuses, gratuites, parachute clauses and pay outs, and every other benefit in a iron clad contract that a team of lawyers poured over and rejected due to a errant comma. The contract now cheiselled into the concrete foundations of IBM headquarters and signed in blood.

Yep no hypocrisy there

Sure, we made your Wi-Fi routers phone home with telemetry, says Ubiquiti. What of it?


so what you gonna do?

Directly affect your bottom line and market share by not even considering your products, now or in the future.

Did i hurt widdle feelings and bonuses? Tossers!!!

California’s Attorney General joins the long list of people who have had it with Facebook



Australian law differs greatly. A subpoena issued either to attend court, provide evidence or produce documentation has a date fixed. in cases of production of doucmentation or other material items this is typically this is 5 court days before the next nominated court date. If you fail to attend, produce, etc without reason a first instance warrant is issued for your arrest. You are now fucked, Royally.

I said 'without reason' as you can challenge the scope of the subpoena , particuarly relating to document production. You can issue a notice to challenge prior to the court date, but you still must attend to argue the unreasonableness of the subpoena. There is one exception in all this. You can legally ignore a subpoena if it is served within 24 hours of the date of the next court date on the subpoena. (Sherrif comes around today hands subpoena to attend court tomorrow, relish the moment when you legally tell them "piss off" and close the door in their face)

In cases of non human entities ( companies ) the CEO and nominated legal counsel are responsible for complying with all court orders, subpoena, etc. Failing to do so means the first instance warrant is issued for the CEO.

American Subpoenas appear to the the equivalent of

Please, Pretty Please, Oh come Please, stop being a dick, I'm telling Mummy on you.

Beardy biologist's withering takedown of creationism fetches $564,500 at auction


Re: Darwin is still a very naughty boy ...

Especially in so-called sciences that end with "...studies"

That's an easy one. Contrary to the belief of those that study and teach it. It is not a science.

Personally studying these, in my opinion, is akin to studying fortune telling and reading tea leaves.

Comcast-owned Brit telco Sky to hire 1,000 new staffers, half of them engineers


If they're anything like the "engineers" that do the home installs of the NBN in Australia It's is safe to assume they are going to need the extra 500 complaint staff.

Google forks out $2.1bn for Fitbit – and promises not to exploit all that delicious health data to sling ads (honest)


In 6 months time.....

Dear Valued customer,

We regret to inform you that due to recent changes in the market (We purchased full data assets from google, aka fitbit, amazon and other companies that are willing to sell their data for a quick dollar), we are cancelling your health insurance policy

A stranger's TV went on spending spree with my Amazon account – and web giant did nothing about it for months

Black Helicopters

The list of compelling reasons

NOT to use these IoT, security riddled, privacy invasive, data slurping, inconvenient pieces of crap just keep mounting.

WTF? Apple iPhones shrank by more than $22bn in fiscal '19

Black Helicopters

Re: The Thrill Is Gone

Still using a Samsung S3, with a spare battery.

Considering the data slurping, the inability to turn off any of the telemetry settings, turning your phone and you into a walking Marketing database managers wet dream. On all the modern phones and version of iOS and Andriod.

You can get my phone when you can pry it from my cold dead hands

Come on, you can't be serious: Now Australia mulls face-recog tech for p0rno site age checks


Ok that's it.

In the spirit of the Razzies and Darwin awards. I propose a new annual award show. The Golden Oxygen Thief Awards. The statue in the likeness of Trump.

Each year, we, the El Reg community vote on the dumbest, most idiotic statement , proposal or random brain fart publicly stated by an elected Official. We can have differing levels, Local, State, country.

Categories can include,

I'm a tech ignoramus (but I still get to decide how it's used)

My Constituents are made of money (best failed project or waste of public money - proposed by a politician)

I'm in the circus (best backflip on a subject by a poltician)

at 88MpH you'll see some real shit (Best or most backpedals made by a politician after the most idiotic comment made in public)

Dead Parrot (Regardless of the evidence the politician still publicly argues to the contrary)

+ others

There would need to be an awards dinner of course, where we can name and shame. I think this could really catch on.

BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality


Re: It worries me...

Your training is almost complete then, Embrace the power of the dark side and join us!!!

Republican senators shoot down a triple whammy of proposed election security laws



Truth in Advertising !! You may as well legislate for honest Politicians

HP scores $176m win in CD-ROM drive price-fix case – after one biz emailed rival with 'Price Fixing' as the subject


HP employees were none the wiser to the scheme, telling the court they felt “betrayed” by people that they had long worked with.

Is that Lawyer speak for

"HP executives were pissed that their auction site idea did not get them the best price possible, whilst still adding a premium charge to the cost of the laptop. Therefore missing their sales/revenue targets and their grossly inflated bonuses. Ultimately leading to the oxygen thieves driving around in last years model BMW or not affording their new yacht. "



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