Re: The company I work for went through this
"Every fecking time someone comes up with these fictional anecdotes."
Why do you imagine that they're fictional ??
I don't expect you to believe it but I've certainly set my (80 year old) mother-in-law with an OpenSUSE setup after WindowsXP committed suicide during an update. She had no problem at all. Firefox for the web, Thunderbird for e-mail, LibreOffice for wp. All she needed really, scanning & printing no problem. Automatic updates. I did install well-protected SSH access for remote sorting of problems but never needed to use it.
As I say : why do you imagine that they're fictional ??