Posts by Pcoughlin404

How do you solve a problem like Discovery?

Project Orion

We construct a dome of ablative material beneath the orbiter and light off a few nuclear bombs beneath it to get the old girl back in the air Project Orion style. Then we need Tom Cruise to land it in the new museum. The US has plenty of nukes laying around and we can tap the strategic circus peanut reserve to line the dome. The biggest expense will be product for Tom Cruise's hair. Things are only hard if you make them hard.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Orion_(nuclear_propulsion)

How do you explain what magnetic fields do to monitors to people wearing bowling shoes?

Fax machine will not receive Faxes

I get the call, "Fax machine will not receive Faxes" and walk to the users office. I pick up the handset and hear dialtone, then look down and notice that the "receive faxes" light is dark and there is a button next to it. One press of the button and issue resolved.

As Amazon takes over the Bond franchise, we submit our scripts for the next flick

Pee Another Day

Pee Another Day

Seriously, pee another day. While you work here you stop for nothing, understand? No breaks.

Win a slice of XP cheese if you tell us where Microsoft should put Copilot next

CopilotSutra

Trained on exabytes of "homework" folders around the internet, the CopilotSutra will suggest only the horniest and most medically likely to be successful copulation activities. It will enhance every act with AI generated guidance including audio descriptions and diagrams for singles and groups. Everyone, from beginners to seasoned pros will increase their positional vocabulary. *Note: CopilotSutra does not know where the G-spot is.

VMware's end-user compute products are for sale. Who might buy 'em?

You missed one

Cisco is my dark horse in this race. Buying somewhat useful technologies and killing them forever is right in their wheelhouse.

Share your 2024 tech forecasts (wrong answers only) to win a terrible sweater

X marks the spot.

Musk will reveal that he bet that he could lose 44 Billion dollars and will collect on that bet when he puts the last of Twitters assets in a Falcon Heavy and detonates it over Boca Raton.

Re: Microsoft gets the contract for all EV OS

It will just be rebranded "Windows for Warships" NT4 and will fire the autocannons at incoming threats making it a lot of fun in rush hour.

The year of VDI

VDI will finally find it's moment in the spotlight as Broadcom and Cloud Software Group (Formerly Tibco) do right by their investments and release simple affordable VDI solutions. Since fixing Microsoft licensing is beyond my simple imagination, the VDIs will all run Linux.

Bad news, older tech workers: Job advert language works against you

I have been discriminated against

I applied for a Subject Matter Expert roll at Proctor and Gamble. My resume got kicked out by their automation. I called in a favor and got someone to tell my why, too much experience. I had to drop a job off of my resume (13 years) and resubmit. I made it through the screen when I resubmitted. That's an age gate if I have ever seen one.

I'm diabetic. I'd rather risk my shared health data being stolen than a double amputation

Insurance and the F-ed up healthcare system

I only have one qualm with sharing my health data, insurance. The US heatlthcare system rewards insurance companies that deny coverage and claims. They get greater profits if the find ways not to pay out. If there was a legally level playing field for insurance purposes, I'll post my data myself in hopes that it would save 1 millionth of a life (not even mine}. The value of my private healthcare data is not what it contains, but the economic impact of it's unintended disclosure. Fix the structural issue and share away in my opinion.