Posts by Potty Professor

Desktop tech sent to prison for an education on strange places to put tattoos

Was: Fire training, now tyre safety

When I joined a tyre fitting company, which dealt with both private cars and trucks, I was shown a safety video in which it was explained in graphic detail what damage could be done by compressed air. The final message was make sure you are nowhere near a truck tyre when first inflating it, if it is on a three piece rim which has not been properly seated, it can explode. The final frame of the film showed a close-up of the ceiling of the fitting bay, with a perfect imprint in blood of the fitter who had been propelled over 20 feet into the air and stopped by said ceiling. He died.

ATM maintenance tech broke the bank by forgetting to return a key

Re: As little tale from my former banking life .. (tenuous ATM connection)

I owned a 1959 Chevrolet Parkwood Estate, the one with the huge fins along the side, when I was a poor student (it only cost me £150). One night it was stolen, so I reported it to Mr. Plod and borrowed my mother's 100E to get back and forth to college. Some days later, there was a knock at the door of my parent's flat, and the biggest policeman I have ever seen eased his way through the doorway. He demanded to know where I had been late the previous evening, and my parents assured him that I was there watching TV with them. He then explained that "my" car had been used in a ram raid on a jewellers' supplies shop in Clerkenwell (London), and had demolished the entire front of the building, crushing the poor Chevy under tons of masonry. I asked if I could have the car back to rebuild it, but was told that they had to retain it as evedence, and it was scrapped soon after.

Re: The Key to Everything

My keyring has only two keys attached to it, the car key and my house key. I replaced all four of the locks in the house when I moved in with a set of "Keyed alike" Euro barrels, and subsequently added two Keyed alike Yale locks to the shed and garage, so now one key fits all. The keyfob itself is a transparent plastic jobbie containing two barcodes, one for Nectar and the other for Morrisons' More card, scanned and reprinted using some free barcode printing software.

New boss was bad, his attitude was ugly, so the tech team pranked him good

Re: One particularly hated manager ...

When my wife was in remission (Ovarian Cancer), we took our caravan and invaded Scotland. One of our better days out was a trip to Skye, where we ended up visiting a hide from where we could watch the seal colony. When we arrived in the car park, the unmade road onwards to the actual hide was padlocked, and a notice informed us that Blue Badge holders could obtain the four digit code by phoning an Edinburgh number. Only trouble was, no landline anywhere near, and no mobile reception, so we were faced with returning to the Mainland to either get reception or find a phone box. I took a close look at the combination lock, and cracked it in about 30 seconds, so we could drive up to the hide and SWMBO would not have to walk or suffer the discomfort of having me push her in her wheelchair over the rough track to get there.

Developer battled to write his own documentation, but lost the boss fight

Re: I used to own a sports bar/restaurant

My pet hate is the word "GOT". It is a black weed that grows up through the cracks in the English language. It has no reason to exist other than as the past tense of "to get". It has absolutely no place where it is intended to indicate urgency or necessity, "I have got to..." means no more than "I have to...", and if that isn't urgent enough, why not say "I must...".

Re: Hmm

When I was released from hospital after a week recuperating from heart surgery, I was given a different brand of Paracetamol than that used on the ward. My condition started to deteriorate as soon as I got home, so much so that I was bedridden after just six days. I thought that it could have been a reaction to one of the new medications I had been prescribed, so I read through all of the Patient Information Leaflets (PILs) to see if there was anything obvious. When I read the Paracetamol PIL, it stated that "Warning, this medication contains the preservative Sodium Metabisulphite (SMB), which can lead to..." followed by a list of rather nasty side effects, ending with "...and Death." Oooer! don't want to go there, so I stopped taking that brand and changed to a different one that did not contain SMB. A few days later I submitted a Yellow Card to the authorities (MHRA, I think), and warned both the Surgeon and the Hospital Dispensary, both of whom submitted Yellow Cards. Some time later, by then fully recovered, I looked at the PIL for a later batch of that brand (I worked at a pharmacy) and found that they had removed the Warning and replaced it with a Caution, saying merely that the preservative "...may cause breathing difficulties...", with no mention of a visit from the Grim Reaper. I am now sensitized to SMB, which means that I have to check every purchase for its presence, and avoid those foods that contain it. This means that I can no longer enjoy a Cheese and Pickle sandwich if it contains my favourite, Branston Pickle :-(

Help desk boss fell for ‘Internet Cleaning Day’ prank - then swore he got the joke

Re: Has your tech team pranked colleagues?

When I was an apprentice, one of our instructors ("Knocker" White) would regularly send one of the newbies to the stores to get a long weight and a packet of sparks for the grinding machine. The storeman cottoned on to this and prepared a few polythene packets of grinds from a bench grinder to give to said newbies, after letting them stand for a few minutes at the serving hatch. Knocker was highly amused the first time, but the joke rapidly went sour and such hazing soon stopped. (Goggles because, you know, grinding?)

‘IT manager’ needed tech support because they had never heard of a command line

Re: I've seen that type of manager before

When I was working for a large electrical manufacturing company, I was asked to write the Instruction Manual for the product we were developing. Later, I wrote IBs for several other products, and slowly became completely integrated into Technical Manuals Department. On re-structuration of the company, the Chief Engineer of that department decided to retire, and I was asked to take over his position. As it was a Grade 6 position, that meant that I would be on call 24/7 and would not be eligible to earn extra by working overtime. I renegotiated the position to be a Grade 5, Principal Engineer, but with the same salary, plus overtime if I wanted, and only 9 - 5 so I could forget about work in the evenings and weekends. I stayed in that position until the whole department was made redundant and our work was downloaded onto the Sales Department (who made a complete hash of it!)

I was a part-time DBA. After this failover foul-up, they hired a full-time DBA

Re: Blind Spot

I once tried to follow the instructions to cook a "Ten Minute Meal". The very first instruction was to boil the rice for 15 minutes. So how can that and all the other preparation be done inside the advertised ten minute window?

Basic projector repair job turns into armed encounter at secret bunker

Re: How did you get in here?

I once went for a job as ground crew at a small air freight company on Bowman Field, Louisville KY. While I was waiting to see the Managing Director to be interviewed, I was chatting with the young secretary on the front desk. I eventually got the job, and the other mechanics gave me the nickname "Spider". I asked why this was and was told that they thought that I was a crawler, chatting up the MD's daughter in order to curry favour and get the job. I protested that I had no idea that she was the MD's daughter, that I wasn't chatting her up, and that I already had a GF who I would not want to two-time. They accepted my protestation, but still called me Spider for the whole time I worked there.

Re: How did you get in here?

When I was working for Tyre Services (GB) Ltd. as a breakdown tyre fitter, I had on several occasions to attend a tyre failure at Corley Services on the M6, quite close to our depot. On my first visit, and after changing a lorry tyre, I went to get a cuppa at the Truck Stop, but it was closed and I was redirected to the front services. I entered the canteen there, still wearing my overalls and smeared with grease, rubber dust, and tarmac skidmarks, and asked the lady for a cup of tea. She looked at my dishevelled appearance and asked "You transport, dear?" On my admittance that I was, she reached under the counter and brought forth an enormous china mug, at least half a pint in capacity, and proceeded to fill it with tea, for which she charged me the princely sum of 10P. I always visited her on subsequent trips to Corley.

Re: Lower ranking officers

Makes my blood boil when an advert announces that the company concerned has "a thousand Engineers" waiting to come and fix your boiler/car/washing machine. No they don't, they may have a thousand technicians, but not one of them is a time served Engineer who has spent at least four years gaining a Degree in an engineering subject. I have complained to the Advertising Standards Bureau, but they shrug it off and say that it has become common usage. Bah! Humbug!

Re: Higher ranking officers

When I was in the ROC, we had an officer whose rank and name was Observer Officer (Jenny) Major.

Real estate agents use the power of AI to command plumbing, layout to disappear

Visit before buying

Some weeks after the disappointment I referred to above, another property popped up on the web. I drove over to have a look at it and was duly impressed. There were some problems that needed attention, but on the whole, it suited my purpose. I phoned the agents and asked to be given a viewing, but they couldn't arrange one for a couple of days. On the appointed day I drove over early and spent about two hours poking my nose into every nook and cranny on the outside, making copious notes of the faults (eg asbestos soffits, rotten garage door jambs, time expired central heating boiler (but this one was in the garage, not the house), etc. As the agent drove down the driveway and stopped, he opened his car door and I said "I'll take it". He replied "But you haven't seen inside yet" to which I replied "I don't really need to go inside, I can see what I need through the windows." I have lived here for over 8 years now, and most of the problems have been solved, but I am still waiting for the new carpet I was promised on day one.

Re: Not Just AI...

I went to view a bungalow near Welshpool with an eye to renting it after I was forced out of my home of 35 years. The bungalow was delightful, nicely situated in a small village some 10 miles from the town, and had extensive grounds and a small orchard. Immediately I walked into the building, I was struck (literally) by the all pervading stench of Kerosene, the central heating boiler was located in the corner of the open plan kitchen/diner, and the whole house stank, although the agency had somehow failed to mention this.

While I was being shown round by the agent, another couple turned up and went to sit in the living room to wait their turn.

After I returned to the place I was staying (my Brother-in-law's smallholding about 30 miles away) in order to think about it, I looked at it again on the agent's website and noticed that it was marked as "Let Agreed". I presume that that second couple had taken it, despite what I considered to be an impossible problem to living there.

BOFH: Deepfake or just an idiot? We'll need an audit to confirm

Password reminder

I also use my past registration marks as passwords, but with the addition of various spaces/dashes/underlines to satisfy the requirements for symbols.

I caught a cold with this recently when I was unceremoniously moved from BT to EE and they sent me a new router. The old BT router accepted spaces in the password, but the EE router didn't, so I had to revisit every device connected to it and change all the spaces to minuses. Not exactly a difficult task, but one I could have done without, and why the difference anyway?

I do not use my Cherished Registration Mark, that has not changed since I acquired it attached to an old banger in 1974, and is now on a Retention Certificate as it is worth loadsa money.

The Smoot – How an MIT prank became a lasting unit of measurement

Re: the thickness of screw threads was not fully standardized in the US

My old man drummed this into me when I was about four years old. He was a Medical Research Instrument Maker, and taught me most of what I know, so much so that my Engineering Apprenticeship was a doddle.

‘I nearly died after flying thousands of miles to install a power cord for the NSA’

Re: Vintage Kit from the 1980's

When I was an apprentice with a large motor manufacturing company in the late sixties and early seventies, one of our most feared postings was to an electrical subsidiary in Belfast during the Troubles. Luckily, I was posted to their equivalent in Enfield, north London, but several of my peers who did go to Belfast told harrowing stories on their return, and one actually committed suicide because of his experiences there.

Yes, I wrote a very expensive bug. In my defense I was only seven years old at the time

Females with masculin names.

My Mother's name was Winifred, which she hated and used her third name, Jean, all her life, I had a girlfriend when at Uni, her name was also Winifred, but as she had no middle name she introduced herself as Fred. Much consternation ensued when I announced to my parents that I was dating Fred, but all became clear when I brought her home to meet them.

Norwegian lotto mistakenly told thousands they were filthy rich after math error

EuroMillions

I've been telling EuroMillions what the numbers should be for years now, but they STILL keep getting it wrong

Don't shoot me, I'm only the system administrator!

Re: Land of the Free - to be shot

When I took my driving test in Louisville, KY in 1963, the driving tester wore a .45 on each hip, and was so wide that I was scrunched up against the driver's door of our 56 Chevy. He was more interested in giving me the third degree about driving "on the wrong side of the road" where I came from than he was in my actual driving. I actually ran a red light because I was so nervous, but as it was a "Turn right on red after stop" he only admonished me for not quite stopping.

Second Jeju Air 737-800 experiences mechanical issues following deadly crash

Re: Clickbaity title

"no matter how hard they pressed the brake they couldn't stop the car (which anyone who has ever driven a car knows is ridiculous)"

Not ridiculous, happened to me when the throttle linkage of a brand new (under 1000 miles) Pontiac overcentred and ran away with me, and no matter how hard I pressed the brake, it just kept on accelerating. Only way to stop it was to switch off the ignition and wait for it to slow down. Local cops were not impressed at my 110MPH dash through Sutter, Illinois.

Re: Not a landing gear problem

IFIRC, the Kegworth crash was caused by shutting down the wrong engine, but in that case the pilots thought they were shutting down the failed engine, but a crossed pair of sensors somewhere in the wiring loom deep in the fuselage gave them the wrong information. That was a clear case of a potentially lethal fault being designed into the loom, as both left and right plugs were identical, and could be (and were) transposed during routine maintenance.

In 1989 I was living and working in Rugby, and remember it happening only a few miles North of us.

NetAdmin learns that wooden chocks, unlike swipe cards, open doors when networks can't

Re: Overkill

When I was working in the Site Services Department of a large electrical manufacturer, I was entrusted with the Submaster Key for our section of the much larger site,so I had access to everywhere on our watch, but not the other three companies on the site. I once had occasion to borrow the Barrel Removal Key from Site Security, and noticed that it was only a couple of wards different from my Submaster key. Just a few strokes with a swiss file, and I had my very own Barrel Removal Key, which greatly eased my daily operations.

Re: How did you get into this room?

Many years ago my wife and I were touring Europe in our Mk111 Cortina and Sears Roebuck tent, we were leaving Italy over the Splugen pass into Switzerland. At the top of the pass, there are two Border Control barriers, where passports must be shown (before the EU eliminated this requirement). Late Saturday evening we arrived to find both offices securely locked, and both of the barriers wide open. Security? what security?

Your air fryer might be snitching on you to China

Re: They want data?

Some years ago I was "working away" in Finland. I usually have Classic FM on in the background, and was missing it whilst over there. I discovered that Classic was available over the Internet, but it detected that I was not in the UK, so refused to play. It gave me the option to tell it the Postcode of my location, and after entering my home postcode, over 1000km away, it played happily, although with a two hour timeslip, but I could live with that.

Re: It won't be "China", its some parasitic data broker

I was recently in the market for a potato rumbler. I found four listed on Amazon ranging in price from £40 to £160. Upon downloading the instruction manuals for all four, I was amazed to find that, apart from some very minor differences in colour and graphics, they were all identical. I therefor purchased the £40 one, which does the job perfectly and saved me a possible £120.

Hide the keyboard – it's the only way to keep this software running

Re: Nicknames

I was given my nickname by my primary school teacher, Mr. Isbester, when I was 11 years old. I was the only member of my class that knew about Pi, and could recite it to ten decimal places. He asked who had told me, and when I explained that my father worked at University College, London, he dubbed me "Professor Purvis", a nickname that I have carried through school, university, and most of my working life.

UK sleep experts say it's time to kill daylight saving for good

9 to 5

I worked in an office in Birmingham (UK) that was supposed to be on a strict 9 to 5 working day. I used to get in at 8 in order to make sure all the IT was up and running before the Technical Writers arrived at 9. I also ran all of the previous day's 3.5" output discs through the AV Sandbox before putting them in the Outgoing Post box.

On more than one occasion complaints were made that I was leaving at 4, until I pointed out that I had already done an hour's work before the rest of them arrived.

The major advantage was the lighter traffic for both my morning and afternoon commutes.

Tech support chap solved knotty disk failure problem by staring at the floor

Re: 1982 was also a good year for Acorn

When my kids were at school, I was pressed into upgrading from my beloved Spectrum to a BBC Model B, because that was what was installed at school. I purchased one second hand, but it came with an inbuilt problem, it would crash after about ten minutes use, and refuse to reboot for about half an hour afterwards.

I took it out of the case and used a coolant spray on the memory chips, which would keep it up and running continuously, so long as the chips were kept frozen. I also noticed that all of the memory chips were plugged into chip carriers, although all of the other devices were soldered directly onto the board.

I was discussing this with a work colleague, and he suggested that perhaps there was a problem with the original memory chips that had not been solved by replacing them, and that the problem might lie elsewhere. He then looked very closely at all the other chips, and noticed that the Memory Interface chip was of the wrong sort, it was supposed to be a Fast chip, but was not.

I left him to unsolder it and replace it with yet another chip socket, while I drove over to RS in Corby to buy two of the correct chip (in case we damaged one), and when plugged in this solved the problem.

Apparently, the timing of the Read/Write and Refresh cycles would get out of synch as the chip warmed up, and would resynch after cooling down.

Head parking

I once wrote a TSR (Terminate and Stay Resident) program to park the heads of my computer at work after a certain amount of time, and the Boss was so impressed that he had it installed on all the computers in the department, and I was promoted to Deputy IT Manager despite having no qualifications and being only self-taught.

Hello? Emergency services? I'd like to report a wrong number

Re: Decades ago...

Chap who used to work for me was at one time a wireman in a company that built telephone exchange equipment. One day, whilst wire checking a huge bank of Strowger gear, he fell asleep on the top of his stepladder, and only woke up when the Security man shone his torch on him during his nightly patrol around the building. As it was now after midnight, he was escorted off the site and told to come back later to explain his presence up a ladder in the dark.

Company ambulance

Where I worked some while ago, they had a medical centre on site, so if anyone was injured at work, they could be treated quickly. They had an old LDV Sherpa ambulance parked near the building, so injured workers could be collected from almost anywhere on the site. One major problem - the bloody thing would never start, so it was a frequent sight to see four burly Security men pushing it down the main drive to bump start it.

I was once treated to a ride in it after I had been knocked off my bike (Doored, ithink it's called) and was sitting at my desk when my Boss said "You look terrible, what is wrong?" He called the ambulance and I was examined by the Company Doctor, who thought I might have some broken ribs. Cue another trip in the Sherpa to the Accident department of the local hospital, where I was X-rayed to confirm that I had three broken ribs.

There is much more to this story, but I won't bore you with it!

'A moose hit me' and other ways people damage their gizmos

Sight testing

When I was about three or four, my mother, sister, and I were sitting in the car waiting for Dad to return from wherever he had gone (on business). Mum said to me "What does that sign say?" to which I replied "What sign?" The next day I was taken to the local opticians and given a sight test, which revealed that I was so short sighted that I would need corrective lenses for the rest of my life. I am now at minus eight diopters in my left eye and minus seven and a half in my right.

I have tried contact lenses, but my eyes are so sensitive (and I am so squeamish) that I just can't tolerate them, hence the bottle bottom specs I have to wear.

(Icon because goggles).

Dangerous sandwiches delayed hardware installation

Re: Bomb Squad

When I was a member of a defence organisation (unarmed), we were expecting delivery of our new RFID identity cards. One day a mysterious brown paper package arrived at Group Headquarters, with no address or other identifying marks, and was placed in the foyer. When the Security Department returned from whatever they had been securing, they immediately ordered an evacuation and called the Bomb Squad. These gentlemen carefully removed the parcel to the middle of the car park and set off a "Controlled Detonation". Suddenly there was snowstorm of burnt shards of plastic as the several hundred new ID cards were instantly destroyed and blasted into the air. There were still a few bits stuck to the wire fence when we were stood down many years later.

Outback shocker left Aussie techie with a secret not worth sharing

Battery burns

This happened to my father while we were on holiday in Italy. Old Chevrolet with 235cu in Blue Flame engine, one of the hydraulic valve lifters decided to give up the ghost and started clattering. Dad took off the rocker cover to adjust the valve clearance, and whilst so doing managed to short from battery live to the earthed battery clamp with the elastic metal watch strap.

Howling in pain, he pulled the strap away from his wrist, thus burning the tips of the fingers of his right hand. Letting go resulted in the strap springing back and burning a different part of his forearm. Rinse and repeat, and he had three parallel burns on his left arm and three burnt fingertips on his right. I had to take over the driving duties for the rest of the holiday as he was in too much pain and too drugged up with painkillers to drive safely.

Worst holiday ever.

An arc welder in the datacenter: What could possibly go wrong?

Re: Welding in a chemical plant

When I was an apprentice, at the Apprentice Training School in Harold Hill, one of my fellow apprentices burnt a hole in his chest. We were gas welding, and a blob of molten weld metal burnt a neat hole through his tie and shirt, and lodged itself against his skin. He couldn't get undressed quickly enough to prevent a bad burn to his chest, and had to rush, topless, across the car park to Sister Amos in the Medical Centre for remedial action.

I didn't touch a thing – just some cables and a monitor – and my computer broke

Re: Crows: It starts at the top

Place I once worked at in a suburb of Birmingham (UK) was on a busy dual carriageway. Parking was only allowed on the south bound side of the road in the morning and the north bound side in the afternoon to allow for tidal traffic flow. This meant that I would arrive at work and drive past the office building and around the north end of the central reservation in order to park on the opposite side to the building. I would then go out at lunchtime and drive around the south end to the same side as the building, before finally going around the north end of the central reservation again in order to go home. Each day in the office would mean having to drive an extra three quarters of a mile in order to park. Luckily, I was not in the office full time, most days were spent at site doing actual work.

Computer sprinkled with exotic chemicals produced super-problems, not super-powers

Re: Architects

The school I attended was built in the early 60s. The stage in the main auditorium had no wings, so putting on any kind of production involved maneuvering the scenery flats and props through a narrow doorway and out into the adjacent gymnasium. When we put on The Gondoliers, it was necessary for a full sized gondola to appear from one side of the stage, disembark several actors, and then disappear off to the other side of the stage. This was achieved by building the gondola in three sections, a main chassis on which the actors stood, and two trucks which ran on rails on the chassis and which carried removable flats representing the bow and stern of the gondola. This was repeated in the opposite direction when the actors had to exit stage right. Many hours were spent designing and building the gondola in the Woodwork department.

Unfortunately, the whole school was demolished shortly after I left in 1968 as it was discovered that all of the exterior cladding, the ceilings, and most of the insulation were asbestos. I can remember sitting in the Lower Sixth Common Room participating in competitions to see who could make a dart stick into the lagging of the overhead pipework. I am surprised that I and many others in my year did not succumb to asbestosis.

Solar eclipse darkened skies, dampened internet traffic

Re: "Plenty of whom went offline to gawk at the celestial dance"

My family and I experienced the 99 eclipse from an Autoroute aire (similar to a rest area) near Nancy in France. We had timed our journey from Rugby to the Black Forest to coincide with the event.

About a quarter of an hour before First Contact, the french authorities shut down the Autoroute and all private cars had to be in an aire before totality, with the trucks lined up on the hard shoulder.

Unfortunately it was raining, so we thought that we were going to be disappointed, but just before Totality, a small hole appeared in the clouds, and we were treated to a stunning view of the corona.

Soon afterwards, we were allowed back onto the Autoroute to continue our journey, along with several hundred other vehicles.

Cops visit school of 'wrong person's child,' mix up victims and suspects in epic data fail

Re: Similar mistakes not limited to public sector

I was once sent by my doctor to have a lung capacity test as I was having slight breathing difficulties due to Hayfever. The clinician who conducted the test remarked that I had almost doubled my lung capacity in the five years or so since the last test, and why was I worried about the results? I was surprised, because I had not had a test before, so I asked if I could see the previous test results. I pointed out that the details of the previous test were for a 70 year old man, and I was well under that age now, so it couldn't have been me. Turned out it was my father, whose name is very similar to mine, and had since died of Emphysema. Oops!

Developer's default setting created turbulence in the flight simulator

Re: Software controlling real-world stuff

When I was working on the development of some new stuff for the Navy, part of my duties included keeping a record of the equipment as it progressed, and writing and updating the Instruction Manual. One day we had the complete equipment in the Test Area for a heat run, which was to be observed by the Customer. Lots of gold braid and stripes on sleeves, and the test was started.

As I didn't have any involvement in the actual heat run, I took the opportunity to take a few photographs of the complete, buttoned up, suit as it stood in the Test Area. Whilst trying to get the whole suite in frame, I backed off int a corner of the area, and suddenly the whole department went very quiet and dark - I had inadvertently backed into one of the Big Red Buttons and shut everything down,

Howls of fury and protest from the testers, and the Scrambled Egg Brigade were unceremoniously led away. The whole test had to be rescheduled for the next day as it had to start from cold. Needless to say, I was NOT allowed into the Test Area for that or any subsequent heat runs, officially observed or not.

Techie climbed a mountain only be told not to touch the kit on top

Re: Had a similar thing happen

I have an app on my phone to act as my shopping list. Sometimes it hangs and the only way I can unfreeze it is to power cycle the phone and restart the app. Very inconvenient if I'm halfway through my weekly shop at the local supermarket.

‘I needed antihistamine tablets every time I opened the computers’

Re: Not to whine about it ...

Place where I worked made huge transformers (amongst other electrical equipment). One of our external contractors was working above one such whilst the lid was off (naughty), and unfortunately fell in. As you can't swim in transformer oil, he was walking about, up to his neck in the oil, until someone managed to find a ladder and lower it into the tank for him to climb out.

He wasn't badly injured, but our Security department insisted on putting him in our venerable LDV Sherpa ambulance and whisking him off to the local hospital. He was showered to within an inch of his life and then kept in overnight for observation, before being discharged next morning.

He was ferried home by taxi, still wearing nothing but his hospital gown, so that he could put on fresh clothes and return to work. His old work clothes were destroyed as they were sodden with transformer oil, and that don't come out easy!

Enterprising techie took the bumpy road to replacing vintage hardware

Re: Bizarre printer failure

Back in the mid eighties, when I was just learning how to program my shiny new ZX Spectrum, I managed to borrow a redundant dot matrix printer from my employer's lab foreman, all legal and signed for. After several months, a site inventory was called for, and grumblings were made about this ancient DMP being beyond its service life, so it was recalled. I took it back to the lab, and the foreman said that I could have it back on loan next day. Imagine my disappointment when I went to get it, only to find that it had been condemned and sent for scrap. There was nothing wrong with it, it was simply considered to be too old to remain on the inventory. :-(

Bank's datacenter died after travelling back in time to 1970

Re: Priorities

My SWMBO was always late for anything. As far as she was concerned, leaving the house at the time we were supposed to be at the appointment counted as "being on time", I solved this by telling her a fictitious appointment time that was sufficiently advanced that we would have time to actually be on time. I used to say that she would be late for her own funeral - but unfortunately she wasn't. RIP Rosamund, still love you.

Microsoft's code name for 64-bit Windows was also a dig at rival Sun

Acronyms

I worked on a hardware project named "SMILE". Apparently it was an acronym for "Series connected Multi IGBT Low Emissions equipment". It eventually became one of the Company's Motor Control Centre products, and was (is) fitted to "All Electric" ships that I am not allowed to name.

Bank boss hated IT, loved the beach, was clueless about ports and politeness

Re: hammer

Dagenham Screwdriver when I was an apprentice.

Musk tells advertisers to 'go f**k' themselves as $44B X gamble spirals into chaos

Re: Delusional narcissist - Trump?

I have been IQ tested four times during my life, and the result was the same, 147 each time. I don/t think that I have a Personality Disorder though, maybe the boundaries are a little fuzzy?