The old NT Manual Defrag
I seem to recall that at one time, the M$-approved method for defragging Windows NT was "Take a backup, format the disk, then restore the backup"
Ah, the good old days.
We had tech from a small-shop acquisition who was convinced that his department's slow performance was because we needed to defrag the NAS (which was an Appliance, on the Network). He even tried it once (fortunately the software he was using refused to run against network drives).
Turned out that the users located in the Midwestern US were configured to get AD authentication from London. But it took me 4 months to convince him to even look at that.
Don't miss those days.