Posts by anthony bingham

Tim Burton to shoot 3-D Alice in Wonderland

I thought Burtons made Biscuits!

Alice in 3D [ must be cup size] sounds like a Fig Roll for Angelina Jolie !

Russian: I killed Buster Crabb in 1956 underwater scrap

A Buster Crabb ... quite rare now I believe?

We may by 2057 have managed to re-stock the oceanic areas now so depleted of this very tricky crustacean ... pass the vodka !

Lifelike, sexy robot infiltrators influence Belgian mobs

Explains Robo-Bush !

I knew that the White House Bush baby was not for real ... I think I have spotted the wires that link the brain to the backside .... called controlled crapping or >CC Speak< if you prefare; the olfactory attraction has been traced to infiltration of a "cock-up-roach" ... probably out of BIN-larden!

Illegal immigrant finds work as spook for the FBI and CIA

The Tip of a HUGE Iceberg with the US as the Titanic !

The UK is stuffed with "iIlegals" and they are mostly employed in "security" type jobs that are poorley paid with bad hours and no training or reference take-up. No English person ( on Benifits!) would touch it with a cattle prod. We still consider "Security" work as a bottom of the heap joke ... then BANG goes the car bomb and Bruce Willis is on furlough .... if all else fails try Residential Care of the elderly ... they don't even have to speak American as long as they can boil mince !

Tesco slaps cutlery ban on under-18s

Sharpen your finger nails!

I thought that under 18s eat with their fingers anyway ... Tesco have agreed to sell only "handy" foodstuffs and things to lap-up as a contribution to the Security of this great nation ( the bull shit is Organic and always warm!)

Deadly planet-smash asteroid was actually Euro probe

A big sling indeed!

This supposed satelite was none other than Patrick Moore on one of his rare space "flings" requiring major "acceleration" for orbital stability and to maintain his cover over a Massive group of "Slingons"

FAST cracks down on pirates near Penzance

Fiddlers Always Sit Tight >>>

'Cos they like to get caught ... eventually .... it isn't just the dosh it's the Challenge and the Glory and the Chase in a world that is "controlled" [ usually not very well] by Bill Gates and his clones ( read clowns!) Life would be a bit less lively without the Gaelic Entrepeneurs and their "innocent customers" ... buy one get one Free !

21st century travel: building your own warp drive

I have made one ...already!

It looks just like an old blue UK style "police box" and inside is my amazing space/time warping Plunger.. it runs on coconuts and fishes from the sea tra-la !

Seriously guys ... I do have a device that "warps" space and changes the canopy of Reality as we know it ... called a Wife !

Battery firm: iPhone could melt your brain

the brain drain that gives you "frequency"

Crossing legs or eyes and even fingers is a great and inexpensive way to ...hope for the best ... while convincing friends and relatives of early onset cerebral meltdown probably caused by the ol' phone thingy ... the answer ,before it is too late ; "get chipped" and just like next doors dog, listen to classic FM on your collar clip and be reassured of a trip home if you get lost and cannot remember your name , service provider or just pissed your pants ! .

Winona Ryder to suckle Spock in Star Trek XI

Sort of space between the ears ....

Boldly going were no one else gives a toss about and being less than warp speed at geting the message ... now Dr Who ... that is a blue box full of Xmas delight and no breast milk with the pudding!

Black holes blamed for super-charged cosmic rays

It's what makes a Big Mac so tasty ... once every 50 years !

Is global warming then due to an over rated B movie style science that is as much use to "one man and his dog" as a candle is to a blind man on a dark night without a match ... oh boy! pass the sherry !

BT and Virgin Media to report broadband slowdown

Keep it Simple (Virgin) stupid !

We all know that the Broadband rates are not what they are cracked up to be ... and every Provider is trying to do a bit of everything. Therefore why do not Virgin and even BT open the "honest Joe " proceedure and focus on a single point of Excellence [ do one thing really well] ; there is so much confusion and over supply of poorly managed conglomerates, that the Keep it SIMPLE mind set would be so refreshing as to take the market by Storm and encourage the not so tech savy Danglers to get involved and lose their Virgin-ity !

Paris Hilton exits missionary position to save Universe

She lives on coconuts and thingys from the sea ... tra la !!

Paris Hilton avoids Missionary Position in favour embracing Japan-ease!

Carphone Warehouse to pitch Irish broadband

'dis broadband thingy must have a "head" on it !

If the Carphpone Warehouse want to impact the emerald isle then it needs to understand that the future is Green and Leprechauns are deaf and communicate by a complex pattern of Guiness Burps!

Brown reveals road pricing, emissions plans

still the same old spaceship earth ...

Any attempt to rationalise the hugely confused carbon blame train will only have any real logic if it addresses the planet total and not some daft little corner called the UK ( I will not labour this point !) Climate "change" is so much more a fundamental planetary cycle that we find so challenging because science in relation to earth's evolution is very young indeed and we have not been around to experience the full extent of what the "systems" are capable of and how they will self regulate and balance as Time passes ... if in doubt don't panic or ask the Labour leadership ( same thing ! ) just stop trying to solve the problem with only a few of the variables when there are hundreds AND the Chinese !!

Brazil keeps Cisco execs in big house

Do it all through a "middle man" and shower regularly = smell sweet !

I am certain the Brazilian guy was Pedro Ripoff and the meddle ... sorry ...middle men are used precisely to negotiate the gloriously tangled Brazilian bureaucracy that can choke any foreign system and eventually Scew it ! I speak from experience with a major american oil company, so if in Rome ( read Brazil ) do the Romans !

Virgin Mary pebble provokes holy online bidding war

Mary lives next door but one and is never stoned!

What ever happened to simple " common sense" in trying to touch the Supernatural >>> why not get a pebble of your choice and paint it with a lady-like picture ( indelible of course} then flog it on ebay for big bucks or part exchange for a fibre optic Xmas tree ( only 8 weeks-ish to go ) a phalic alternative maybe ?

Drunken Indian elephants take on electricity pole

Elephanticide

He aint heavy ... he's my IT Elephants that needed the hooch to give 'em the courage to tangle with power lines in order to penitrate REGISTER and get in the News. I guess they could have packed their trunks with batteries and "torched" a few of the darker villiages! I need a sandwich !

Northern ocean filling up with CO₂

The Big [happy] Bang

At any time now we could experience a mega-type volcanic outburst on one of the major fault lines that will load the upper atmosphere with sun blocking debre and yippee we have a mini "ice age" which is really cool man!

Cops and Home Office plot uber-CCTV network

@Jeremy

Sad but true ... they may however resort to putting Micro micro chips in our water supply so each one of us will produce a brilliant picture [on a cheap and chearful Chinese camera] by virtue of "resonance saturation" that is achieved within weeks of the clandestine addition ... and they taste good to !

Kiwi brewery offers lifetime's beer for stolen laptop

I have seen a KIWI in a Kilt !

The offer is from a ex-pat Scot who wants to educate the Kiwis into the Divine social excess of single malt instead of Powerpoint !

UK fast food peppered with salt

NaCl-ed !

It's not salt it's "Coke" 'cos it keeps the population Happy and reduces the NHS bill for "social medication" and the pressure on Fitness Farms to provide TV alternatives before we go Digitoxin ( sorry ...Digital! )

Scottish? You're drinking too much

...and if they were not "drinking" what would they be doing ( to excess) ?

Human Thingys are strangely wired creatures and have a serious need to do something to aleviate the boredom of self awareness that amounts to trying to escape from self ... a sort of "stop the world I want to get off" or " stop the world I am really pissed off" . So we see that if it was not the "juice" it could be nail biting , violent scratching or maybe Commenting on the Register ( a manic bunch of Danglers if ever there was)

Analysts ecstatic over AMD's $226m loss in Q3

AMD and all that Prattle ...

Guys ... come on ... so far I have read what could be described as a combination of "intuition and what the words sound like " AMD are a very professional bunch of Danglers who do good stuff in a vigorous [ not reckless ] high tech enviroment and deserve to be encouraged until the chips are down and the data unequivocal ... so waffle on my hearties on have a quaff of cheer !!

Supersized stellar blackhole prompts model rewrite

@tony from tony

Hi ...good stuff ... "Brain capture" with stimulating ideas makes good "Social Science" even if the Frame shifts a bit on its uncertain journey . Black Holes however are just the back door to a whole New realm of "Super Physics" that we have yet to penitrate .

Cisco Brazil hit by massive police raid

@kain preacher

Dead Right! but the Heavenly currency is da Shekel my boy ; we could offer up the occasional bio- Mass for our Brazilian brothers !!

Cisco Kid rides again ...

But don't forget "the good the bad and the Brazilian" I lived there for four years and discovered very quickly that corruption is rife and if you wish to survive commercially or just plain ol' Pleb. stuff you need to be seriously savvy and fire proof your Arse ( the right kind of "legal" support helps big time ) So I am really suprised that Cisco have provoked their chosen workplace 'cos the Body Politic do Brazil enjoys nothing better than a tasty American Pie !

Plan for 20mph urban speed-cam zones touted

Fast like a lemming and dim like a donkey ...

The Motor Industry hugely overproduces vehicles 'cos the National economies are driven by profit and jobs and idiot politcians who will not admit that the system is ( statistically fellas ) Out Of Control ! reducing the speed limit or putting pinch points at 10 metre intervals is like making a hole to let water out of a boat that is seriously leaking ! Any Extra terrestial Observer has by now concluded that we are a planet of four legged metal monsters that fart alot and ultimately rust.

Pentagon in orbital solar power plan for world peace

Dig don't Fly ...

we got all the Big Heat we need in the guts of this planet we rush around; so why not sub-surface [safer from nasty chaps] Water Boilers that circulate the "pressure water" through the ... VERY HOT... zone and so to the tubines and all that well tried and tested Technology. I think the guys at the Pent. might have an agenda rather less than sweet!

Beeb news website goes titsup

It may not be much but its British by thunder!

The BBC is that glorious geriatric Institution that still runs on a combination of intuition and what the words sound like ... remember the "little Lions" on the eggs, well that is still news if you run out of Yokes!

Boeing delays 787 Dreamliner

@ Chris Coles

Spot on dear boy ... and there are so many similar cases of Senior Management Decisions based on nothing more than short term gain and the lethal ability to bury their heads in rose tinted balance sheets but pay scant attention to the lessions of "History" and good 'ol Common Sense; when Friends and enemies can so quickly change places.

All Nippon Fasteners zip it up!

Truth is when it's held together with promises, landing this Baby will require more than just a Runaway ! I think it is too big to get it out of the hanger unless you undo a few buttons to let the "hot air" out.

Terminator will be back in 2009

Its all Virtualisation !

Do we really believe that Arnie lives and the Bush baby is anything other than Java jumping ... its just another day at the Movies guys ... really !

Nissan builds twirly-cab sideways electric pod-car

desparate and dizzy

I think they must have crossed the Styx and bumped into Ezekiel chapter 1 verses 15 - 20 All things are possible as long as you keep taking The Tablets!

Qinetiq touts 'Transformer-like' mobility-scooter killbot

Robots don't talk back!

So the US will rule the world with bits of "lethal loaded Lego" that needs no disability pension,ice cream in hot climates and best of all will not throw an emotional wobbly when told to "go to war" which of course is always possible if you join the Crazy Guys in the White House!

Australia to get 1,000 megawatt wind farm

@ anonimous coward

I guess you would agree then that if man was intended ever to FLY he would have been Created with a "ram jet arse " and seriously limited imagination ... ?

How about leaves instead of hair ... grow "weed" on top !I love the planet I am on ... enjoy.

Wind in the Willows and Blow reality

Focusing on Nuclear Power will eventually lead to " Fusion" as the only way to provide the massive "cleaner" energy needs of a planet full of plug holes and Microsoft inspiration ... every home ( or shed or tent ] will have one and that does not mean a windmill !

McDonald's goes McWireless

Even more "hot air" bites the bun.

Big M will stop at nothing ' cos it feeds on addictions, so no surprise that frying our brains is just another step in the food chain ; pay attention Mr Apple 'cos a laptop that looks like a "BigMac" could be just a bite away!

Dino-killing asteroid traced back 160m years

Science through the looking glass ...

Life is far too important to be taken seriously ... adding a few million years to a "shot in the dark" could easily make a Mountain out of a "hole in the ground"

If this is too intense try a water sport!