* Posts by Matt Mc

7 posts • joined 6 Sep 2007

Helpdesk Heroes or unappreciated geeks?

Matt Mc
WTF?

This is just what I remember. I have notes somewhere...

OVER THE PHONE

==============

"Ma'am, can you press the power button for me?"

"I don't have a power button..."

* * *

"Sir, I need you to right-click My Computer."

"My right, or yours?"

* * *

"I think I'm spelling my username wrong."

"Nah, maybe you need to change your password, how are you spelling your last name?"

She was spelling it wrong.

* * *

"Sir, what seems to be the problem?"

"You're stealing RAM out of my computer!"

"How am I doing that, sir?"

"Over the Internet!"

* * *

"You broke my monitor!"

"Uh, you never brought us the monitor."

"No, but it worked before I brought you my PC and now it doesn't turn on."

The computer/monitor were won in a work raffle and had to be 5 years old.

* * *

"My login doesn't work."

"How are you spelling your username?" Pause. "Uh huh, that's not your last name."

"I know, I just got married."

"Did you tell HR?"

"Uh..."

* * *

With Dell Tech Support: "There's a monitor at a branch office in Oklahoma that doesn't work and I need it replaced under warranty. I've already had the user swap it with a couple other monitors just to check if it was a computer problem. It's not."

"Okay, so I need you to swap that monitor with another one for testing."

"I already did that."

"We need to do it over the phone."

"I just spent an hour with them doing this. It's a CRT not and LCD."

"I need to log that we did this over the phone."

"It's in Oklahoma, I'm in Massachusetts."

"Sir, please, I cannot help you unless--"

"Unless I get my fat ass on a plane and fly to f'ing Oklahoma?"

"Sir, there's no need to shout..."

* * *

"No one in New York state can get any work done!"

"Why not, Jeremy?"

"Well, Tisha can't get email... From one person..."

* * *

"My email doesn't work."

"Why not, Jeremy?"

"I don't know it just gives me errors."

"What are the errors, is your laptop on?"

"No, I'm in my car on the interstate."

IN PERSON

=========

"My keboard doesn't work."

"Did you spill anything on it?"

"Of course not."

"Then why is water spilling out of it?"

* * *

Replaced a mouse for an older woman, went from a ball mouse to a laser mouse. She held it against the screen and moved it around.

* * *

"This computer doesn't play my game."

"What game is that?"

"Wing Commander IV."

After some research. "The game company can't even play that game. They've stopped supporting it."

"So it's a problem with the computer you sold me?"

* * *

"My computer's frozen."

I venture down and see her keyboard works and Windows responds nicely. Her mouse didn't work and somehow the screwed in serial mouse had come unhooked.

* * *

You can tell how many cats someone has by the hairballs in their PC fans.

* * *

"What's the problem, ma'am?"

"Microsoft said that I needed to reload my PC to get rid of AOL and it would take 6 hours and $250."

I unloaded AOL in ten minutes. Cost her $45.

Google sued for 'stealing' Android name

Matt Mc
Linux

Do androids dream of electric dollar bills?

Asimov, Dick, Lucas... How many other people have utilized the very word "Android" and reaped lifelong benefits into perpetuity (yes that's after-lifelong)? Specht will not be one of those people. He may make a fortune off a well-timed patent, but Google will be known for the "Android" OS. Period. If it costs them a couple mil to do it, so be it. Oh, and if the whole thing fails? Google will still be known for the "Android" OS and we in the IT community will laugh and laugh and laugh about it. "Remember when Google got spanked by that... what's his name?"

Microsoft readies IE8 for lift off

Matt Mc
Stop

IE8 Blows

I'm running Windows 7 beta and IE8myweb Beta. It's total bollocks. Give me FF anyday.

Kanye West blames Gmail hijack for bisexual porn hoax

Matt Mc
Go

Give That Haxor A Friggin Medal

Couldn't have happened to a worse human being...

Commentard completely loses the plot

Matt Mc
Thumb Up

Reg Flamers are Hacks

I love the fact that every FoTW that gets posted is, ironically, from a hack retard calling El Reg or El Reg's Fanbase "Hacks", "retards", "idiots", and my new favorite "dam you people need life's fucking retards". Nothing says brilliant to someone such as myself as the aforementioned statement. Although... If someone's already said this, I apologize, but if you correct and slightly adjust his statement:

"Damn, you people needs lives fucking retards." -Most likely what he meant

"Damn, you people need... (you are) life's fucking retards." -Wildly funny in my head

Anyway, El Reg is the best. Keep up the mediocre work, it's better than I can do.

1,076 developers, 15 years, one open-source Wine

Matt Mc
Go

Wine is needed

Third-party apps pose a real headache to me in trying to bring people over to Linux. With XP not being sold for much longer and Vista the only next step... Since nothing works with Vista anyway, at least with Wine I have a chance...

IBM and Novell push out new SLED

Matt Mc

Nitix & XP. Screw Vista anyway

My company has been selling out Nitix and NitixBlue with great success; this to resolve the one-touch server solution. As far as desktops go, it's going to be a hard sale for customer running current MS products or third-party, industry-specific applications that are Windows only. We have customers running sign-making apps that the company who owns it didn't write it and the guy who put it together's already dead; who's gonna port that properly to Linux? Is WINE the only hope for the people going for the SLED ride?

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