Posts by Aussie Doc

You Look Like a Thing and I Love You: A quirky investigation into why AI does not always work

Re: Too much Credit

"I'm sorry, Dave, but I can't do that."

Bose customers beg for firmware ceasefire after headphones fall victim to another crap update

Re: thank god.....

"the over 40s really don't have the ears to distinguish..."

Pardon?

They're in my coat ---->

Beware the trainee with time on his hands and an Acorn manual on his desk

Re: ITeC

"Thanks for the memory."

Even if it was only about 640 kb.

Questions hang over Gatwick Airport after low level drone near-miss report

Re: Units

That would be Franciszek Wiśniewski and his girlfriend Katarzyna Kowalczyk.

Those Poles are always off wandering around.

Video-editing upstart bares users' raunchy flicks to world+dog via leaky AWS bucket

I don't know.

"All you can do is hope that nobody's downloaded your self-starring grumble flicks and recognised you."

I don't know. Would be a great way to stop people from talking to me.

"Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"

Yeah, I used to do really kinky porn.

<Awkward silence ensues>

Re: What sort of idiot...

Been a long time since people have watched porn in 240p, I'd imagine.

From what I'm told.

By other people.

Not me.

Ex-Capita accountant who claimed £10k bung to leave was blackmail has appeal thrown out

Is it just me?

I was thinking more about how a CV would look saying you were fired from Capita??? <---Extra question marks for gravitas

London has decent 5G availability but speeds lag behind Birmingham and Cardiff – research

Re: ADSL!!!

You 'ad bauds?

Luxury.

Royal Bank of Scotland IT contractor ban sparks murmurs of legal action

Re: Just the start

"His house has been sold and is off to Canada."

His house should like it - they're nice folks there in Canada.

The US Army recruits WALL-E Chris H as its next-generation bomb disposal robot

But...

What about the inevitable 'Windows 10 for robots' updates needing to restart your system now or defer for three minutes?

'Literally a paperweight': Bose users fume at firmware update that 'doesn't fix issues'

If you can taste it, you're doing it wrong.

------> Rubber glove in the pocket.

Infosec boffins pour cold water on claims Home Office Brexit app can be easily hacked

Re: Dons skeptical hat...

They're obviously holding it wrong.

Re: *sigh*

^^^This.

I can't root my phone because one of the main apps I use for payments detects it and announces that it is unsafe so won't function.

Londoner accused of accessing National Lottery users' accounts

Hippies?

Oi! I resemble that comment.

Look a bit like him, now, though --->

Weird flex but OK... Motorola's comeback is a $1,500 Razr flip-phone with folding 6.2" screen

Re: Aspect ratio very odd

Well, finally, a useful reason for buying it.

Have to convince my partner first.

NASA boffins tackle Nazi alien in space – with the help of Native American tribal elders

Re: one way ticket

I like that list.

Could we add folk who fart in lifts, please?

Okaaaaay.

Pearl clutchers gonna clutch them pearls. She knows pearls ------>

What a boar! Wild pigs snort and snuffle €20k worth of marching powder stashed in Tuscan forest

Re: This Land is Your Land

Does beg the question, though. Who are the boar's predators???

I watched a video where a boar was charging towards a hunter. Hunter had a large rifle and got a head shot in that caused the boar's head to move backwards some.

The bugger then continued full flight to charge said hunter.

Boar's probably still bopping around the woodland wondering why it has a headache or something.

Re: "Coldiretti – Italy's largest farmers' association – led protests in Rome"

That 'human hunting' sounds a tad anti-social.

So..

...technically, the pigs squealed on the dudes?

My coat and hat please.

Facebook iOS app silently turns on your phone camera. Ah, relax – it's just a bug, lol!?

Hahahaha.

You're me and I claim my $5.

Me all dressed up ------------------------>

Yeah, sure.

"We found no evidence that..."

Translated: "We didn't look all that hard lest we incriminate ourselves."

Thanks, Brexit. Tesla boss Elon Musk reveals Berlin as location for Euro Gigafactory

They certainly seem to offer better subsidies for the likes of M Musk.

Astroboffins baffled as Curiosity rover takes larger gasps of oxygen in Martian summers

Methane

Clearly the methane issue is the Martian cows only popping out for a short while at a time.

Probably don't look like that, though --->

Teachers: Make your pupils' parents buy them an iPad to use at school. Oh and did you pack sunglasses for the Apple-funded jolly?

Re: Exclusive devices need in Schools

I hear you.

Damn, just smudged the screen with my left hand again.

Hanky's in my pocket.

If it sounds too good to be true, it most likely is: Nobody can decrypt the Dharma ransomware

Re: Can someone explain.....

"Suppose you have daily backups."

Ah, now there is where I think lies the heart of the issue.

Apple's credit card caper probed over sexism claims – after women screwed over on limits

Really?

"It's the algorithm"

Modern day version of mum saying "it's because I said so."

My mum doesn't look like her --->

Blood, snot and fear: Why the travelling lone tech reporter should always knock twice

Re: You could get into a room?

You 'ad teeth?

Luxury.

Re: You could get into a room?

You 'ad stairs?

Luxury.

If you're going to exploit work's infrastructure to torrent, you better damn well know how to hide it

Re: i don't know...

Don't be thilly.

Boffins don bad 1980s fashion to avoid being detected by object-recognizing AI cameras

Re: So....

The joys of phones and auto-correct means you end up typing words you didn't Nintendo.

Please tell us why you're not securing yourselves, UK.gov asks businesses

Re: Post-card

This!!!

A small company I provide a service to never takes any of "that Cyber stuff" seriously because "we're not big enough to be bothered with."

Then two weeks ago I'm called in to sort their non-working internet.

Phones and internet had been cut off due to non-payment of $<mega> bill.

Somebody had "clicked a link in an email that looked important" and shared enough info for the bad folks to get details for the baddies to change passwords on the phone accounts.

Apparently there were six new mobiles added to the account and the bills went up quickly.

Still being sorted but they have services back.

"Yeah, cyber stuff's not that important to us."

Paris because she probably didn't have a clue either.

Anyhoo, carry on.

Comcast-owned Brit telco Sky to hire 1,000 new staffers, half of them engineers

Engineers?

I don't think that word means what they think it does. Do they have a coat? --->

Revealed: The new icon you'll click to download an alternative browser, and more from Microsoft

Yeah, sure.

Can't say the new logo is particularly 'iconic', can we.

I can only imagine the situation re designing it as similar to that M.A.S.H. episode where the voice over says something like "After X weeks, Y days and Z hours at the negotiation table, all parties have agreed. The flags will go in the centre of the table."

Antarctic researchers send an SOS to the world: Who wrote this message in a bottle?

Re: Boring....

Probably something like "We're not here to fuck spiders so let's check it out. After a few beers, first."

BBQ first ---->

Never mind monitoring dead crims, Ministry of Justice has just palmed Serco another £800m

Great sense of humour...

"...the strong performance and innovation we have already delivered over recent years."

That made my eyeballs roll right around.

Google forks out $2.1bn for Fitbit – and promises not to exploit all that delicious health data to sling ads (honest)

Re: Health data is the missing piece for Google

"Sorry to see your blood results (before you did) but can we help you with funeral plans?"

We know where this is leading to.

My blood's main component ------->

Lulz

I'm not generally one for great sarcasm (well, okay, only when warranted) but did anybody else Laugh Out Loud for real when reading Google's statements about how they value customers, sorry, products, and their data?

Don't know how anybody can say those things with a straight face at Google.

Oh, and my health insurance just happens to want to know what I'm going to do about my recent blood results and are offering cheaper funerals.

Stethoscope's in the other pocket.

Microsoft sees sense, will give Office 365 admins veto rights on self-service Power tools

Really?

You had me at "Over the past week, we’ve been listening to customer feedback..."

The Feds are building an America-wide face surveillance system – and we're going to court to prove it, says ACLU

Re: "the FBI has a larger database of over 640 million faces"

I don't think they mean 640 million DIFFERENT faces, necessarily.

More likely they come from a variety of sources so may (I can only assume) contain many same/similar faces eg from licensing, passport or other sources.

Just take a look at the carnage on Notepad++'s GitHub: 'Free Uyghur' release sparks spam tsunami by pro-Chinese

You're Winnie the Pooh and I claim my $5.

US Air Force inks deal with Raytheon on Windows 10 (and other) support for ARSE

Re: Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

Please don't build up my hopes like that.

Bet you can't guess what I'm wearing, or where I'm wearing it

Re: An eye-full

Damn, my secrets are out.

As an aside, didn't The Reg have a story recently about a singer or something who was stalked/assaulted by said stalker who tracked her from her persistent selfies that had 'useful' reflections in her eyeballs or something?

Was able to narrow down which apartment she lived in and all.

Re: No matter how careful you are...

I use 'None' to sign just about anything.

Oft times folks seem to just be happy to see something 'there' because their rules say the space cannot be left empty.

Such a waste when you're told to use your finger to electronically sign for some parcel or other.

Real fountain pen's in the other pocket leaking ink.

Come on, you can't be serious: Now Australia mulls face-recog tech for p0rno site age checks

Re: Maybe

To be fair (or not) I'm not convinced Oz gov have a clue about the interwebtubes.

When the bad dude shot those folks up in the mosque in New Zealand the govt 'banned' access to sites such as LiveLeak and the like.

They know nothing about how Tor, real VPNs or even Opera in VPN mode works.

Paris because she probably doesn't know either.

Re: Ok that's it.

Here in Oz, I nominate SloMo, our PM. He would give Pimplethinskin a run for his money.

Re: Just another stupid thought bubble...

Oi! As an OAP, I resemble that remark.

Okaaaaay.

As the old saying goes,where there's a willy, there's a way.

Remember that competition for non-hoodie hacker pics? Here's their best entries

Re: Not a very strong lineup

I agree - it's just like dealing with upper manglement who don't believe anything is an issue unless it has the word 'cyber' in front of it.

Whilst some of these are 'good' not many convey the automatic recognition that I feel was being looked for.