* Posts by Aussie Doc

429 posts • joined 3 Jun 2019

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Typical '80s IT: Good idea leads to additional duties, without extra training or pay, and a nuked payroll system

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Gimp

Re: whoops - wrong disk

Hammer and nail. When I nod my head, hit it. ----->

China, Russia and Iran all attacking US elections and using some nasty new tactics, says Microsoft

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Pint

Well.

"...Customer Security & Trust..."

MS has such a department, you say?

I'm shocked, I tells ya ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Apple commits to support human rights - 'We believe in the critical importance of an open society'*

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Big Brother

Yeah, sure.

"We support(*) freedom."

.

.

*Terms and conditions apply and we don't really mean it.

Amazon spies on staff, fires them by text for not hitting secretive targets, workers 'feel forced to work through pain, injuries' – report

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Trollface

Re: I'll flip burgers

"...the people had been replaced with screens."

Screens are much more tidy than people and don't eat much either.

Dell: 60% of our people won't be going back into an office regularly after COVID-19

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Pint

Re: I would hate to own commercial real estate

"...so long as you have decent broadband."

And that may just be the whole crux of the problem for some, I would imagine.

What a time for a TITSUP*: Santander down and out on pre-Bank Holiday payday

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Coat

Yeah, sure.

I note the use of the old "...some of our customers..." routine.

Good job it was only some, then, or it could have been a big problem.

Oh, wait.

Muppets.

Where's my old wallet of cash?

Life with Amazon's fitness band: Upload your half-naked pics to see how fat you'll look without exercise. You now sound stressed – relax!

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Pint

Re: It's much cheaper and simpler

"Just how intrusive can these assholes get?"

NOOOOOOO!!!!! Don't say that.

You know somebody at Amazon is going to say "Hold my beer."

Google wants to listen in to whatever you get up to in hotel rooms

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Coat

Yeah, sure.

"Whatever reason is driving you to consider staying in a hotel room, you know you want to take as many precautions as possible," wrote Tom Franklin, product manager for Google Assistant"

Coffee meet dual wide screen monitors.

I'll grab a hanky and clean it myself thanks Alexa.

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Big Brother

Re: Presumably these things need power...

"Carefully"

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Pint

Re: Reminds me of the time

That was way funnier than it should be. Have a couple on the house ---->

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Okay Google:

Could be interesting times with the potential "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" moments from, erm, adult activities.

Then, of course for those without adblockers, all the ads for flowers, cheap divorce, motorcycle parts etc.

No secrets - she knows what it's about ------------------->

'My wife tried to order some clothes tonight. When she logged in, she was in someone else's account ... Now someone's charged her card'

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Mushroom

Re: Walmart?

Here in Oz it's becoming a 'thing'.

They* are calling it 'brushing' and it's causing some biosecurity issues as folk receive random seeds in a small envelope from a supplier on eg Amazon complete with all their correct personal details.

Folks are being warned about ID theft but nobody takes much notice, except, of course, the biosec dudes/dudettes worried about dangers to our crops and stuff.

*The authorities, cobber.

Teen charged after allegedly taking food delivery biz for a ride: $10k of 'fraudulent refunds for stuff not delivered'

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Black Helicopters

Hmm.

Best way to get a delivery ------------------------------->

How many refund requests, over what period of time, does a business have to get before it starts looking into QA aspects of their performance?

Engineer admits he wiped 456 Cisco WebEx VMs from AWS after leaving the biz, derailed 16,000 Teams accounts

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Paris Hilton

Hmm.

If only Cisco somehow could have prevented this from happening.

Even she could help --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ^^^

The truth is, honest people need willpower to cheat, while cheaters need it to be honest

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pirate

Yeah, sure.

Those damn musical pirates causing all them problems, aaarrr!

US Air Force shows off latest all-electric flying car, says it 'might seem straight out of a Hollywood movie'

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Coat

Re: Paint it orange and yellow . . .

Here in my part of Outback® Oz local farmers already inspect fence lines, towers etc etc using drones to replace their older gyrocopters.

I might be missing something but I can't think of a tactical situation where, if a chopper can't go in then a quieter, smaller but still lethal drone can't be used.

Instruction book's in my pocket.

So... just 'Good' then? KFC pulls Finger Lickin' slogan while pandemic rumbles on

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Pint

Re: Different countries, different flavours

To be fair, roo meat's absolutely great. Goes great with one or two of these->

Start Me Up: 25 years ago this week, Windows 95 launched and, for a brief moment, Microsoft was almost cool

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Ah.

The memories.

Anybody else recall the frantic phone calls: "I've lost the whole interwebtubes from my computer - HEEEEEEEELP!"

Yeah, somebody deleted the big blue 'Internet' from the desktop (IE).

Actually, during a pseudo cleanup recently (you know - you basically move junk from one side of the room to the other but don't disgard in case you need it) and found all original floppies for MSDOS, Windows 3.1, Windows For Workgroups, Win 95, 95b, 98 plus updates and a heap of matching CDs for those posh enough to have those coffee cup holders installed.

Memories.

The Viking Snowden: Denmark spy chief 'relieved of duty' after whistleblower reveals illegal snooping on citizens

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Pint

Whoa.

Country spys on it's own citizens and gets caught, you say.

Well, I'm shocked, I tell ya ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you can't understand how Instagram 'influencers' make millions, good luck with these virtual ones doing even better

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Alien

Well done!

Really, it doesn't matter what any of us think - if there's a way to part folks with their money, somebody will do it and do it well.

I've seen 'young' folk talk about being paid to do unboxing videos by whoever supplied the tat - kids toys!!!

May not earn them an island hideaway but sure beats some of our jobs for a way to earn a quid.

I'll wear a mask for $50 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------^^^

Putting the d'oh! in Adobe: 'Years of photos' permanently wiped from iPhones, iPads by bad Lightroom app update

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Pint

Hmm.

To be fair, of all my clients, the ones who are actually more like to have decent backup strategies in place tend to be photographers, anecdotally.

I'm not sure if that's because they're impacted directly by such a loss or what.

Not always the case but I wish more of my clients would take it seriously.

Probably able to relax and have more of these happy in their work -------------------------^^

Space station update: Mystery tiny but growing air leak sparks search for hole

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Coat

Hmm.

I remember seeing 'fun' clips of 'nauts chasing small water bubbles around a cabin to show kids (and us kids at heart) how lack of gravity works.

Could they not release a bubble or two into each cabin/section or whatever and see where they 'gravitate' to?

Or doesn't it work that way?

Boffins would know ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------^^

We've heard some made-up stories but this is ridiculous: Microsoft Flight Simulator, Bing erect huge skyscraper out of bad data

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Black Helicopters

Re: Intentional Error? Fries land?

I misread that as 'Clippy' and envisaged "You look like you're trying to land on a thimble. Would you like help with that?"

Haven't got a plane -------------------------------------------------------------->

Chromium devs want the browser to talk to devices, computers directly via TCP, UDP. Obviously, nothing can go wrong

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Facepalm

Non..

nope...no...not at all...if you don't mind.

So long, Top Gun... AI software waxes US F-16 pilot's tail 5-0 during virtual dogfight drills

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Windows

Re: EMP hoax!

I'm old. ELO anyone?

FYI: Chromium's network probing accounts for about half DNS root server traffic, says APNIC

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Joke

Oh.

They don't fool me - just trying to get me to upgrade from IE6.

Just in case ------>

Trucking hell: Kid leaves dad in monster debt after buying oversized vehicle on eBay

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Pint

Yeah, sure.

Sorry, as an Aussie (if it makes any difference) and as a regular buyer of tat on fleabay, banggood, aliexpress etc etc I can't see how this happens at all.

Any time I go over my daily PayPal limit (I think mine's $200 or $500) I get email notifications straight away from PayPal to confirm it's me and then they send me an SMS when I say it is me.

I've seen stories like this before - "Five! year! old! buys! a house with dad's credit card" etc etc.

Maybe it's different where this took place. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Would buy a lot of beer ----->

UK national debt hits 1.46 Apples – and weighs as much as 2 billion adult badgers

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Black Helicopters

Yeah, sure.

I wonder if Apple would consider asking if the Gov wants them to pay off the debt for them in exchange for 'favours'? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All your data belong to us?

Intel talks up its 10nm Tiger Lake laptop system-on-chips as though everything is going according to plan

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Mushroom

Re: Is it just me,

MY EYES!!!

The Surface Duo isn't such an outlandish idea, but Microsoft has to convince punters the form factor is worth having

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

I came to say something similar.

Sort of reminds me of when the Netbooks first came out - ooo, would big great if it was a little bigger, had a faster chip, DVD drive and more storage space.

You know, just like a laptop but much cheaper!

We all know how that ended up. -------------------------->

Single-line software bug causes fledgling YAM cryptocurrency to implode just two days after launch

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Pint

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, thanks for that clear explanation. Need more of these ----->

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Re: "Your not as smart as your dumbest bug"

And then you have autocorrect making you type something you didn't Nintendo.

America's largest radio telescope blind after falling cable slashes 100-foot gash in reflector dish

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Alien

Yeah, sure.

Clearly our alien overlords are causing a distraction whilst they continue their plans to arrive in strength to take over the world.

Boy, will they get a shock when they see the state of the place.

They'll shake their heads or whatever they have and turn back pronto.

Ink tanks park themselves all over the lawns of Western Europe as orders flood in

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Alert

Re: Refillable cartridges too..

Wholeheartedly agree. Don't see these much either --->

I run a monochrome laser and a colour one for those rare 'must have colour' moments.

Both are extremely reliable units and have the added benefit of being able to be used for printing out my circuit boards (the monchrome) or adding pics to my woodwork creations via a hot iron.

Never have to worry about clogs because they've not been used in <insert time frame> either.

Snortical warfare: Wild boar launches amphibious assault against German beachgoers

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Joke

Ooer...

"...he has to notify the police immediately, as they are classed as dangerous animals."

So are the boars.

US govt proposes elephant showers for every American after Prez Trump says trickles dampen his haircare routine

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Black Helicopters

Yeah, sure.

I'm sure this is exactly the most important issue my US friends have on their minds right now. <big head shake>

Sorry your moron-in-chief is so useless and sorry that nobody within the GOP seems to be able to hold him to account.

Wishing you all the best, meanwhile.

Having said that, would I get into trouble for suggesting Pimplethinskin should be more like Lincoln?

You know, no longer with us?

If you don't hear from me again you know my phone was listening to everything I said and passed it on to <redacted>.

The future of signage is here, and it wants an update

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Holmes

Ah.

...very easy for anyone inclined to spend 5 minutes reading documentation.

Ah, I think I may see the problem here.

US drugstore chain installed anti-shoplifter facial-recognition cameras in 200 locations – for eight years

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Big Brother

Yeah, sure.

“other large technology companies seem to be scaling back or rethinking their efforts..."

Manglement speak for "We hate it when people find out."

Lizards for lunch? Crazy tech? Aliens?! Dana Dash: First Girl on the Moon is perfect for the little boffin-to-be in your life

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Pint

Nice.

Great review. Have a drink for youngsters that only looks like beer ---------------->

My two female grandmunchkins will appreciate this for a random present.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin. Hang on, the PDP 11/70 has dropped offline

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Oh.

I can relate - rather obese, buxom young lady had issues with her keyboard.

Every now and then whilst typing, the cursor would fly across the page.

Of course, I couldn't replicate the error so watched her as she typed.

You can guess where this is going - yep. Her breast(s) (didn't check out THAT much detail) were hitting the spacebar as she 'jiggled' slightly whilst typing.

As an aside - she was an amazingly fast typist. She had (her words) the 'fastest, fat fingers around' although looked so uncomfortable seemingly crouched over her keyboard.

What the duck? Bloke keeps getting sent bathtime toys in the post – and Amazon won't say who's responsible

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Re: Review stuffing

Thank goodness I stopped once I started wearing glasses.

Just in time.

Chinese ambassador to UK threatens to withdraw Huawei, £3bn investment if comms giant banned from building 5G

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Yeah, sure.

So, the CCP allegedly has little/no undue influence on Huawei and just to prove our point, here is a statement from the Chinese ambassador.

Okaaaaay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Two large flightless birds walk into a bar... The pub's owner was not emused *ba-dum tsh*

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Paris Hilton

Actually...

...it's not that unusual here in Oz for Outback® folks to use terms like 'toileting' when being interviewed - it helps make us sound like we haf sum edumakashun.

My favourite response to any question is "Well, we're not here to fuck spiders". Raises many an eyebrow, I can tell you.

Pearl clutchers gonna clutch pearls.

She has raised eyebrows --------------------------------->

Smoke on the Tyne: Blaze at BT exchange causes major outages across North East England

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Flame

Well.

"We are currently experiencing a fire in one of our exchanges in Newcastle Upon Tyne."

Did anybody else read that in Moss's voice as they sat at a computer and complain "No, that's too formal"?

No?

Just me then.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EBfxjSFAxQ

Fitness freaks flummoxed as massive global Garmin outage leaves them high and dry for hours

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Pint

Well.

Could be worse.

I wasn't able to get to the gym at all today.

That's four years in a row!

India drops the bar on e-commerce seller's listings: You want to sell it? Tell us where it came from from then

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Re: We need those rules too.

Slightly OT but it's sad that on El Reg a post of four sentences requires a TL;DR

If you can read this, your Windows 10 2004 PC really is connected to the internet no matter what the OS claims

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Megaphone

Re: Cortana can't be activated

I use ShutUp10 to tell Cortana not to start.

Can't always rely on MS to do it for me.

/s

When you bork... through a storm: Liverpool do all they can to take advantage of summer transfer, er, Windows

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Re: On-screen bork! Luxury

Yeah, but try telling kids today.

Have one on the house ---->

Maze ransomware gang threatens to publish sensitive stolen data after US aerospace biz sensibly refuses to pay

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Black Helicopters

Hmmmm...

I new to this criminal mastermind stuff but wouldn't it hurt your 'brand' if you didn't actually carry out your threat(s) rather than extend it.

Sort of like: "We've done <this thing> to your data. If you don't pay <these $> by <this time> we'll do <this thing> to/with your data."

When negotiations 'break down' then you carry out said <this thing> or how would anybody take your brand seriously?

Would be laughable if it wasn't so serious and detrimental, but I agree with the commentards about one day upsetting the wrong folks.

Couple wrongly arrested over Gatwick Airport drone debacle score £200k payout from cops

Aussie Doc Bronze badge
Pint

Yeah, sure.

I seem to recall (perhaps badly) but wasn't the military involved at some stage with their 'secret technology' and they couldn't find a drone either.

Some sort of shoulder mounted doo-dad pointed at the clouds.

Or it might have been some special police unit - too relaxed to look for citation.

It was all very strange, as many commentards have mentioned - so many cameras of varying quality around yet nobody caught anything.

Strange.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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