Posts by mark4155

Sun sets on superjumbo: Last Airbus A380 rolls off the production line

Re: Back in the good old days...

Well said old bean!

Wooster Towers

London

EC1

Whitehall 2178 (Please don't share).

ExoMars parachutes just about good enough to land rover safely on the Red Planet

Re: Nothing there....

Stop being beastly to someone who is entitled to his opinion just as much as you.

TBH the guy is right there's nothing there just a bottomless pit on Mars waiting to be filled with flawed experiments and thousand dollar bills.

Maybe you best slither on Small Snake, I hear your mummy shouting you in for a venom to-up. You appear to have run out having wasted it on attacking Zanzibar Rastapopulous.

NASA's new black hole spotter makes it into orbit

The "Orange" principle.

Former UK mobile operator Orange in the 90's would boast that if your handset went faulty they would send out a replacement in 7-10 days. They were in fact geared up to replace in 48 hours. Customer very very happy.

In reverse NASA telescopeything will last for 2 years, knowing this also to be a porky pie.

However, looks all good and money well spent, can't wait to see the holiday snaps.

Assange extradition case goes to UK Home Secretary as High Court rules he can be sent to US for trial

Re: Missing the point

Really? The US legal system has legal aid for anyone who is charged with a high level of criminality. Sorry but you are wrong.

Re: Two sides

Rubbish and you know it.

2033 is doomsday for 2G and 3G in the UK

Furthermore.....

"Furthermore it [getting rid of 2g 3g] frees up valuable spectrum to be refarmed for future services"

"Refarmed"? Surely a spelling mistake try "Resold to the highest bidder"

The dark equation of harm versus good means blockchain’s had its day

Re: The power consumption thing

Great link on O/H power distribution. You learn something new every day! An extra upvote if I could.

Re: Lack of comprehension and imagination ...

Surely old people die for new ideas to be born.

Spar shops across northern England shut after cyber attack hits payment processing abilities

Re: So near, so Spar

I always thought it was "So near, so dear" anyways it's near so f**ed now.

China's Yutu rover spots 'mysterious hut' on far side of the Moon

Bloody John Lewis!

Well John Lewis "Never Knowingly Undersold" ran a Christmas ad a few years back see it again at

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emoUWMmGzXo

It was one of their better ones and cost them millions, their claim not mine.

You would think that a reputable posh store like them would have rehomed the old guy with the remarkably small telescope in relation to the required focal length required for his spying on 22 Acacia Drive, Borehamwood (Regomized).

Such a lavish budget and they couldn't be arsed to take the hut with them. Oh it makes my blood boil!

Merry Christmas fellow El Reg Readers.

Mark.

Co-Operative Bank today 'terminated' Capita's outsourcing contract years before it was due to expire

Bullshit Korner.

The CO-OP (former slogan "Good With Money" - till their CEO was caught short) and CRAPITA the chief bullshitters of all time.

They get together, pat each other on the back (with a sharp bladed instrument), I can smell the shit from where I live, Manchester CO-OP HQ is a mere mile downwind today.

Shameful behaviour of the CO-OP. Stick to what you do best and operate corner shops.

Though even then you would probably get Crapita to design your POS system.

ESA's Mars Express picks up plaintive bleeps of China's Zhurong rover, adding much-needed comms redundancy

Faster than Sky also......form an orderly queue ladies and gents! Hey grandad at the back I said orderly!

Microsoft makes tweaks to Windows 11 Start Menu for Insiders but stops short of mimicking Windows 10

Re: Is that a feature or is it a bug?

Of course you can post links! The EL Reg family are open decent people with more than enough warmth in their hearts for all their readers!

Russia: It isn't just us – a bit of an old US rocket might get as close as 5.4km to the ISS

True or false?

The TASS mouthpiece said "I categorically deny these allegations as totally untrue."

Can a clever El Reg reader help to interpret this statement. Is it true or untrue? Yours, Confused from Tunbridge Wells.

You, me and debris: NASA cans ISS spacewalk because it's getting too risky outside

Re: Priorities

I see you are getting the usual thumbs down from space lovers who appear to care nothing about our Earth and it's future. Such a shame. For the record, the sooner there is a big collision in LEO that polishes off all the dinky toys the better.

When civilisation ends, a Xenix box will be running a long-forgotten job somewhere

Arise King George.

Well done. Such hidden skills are lacking in today's corporate environs. You are today's star baker (includes handshake from PH).....oh bugger wrong program! Seriously though well done.

Theranos' Holmes admits she slapped Big Pharma logos on lab reports to boost her biz

Is it a problem!?!?

I guess you ain't got a job or interview with a CV full of bullshit logo's. Drop them all (Except perhaps El Reg) and you will soon be gainfully employed,

Server errors plague app used by Tesla drivers to unlock their MuskMobiles

Re: Looks like we may have accidentally increased verbosity of network traffic

An extra point for comedy at it's best.

Re: Tesla

Too close for comfort! :-)

Ofcom slams slammers: Telcos fined for switching punters' phone lines without their knowledge or consent

Re: A&A

A tick if you can afford their service. Fancy website, but all fur coat and no knickers. Shame really.

Shameful!

Disgusting behaviour - especially towards vulnerable member of our society. Hope the owners rot in hell. Ofcom should, if they haven't already, remove their license to operate. £35K to go to the treasury, should be also £350 quid to each affected subscriber.

The thieving, lying, scam merchant bastards!

Now that's a splash down: Astronauts spend 8-hour trip to Earth in diapers after SpaceX capsule toilet breaks

Is that you Sheldon?

Sheldon Cooper stop making fun of that tiny Howard boy this second. There were no Russians using the toilet with their heavy potato based diets.

I'm including both of you in our nightly prayer meeting.

God bless y'all, your mother in Texas.

Reg reader returns Samsung TV after finding giant ads splattered everywhere

Re: Good read. good advice

And another bonus your lad has flown the nest...what could be better.

Re: Reason to

Naughty boy! :-)

Re: "you're also paying to be part of Samsung's global TV advertising network"

Yes! Exactly what I do with my Samsung telly. Use it as a "monitor" and with 3 Hdmi inputs I can plug in Win PC, Youview Box and Llinux PC. Throw a bag full of Adblock gear in the PC mix, and hey presto a perfect recipe for AD free, nag free viewing.

BT shelves efforts to find investor to share FTTP build, says Openreach can run project alone

Re: En el campo..

Yes you are a lucky Señor and as you walk around the the orange tree lined roads, with your obligatory sombrero aloft the old noggin, check out the street cabinets. Resplendent with a lovely "Funded By The EU sticker".

This my amigo, is why you have such a fantastic FTTP, despite many casas being served from poles that look like twisted decaying dead trees, overloaded by heavy aerial copper distribution cables and are unclimbable.

In the UK as an ex OR pole monkey the whole lot would have a "D" label on them (Dangerous Defective Decaying) - simply do not climb.

I say this purely out envy for you, and Spain I'm not a green eyed monster. (Fingers crossed behind my back). :-) Hasta Mañana.

Of course we've tried turning it off and on again: Yeah, Hubble telescope still not working

Come on you great boffins!

Hubble has been part of our life and given us such an insight to other worlds that we could only imagine.

I hope our faithful white coated boffins will be able to make and mend her.

Though everything in life is finite, this includes our good friend Hubble.

Icon=Boffin putting lab coat on to perform magic tricks from afar.

Pack your bags – we may have found the first planet outside of our galaxy

Applications now open, no deposit required.

Titanic Skyjollies are building the first rocket to see this planet at first hand. The launch date is early 2022 and the travel time is approx 69 years, 11 months and 28 days. The flight is currently only available on a one-way basis. Applications are now open, the following have already applied:

1. Mark (Meta, no relationship to Facebook) Zuckerberg.

2. Richard (Beardy) Branson.

3. Jeff (Baldy) Bezos.

4. Insert your name, or nominate someone you love, here.

Cleanup on aisle C: Tesco app back online after attack led to shopping app outages

+++NEWSFLASH++++NEWSFLASH+++NEWSFLASH++++

From our Tunbridge Wells News Desk.

Reporter. Mr. V Meldrew.

No Embargo:

Reports from the BBC news website have confirmed the serious gravity of the great "Tescogate" scandal.

News has reached us that "Rebecca" (surname withheld), housewife, 32 from Yorkshire had ordered on the Tesco grocery site her full weekly shop just minutes before the website crash.

Rebecca said "I am distraught, there will be no food in the house, hubby will come back from the pits (mine) wanting his tea on't table and there'll be nowt to give the lad. There'll be bleeding hell to pay.

As for the bairns well I hope I can give them some liquid nourishment. You know what I mean, but were' a respectable family and don't talk about bodily functions in this neck of the woods."

Thankfully there was one saving grace from this sorry saga, Rebecca got a delivery from Tesco of 120 cans of Pepsi Maxi, it is not sure whether she had ordered the fizzy drinks. Facebook "Sharon37" suggested she go on t'internet and order from Mr. Issa who owns a local corner shop called "ASDA" in Leeds. So all in all a greet ending.

[PS There is actually some truth in this article, Toodle Pip!]

And how much ransom did they pay?... Answers on a postcard to the usual address. Toodle Pip!

Canon makes 'all-in-one' printers that refuse to scan when out of ink, lawsuit claims

HP or not HP that is the question.

Recently, about a year ago, bought a colour HP laser printer/scanner.

£390 in Curry's, with £100 cash back. Silly me for falling for the old cash back scam.

Nothing in the box or receipt to tell you how to claim. I the end I managed to speak to the unhelpful help desk at HP. They said I had run out of time and would not give me the £100.

The black toner ran out, the machine refuses to accept any other cheaper toner cartridge and HP want £80 for a single black replacement with a capacity of 2100 black copies that's 4p each before the paper.

Time HP was taken to the cleaners, they are as bad as the rest.

Scoot on over for a wheely tricky mystery with an electrifying solution

Had a Ford Fiesta, in bright yellow back in 1978. Same thing, drove it, jumped out and got zapped. Fitted this ant-static flexible rubber/metal thing on the back bumper that trailed on the road surface. That didn't work!

Roll forward to 2021. Got a Ford Puma, in Expensive Blue. Drove it, hobbled out of it and got zapped. Sent it back to the dealer for an exchange. That worked!

Brit MPs blast Baroness Dido Harding's performance as head of NHS Test and Trace

Re: How much????

The chances of a cost breakdown? Me winning the Euromillions in tonight's jackpot. Also, more chance of being struck by lightning. Toodle Pip!

Computer shuts down when foreman leaves the room: Ghost in the machine? Or an all-too-human bit of silliness?

Re: And their plugs are crap

Indeed, as a victim to the upturned plug injury the UK plug has a lot to answer for.

But which is the safest in electrical terms? A debate on this issue is called for!

Toodle Pip!

Renrut Kram. (Courtesy of Regomiser) - Never knowingly undersold [TM]

'Extraordinary' pigs step in to protect Schiphol airport from marauding geese

Pigs in blanket - Christmas shortage.

So that's why our little pigs in blankets will be scarce this Christmas. Come on Schiphol Airport think outside the pen! AKA Box.

Oh! A surprise tour of the data centre! You shouldn't have. No, you really shouldn't have

Regomiser requires an update!

Firstly congratulations "Guy" on your 20 years of wedded bliss. Well done!

Now "Guy" I think that our beloved Regomiser is in need of updating. The article starts with:

"Today's story comes from "Guy" (not his name)"

You see the obvious security holes in this? We know this is a man. So we can quickly rule out 49.6% of the population. More pedantically, out of 1,000 people, 504 are men (50.4%) and 496 are women (49.6%). [Source some BS off Google]. You see where this is going, the thin end of the wedge if you ask me!

Getting to the point, whilst Regomiser has in the past been jolly helpful in disguising my identity, see my newly Regomised name below, I think we should get up with the kids and become PC (Not the ones with floppies and stuff) and program Regomiser to be gender neutral.

Think "Les" "Chris" "Jo" - this list is endless.

Do your best El Reg. Regomiser issued me with my new identity for which I am eternally grateful.

Toodle Pip!

Kram Renrut.

UK VoIP telco receives 'colossal ransom demand', reveals REvil cybercrooks suspected of 'organised' DDoS attacks on UK VoIP companies

Abandon Copper At Your Own Risk....

Be warned BT/Openreach et al.

"All that glitters is not gold" (Credit Mr. Wm. Shakespeare)

Glitter includes in this context fibre and VOIP - act in haste, repent at leisure.

Toodle Pip.

Tired: What3Words. Wired: A clone location-tracking service based on FOUR words – and they are all extremely rude

999... What is your location?

About 6 months ago there was a slight to do at the rear of my property. Nothing major in Manchester, knives flashing and young guy stabbed. Thankfully not fatal.

As a dutiful citizen I called 999 on my mobile. Was put in a queue by GM Police (as is their shitty service levels), 2 minutes later I explained we needed Police and Ambulance.

Control lady asked for postcode (I know the postcode) - she couldn't find it.

I went on to give the road and number of the house of the incident.... nope still no luck. Eventually said to Police one sec, "What 3 Words location is" and told her. "Fuck Andy Burnham" - or a similar phrase.

Her reply was "What is What 3 Words?" - I gave in and rang the non-emergency number, more efficient, better location tracing and music on hold.

Police, fire ambulance quickly despatched and young guy looked after.

No wonder GMP are under "Special Measures" AKA Naughty Corner.

Andy Burnham fuck off back down to London.

Rant over....

NASA blames the wrong kind of Martian rock for Perseverance sample failure

Still a complete waste of money.

What a waste of money!

90 overpaid people to drill a bloody hole with nothing to show for it. Even our own council can't beat that record!

Used parachutes and other mechanical debris littering the planet. Again this is just pure folly.

I await the usual cascade of downvotes and clever (but misguided) comments.

Fix the Earth first!

Citizen Smith.

Elevating bork to a new level (if the touchscreen worked)

Push the button!

Reminds me of a recent Prime Minister Question time (PMQ's). I think Boris was laid up in number 10 doing his self-isolation bit for the country.

Through the wizardry of science he magically appeared on screen in the House of Commons, after a few seconds of attempting to bluff his way out of giving a straight answer he managed to "Mute" himself.

The rather tenacious Sir Lindsay Hoyle, occupying the speakers seat appeared to be bemused by the gaff and barked a command to BoJo "Push the button - Push the button".

As you can see from the handy El Reg Icon Boris was playing with a full deck of cards that day and averted what could otherwise be a rather messy unplanned outage.

Without a trace: Baroness Dido Harding to step down as chair of NHS Improvement

Good Riddance To Bad Rubbish...

You can pretend to do a good job, eventually the mask slips and your on your way out with the cardboard box and pot plant.

This is a classic case of overpayment and underperformance with a healthy dose of nepotism.

There is a god in heaven after all! Dido Harding should go back to the lords and repent for her sins against the people of this country.

I'm off down the pub for a celebratory pint, anyone care to join me.

!Ding-dong! The Witch is dead

Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!

Ding-dong! The Wicked Witch is dead

Wake up you sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed

Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead

She's gone where the goblins go

Below, below, below

Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out

Ding-dong's the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low

Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!