Posts by Mark Duncan

Microsoft names September for IE9 beta

Incoming fail?

Is it be, can it be standards compliance tiem plz?

'Alien' lifeform wakened from 120,000 year Arctic slumber

Hmm

PROBABILITY THAT ONE OR MORE TEAM MEMBERS MAY BE INFECTED BY INTRUDER ORGANISM:

- 75%

'Supermodel' glow-in-the-dark pocket monkeys created

Hmm

Where will this end, next thing you know they will be crossing toads and hippopota-ALL GLORY TO THE HIPPOTOAD!

This has been previously covered

http://www.cracked.com/article_15801_p2.html

"The researchers justify continuation of these experiments with a lot of fancy talk about tracking the genetic markers and learning how to create stable, transgenic monkeys for future experiments. But, in the end we all know that, like us, they really only wanted to throw decadent and hilarious monkey raves. "

SEC sticks up Grand Theft Auto maker for $3m

WWNBD

All they need to do is pay the regulators, wait for them to leave, whack them with a baseball bat and retrieve their money.

Firefox 3.1 morphs into Firefox 3.5

Hmm

"pledged developers wouldn't be hit by “surprises along the way”."

That's the problem with expecting the unexpected, it often doesn't go according to plan due to unforeseen circumstances.

Boffins ponder Geordies' lack of winter clothing

Speaking as a non-coat wearing Weegie

My theory is it's down to mental fortitude. Living in Glasgow where it is almost permanently cold and wet you have one of two options. Either

A) Step out the door with a mind-boggling array of coats, fleeces, scarves, snoods, boots, thermals, brollies, gloves, windbreakers etc in a pathetic and doomed attempt to stay warm and dry

or

B) Man up, accept your fate and live with it.

P.S. I have one thing to say to the guy who outrageously suggested that there are, in existence, 'bonny lassies' in Aberdeen - Pictures or it never happened.

Royal Navy completes Windows for Submarines™ rollout

This pleases John Connor

It's killbots may be fearsome but Skynet can be beaten.

Microsoft preps IE 8 for the web-challenged

Oooh..

the irony. You could down elephants with it.

Malware authors play Mario on Daily Mail website

Russians

They might infect your computer but at least they didn't support the Nazis in the 30's.

Snipers - Cowardly assassins, or surgical soldiers?

Quote

Reminded me of a quote from a Faux News (i think) interview with a sniper.

Interviewer : What do you feel when you shoot someone.

Sniper : Recoil

ftw

Study clears cannabis of schizophrenia rap

Mmmkay

Drugs are bad. And if you do drugs you're bad. 'Cause drugs are bad. Mmmkay.

Aussie has answer to save Earth from asteroid attack

This was solved in the 60s

Clearly what is required is a small triangular spaceship which fires lasers out it's nose, is capable of 360 degree rotation and has a thruster. While bigger asteroids may require hits to break them up i'm confident that at 270m one shot should be enough to vapourise it

CERN declares Large Hadron Collider perfectly safe

Has to be said

I, for one, welco<*zzffib*>

Top security firm: Phorm is adware

Virginmedia T's & C's

J.3.b.

Can't remember the exact wording, but it the make a significant change to their T's & C's you are entitled to cancel without penalty. First indication of a phorum cookie and I'm outta there.

Phorm launches data pimping fight back

If it's not been done already

I, for one, welcome our spyware overlords.

FBI issues prosthetic pregnant belly bomb alert

no specific, credible intelligence

Yep, sounds like the FBI to me

Hint of next PS3 spied on web

I think everyone might be missing the most important point

I'm surprised no-one has mentioned that PS3 games come on blu-ray disc and therefore to remove it would make playing games on it impossible.

The Christmas Console Wars: round one to Xbox?

Only as good as it's games...

In the last generation of consoles I was an admitted PS2 fanboy. When the time came to join the next-gen a quick scan of review scores on gamespot and gamespy made my decision to purchase a 360 easy. For example head over to gamespy just now and take a look of games that have been tagged 'editors picks'. The 360 has 23 while the PS3 has 6. I personally think the PS3 is a superior machine but it could be a powerful as a bag full of Cray's but if there are only 6 great games I'm going to tire of it quickly. I expect and hope the PS3 mounts a comeback towards the tailend of this generations lifetime because supporting MS in any way is making me feel dirty.

Oh and the Wii is gimmicky nonsense. Sure people will say it's outselling Xbox & PS3 but its a last gen machine you'd be as well saying that a nokia are winning the next gen battle because you can play games on them and more moby phones have been sold than all the consoles combined

UK online gambling regs go live tomorrow

The 'cadillac of poker' is the least skilled game?

Hmm, I guess that can be your little secret.