* Posts by The Aussie Paradox

68 posts • joined 2 Sep 2007


BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

The Aussie Paradox

Re: "We've signed up to a multi-presence company”

lot of machine failures there in the near future, terminal ones.

Once they reach terminal velocity from the 4th floor window.

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Okay....

Seems totally reasonable to me.

Raven geniuses: Four-month-old corvids have similar cognitive abilities to great apes at same age, study finds

The Aussie Paradox

Re: We struggle [with non-human language]

Cats on the other hand understand us perfectly, but just don't give a damn. If they need something, the pre-installed razor blades at the end of the each mobility device function as a perfectly adequate "re-eduction" implement when we fail to understand the basics such as "I am hungry and I can see the bottom of the bowl" or "It is 4pm, time for your slashing".


War-Torn cat wrangler.

China unleashes fearsome new cyber-weapon: A very provocative meme

The Aussie Paradox
Black Helicopters

It gets better

The latest round of tit-for-tat involves China blocking ScoMo's WeChat (whatever that is) response because $reasons.


My coat is the one with the bottle of Aussie wine in the pocket.

Who knew that hosing a table with copious amounts of cubic metres would trip adult filters?

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

Re: Wang Care

No, nor were Master Bates or Roger the Cabin Boy part of the crew of the Black Pig either. These were student gags from the 70s and 80's, rehashed by Victor Lewis Smith in the Guardian, for which the Graun had to pay damages to the creator.

Yea. I read about that after posting mine. I think I suffer from the Mandella Effect. I still swear I heard the names when I watched it as a child... I also remember my mothers incredulous look, which she never explained why.

Paris, because she possibly did things people want to forget. ---->

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Wang Care

Siemens didn't ever have an office in Staines

Wasn't Seaman Staines a character in an old cartoon?

oh! Captain Pugwash!

AMD performance plummets when relying on battery power, says Intel. Let's take a closer look at those stats

The Aussie Paradox


I noticed that, if you do not apply power to the computer, it runs almost 100%* slower than it does with power.

As someone once said "Companies** use statistics like a drunk uses a lamppost. For support rather than illumination"

* With a margin of error of plus or minus 100% if the CPU is in a Terminator.

** Original quote MAY have said politicians, but my memory is old and feeble (386 CPU & no math co-processor).

US govt wins right to snaffle Edward Snowden's $5m+ book royalties, speech fees – and all future related earnings

The Aussie Paradox
Black Helicopters

One possible solution

is, he is just paid in sexual favours. There is no way the government will take that from him.... oh wait, they do that anyway.

Carry on. Nothing to see here.

Record-breaking Aussie boffins send 44.2 terabits a second screaming down 75km of fiber from single chip

The Aussie Paradox

Another government Project

Looks like we know what to do with our $60 billion surplus from the loan. We can phase out our ageing IPoAC** network.

Those poor pigeons must be exhausted after the recent increase of usage since the lockdown.

** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IP_over_Avian_Carriers

Australia's contact-tracing app regulation avoids 'woolly' principles in comparable cyber-laws, say lawyers

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Assuming that were not the case. And what happes to people who don't own phones?

Please point to the bit that says it is mandatory and you MUST go out and buy a smartphone/internet/computer?

Pretty sure it doesn't say that, but I may be wrong. I can wait.

Apple stock hits bottom ... as AirPod exits man's backside and still works after colonic travels

The Aussie Paradox

Accelerate the process

Would playing "The Brown Note" cause the process to accelerate?

On the first day of Christmas, Microsoft gave to me... an emergency out-of-band security patch for IE

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Surprisingly

Shhhhhhhhhh.... I told the wife I was watching pr0n, not using IE.

The Aussie Paradox


I used IE the other day for the first time in a long time.

I was very surprised...

that nothing had changed and how unclean I felt afterwards.

When's a backdoor not a backdoor? When the Oz government says it isn't

The Aussie Paradox

Simple solution

I think we are all over thinking it here.... The simple solution is to brand everyone "guilty" of <Insert generic crime here> and if you can prove you are innocent of all charges, you can go free.

What could go wrong?

What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

The Aussie Paradox
Black Helicopters

Re: No Cussing Allowed?

Not to mention, this will block 90% of the Australian dictionary...

Well now, how am I going to describe in great detail the latest cricket team fiasco?

Australia joins the 'decrypt it or we'll legislate' club

The Aussie Paradox

'Stralia Mate!

Well. No one has ever called us "The smart country".

Oh wait....

Time to have a beer and put another shrimp on the barbie

To hack Australia and learn its secrets, buy second-hand furniture

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Australia: Land of clowns

If they were a front for the Illuminati/Lizardmen/Aliens/Atlanteans would they be THIS terrible at, well.... everything?

The Aussie Paradox

Australia: Land of clowns

And this is why I believe there is no such gubberment coverup of UFO's/9-11/Fake Moon Landings/Donald Trump.

If they cannot prevent a simple filing cabinet from getting into the wrong hands, how the heck can they hide the above events?

If Australian animals don't poison you or eat you, they'll BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE

The Aussie Paradox

Re: But how do they spread fires?

No. They don't steal them, they buy them from the 7-11 like everyone else....

Not sure how they get the ciggie packet under their sleeves.

AFACT wants ushers to confront pirates

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Effective solution

I had better turn myself in. I went to a movie and illegally recorded it using neurons organised within my biological storage device.

I am still working on perfecting the system... Audio and visual recordings are easy (While I am awake), however, the system is a bit selective in what it records (especially as old age creeps in) and playback is a bit difficult.

While I am being sarcastic, if they do invent a device that allows us to view memories, will it become a crimal offence to view memories of a movie that someone saw?

Curiosity finds organics on Mars, but possibly not of Mars

The Aussie Paradox

Re: NASA bulls and lies as usual..talking molecules while alien spaceships all around Curiosity...

You forgot your </sarcasm> tags. People are getting confused and cannot see you are, or should be, joking!

USS Enterprise sets out on its final mission

The Aussie Paradox

What if...

But what if there is an alien invasion and the people fighting them have their ship destroyed and need to use an old mothballed ship in an emergency?

Sorry, just watched "Battleship" and still wondering why there was so much ordinance left on a museum ...

Consumer group urges Aussies to spoof IP addresses

The Aussie Paradox

Welcome to Oz... please leave your wallet at the door.

“Some copyright experts claim those who promote devices or programs that encourage people to infringe copyright are breaking the law.”

How is this infringing on copyright? You are LEGALLY purchasing an item from a LEGITIMATE seller and yet they are claiming it is illegal.

Keeping in balance, $AU25 difference is not a huge mark up, but when you are talking about software that the price changes DRASTICALLY as soon as they find out your IP address (and there is no production costs to deliver the software electronically to you) there is no valid or moral reason to do so (excluding the mandatory GST that Australia imposes)

This investigation is a long time coming. We Aussies have been gouged for far too long on everything from software to electronics to oil. Even locally produced items are over priced.

Might want to cover up a bit better, your protectionist undergarments are showing.

...mine is the one with the Non-Australian IP Address attached.

'No cutting off people's internet based on secret evidence'

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Yeah, right

Not sure if trolling or just stupid?

I am guessing the tune will be different once your dynamically assigned IP was used by someone who downloaded something and you have no idea why they are accusing you of a crime you did NOT do.

Anyway, the story is not about whether pirating is right or wrong, it's about them PROVING you did it and allowing YOU the opportunity to prove you are innocent.

Remember the good old days of "Innocence until proven guilty"?

Yea, me neither.

Ten digital radios to suit all budgets

The Aussie Paradox

DAB in Australia

Are there any readers here who have had experience with DAB in Oz? It appears that it is not all that popular over here in the colonies.

I have never really ventured into it after seeing an electronics company selling a DAB return radio in the returns bin with the reason written on the ticket "Customer returned due to no DAB services in area"

Granted I live outside of a capital city...

New nuclear fuel source would power human race until 5000AD

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Not to worry

You sir deserve an upvote. Not sure why someone down voted this... possibly a passive-aggressive way of remind you that you forgot to use a sarcasm font or <sarcasm> an Apple staffer realised that you may have stolen their patent. </sarcasm>

IT helps Australian bank achieve carbon-neutrality

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

Re: Pass the buck... er carbon

Is it just me, or does this really translate as, "We look greener now that we've palmed our carbon footprint problem off to IBM."

It will mean that the datacentres are sent offshore. Thus the Carbon generation is not happening on Australian soil and will not appear in the Carbon ledger.

If we Carbon Tax all companies out of the country then we will have fresh air (because the carbon from other countries will not blow across our beloved land) and no jobs. Bye, bye mining companies (Already starting to happen in my area).

Paris Hilton because she is Carbon neutral. (But Silicon positive?)

Earth bathed in high-energy radiation from colossal mystery blast

The Aussie Paradox

Re: It is part of the time machine paradox

Sir, Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Bot imitates bat for better flight

The Aussie Paradox


I, for one, welcome our new mechanical Chiroptera overlords.

The Aussie Paradox

Re: Missing Footnote?

Hendra virus is the current nasty that bats bring. No rabies in Australia!

Spreads from bats to horses to humans often with fatal results to the horses and humans.


Wi-Fi: You old new smoothie?

The Aussie Paradox

@Kevin McMurtrie


I am interested in what you are selling and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

I for one welcome our Wi-Fi dwelling overlords.

Bumper Patch Tuesday plugs multiple Office flaws

The Aussie Paradox
Black Helicopters


It's interesting how MS are foisting a Critical MS Office 2007 patch on my computers... considering I don't have any Office product installed. Unless they are patching my OpenOffice application as a "community service"?

Mine is the one with the Boy Scout for Community services rendered to free applicaitons badge pinned to it.

Secret of invisibility unravelled by US researchers

The Aussie Paradox


That picture is a fake! I can see where the troops have been photoshopped out!

/Mines the invisible one.

MS readies Vista code injection risk fix

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

"an update for its Malicious Software Removal Tool."

Wouldn't that remove Vista?

Why am I reading this on a Sunday?

Paris, cause she would have Sunday off too.

Judge grants Viacom 12TB of YouTube user records

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

US Judge

This does not affect me! After all, I am in Oz and a US judge does not have juristiction over here. Right? Right?


Are they going to "monitor" these IP's to make sure they are not downloading or uploading all those wonderful US movies that they prize so dearly that they must charge millions of dollars for???

Stop the planet, I want to get off.

Paris, cause she would never disclose the IP of the person watching her.

Mars suitable for growing asparagus

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

@Ethan Cinquetti

I, for one, welcome our plant overlords...

Oh wait, they get voted into Government now?

Dictatorships are so not what they used to be.

Paris, cause I would vote for her to be a dictator!

The Aussie Paradox

Oh no, it has started!

New just in. Killer Asparagus has arrived on Earth. See the following news article:


I would like to re-enforce my allegiance to our Asparagus Overlords and williing to offer human sacrifice to appease them.

Silverlight 2 beta 2 - Go Live if you dare

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton


Don't forget the 1 Terabyte install for .NET (I know, I have been told a million times, don't Exaggerate. At least it's not by much this time).

Paris, cause she isn't a bloated install.

Teen battles City of London cops over anti-Scientology placard

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton


I would like to warn anyone who calls the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster a cult they will be dealt with in the same manner.

Sheesh, I hope Xenu is real, and he get's my letter asking for a lift to a better planet.

Paris, cause she would never join a cult.

FBI withdraws secret Internet Archive probe

The Aussie Paradox
Thumb Down


I was about to say "Thank God I live in Australia", but I just remembered a case recently here where the Tax Office deemed a scheme from 10 years ago illegal and backdated the law, so that anyone who participated are now criminals. This caught a high profile news reader and partner.

So, to those people who say "If you are not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to fear", think again. Todays search for Thermite (see http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/05/05/edr_hard_disk_crusher/comments/) may tomorrow be considered terrorism.

Mine is the one with the tin foil hat and the untraceable search engine in the back pocket.

How to destroy 60 hard drives an hour

The Aussie Paradox

Another option

Hmmmm, I think we should be putting the responsibilty back onto the computer manufacturers. They should be making drives that are much easier to destroy.

I'll get my coat, it's the one with the Thermite in the left pocket and hard drive platter wind chimes on the back.

Astroboffins moot massive Moon-mirror heliograph

The Aussie Paradox

@Oh no!

On the upside, golverd, they will discover we have:

- Paris Hilton

- Big Brother

- Those little things on the end of shoe laces.

Oh crap, we are doomed.

Ubuntu man says Microsoft's about to 'swallow a hand-grenade'

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

@ Shuttleworth? Who is that?

I do believe you made a mistake with this list:

"The Dalai Lama, Richard Dawkins, Kishore Mahbubani, Muhammad Yunus, Hans Snook, Masayoshi Son, Helen Alexander, Anatol Ugorski, Eugene Drucker, Hilary Hahn"

You seem to be missing Paris Hilton?

PETA offers $1m for test tube chicken

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton


I must ask the obvious. If we were not meant to eat meat, why were all those animals made so delicious?

And where is the Paris Hilton angle? oh the meat bit...nevermind...

Vista SP1 downloaders bite back

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

Lessons learned from these postings

Lessons learned from these postings, let me see:

1) I installed Vista and SP1 successfully, ergo everyone else should have no problems, they must be idiots.

2) I love Vista and MS, so you should too.

3) I love Macs, please join me in bed.

4) I love Linux, everyone jump in bed (Open Source, all join in!)

5) I had problems with Vista and SP1, MS must be to blame.

6) MS are evil because they make money.

7) I must upgrade because a new OS has been released.

Having noted that, I have never looked at a Vista machine, too many scary stories out there. Whether I am correct or not, I have not had the need to upgrade to Vista, Windows XP does everything I want to do. I do not want to upgrade "just because a new OS has been released". I am currently running Windows XP on my desktop and Ubuntu 7.10 (Trying to expand my knowledge) and yes, Ubuntu has it's problems.

Can someone please tell me, What is the purpose of moving from XP to Vista? From what I can glean from the postings:

- Flashy interface

- DRM (You are playing a DVD you purchased, therefore you are a pirate)

- Excuse to purchase new hardware and throwaway your old, working XP system? (Hi honey, I'm home. I had to purchase this $6000 computer because it supports Vista)

If these are the only reasons, why would you want to change from XP to Vista? Any new OS has to offer far more than a pretty interface to justify it's existence. That can be seen from the list that was issued above. All the Windows that had some new feature, like 32 bit, better security, etc, did a lot better. MS bashing is fun, but as John Munyard said, above, instead of getting bigger, flashier they need to design a smarter system. MS have the resources to build a new OS from the ground up, build in backward software support and still have an OS which can do the job.

Well that rambling should give "amanfrommars" a run for his money!

I choose Paris cause she has a flashy interface and is a good excuse to upgrade.

Morocco jails Facebook faker

The Aussie Paradox

The Interwebs

omg! Do people lie when they put things on the Internet?

I am shocked and dismayed. Let me guess, there is porn there too.

Where is my coat, it's the one with the white cane and guide dog in the pocket.

Welcome to the El Reg bumper demographic survey

The Aussie Paradox
Paris Hilton

What about

What about Australianisms?

Why can't we use more Aussie speak too?

For example:

G'Day mate.

Put a another croc in your budgie smugglers (Never could get that one right)


That way we can all live together in harmony (assuming Harmony wants us to live in her?)

hehe, How long till Friday?

I have chosen Paris Hilton because she is a beloved representative of the American people.

Dinosaurs derail desalination drive Down under

The Aussie Paradox

Talking of numbers...

Can someone please explain, I do not understand those numbers they quote. Can someone please translate it into Swimming Pool units, Sydney Harbour's and/or Newtons?

Also, where is the Paris Hilton angle?

/Got my raincoat and heading for the door only to remember that we don't ever have rain.

NASA's Messenger mission reaches halfway point

The Aussie Paradox

@Stuart Van Onselen

Ahhh, so mixing business with pleasure!!!!

By liquidate, do you mean you are going to send me to Mercury as an Ambassador?

I think I left my asbestos coat at home.

The Aussie Paradox

I have to ask

I have to ask, is this one being broadcast from a hanger in Area 51 again?

Now, where is my tinfoil hat?



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