* Posts by Simon Elavy

7 posts • joined 2 Sep 2007

eBay: 'We will lower listing fees'

Simon Elavy
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Feedback sucks.

After being scammed by a buyer I left negative feedback. Hoping to alert other people that this buyer is a scammer. However, the buyer left me negative feedback in response to mine - suggesting police were now involved. Consequently my little business crashed. Not only did I lose the product I was selling, I lost all costs involved and my business.

It seems that even if you are scammed you should remain tight lipped about it. On no account act the good samaritan and alert others. The whole feedback system sucks.

Pentagon: Our new robot army will be controlled by malware

Simon Elavy
Stop

My new novel

If you were to put this in a novel you would be laughed at for thinking something so ridiculous.

The lunatics really are in charge of the asylum.

Bike bonk bloke lands on sex offenders' register

Simon Elavy

What about the victim?

I do hope the bike has been offered some counseling.

Police tackle crime hotspots with scary warning poster

Simon Elavy

It's just plain criminal!!

Criminal1: Damn, our favourite layby has one of those police trailers in. What are we gonna do now?

Criminal2: Well lets go to a layby that hasn't got a police trailer in.

Criminal1: Nah, bollocks. It's either this layby or nothing. That'll teach them police a lesson!

Czech Olympic Committee annihilates English language

Simon Elavy

peep at peas

My great great grandfather was the supreme 'peep at peas' champion in 1932. The previous year he was the 'glancing at gherkins' champion. Quite why these events were dropped I will never know!

Welsh council workers turfed out over eBay addiction

Simon Elavy

Next we will hear..

Yes, next we will hear that people will be sacked for playing online poker while at work!

I waited a customs checkpoint in Romania for 20 minutes while the customs officer completed a game of Freecell on her computer. I kid you not!

Racist Reg hacks slammed for 'vitriolic hatred'

Simon Elavy

Oh to slap an englishman.

And some welsh people show no racism towards the english?

I lived in wales for a number of years working on building sites. If I didn't want to be the butt of racist jokes (in english and welsh language) then I just made out I was born in wales to welsh parents who left wales when I was a baby. I was then accepted as one of them, no more offensive jokes or violence.

I remember seeing an ad for the six nations rugby that featured an englishman as the butt of a racist joke on S4C. Had the ad been turned around to feature a welshman as the butt of the joke and shown in england there would have been understandable outrage at the ad and heads would have rolled.

Although I was offended by the ad it was actually quite funny!

And the Ad?

Can't remember it exactly now, but there are 4 people on a train: 2 ladies, one welshman and one englishman.

The train goes through a tunnel and the welshman slaps the englishman. As the train leaves the tunnel, the englishman is rubbing his face wondering if he had done anything to offend the girls.

The commentary exposes the welshman's thoughts and he is surmising what each of the other characters is thinking. Then finally turning to his own thoughts he 'says':

...and as for me, I can't wait till the next tunnel.

(so violence towards englishmen is both acceptable and funny!)

And finally...

Where's the best place to shag a sheep?

On the edge of a cliff as they push back harder.

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