* Posts by KittenHuffer

1232 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Dec 2018

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Techie installed 'user attitude readjustment tool' after getting hammered in a Police station

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Re: Could have been worse

or .... The Happy User Device!

BOFH: An 'AI PC' for an Acutely Ignorant user

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Re: Virtual coloured penclis?

Strangely, the quick answer to permanent marker ...... is more permanent marker! Just go over the top of the offending marker with another marker, then wipe off quickly before it dries. That tends to get most of it off.

But if you really want it gone then just get your hands on some isopropanol alcohol. It'll be gone faster than a buttered scone!

China miffed over electric vehicle tariff tiff with EU

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Trollface

----------> I think you forgot to add the correct icon!

Tesla's Autopilot false advertising tussle with California DMV must go to trial

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Re: If false advertising was enough to stop products being sold...

You say that like this is a bad thing!

Seething CEO shoulder surfed techie after mistaken takedown of production server

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Joke

Re: Calling all servers "server"

That sucks!

At least you can get a good lick in!

And everyone is happy!

Did you have to take an oral test to get the job?

High-flying drones on a leash could blow traditional wind turbines away

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Re: Things are getting a little Swiftian here.

With some (Arecibo) the Bond films even predicted their demise!

Study finds 268% higher failure rates for Agile software projects

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Re: Agile sounds like amateur hour on sterioids!

Could you please clarify which is which?!?

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Joke

Re: Agile sounds like amateur hour on sterioids!

I thought it was the other way around!

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Coat

While I agree with all of you, I'm going to put up another long winded post that refines the niggles that blame the customer/management/developers for being the sole/joint/collective cause for the overrun/overbudget/failure/global-warming of the project/NHS/welfare-state/colour-of-the-teletubbies!

TLDR! Just assume I told a good joke parodying all of the previous posts!

----------> Mine's the one that gets a new set of patches every 4-8 weeks!

Edit: Patched to fix speeling mistooks!

Windows 11 and Linux gain ground among Steam gamers

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Numbers!!!!

"Windows 11 usage rose by just over one percent to account for 47.78 percent of Windows systems surveyed. Windows 10 usage fell to 52.23 percent"

47.78% + 52.23% = 100.01%

Hopefully this was just a rounding error! Or the Pentium FDIV bug creeping out of the woodwork!

Screwdrivers: is there anything they can't do badly? Maybe not

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Re: Not screwdrivers but...

I would go up to break and my teammates would all move behind me cos they knew what was coming.

I never actually 'officially' eliminated any of the opposition from a match ..... cos the opposition in mind had already played their matches!

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Re: the gods invented Torx screws.

The God Robertson .....

FTFY!

Still prefer Torx though!

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Re: Sufferin Succotash

Shouldn't that be the Reginomicon?

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Re: "Screw"drivers?

Torx! FTW!

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Happy

Re: Not screwdrivers but...

Reminds me of the time I did a pool break (UK 8 ball) in my local and managed to get the white off the table, through the door and half way across the road outside!

They started closing the door for my breaks after that!

-------------> What a decent 8-ball gets you!

Thanks for coming to help. No, we can't say why we called – it's classified

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Re: submarines operating near the surface were churning up algae...

Did you mean keel? Or keelhaul?

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Re: "Or struggled to serve a classified client?"

I'd have given the cable that you really wanted, and said you'd sign off if they installed that instead.

They get to save on having to buy the wrong cable, and you save on ripping and replacing.

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Re: They were probably Highly Prized

Priced Horrendously and. Hugely Practical also, because Reverse Polish Notation they used, stealing by mere mortals deterred it did!

FTFY!

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I normally have my Whiskey while dancing .... normally the Tango or the Foxtrot!

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Re: 1 in a million scenario

Imagining that is making me feel sick. But then you could do with a bit of colour round the place!

IT worker sued over ‘vengeful’ cyber harassment of policeman who issued a jaywalking ticket

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In next weeks episode of ....

.... When BOFHs attack!

MIT professor hoses down predictions AI will put a rocket under the economy

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Re: Doom and Gloom is a Trait and Treat of a Depressive

Depends if that opinion is that the "Emperor has no clothes!"

NASA, Boeing opt to fly leaky thruster as-is for first crewed Starliner CST-100 mission

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Re: Helium is really freaky stuff!

Courtesy of XKCD - Check out the bottom section about the liquid state of Helium!

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Coat

Helium leak .....

..... don't make me laugh!

Oh! That's Nitrous Oxide isn't it!

-------------> Mines the one with the gas leak lower down!

Parliamentarians urge next UK govt to consider ban on smartphones for under-16s

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Re: What about

Most of which is available on dumb (or feature) phones.

BOFH: Come on down to the dunge– erm … basement

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That's where I was getting it wrong! I always used chickens!

Wiley shuts 19 scholarly journals amid AI paper mill problems

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Kinda ironic ....

.... that in the last paragraph they say that they'll be making money this quarter because of "Q4 content rights deals for training AI models".

And just what would these AI models trained on papers submitted to their publications be used for?

I'm sure they'll be used for writing children's stories, or something like that!

Dublin debauchery derails Portal to NYC in six days flat

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Re: Wake up sheep.....le!

Ask Usain Bolt to chase them while wearing wellies! Then you'll see them doing 20mph!

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Coat

Wake up sheep.....le!

They can come and put one in LLanelli if they want to!

But you'd just see sheep, and cars going past at 20mph ......... not!

I can fix this PC, boss, but I’ll need to play games for hours to do it

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Re: Best job straight out of University?

I remember in the early days of web development the bleeding edge of web functionality was always the Pron sites. So web developers were givien permission to surf those sites at work to learn about the latest developments and flashiest new things.

NASA solar sail boom demonstrator reaches orbit

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Re: Highly Circular?

Ah! The three body problem!

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Coat

Re: Sadly

Five: Since intelligent life does not exist everywhere in our infinite Universe then the amount of intelligent life must be a finite value. And since any finite resource spread across an infinite environment is indestinguishable from not existing at all, then intelligent life does not exist in our infinite Universe! If you personally encounter intelligent life then this must be a figment of your imagination and you will just need to deal with it!

-------------> Mine is the statistical anomaly that does actually exist!

US charges 16 over 'depraved' grandparent scams

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Fewer! - Stannis Baratheon

Razer made to pay $1.2M over 'N95' face mask that wasn't

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Gimp

So they decided to settle just to save face?!?

----------> The facemask for the truly commited!

Help! My mouse climbed a wall and now it doesn't work right

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Coat

Re: It goes the wrong way!

So, you just happen to be experienced at jerking your mouse around left handed!

------------> I asked for one with a double entendre in the pocket, and the salesperson gave me one!

KittenHuffer Silver badge
Boffin

Re: Wow

They started off (mechanical) as variable resistors, spun by a ball.

Before changing to (opti-mechanical) the LED shining through slots that you've mentioned, again spun by a ball.

Finally becoming (optical) the mice you know today, where a camera is watching a surface slide under the mouse.

DARPA's latest toy is a 20-foot, 12-ton tank that drives itself

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Re: You guys realize?

Only if you have a very blinkered definition of AI, and even then you have to squint pretty hard to make that fit.

Japan's Moon lander makes it through another lunar night

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I have a theoretical answer ....

.... but it requires that the batteries are spherical! The requirement for a vacuum has already been provided!

Musk moves Tesla's goalposts, investors happily move shares higher

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Re: Tesla is screwed

Wow! Instant Godwin's!

Rarest, strangest, form of Windows saved techie from moment of security madness

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And there I was thinking that the rarest form of Windows ..... was one that worked reliably!

Unintended acceleration leads to recall of every Cybertruck produced so far

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Coat

TITSUP!

Tesla In Traffic Speeds! Unuseable Pedal!

-----------> Mine's the one with the ejector seat and parachute!

Future Roku TVs may inject tailored ads into anything and everything when you pause

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Re: Don't watch the cricket on Roku!

That's ok cos the Ads would be more interesting than the cricket anyway!

Whistleblower cries foul over alleged fuselage gaps in Boeing 787 Dreamliner

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Boffin

There are lies, damn lies, and statistics!

You are actually far more likely to die on the flight than on the trip to or from the airport. The reason being that the flight is of a much greater duration.

The 'fact' that aircraft are safer is a statistic that airlines like to bandy about. But they only really manage this by measuring the deaths per mile tavelled.

If you instead look at the number of deaths per billion passenger hours (about half way down) then commercial aircraft score worse than cars.

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Joke

And the worst thing is that their name isn't Adam!

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Joke

Re: Glad I'm retired

Thorly you cannot be therious?

I am, and thtop calling me Thorly!

CISA in a flap as Chirp smart door locks can be trivially unlocked remotely

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Linux

Re: 3 years?

I think I'd have to flip them the bird, and change my locks!

------------> Only bird option!

Tired techie 'fixed' a server, blamed Microsoft, and got away with it

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Coat

I thought it referred to the white space at the side of each page as I was reading The Reg!

Mine's the one with the sore ass ...... I mean thesaurus in the pocket!

Microsoft to use Windows 11 Start menu as a billboard with app ads for Insiders

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Boffin

Re: If you read the Windows EULA carefully, you'll note the words...

If only that were the case.

The last time I heard the statistic a child was being born, on average, every second and a half. 40 children a minute, so "one born every minute" would amount to 2.5% of the population.

I would find a market penetration of 2.5% for Windows to be perfectly acceptable!

Support contract required techie to lounge around in a $5,000/night hotel room

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Re: D&D

I call BS on your call of BS. And I can do this because NSW Police happens to be one of our customers that uses Vision. And I could tell you how I know but I'd probably have to kill you afterward!

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