* Posts by EVP

218 posts • joined 16 Nov 2018

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Tomorrow's wireless world will be fatter, faster, and creepier

EVP

Re: Are THZ frequencies for use by Wi-fi or 6g or 7g cellular phones safe?

X-ray cellular technology would be cool. Enough power and no building would harm signal transmission.

Side effects? Nah, who cares. I just wan’t my cat videos, and want ‘em downloaded like now!

Hoe yes he did: IT pro record-botherer balances garden tool on his head for 2.5 hours

EVP

Re: I tried for a record once

No it wasn’t.

-Rabbits

Go to L: A man of the cloth faces keyboard conundrum

EVP

Re: I've said it before, I'll say it again...

Ah, alright then… fried ones are of foreign origin, which explains all the undesired (or rather lack of) effects.

EVP

Re: I've said it before, I'll say it again...

Might have been a wrong sort of frog that was dried to make the pills… where can get them?

We've finally hit Peak Bork: Microsoft man reveals home-grown welcome back BSOD at Redmond HQ

EVP

The only thing that would have made today’s bork more delicious is that they used a pirated copy.

Pigeon fanciers in a flap over Brexit quarantine flock-up, seek exemption from EU laws

EVP

A modern high-bandwidth implementation would surely be a spectacular sight. It would also bring windfall to the farming industry, loads of free fertilizer. And just think about job opportunities for all currently unemployed bird shit collectors!

Yes, there's nothing quite like braving the M4 into London on the eve of a bank holiday just to eject a non-bootable floppy

EVP
Pint

Re: To be fair...

Hahaa, have a —>

Another Windows 10 patch that breaks printers ups ante to full-on Blue Screen of Death

EVP

Re: "in some apps"?

”'Microsoft program seen working' will soon be a news story all by itself.”

When was that? For some reason, I just can’t remember.

Cats: Not a fan favourite when the critters are draped around an office packed with tech

EVP

Re: Heat detector

The cat probably owns them, in the modern meaning of the verb. A superb comic, I miss it.

EVP

Re: Catnip?

I grant you my official Most Hilarious Post of the Week badge. Thanks!

We're not saying this is how SolarWinds was backdoored, but its FTP password 'leaked on GitHub in plaintext'

EVP

Re: Hmmmm

That password is already taken. Don’t tell anyone.

They were not the cloud you were looking for, insists Amazon Web Services in unsealed JEDI protest

EVP

Re: ███ ███.

Let me fill in the blanks (note that there is one blank missing in the original subtitle):

pats - head - his - friendly - hands - comfort

No?

What does my neighbour's Tesla have in common with a stairlift?

EVP

Re: Summon the lawyers!

Who fscking cares! An invalidated insurance here, devastated landscape from mining lithium there*... they're saving the planet, you know. No price is too high to pay to be able to consume more and to claim be being "climate compliant".

Yes, I'm being sarcastic here - just in case.

* I do know that the oil industry is no scout boys either.

Running joke: That fitness gadget? It's, er, run out

EVP

Re: Amateur move

Dear Mr. D. Instead, deliver the gadget to me. I will use my trusty and rusty wrench (metric 36) to Heal it. No Internet connection required. I'll be gentle, I promise.

Where's the mysterious metal monolith today then? Oh look, it's atop a California mountain

EVP

Re: Calendars off by 20 years?

What's missing here is '2020: Odyssey 2.196', huh?

HP CEO talks up HP-ink-only print hardware and higher upfront costs for machines that use other cartridges

EVP

Re: The problems:

Do you use original ink cartridges? I'm using original ones in my Canons.

I got a second-hand Epson multi-function device. The previous owner had been using third-party ink in it, and it got clogged very soon when I didn't print with it for four, maybe five, weeks. Cleaning did not rescue the heads. I though Epson is good brand what comes to clogging, maybe it isn't after all.

I've sold my arms and legs to buy Canon ink, and I've got only one kidney left. I'd very much like to know what third-party ink is (nearly) as good as the original one. Perhaps there doesn't exist such third-party vendor...

EVP
Devil

Re: New scammer opportunities open up...

Scammers are late in the game, HP got there first.

EVP
Gimp

Re: Private Pickup?

“don't want their family members to see what they are printing“

ASCII p0rn is coming back.

Private Pickup users could be working for the government, though.

EVP

Re: The problems:

”Quite - not sure where but I'm sure I've seen that inkjets need to be used reasonably frequently to stop being a dried out mess. I print something probably once every 2 months on average.”

Not so fast. I just dug out my Canon MP6xx inkjet from storage where it has been resting for 2 years. It churned out perfect test patterns, first try, no cleaning required. No clogging, no nothing, nada. How stupid is that? It’s creepy. I had the same experience with an MP540 too, but time it spent in storage was much less.

Many moons ago I was young and stupid, now I’m only... well.. anyway, and bough a very cheap HP inkjet. That miserable fucking thing barely managed to print one page between clogging. I wish I still had it so I could kill it with fire. Many times. I know it was a rip-off device, but still, I paid money for it after all.

”My next printer choice will likely be a laser - and not an HP one.”

Excellent choice, sir.

Linux Foundation, IBM, Cisco and others back ‘Inclusive Naming Initiative’ to change nasty tech terms

EVP

Re: So basically we're going to have to re-name everything.

One should not be hard on feelings. Someone might be triggered, detonated, or even pulsated.

I propose everything is reduced to gray goo (’soylent green’ might offend communists, capitalists and the colour blind) and we go dribbling around. That should do it! (Can I say ”do it”?-o)

EVP
Mushroom

Re: So basically we're going to have to re-name everything.

No. I’m ugly^w appearance challenged and “pretty” insults^w triggers me.

(For fsck’s sake. How do they manage to keep up inventing this kind of nonsense. There goes my head, once again —>)

Billionaire's Pagani Pa-gone-i after teen son takes hypercar out for a drive, trashes it

EVP

Re: Why this

If I ever lose my brazen one, I can always claim that it was trashed by my offspring.

EVP

Re: Why this

I’m going to let my offspring to drive my badge. I can always buy a new one. Wait...

Bootnote’s bootnote: I wonder how many golden ones are produced yearly? I bet they are rarer than those Paganinis.

FYI: Alibaba Cloud says it has robot sysadmins that swap faulty disks in four minutes

EVP
Thumb Up

“...event tried to go greener by using less tape on packing material to make it easier to recycle.“

What a relief.

(I’m leaving out the title to make it easier to recycle this post.)

Let's... drawer a veil over why this laser printer would decide to stop working randomly

EVP
Devil

Re: Low IQ or low volition?

Did you mention something about £50? Oh, I must have misheard. Be assured, your printer will keep working tomorrow, too.

EVP

Re: Low IQ or low volition?

Such a situation requires taking the printer away to be inspected, informing the user^w vampire a couple of days later that it needs to be serviced and it will be back in 2-3 weeks. Repeat as many times as needed.

Remember when the keyboard was the computer? You can now relive those heady days with the Raspberry Pi 400

EVP

Haha, irrational model numbers have always fitted good into marketing materials and made imaginary promises.

Why, yes, you can register an XSS attack as a UK company name. How do we know that? Someone actually did it

EVP
Pint

Re: Reminds me of Mr. Bastards.

Very fanny story, thanks!

Return of the flying car, just when we all need to escape

EVP
Pint

Standing ovation time!

Did I or did I not ask you to double-check that the socket was on? Now I've driven 15 miles, what have we found?

EVP

Re: Whats the difference between

I prefer the version where ”They turn up, eat your lunch, shit all over the place, and fly to the next table”. It kind of captures the true essence of modern management style. Squawking is implied.

IT Marie Kondo asks: Does this noisy PC spark joy? Alas, no. So under the desk it goes

EVP
Flame

Re: cold feet warm computer.

Pfft. Back in the day, we had oscilloscopes made out of wood. When it was freezing outside, they warmed the lab nicely. We had to keep buying lots of new ‘scopes, though.

Behold the Bloo Screen of Death: Bathroom borkage stops spray play

EVP

Re: Eugh.

While seated, dumping depth charges to sink U-boats might be entertaining, too. Just watch out for the periscope...

Classy move: C++ 20 wins final approval in ISO technical ballot, formal publication expected by end of year

EVP
Pint

Re: Is C++ becoming too large and complex?

May I do a couple of bitwise left shifts on the number of upwotes you receive? Assuming MSB left.

Digital pregnancy testing sticks turn out to have very analogue internals when it comes to getting results

EVP
Facepalm

Re: "It's not yours"

Maybe the message is for the (presumed) father?

Mate, it's the '90s. You don't need to be reachable every minute of every hour. Your operating system can't cope

EVP

Re: Hi

Starting every single email with ”Hi” is quite a bit annoying too. If you have been exchanging a number of emails on the topic during the course of the day, it’s still ”Hi” first. You don’t need to handshake every fscking time!

Samsung reveals new folding stuff for people who like flaunting wads of folding stuff

EVP
Pint

Re: I will buy one when it can also

You stole my exact ideas, i.e. confirmed that they are feasible and great. Shall we establish a startup together to design and market accessories for #4 and #5? Seed of 10 M€ / 8.9 M£ should be okayish xD

Have a —>

Techie studied ancient ways of iSeries machine, saved day when user unleashed eldritch powers, got £50 gift voucher

EVP
Thumb Up

Re: What do you get given .....

Meanwhile, his boss got a shitload (his boss’s boss a fuckton) of stock options... for saving the day and stuff.

You had one job... Just two lines of code, and now the customer's Inventory Master File has bitten the biscuit

EVP

Trivial Biscuits

Brittany Biscuits... mmmm! I was hoping that Brittany Biscuits means something lewd in canadian, but the story wasn’t that juicy after all.

Anyway, it shows once again that there is no such thing as trivial change!

I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault

EVP

Re: It sometimes works the other way

”ring to care without actually having to do much. Most customers lose the will to live fairly rapidly with these systems and just go and buy a new thing.

Success for consumerism!”

After such an event, I usually lose my will to buy any new gadget on the whole product gategory in question. In others words, I say fcuck you with me wallet. No so successful consumerism.

'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad

EVP

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

Yeah, and I can tell you (s)he’ll brag how ”In my time, bronze was made out of wood, and silver didn’t even exist yet!”. And how good we have it nowadays.

There is this red square one then with a silhouette of a bald guy with schnozzle. I wonder what they are for. A booby prize, perhaps?

EVP
Big Brother

Re: Disclaimer

Rock or table salt? None shall pass until I get this piece of information!

EVP

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

Thanks a bunch. Now I have to get one too. One just cannot have too many certificates when keeping competitive on the labour market.

EVP

Re: Lost count

It wasn’t actually his fault. Someone left the line manager alone with a computer and a screwdriver. What do you expect is going to happen?

EVP

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

I failed mine. It was too boring to obtain one. Instead, I got this bronze badge from El Reg. I’m gonna list it in my email signature, and update my CV, too.

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide

EVP

I believe you should say ”... as Jack is a _plug_ name”

EVP

Re: Last time I checked ...

”matching the àçčêñt you want...”

Can’t help it, but your ’àçčêñt’ makes me to imagine that ’accent’ went to places it should not have gone and managed to catch gonorrhoea.

EVP

Re: @Khaptain - @aberglas - You had better take these seriously

” What troubles me now is that I can't pinpoint the origin and the final purpose of all this. In”

Shit*, what you say is both seriously interesting and scaring. It’s probably the lack of apparent origin that makes the whole phenomenon so disturbing. I cannot think of any other purpose than signalling one’s high moral grounds to the world. After a while, this signalling must be done by default, otherwise you are a racist, communist and thread to the whole mankind.

Thanks!

*Used to upset the conformists.

EVP

Wouldn't it become Themley, then?

None of my* business, though. Except that this is soooo fcucked up this whole thing that my head starts to spin in CCW and will explode in 3 seconds. Beware of shrapnels!***

*Ooops, I** used something else than them/their.

**Oh nooo, again!

***Except you New Speak guys, you can ignore any shrapnels. No need to duck and cover. Honestly!

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