* Posts by EVP

179 posts • joined 16 Nov 2018

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You had one job... Just two lines of code, and now the customer's Inventory Master File has bitten the biscuit

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Trivial Biscuits

Brittany Biscuits... mmmm! I was hoping that Brittany Biscuits means something lewd in canadian, but the story wasn’t that juicy after all.

Anyway, it shows once again that there is no such thing as trivial change!

I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault

EVP Bronze badge

Re: It sometimes works the other way

”ring to care without actually having to do much. Most customers lose the will to live fairly rapidly with these systems and just go and buy a new thing.

Success for consumerism!”

After such an event, I usually lose my will to buy any new gadget on the whole product gategory in question. In others words, I say fcuck you with me wallet. No so successful consumerism.

'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

Yeah, and I can tell you (s)he’ll brag how ”In my time, bronze was made out of wood, and silver didn’t even exist yet!”. And how good we have it nowadays.

There is this red square one then with a silhouette of a bald guy with schnozzle. I wonder what they are for. A booby prize, perhaps?

EVP Bronze badge
Big Brother

Re: Disclaimer

Rock or table salt? None shall pass until I get this piece of information!

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

Thanks a bunch. Now I have to get one too. One just cannot have too many certificates when keeping competitive on the labour market.

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Lost count

It wasn’t actually his fault. Someone left the line manager alone with a computer and a screwdriver. What do you expect is going to happen?

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

I failed mine. It was too boring to obtain one. Instead, I got this bronze badge from El Reg. I’m gonna list it in my email signature, and update my CV, too.

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide

EVP Bronze badge

I believe you should say ”... as Jack is a _plug_ name”

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Last time I checked ...

”matching the àçčêñt you want...”

Can’t help it, but your ’àçčêñt’ makes me to imagine that ’accent’ went to places it should not have gone and managed to catch gonorrhoea.

EVP Bronze badge

Re: @Khaptain - @aberglas - You had better take these seriously

” What troubles me now is that I can't pinpoint the origin and the final purpose of all this. In”

Shit*, what you say is both seriously interesting and scaring. It’s probably the lack of apparent origin that makes the whole phenomenon so disturbing. I cannot think of any other purpose than signalling one’s high moral grounds to the world. After a while, this signalling must be done by default, otherwise you are a racist, communist and thread to the whole mankind.

Thanks!

*Used to upset the conformists.

EVP Bronze badge

Wouldn't it become Themley, then?

None of my* business, though. Except that this is soooo fcucked up this whole thing that my head starts to spin in CCW and will explode in 3 seconds. Beware of shrapnels!***

*Ooops, I** used something else than them/their.

**Oh nooo, again!

***Except you New Speak guys, you can ignore any shrapnels. No need to duck and cover. Honestly!

Oh sure, we'll just make a tiny little change in every source file without letting anyone know. What could go wrong?

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Early 2000's

Like when my friend needed a password reset, helpdesk helpfully sent it to him by email. At least they did it with no delay, it turned out. Great service.

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Mail Storm

” text only introduction, the second contained several rather large images making the email just under the 10MB limit.”

Stock photos of shiny happy people working, I presume.

The Devil's in the details: Church of Satan forced to clarify that no unholy rituals taking place in SoCal forest

EVP Bronze badge

Satanic rituals forecast for tonight

The same way they’ve got forest fire maps, the US Forest service should publish Satanic Rituals Alert Map. I propose a four level warning system:

Lever 0 Clear heavens - no Satanic activity detected

Level 1 Scattered chanting - localised moderate Satanic activity, stay alert

Level 2 Prevailing sacrificing - high risk of losing your pet, stay home

Level 3 Severe brimstone storm - go out and enjoy the show while you can

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Then there was ...

“ For example, who would YOU pick as the patron saint for a holiday best known for hedonism, libertinism, decadence and debauchery?”

Nutella.

CEO of motherboard maker MSI dies after plunging from headquarters' seventh-floor

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Re: One has to wonder

Same. We were wainting for a guy in a bar. One of us had spoken with him a few hours ago. We got worried when he didn’t show up and answer his phone. It turned out that he had taken his own life. It happened just like that, out of the blue sky. No warning, no sign beforehand what would happen. We never got to know his reason.

When a deleted primary device file only takes 20 mins out of your maintenance window, but a whole year off your lifespan

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Re: /dev

Bah, we had to breed our own mice first. We were a bit anxious to see if the first brood would boot up. You see, the vendor was in rush to get their loaners back.

If Daddy doesn't want me to touch the buttons, why did they make them so colourful?

EVP Bronze badge

Re: But I didn't touch nuthin!

“Should give an additional thumb up for [0]!“

Absolutely. In fact, I’d make it triple. One extra for indexing and one more for contents of the footnote.

EVP Bronze badge

Re: More of a Who Me? except he got away with it

Yes they were. I also gather that engineer who designed the disk controller in question had children with quick fingers.

Oh man I really miss the touch and feel of well designed old computer hardware*. Like HP and many others. And also the honest utilitarian looks that came with the design. Plastics were real plastics some 30+ years ago! I never got much exposure to proper mainframes, tough. Those machines must have been really something to work with.

*Applies to other HW too, like power tools and home appliances. You only get that feel with professional tools nowadays (if you are lucky).

Keep it clean you lot: Samsung's created a hand-washing app for its wearables

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Next up ...

Check Apple Watch, it already does that... well, it at least instructs how to breath. We have apparently been breathing wrong.

Twitter, Reddit and pals super unhappy US visa hopefuls have to declare their online handles to Uncle Sam

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Trollface

Re: But

Indeed, having El Reg account is highly suspicious. Oops, forgot to tick the ‘Post anonymously’ box. Oh well, they’ll probe everybody at the border anyway... especially Anonymous Cowards xp

Software bug in Bombardier airliner made planes turn the wrong way

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Re: Aviation professional here

“From a cognitive point of view the missed approach is your plan A, landing is plan B.“

I see what you are saying. That’s a very insightful comment and the approach (pardon the pun) behind it is obviously applicable to things outside of the world of avionics, too. You gave me something to think of, thank you!

Well, that's something boffins haven't seen before: A strange alien streaks around Jupiter

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Re: Looks like a job for...

”Nothing good could possibly result from such an invasion.”

I beg to differ. To me, squid invasion spells delicious plates of seafood. On the other hand, there is a risk of being the main course. Logic clearly dictates that we need to eat ’em first!

EVP Bronze badge
Pint

Re: Looks like a job for...

It’s definitely an exhaust plume. I have a reason (which I cannot obviously comment any further) to believe there is a colony undead squids from space living in Jupiter, and they are starting their engines to invade us.

Seriously, astro-boffins get my unreserved respect for their work. Astro-boffings, have one, or ħ⋅10^34 1/eVs, this weekend (despite that you missed the squids) —>

Mirror mirror on the wall, why will my mouse not work at all?

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Re: obvious

Thanks for the biggest laugh of the week!

Bose shouts down claims that it borked noise cancellation firmware to sell more headphones

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Coat

Re: @EVP

OK. I got the wrong impression then. What I don’t get is that the problems emerged only when the new software rolled out, or did the users start complaining already before that? The Bose users’ forum would probably provide some answers, but the problem is not really my concern. EOT

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Er ...

“It's just a marketing statement designed to make it sound like they are saying one thing while actually saying something else and being technically correct but not actually addressing the point.“

That used to be called ‘lying’.

EVP Bronze badge

True, ear cushions and other sound-dampening material wear out. Replacing them regularly is especially important with hearing-protection gear.

In this case, Bose clearly tries to bullshit their customers and to setup a smokescreen. It is complete BS that worn out cushions would be magically incompatible with the new and assumedly _better_ ANC SW. Even if they were incompatible, that would indicate a failure at their engineering department for not considering worn cushions before rolling out an update.

Logical conclusion is that they are either liars or incompetent, possibly both. In any case, Bose is now on my do-not-even-consider-bying list for good.

(I really hope they’ll fix the problem for their existing customers.)

COBOL-coding volunteers sought as slammed mainframes slow New Jersey's coronavirus response

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Re: No so much COBOL as the tools

I fscking hate fscking video tutorials. Every fscking video every fscking time introduces the same fscking concepts beginning when the dinosaurs walked the Earth. The actual tutorial is perhaps 5% of the whole ’tutorial’ duration, if it’s a good one.

Not that modern (written during the last 35 years) books on technical topics are much better. Gimme a good reference manual and I’m in heaven!

Rant over. Thank you for reading and please accept my sincere apologies.

(We need exploding head icon.)

EVP Bronze badge
Terminator

”That's the job of what used to be called a Systems Analyst.”

In my experience, everybody is a systems analyst nowadays. In the same manner as ’anyone can code’. Yeah right.

The good part is that I don’t care anymore, not a single least significant bit.

EVP Bronze badge

If they’ve lost their source code, they get what they deserve. It’s not fault of COBOL.

Boeing 787s must be turned off and on every 51 days to prevent 'misleading data' being shown to pilots

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Re: "Sounds like a number of designers are needed ..."

”Everyone can code”, you know... and design so yesterday.

What's the difference between Windows 7 and a bin lorry? One is full of garbage, and the other… oh dear

EVP Bronze badge

Yes indeed. And how about paying the drivers a bit more instead of wasting money on useless garbage? They are a pretty important piece of society’s machinery, after all.

Still, that windoze screen was be placed where it deserves to be, on its way where it belongs to.

Analyst calls it: This is the 'biggest fall ever in the history of the worldwide smartphone market'

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Re: the history of smart phone market

What’s Sark TLD rules?

Anyway, the history of the smart phone is in fact more that 500 years old. Haven’t you seen an early sketch by Leonardo da Vinci? It features almost all functionality of the modern smartie. He couldn’t foresee memojis.

EVP Bronze badge
FAIL

Re: tedious self hate again

Except they probably got it wrong. China ordered speedily an authoritarian lockdown. The west is following democratic procedures, and thus can act more slowly. I recon it’ll make the peak part wider, i.e. the misery will last longer than 3 monts. If I may ask, don’t shoot the messenger.

Instead browsing POM info, I recommend analysts to stick to browsing PORN. Everybody would be better off.

Stay safe.

(We need a loo roll icon)

All roads lead to Bork in Kansas as Windows puts on a show for motorists

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Coat

Re: road in Kansas

Nah, yellow bricks are nothing. We’ve got yellow snow.

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Facepalm

Re: 404

”You will be assimil... Working on updates. Do not turn off your collective.”

Looming ventilator shortage amid pandemic sparks rise of open-source DIY medical kit. Good thinking – but safe?

EVP Bronze badge

Thank you for reminding us. That is the attitude the world needs now.

EVP Bronze badge

Re: When you have nothing...

"Anything is worthwhile. If these Heath Robinson kitbashed systems save even one life on balance - they're worth it."

I fully agree. Although it is understandable why medical professionals fear using uncertified products.

Rather than hoping for an open hw solution, people should demand for their states to act and to produce simple to use (hospitals are/will be running out of ICU professionals) and fast to manufacture ventilators, and other vital things too.

Any state with engineering and manufacturing resources should order engineers to do emergency work and confiscate (yes, they would get paid a reasonable rate for their efforts) materials and facilities to produce stuff we really need now. Like in a state of war. Any true leader would do this like yesterday and would not fear consequences for his/her political career. We don't want a Bring Your Own Ventilator situation within the next few weeks.

"And ffs, we are in the middle of a worldwide medical emergency - companies will you KINDLY stop waving your patent and right-to-repair dicks about. You are NOT helping."

Yes. Unfortunately, the patent waving and price gouging **coughepipen** has been going on for a while. Because of those dick wads, a great number of lives are lost and quality of life is decreased all over the world. Simply because of money and greed. If something good ever comes out of this horrible situation, I hope it will be better healthcare for everyone (I know, I'm being a bit naive now). I will never deny a reasonable, or even a high, reward for people's and companies' efforts. Still, the current situation in healthcare is too much.

This certainly is not a fucking game. Thanks for your post, Jemma.

Microsoft's Bill Gates defrag is finally virtually complete: Billionaire quits board to double down on philanthropy

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Flame

Re: Would you like to be fried with that?

Count me in. I’ll bring the popcorn.

US prez Donald Trump declares America closed to those flying in from Schengen zone over coronavirus woes

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Re: They'll see the worst of it

” Of course, you should totally read this article about how posting links in your comment makes your sexual organs 20% bigger.”

Does lenght of the link make any difference? Anyhow, I need to try posting a link sometime.

Hello, support? What do I click if I want some cash?

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Facepalm

Re: Wrong tool for the job.

You’ve got a point there, that’d would indeed make identification much more reliable. No more weak passwords.

Then again, the smart card being a debit/credit card, M$ would probably start charging you per login/screensaver unlock licensing fees.

EVP Bronze badge
Coat

Re: Wrong tool for the job.

”Windows is not, never was, and will never be, suitable for *embedded* applications (which is what this is).”

Agreed. Why don’t they just replace embeeded Winzo$es with good’ol deskto versions. You know, an ATM AD account for everyone with a debit card, crtl+alt+del to login and voilà, problems gone!

Yes, I know. Don’t bother with me coat.

Xilinx's high-end Versal FPGA is like a designer handbag. If you need to ask the price, you probably can't afford it

EVP Bronze badge

How much does it cost?

You'll get your money – when this bank has upgraded Windows 7... or bought extended support

EVP Bronze badge

I’m afraid no - your account is currently locked out.

Yo, Imma let you finish, but for the 6,000 people still using that app on a daily basis ... we have a question: why?

EVP Bronze badge

Come on baby light me on fire: McDonald's to sell 'Quarter Pounder' scented candles

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Coat

Re: Gwyneth would rather you had a whiff of this...

What if her vagina smells like a regular candle? So they are just regular candles she markets. Just a thought...

(I need a new mind after reading this thread, my post included.)

Worried about future planet-cleansing superbugs? But distrust AI? Guess you're not interested in these antibiotics

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Sorry Dave,

Oh no, there goes my golden future :/ Need to brainstrom more evil genius ideas to rule the world.

(BTW, it’s no joke that human activity creates super-bugs: too many anti-bacterial products around us. No conspiracy theories needed. Antibacterial tooth paste is one of the worst ideas ever.)

EVP Bronze badge

Re: Impressive

Thanks, your comment was useful to read. I myself don’t know much (i.e. ~nothing) about antibiotics research and synthesis. If you know more, please go ahead and give us an exec^h^h^hngineer summary on the topic!

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