* Posts by jason_derp

145 posts • joined 13 Nov 2018


I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault

jason_derp Bronze badge

To be fair

That user is a jerk, and the logic is unfounded. But i literally blame myself this way when i work on computers. I fixed X but broke Y. Shit.

Geneticists throw hands in the air, change gene naming rules to finally stop Microsoft Excel eating their data

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: How?

"...it is clearly micro aggression... "

Did something happen at work? This topic line is like your whole identity in the comments.

Microsoft forked out $13.7m in bug bounties. The reward program's architect thinks the money could be better spent

jason_derp Bronze badge

Ah yes

"Most security programs can find many more efficient uses for $14m in vulnerability prevention and detection in-house."

Sure but like, isn't that effective? We're Microsoft. We'll do not that. Let's not that that really hard until we don't know what thating that even is. That's the one. Let's do that.

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Last time I checked ...

"No doubt I'll get ostracized and banned from ever being hired by VMware."

Definitely the only reason though.

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: While we're on the subject…

"… what does one call the part of the internet with the drug dealers and bomb manuals in now? The lowlit web?"

I call it home.

Congrats, First American Title Insurance, you've made technology history. For all the wrong reasons

jason_derp Bronze badge

Well then

"First American strongly disagrees with the New York Department of Financial Services’ charges relating to a limited cybersecurity incident from May 2019."

Well, the two stances are mutually exclusive. Provided the DFS is correct, I'm assuming that means we get to play that classic game called "Liar or Dipshit". (Protip: the answer is always 'C', both of them.)

UK.gov admits it has not performed legally required data protection checks for COVID-19 tracing system

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: There we go again

"What would be the consequences for the ICO being seen to be taking away from PHE the budget given to them to deal with a national public health crisis?"

I would hope that it would be seen taking away money away from the PHE budget. Doing a job isn't always going to be easy, but if you only do the job when it is easy, it might be a sign that the job was never all that necessary to begin with. If they can't enforce rules then the message is that there's no need for enforcers or rules. The alternative is that the rules are necessary, and so somebody who will actually do their job needs to step in.

Hot, synchronous DRAM: Next-gen memory tech spec DDR5 lands

jason_derp Bronze badge

I wonder

Is there ever going to be a time like the past where RAM gets cheap? When DDR4 came out i expected 3 to drop in price like 2 once did, but instead the new stuff was expensive because it was new and the old stuff stayed expensive because everyone quit making it nobody wanted to splurge on the new stuff, and that was before any of the chip shortage shenanigans.

As some have already pointed out, the only consistent part of using Chrome is that it will eat every available gig not wearing a chastity belt and locked in a cell the moment you give it the chance. I remember being so excited the day i upgraded to 64GB and thought i could finally surf unmolested by slowdown for a while (this didn't happen, but because of a Windows 10 issue, because of course). 32GB still seems low-middle to me in the range of personal requirements for that reason. Ugh. I'm just whining now.

It's handbags at dawn: America to hit France with 25% tariffs on luxuries over digital tax on US tech titans

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: They're tariffs

"...voting for a moron who sadly doensn't have a clue what year it is..."

A broken clock...

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: They're tariffs

"So the can sneak their commie cronies in after he suddenly dies (i.e. gets arkencided), just after the election. Yes lets listion to what those Bollywood Bolsovick Pedos have to say...."

Are you okay, sir? Should we call somebody? Can you feel both sides of your body?

jason_derp Bronze badge

Isn't that how they normally work?

"Revenue thresholds mean that the tax almost exclusively applies only to the largest US companies."

Isn't that the same concept of a tax bracket, except smaller companies pay zero instead of less? I live in a county where if you make under a certain amount you're basically guaranteed to get money back on tax day. This doesn't seem unusual honestly.

FYI Russia is totally hacking the West's labs in search of COVID-19 vaccine files, say UK, US, Canada cyber-spies

jason_derp Bronze badge


"It is completely unacceptable that the Russian Intelligence Services are targeting those working to combat the coronavirus pandemic."

People in glass ships...

Trump gloats, telcos weep, and China is furious: How things stand following UK's decision to rip out Huawei

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: NSA Backdoors in Cisco and Juniper kit?

"What idiotic moronic statements you come out with, really..."

Being calm and civil is rarely seen as inappropriate. If your goal was to antagonize everybody in eyes' reach, however, you've done well.

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: NSA Backdoors in Cisco and Juniper kit?

"...........but when those upstart Chinese might be doing the EXACT SAME THING....absolutely not OK."

Sounds like you get it. Welcome to being involved with America. Show up with a sore arsehole so that it's not as much of a shock to the system once you're done.

The Devil's in the details: Church of Satan forced to clarify that no unholy rituals taking place in SoCal forest

jason_derp Bronze badge

Not How Satanism Works

There's an actual name for people who worship Satan: Christian heretics. Satan-worshippers are by their natur Christian because they need to acknowledge the existence of the trinity in order to be properly worshipping the opposite on the spectrum.

By definition, heresy is, generally, a doctrine held by a member of a religion at variance with established religious beliefs; more specifically, the veneration and supplication of a/the maleficent deity within a religious framework, while simultaneously acknowledge the deit(y’s)/(ies’) maleficence.

All of that is very vague and generalized, but it is fundamentally correct. Satanists rarely portray themselves as heretics outright from my knowledge and interactions with them.

Another anti-immigrant rant goes viral in America – and this time it's by a British, er, immigrant tech CEO

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: We hear these stories all the time

"I've been alive a long time, and most of my social network are not racist."

Eh. I don't know. I'm pretty sure most of the people I know are racist, but they're pretty sure that they're not. It's not really a binary thing. Everybody is racist to some extent. Some people just also happen to be c#$ts. It's not very helpful to for people to think they can go their whole life being comfortable being on one side of the imaginary line of "is/isn't racist". I think it'd be more useful to realize that every person has prejudices and biases, and you should never be complacent with yourself. Be constantly challenging and dissecting your own thoughts and behaviors to find flaws and turn them into improvements.

Goes along with the whole idea that people find it much easier to be lazy and become complacent with their social standing, the healthiness of the democracy where they (maybe) live, security of food and water supplies, etc. Or I'm a needy libtard who reads philosophy books. Whatever works.

Detroit cops employed facial recognition algos that only misidentifies suspects 96 per cent of the time

jason_derp Bronze badge

"So for minorities it's wrong around 99.99999% of the time, give or take a 9.


Yeah but it's in the US. Depending on the area, that might be a significant increase in the probability of minorities being falsely identified as potential suspects.

After huffing and puffing for years, US senators unveil law to blow the encryption house down with police backdoors

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: stupidity out of ignorance or avarice

"Yes, I'm quite proud of what I am, thank you. What is it you think I shouldn't be?"

Immune to humor?

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: stupidity out of ignorance or avarice

"You must hate posts by AManfromMars1 ... "

What the hell, man? AManfromMars1 is ESP (Earth as a Second Planet), and he still does better than most Congresspeople. Way to punch down, I hope you're proud of what you are.

The girl with the dragnet tattoo: How a TV news clip, Insta snaps, a glimpse of a tat and a T-shirt sold on Etsy led FBI to alleged cop car arsonist

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Police cars rest easier

"Who pays for those police cars?"

The people did. Erego, they belong to the people, I guess? Doesn't even seem like a crime was committed in that case. Cops don't bust down my door when I break a glass in my own house.

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Police cars rest easier

"What I'm wondering is why the three letter agencies can't use investigation techniques like this to find terrorists"

This is not meant to be some political screed or left-winged rant, but more as a utilitarian approach to the "problem" you're trying to solve. It is NOT in any government's best interests to remove foreign terrorists. Terrorists are expensive and difficult to remove because of their decentralized nature. They are often idealogically motivated, and so are generally more convinced in their mission than any paid member of a standing army would be, and you will therefore not see very great rates of desertion regardless of how succesful your campaigns against them are. Their leaders are ones of convenience, and so removing the head just means more will crop up in their place. On the other hand, they provide distractions from current domestic problems, they provide an external threat with which to unite the citizenry around, they provide a smoke screen for passing legislation that would otherwise be seen as contrary to the views of the majority while creating tools to control the lessers and entrench the greaters, they create numerous publicity opportunities to keep officials in the minds of the public and seem sympathetic to their fears. What you're asking is akin to: "Why don't we remove the prostates and cervixes of all babies at birth given the rate at which those cancers develop?" It is of less use to remove something that is so otherwise useful.

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Police cars rest easier

"We will go to any lengths to protect what is truly important: our own property."

Whatsapp blamed own users for failure to keep phone number repo off Google searches

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: It's an unknown

Signal just let's me text to anybody whether they have it or not, and I've literally never cared what apps somebody I know uses unless they've expressed an interest in privacy. And you do not seem like a reasonable human I'd like to talk to. The implied ideal world you're describing is literally the one we live in.

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: It's an unknown

"If your friends and family all voted Nazi and explained to you how to do so would you join them?

I mean, that's an enormous false equivelancy. Regardless, if voting Nazi got you free cell phone bills you'd see a ton of red armbands pop up. Sorry.

Microsoft disbands three-ring Windows Insider circus and replaces it with 'channels'

jason_derp Bronze badge

"Rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Again. Except Win10 doesn't appear to be sinking. Damn."

That's kind of the rub, isn't it. Nobody moving those deck chairs felt too stupid pre-iceburg, that was just their job.

Remember that backdoor in Juniper gear? Congress sure does – even if networking biz wishes it would all go away

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Peace and Quiet

"I thought this was a democracy, where the electorate or their appointed representatives have final word on everything that occurs."

You must be American. You guys have been redefining democracy for over a century now. If you thought that was how your country worked, you need to get out more.

Brit MP demands answers from Fujitsu about Horizon IT system after Post Office staff jailed over accounting errors

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: WTF?

@Colin Miller @tony2heads

Holy crap I just waded through ALL of that. The British certainly don't do things half assed, do they? When you guys have some sort of secret scandal you make sure it is either as wide-reaching or as time-spanning as possible, at least from what I've seen. Crazy.

Snapping at Canonical's Snap: Linux Mint team says no to Ubuntu store 'backdoor'

jason_derp Bronze badge

"...Lenovo has said that it will support "Linux" on all its Thinkpads...

I don't want to sound dumb, but how do they do that exactly? Can't you just plug in a USB stick and like, install Linux on anything? I've been doing that to all my laptops for quite some time now. Have I just lucked out and had nothing but supported laptops?

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Pop!_OS

I did the same thing. Another big advantage with Pop! is that it comes ready to deal with modern graphics cards. I coulg get my card working on Ubuntu sometimes, but it had to be done just so, and the phase of the moon needed to be right, or else you had to start the whole process over again. Canonical is free to do whatever they want I guess, but their recent shifts in priorities are a little weird to me.

As anti-brutality protests fill streets of American cities, netizens cram police app with K-Pop, airwaves with NWA

jason_derp Bronze badge

Good Stuff

There is rarely a time where messing with the police can be considered an overall negative. Good on these guys.

Remember when Republicans said Dems hacked voting systems to rig Georgia's election? There were no hacks

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Coup

"You will never see another election again."

In Georgia!? Say it is not so! How could they have let this occur?! /s

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Move on

"It must be great being pioneers..."

Hmm. Not sure this counts as being pioneers. No dead indigenous people.

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: It would be interesting...

"Perhaps future AI will blame errors on us.

Future AI and I sound like we'd get along.

jason_derp Bronze badge


Computers ≔ Magic

Magic → Witches

Democrats ≔ Witches

Witches → Spells

∴ Democrats used spells on Kemp's computers.


BoJo buckles: UK govt to cut Huawei 5G kit use 'to zero by 2023' after pressure from Tory MPs, Uncle Sam

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Is it wrong to be in favour of this?

"Also USA is a democracy , China aint."

Well, Wikipedia has a whole article called "Elections in China", so I assume you mean that their elections aren't exactly fair because they have two parties. So if you compare the two, one country has one party instead of (effectively) two, voting itself is manipulated through underhanded means in both, and the power structures of both don't care about the people they govern.

If democracy is supposed to be something different, I guess the US aint democracy either.

Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Funny that

"'Or the old ctrl+alt+arrow keys to rotate the screen...'

Those of us with cats who sit on the laptop keyboard for warmth when said laptop is streaming something to the TV are still intimately familiar with that one."

When I made the switch to Linux, my cat pulled those shenanigans on me as well (though it was a desktop and they just like to sit on my keyboard because they're needy jerks). In my Linux distro that combination switches workspaces. So, having dealt with somebody pulling that on me at work and learning how to undo what got done, my cats inflicted on me a new set of symptoms from the same disease. I did not see the "workspace #" words pop up so it took me a bit. (Duckduckgo + Android) = [all my current solutions] .

ICE cold: Microsoft's GitHub wrings hands over US prez's Trump immigration ban plan

jason_derp Bronze badge

"Just because you haven't done anything wrong doesn't mean you shouldn't be under house-arrest. Its right-wing fascists like you who think the State shouldn't control your every move."

Holy crap, not to be trusted with lighters, haulin round that posse of strawfolk.

Apple programs Siri to not bother its pretty little head with questions about feminism

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: political ?

"What's the right answer Siri should have if asked "Siri, are you a feminist?" in your mind?"

"The moment that we can, we're coming to take your blood. Smile emoji."

Equifax finally coughs up the money for its 2017 monster hack… to the banks for having to cancel your cards

jason_derp Bronze badge

"...so it’s perhaps surprising that not a cent appears to been given to the people directly impacted by the cyber-break-in."

Only to tribal Amazonian abductees who just learned about America. Otherwise, barely approaches the banality of a middle-eastern human rights violation. *yawn* What's next on today's docket of horrors?

If American tech is used to design or make that chip, you better not ship it to Huawei, warns Uncle Sam

jason_derp Bronze badge

Not allowd to sell to Huawei?

Sure. It's definitely possible that a capitalistic semi-conductor manufacturer will definitely not find a way to just sell them anyways. Don't let that shoulder get too red from all the slapping America.

Xiaomi Mi 9 owners furious after dodgy Vodafone software patch bricked their mobes

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: I'm curious

I am also curious. I don't know enough about phone updates to know if wifi would work. I had assumed they needed to be sent out over the network of the phone company itself.

Donald Trump extends ban on Huawei, ZTE telecoms kit in US companies to May 2021

jason_derp Bronze badge

Legitimate Question

This whole thing has been happening for so long that I've honestly forgotten: what is the big deal?

Like, if China can see all the stuff we send through their towers, who really cares? If it's a threat to national security, can't you just encrypt the stream of data going through it? Like, if it's such a huge deal, can't putting mandatory end-to-end encryption on that stuff just be good enough to call it a day? If a nation-state level threat actor wants your data, they're just going to go ahead and get it, right? It's not like it's an if, it's a when, so I'm assuming this is just searching for fingers to plug obvious dyke holes. Am I wrong? I feel like I've been taking crazy pills.

Senator demands deep probe into spyware-for-cops after NSO Group touts hacking toolkit to American plod

jason_derp Bronze badge

Oh really?

“These tools are ripe for abuse, for example, by a law enforcement officer to spy on an ex. Congress must conduct aggressive oversight into the proliferation of these spying technologies and their use by state and local agencies.”

Well, welcome to 2020! Here's your standard brochure of all the hottest places to hear "No shit!", and this is a bracelet for VIP members. You show this at the door and the bouncer says: "Yeah, we know. We all fucking know. Where the hell have you been?".

How about this: when you guys in congress say stuff like this, and then act like fucking adults afterwards and take actions or follow through on proposed soutions that aren't just shrugs, hopes, prayers, and commiserative let's-do-fuck-alls, people will start to act like your indignation means something.

CEO of AI surveillance upstart Banjo walks the plank after white supremacist past sinks contracts

jason_derp Bronze badge

"...wouldn't it just be kinder to euthanise all people convicted of crimes above a certain level..."

This is a great example of the real problem in these our modern times. Euthanisation should not be limited to criminals, bigots, people of color, or any arbitrary classification, but to all those who draw breath and consume resources. It's time we step up to the challenge and focus our efforts on the concentrated extinction of our species, and we need to start sooner rather than later to make up for centuries of lost time.

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

jason_derp Bronze badge

Yes please. Shub-Niggurath

Find your wallet, Apple: Ex-engineer adds eight more patents to lawsuit seeking credit for his developer work

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: Prior art

I was thinking exactly that. Pull the old Donkey Kong - King Kong / Nintendo - Universal switcheroo on the bastards.

As Brit cyber-spies drop 'whitelist' and 'blacklist', tech boss says: If you’re thinking about getting in touch saying this is political correctness gone mad, don’t bother

jason_derp Bronze badge

"Turns out the theory that CV19 will get rid of non-problems like particularism was clearly wrong."

Coronavirus has the potential to remove a great part of the largest problem. We likely won't be around to congratulate anyone if that happens, though.

Lyft dumps 17% of staff, furloughs 5%, cuts pay as people stay home, avoid rides in possibly virus-ridden cars

jason_derp Bronze badge

Re: A little unfair

"GIG economy is just the new buzzword for exploiting the uneducated masses."

Not sure that that's totally fair. Not the exploitaition part, the uneducated part. If capitalism has taught me anything, it's that education never meant you were immune to a hard butt-f$%^ing by the suits born with spoons of a certain color in their possession.

Guess which cloud giant Zoom picked to handle millions more video calls? Bzzt, wrong answer: It's Oracle

jason_derp Bronze badge

"It was an unusual step for Ellison to offer a personal endorsement out of the blue. It was also slightly odd that a multi-billionaire with several palatial homes and his own private Hawaiian island chose to make the recording in what looks and sounds like storage closet."

Counterpoint, thought process: I'm not exactly the most well liked person. I need to endorse this company in a video. I have a lot of money. Maybe I won't remind people who aren't fans of me that I'm also filthy rich when I do this. Let's add some quaintness.

Cynical, but logical in my opinion. I'd do the same thing.



Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020