* Posts by Richard

86 publicly visible posts • joined 31 Aug 2007


New Labour: Chainsaws out, maybe Contactpoint, too


@ Shakje

Kudos for your opinions on political parties, however I see rather a large flaw in your arguement. The previous poster who supports UKIP has already voted so no matter how true your statement is, he can't go back and change his personal choice (even if it is a bad one).

Maybe you should have posted yesterday

Gordon 'to sacky' Wacky Jacqui

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WOW there is a GOD

oh happy happy day. Crack open the champagne, roll up a spliff. burn your ID cards and thank f'ck that some good has finally come to this county

So long you ignorant, paranoid, greedy, freedom inhibiting numpty. Take your narrow minded, twisted, control freak ways and your porno spanking husband out of here, don't let the door hit you on the way out

I just hope she doesn't get a golden goodbye, unless it's a golden shower goodbye!!

Ding Dong the bitch is gone :-)

if this is a joke i'm gonna kick some ass

Russian blows off ex-boyf's todger with firecrackers


pun intended

"Kira faces 12 years' hard time - even if her ex survives."

Although it looks like he wont ever get a hard time ever again!

Welsh mum amazed by Marmite Messiah


I LOVE Marmite

but being such a scynic if it does look like the holy one, someones put it into photo shop and rotate/twisted it slightly

Still i'd rather have ol JC in my marmite lid than mould

Oz man fined for drink-drive rumpy-pumpy


the burning question

is whether he is a Geek or not? Did he consider his partners needs?

Geeks make least selfish lovers: Official


IT Equipment

"In further encouraging news for Reg readers, the survey found that 80 per cent of those slogging away at the IT coalface regularly whip out sex toys."

Yeah, thats cos dildos etc are elligable under company IT equipment expenses.

I just hope they dont do it at their desks!!

Daydreaming? You're actually solving complex problems


I daydream....

When I'm swimming. It's a great way to wind down and let my brain sort things out (like pent up agression from anonymous cowards who post flames on El Reg). I go into autopilot (or should that be autoswim) mode and by the time my brain has sorted everything out I get out the pool and sit in the sauna.

I guess that's why I'm a toned hunk of a man with the lung capacity of a Whale- because I have a lot on my mind :-)

Yorkshire boozer establishes 'smoking research centre'


I wish all non smokers were like Rob Hudson

"Non-smoker Rob Hudson, who's been patronising the pub for 35 years, said: "I would rather come into a full pub than an empty room. I have the choice of the tap room and the lounge and I come in here."

That's the kind of non smoker support we want. The pub offers a smoking section and a non smoking section. If a drinker doesn't want to be in a smoke filled room, they go into the non smoking room. This kind of person respects every smokers 'right to choose' to smoke indoors and not be told what they can and cant do, unlike a pointless and revenue losing nanny state piece of legislation that has done no good for the pub industry.

Taiwanese rat snake bites Taiwanese trouser snake


Sitting down to pee

Men have this wonderful ability to pee standing up. Surely if he was standing up he would have seen the offending creature and given it a golden shower from a distance.

If this plonker went girly style then he gets everything thats coming to him

Gordon Ramsay breaches f**king broadcasting code



f#cking pansy ass mother f#ckers not got anything f#cking better to do than F#cking complain about f#cking Gordon Ramsey swearing his f#cking ass off!!!!

Surely they must have something more important to do in their lives, like iron starch into their crusty tidy whities, or polish off their copy of an idiots guide to inserting a large stick in ones ass.

If I was Ofcom I'd tell the compainers to f#cking stick their f#cking complaints up their tight asses (removing the stick from there first)


I feel so much better for that now

Home Office to keep innocent DNA samples


Bloody Home office

European court say NO and tell UK to change their Law.

Home Office make slight change to make it appear they are complying but in reality it's a big 'fuck you, we'll do what we want' to the European Court.

Get these assholes out of power now!

London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes


@ Alain Moran


That is all

Number 10 doubles as 'House of Flying Nokias'



The country is in recession because GB breaks so much crap and then claims it on expenses

Go, Brown, go!

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Ah Hell yeah

Article - forward to .... Everyone in my email address book


Male chimps strike 'meat for sex' deals


may I be the first....

to invite Ms Bee out for a steak....


Google to fund 'video Street View' for Central London


I smell cow faeces

April the first, if you released this story tomorrow I might have believed you

Cynical Bastard :-)

Vulture Central on total G20 terror lockdown


@ Door duty

It doesn't work on here, so why do you think she'd have any affect in the doorway

Street View ghost spooks Cardiff medium


absolute numpties

The reason you cant see all of her is because the blurred bit is where they have imposed views of the road over where the google car is, distorting the bottom of the picture. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out, or does it - I did.

Oh and if the dicktards look closer I think thats a mobile phone in her hand. Wow a ghost with a grip on modern technology

Icon cos if I was a ghost, I'd be going through peoples pockets

Serial killer may have been conjured by DNA blunder


Wish I was a reporter

"A photofit released last year, based on a witness description, had male features, prompting press speculation the Phantom could be a transsexual"

ODFO, surely someone with more brain capacity than roadkill would not jump to the transsexual conclusion and would draw a more rational theory.

Bloody press always picking the most extreme option to make stories sound interesting.

I love the fact this country keeps getting dumber, it makes me look even more smarter

Hefty 'battle strength' electro-laser breaks 100kW barrier


So not too long then....

Before they compact it enough to be a laser sword :-)

Mines the black cloak with hood

Obese cost London fire brigade £300k


Fatty fatty bom bom

I commented on this article on another news site (shock horror i'm not faithful to El Reg!). You have to blame (although not entirely) these supermarket home delivery services. They promote such a lazy assed attitude - I can sit on my fat ass and get food delivered to me, thus eliminating probably the only excercise these fat bastards get (walking/rolling to the shops).

I'm sorry but anyone who lacks the common sense to do even the most basic form of excercise and lose the ability to move properly deserves what they get. If the fire brigade charged them personally for the removal service cases would soon drop, on top of that if fat people were charged more for their home delivery it might prompt them to get off their fat asses and burn some calories getting the grub.

Not matter what excuses I hear as to their condition (gladular, big boned, inherited etc etc blah blah) it boils down to - You're too lazy and moronic. If nature was in charge you couldn't have got that way and if you did you'd be easy prey for predators and so be DEAD - unable to enforce your moronic ways onto future generations.

I'm a big advocate of survival of the fittest

Screeching rails close London Tube station


What next

next they'll be shutting all stations down at rush hour because the maximum train capacity has been reached. 1 in 1 out

lol I'm so glad I dont use public transport to get around.

UK IT should 'fire men first', says Kate Craig-Wood



Anyone can fire off stats to say how wonderful women workers are in IT (especially if your a boardmember for one of the organisations doing so). I make a point of ignoring 50% of all stats thrown my way, see what I did there :-)

My point may be biased because i'm a bloke but the office in which I work in has a number of women in it who call in sick AT LEAST once a month for a couple of days (I think we can all guess the reasons why!) thats at least 12 days a year. Convert that into lost time that a man simply wont suffer and you get your (stone age) theory hat men are a safer bet and thus pay them more.

Add to this the whole career-mom side where women can take half a year off on full pay and sometimes even another 6 months off after that, how much loss is the company suffering now? Again, another thing that men dont suffer (with our puny 2 week paternity leave - if your lucky)

Sorry ladies, you cant have your babies and eat them too. If you want to get paid more, get a sex change :-)

Etailer flogs signed Jade Goody biog for £1,000


tit for tat

Whilst I feel for people who suffer from cervical cancer I do agree with that fact Jade is punting everything she's got to make loads of money. I mean come on, ever since she left the big brother house that's all she's done - sell herself, her personal life stories, make dodgy perfumes, tv shows (in general be a complete sell out) for money. Why should we suddenly think she's doing anything different just because she's terminally ill?

Fair play to anyone who's jumping on the bandwagon. Do people hold the same contempt for those who sold Diana memorabilila after she died?

El Reg suffers identity crisis

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Woo Hoo

Vote 101 on A respected technology news website, even if the quote did come from the Daily Hate Mail

Prof: Save up fossil fuel reserves to fight the next ice age

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screw future generations

why should my lifestyle suffer for people that will have far too many Grand ...(insert offspring type here) in front of their names. by the time it comes about i'll be long forgotten so why should i have to sacrifice my life for one that hasn't/probably wont occur

I love the smell of combusted oil in the morning

Jacqui's jihad on web extremism flops


I want, I want, I want

"Where there is illegal material on the net, I want it removed" She said

Well I want to stick a porcupine up her ass and wiggle it about, but that's not going to happen is it

Someone please sack that stupid bint

Street View vehicle kills Bambi


out of sync road lines

If you look carefully you can see they are out of sync because google have removed the image of the car on which the camera is mounted, presumably by using a shot of that strech of road from further away and super imposing it ontop of where the car should be, thus you have an inconsistant picture layout

One has to ask why the dont want their own vehicles in their pictures but are quite happy to put my vehicle in their pictures!!!

Mines the one with the mangnifying glass in the pocket

Glasgow Cops pound Facebook to blunt knife crime


I have a photo...

of me in a cowboy costume pointing a toy gun (with a big red bit of plastic on the end) at the camera. Does this make me a criminal and should I be expecting a call from PC PC (geddit!) in the next few days?

I for one welcome our green overlords who will overpower us with a bit of 2x4 and a nail because all other weapons on earth will have been destroyed!!

Robot set to replace science teachers


looks like

A love child of Optimus Prime and the Citroen advert car

419ers take Canadian for $150,000


oh dear

you got to feel sorry for the poor old sod, but its quite fitting to remember "a fool and his money are soon parted"

If it wasn't for the supidity of the one, the many would never have anything to laugh at

Mines the on with a Nigerian passport in it

Cows can't detect earthquakes: Official



where can I get a job like that?

Hell, I'd love to get paid for sit around putting equipment on cows and waiting for an earthquake. I bet the buggers dont really sit down when its about to rain either!

I wonder if the same thing can be done with chavs in Birmingham, oh wait, its called electronic tagging

Kids more likely to be bullied than pestered online


Think of the children

Its all crap

BAN the lot of em from using the internet until they are 18, problem solved!

US lawmaker wants health warnings on video games


Bloody pansies

This world has turned into a planent of over sensitive pansytards who have seriously lost their grip on reality. I am an adult I know whats good for me, I know video games are FICTIONAL enjoyment I am not going to let a bunch of pixels dictate my personality, period! Children, however might not have this understanding, therefore it is the parents job to decide on their behalf, not some quango in government who thinks he is on a righteous crusade for the good of all people.

Will someone please take to me a planet where everyone is not a 'think of the children', OMG i'm offended, nanny/police state pansytard

*Pansytard - copyright by me!

Jail for Oz drug-running onanist speed merchant


A title is required

Erhardt earlier this week copped a concurrent sentence of two months for a further six charges including "carrying an unregistered and loaded firearm"

Are we talking about the gun or his man member?

ASA indignates prematurely over billboard sex ads


What we need is

Pictures so we can judge for ourselves if it is offensive or inappropriate

oh wait... but of course we aren't allowed to use our own judgement are we? It's the nanny state police who make all our decisions for us. oops I forgot, please dont lock me up for being a free thinking radical

Perv Oz burglar pumps and dumps Jungle Jane


smashed through a wall

oh come on! have you seen those pictures? I'd hardly call 2 bits of MDF a wall, Jesus my 5 year old son could break his way through that

Photography: Yes, you have rights


Pansy force

"The latter issue has arisen, as police claim that some photographers accompanying demonstrations go out of their way to ‘wind up’ individual police offices by aggressive use of their cameras."

Aggressive use of their cameras? what? taking lots of pictures of said plod? WTF i thought the police were supposed to be 'trained' to deal with awkward situations and not let it get to them, unless they fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on that way down and so therefore die inside a little when someone takes a picture of them

what a bunch of spinless, soft skinned fairy boys! FFS they are the police!! get some balls and brush it off you aunts.

MPs (finally) debate cybercrime


Jolly time

I would glady pop over to the Lords lounge (at the govt expense of course) and explain the finer points of cyber crime. I only say that because I know more about it than prescott knows about pie fillings

Halloween pardon sought for accused witches, sorta


Modern day witches

"2,000 people were executed in Scotland and 400 in England after being accused of unholy tampering with crops and cattle"

Yeah they can be exhonorated but will go on the sex offenders register for tampering with cattle

Woman cuffed for deleting virtual husband



In my opinion she should go down for murder as this character was obviously the only life this man had!!

Dutch court convicts teens for stealing pixels


This wouldn't have happened

If Runescape made their items BOP!!

Mines the one with GEEK written across the back

Jacqui Smith resurrects 42-days after Lords rejection


stupid woman

her original plea gets rejected by the House of Lords so she comes up with another one to do exactly the same thing!

Bloody stupid b'tch, she is not bigger or more important than the Lords. she should crawl back under her taxpayers-paid-for-stone and bio-degrade like the scum she is

BOFH: Unfriendly ghosts


a title is required

I live in luton and i think i know of the place they are talking about, right next to the cemetary coincidentally

Election watchdog makes ID card U-turn


British Voters

IIRC to be able to vote in Britain you must be a British citizen...... and what do all British citizens have?? A PASSPORT woah problem solved, where can I claim my millions of pounds in consultancy fees to come up with that gem?

Police told: Delete old criminal records


Recovering your data stored by the police

If the police are storing your data using the Data Protection Act then you can submit to them a 'Subject Access Request' for all records containing your personal data. All Organisations that comply to the Data Protection Act have to grant these within (i think) 10 days or a month (cant remember which). Most organisations charge to £10 for the privilge.

Being the police though they'll probably fob you off with the 'we're too busy catching dog poo droppers to possibly handle that' line, or Legislation? we dont follow Legislation!!!!

The Moderatrix will see you now


Question of the Year

I'm a level 70 Blood Elf Paladin. should I re-roll as a death knight when the new expansion comes out?

Coat!! I don't wear a Coat, I stay in on the computer all the time

What hell hath science wrought lately?



You had me at Illidan

UK begins probe into aeroplane air quality


Consider this

I have had the misfortune to be on a plane when someone let rip. The blasted thing gets pumped round the whole cabin and you can watch the wave of horrified faces as it criculates round.

Not the best flight I ever had

Tories would have to compensate ID vendors



Personally, I feel if any compensation should be paid out to these vendors if the project is cancelled then it should come directly out of the pockets of the numptys that created this farcical, ridiculous waste of time money and liberties in the first place.

In fact, if a new government gets into power and has to undo all the crap laws and schemes the previous bunch of cretins government has implemented then the cost of that should come directly out of the previous governments pockets.

I wonder if there is anyway this could be amde reality??