it would be trivial for a few drones to fly over a city and triangulate use of Starlink terminals.
Would it? Satellite dishes exist specifically to be highly directional antennas, and focus small amounts of RF energy into a laser-like beam, onto a tiny point, a long distance away. We're not talking about search-lights here.
It seems a fleet of drones would have to *linger* over every square foot of a territory (for a few seconds at least) to determine if any Starlink dishes are currently operating on the ground, and take even longer to pin-point the origin. The higher the drones go, the more area there is to cover. Iranians would simply need to leave their terminals powered-off most of the time, and visually search for drones before turning them on, briefly.
Iran may be able to optimize the search by using the wider down-link beam to hone-in on active areas, to start searching for ground stations. But that's not easy. With old-fashioned wide broadcasts you don't narrow down the search area much, and with very narrow beams (supposedly 1.5 degrees) you again have to be rather nearly between the ground station and the specific satellite it's currently accessing to pick-up a signal. Somewhere in-between those two extremes might be useful for Iran's search for surreptitious users.
Interestingly, the solid (non-mesh) style satellite dishes are equally good at focusing *sound* as they are RF energy, and drones certainly don't operate silently. Perhaps there's an opportunity to add a microphone to Starlink terminals, and automatically cut-off RF transmissions when a noisy object is approaching your line-of-sight path.