* Posts by Ozumo

91 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Jul 2018


'Crash test dummy' smashed VIP demo by offering a helping hand


Re: Ouch

A "revue" -what, with singing, dancing and comedy sketches?

Developer's default setting created turbulence in the flight simulator


At least it was oveur quickly.

NASA pushes back timing of ISS deorbit vehicle contract


Re: Can't we just use Cavorite(tm)?

Paint it pink and install a cheap and simple SEP field.

Millions of smart meters will brick it when 2G and 3G turns off


Re: Imagine the meetings

Why is it done by single men - too dangerous to risk the married ones?

Scripted shortcut caused double-click disaster of sysadmin's own making


Re: Are you sure

Unfortunately you have phrased that so that the answer "Y" could lead to either outcome...

Getting to the bottom of BMW's pay-as-you-toast subscription failure


Re: coccyx-centered comforts in cold climes

They weren't refusing him banking services - just moving him from Coutts to Natwest with the hoi polloi.

Watt's the worst thing you can do to a datacenter? Failing to RTFM, electrically


Re: But surely

Resistance is useless!

How to get a computer get stuck in a lift? Ask an 'illegal engineer'


Re: Not a lift but…..

The trick is to give the pole a little twist as you pull it up to break the suction.

Fnarr, fnarr, etc

Bizarre backup taught techie to dumb things down for the boss


Re: Training?

The BMA is a trade union. Perfectly acceptable to practise without membership.

False negative stretched routine software installation into four days of frustration


But was the diet successful?

Senior engineer reported to management for failing to fix a stapler


Re: Not just in IT

Was once accosted by a woman in a car park who couldn't get the ignition key to release. The car nerd in me took over - "It's a Saab, you have to put it in reverse". Yup.

Ex-eBay execs jailed for cyberstalking web critics


I'm confused, is the guy's name Bough or Baugh? It changes several times in the article.

Philippines orders fraud probe after paying MacBook prices for slow Celeron laptops


Re: Government procurement

It is entirely possible that there was absolutely no fraud or corruption on the government side.

It's also entirely possible that bears don't defeacate in the woods, but it isn't where the smart money bets.

Psst … Want to buy a used IBM Selectric? No questions asked


Nonsense. To properly IMITATE BB, it WOULD have TO capitalize random WORDS.

I paid for it, that makes it mine. Doesn’t it? No – and it never did


Re: Waste of money

You forgot cooking shows...


Re: The trick is to be the one who buys for the former and resells for the latter...

But which does deteriorate a little, every time you play it.

Elasticsearch server with no password or encryption leaks a million records


So, their POS system was a POS?

How one techie ended up paying the tab on an Apple Macintosh Plus


Re: stupid is as stupid does

What was she pouring over the pages - syrup, cream?

The word is "poring".

The title of your post is most apposite.

No more fossil fuel or nukes? In the future we will generate power with magic dust


Re: Why Nuke Plants Are A FAIL

You seem obsessed with the Isle of Wight.

Meetings in the metaverse: Are your Mikes on?


Re: Self-replicating Mikes

Would that be a Mike drop moment?

Not to dis your diskette, but there are some unexpected sector holes


Re: You were lucky

We once ran out of holes. Caused a hell of a kerfuffle until someone found a box of them in the filing cabinet.

Not looking forward to a greyscale 2022? Then look back to the past in 64 colours


Re: To be fair on BMW

I find a chisel-tip Sharpie works just fine.

Theranos CEO Elizabeth Holmes found guilty of fraud: Blood-testing machines were vapourware after all


Re: But, she did do one good thing

TBF, when you read Carreyrou's book, Murdoch declined to kill the story even though it was clear he would lose a substantial amount of money as a result of its publication.

A lightbulb moment comes too late to save a mainframe engineer's blushes


An even more extreme example of what a faulty bulb can lead to is Eastern Airlines flight 401:


So I’ve scripted a life-saving routine. Pah. What really matters is the icon I give it


Re: I wait for the statue erected for Ron Jeremy.That one should be exciting ^^

Could be a handy toilet roll holder.

You walk in with a plan. You leave with GPS-tracking Nordic hiking poles. The same old story, eh?


Re: Discount Aisle/Cardboard Racking at the supermarket

For gripping very small moles, obvs.

Woman sues McDonald's for $14 after cheeseburger ad did exactly what it's designed to


Cheap advertising

Ronald should pay up - $14 for the amount of publicity they've received seems like a bargain.

Wouldn't be totally surprised to find the whole thing is a put-up job by their marketing people TBH.

Lenovo says it’s crammed a workstation into a litre of space – less than three cans of beer


Clearly the "can of beer" leaves a lot to be desired as a standardised unit of volume.

How many of these things would fit inside a London Bus?

AWS Frankfurt experiences major breakdown that staff couldn’t fix for hours due to ‘environmental conditions’ on data centre floor


Re: [citation needed]

And the withdrawal syndrome is invariably fatal.

Global Fastly outage takes down many on the wibbly web – but El Reg remains standing


I expect we'll get a "Who,me?" in due course.

Watchdog 'enables Tesla Autopilot' with string, some weight, a seat belt ... and no actual human at the wheel


Re: Hmm ...

I remember that. IIRC, the control panel was sited such that the oven was out of sight when was operated. Also the man who got cooked was the father of the operator's fiancee.

Airline software super-bug: Flight loads miscalculated because women using 'Miss' were treated as children


Re: 11 stone..

Makes you wonder who's employing all the averagely dumb software developers, doesn't it?


Re: Not necessarily.

Disappointed that the London Bus doesn't make an appearance there.

'No' does not mean 'yes'... unless you are a scriptwriter for software user interfaces


Re: Pedantry

Coming from a medical (operating theatre) background, I'm very twitchy about using "right" when the meaning is "correct".

"We're amputating the left leg, yes?"


"If you say so"

OVH data centre destroyed by fire in Strasbourg – all services unavailable


Re: Seriously odd

Antelope was not hit by an Exocet but by aircraft-delivered bombs, and was sunk as a result of an explosion caused during an attempt to defuse one of the unexploded bombs.

I was a schoolfriend of the steward killed by the initial bomb impact.

The Linux box that runs the exec carpark gate is down! A chance for PostgreSQL Man to show his quality


Re: Had a call...

There's a typo in your last line. "email" should read "invoice".

Takes from the taxpayer, gives to the old – by squishing a bug in Thatcherite benefits system


What would happen if your name really was Mary Jones-Deceased?

Police drone plunged 70ft into pond after operator mashed pop-up that was actually the emergency cut-out button


0.0197 Waleses.


That's about 22 cricket balls falling from a height of about 5 London buses.

The Novell NetWare box keeps rebooting over and over again yet no one has touched it? We're going on a stakeout


Re: Not a high bar.

Might I point out that "Dan" seems oblivious that he was in fact part of that IT prowess?

Millions wiped off value of Capita outsourcing deal with English councils amid 'further contract variation agreement'


Re: Interesting choice of words

At my OH's former financial services employer, an actuary was someone on a consulting contract at £1,000 per day.

Worn-out NAND flash blamed for Tesla vehicle gremlins, such as rearview cam failures and silenced audio alerts


Re: We'll get used to it

GM Northstar head gasket failures?

Beware, drone fliers, of Scotland's black-headed gulls. For they will tear your craft from Mother Nature's skies


Re: Hmmm...

Story refers to Black-headed throughout, even to the extent of quoting the correct taxon.

From the Department of WCGW: An app-controlled polycarbonate lock with no manual override/physical key


"Near fot, mentle gaiden, for I know a slackbmith,

To fis horge we will go, on his knoor we'll dock,

To try to avail us of his knecialised spowledge,

And see if he's able to unlick your pock."

Help! My printer won't print no matter how much I shout at it!


Re: HP

Moans about "shouty" teachers.

Has porters to carry stuff about for him...

Space station update: Mystery tiny but growing air leak sparks search for hole


Re: Call a plumber

Then they tell you that the parts are NLA and you need a whole new space station.

Splunk sales ace wins sex discrimination case after new boss handed her key accounts to blokes deemed 'flight risks'


Re: Bring on the zombies...

Surely the drone swarms is more "Screamers"?

By emptying offices, coronavirus has hastened the paperless office


Not a significant reduction if you measure it in terms of the size of Wales...

Queen Elizabeth has a soggy bottom: No, the £3.1bn aircraft carrier, what the hell did you think we meant?


I only understand areas when presented in tennis court multiples.

And what happened to the London Bus as the SI unit of mass?

Could an AI android live forever? What, like your other IT devices?


Re: Regenerating tissue etc

If its tool kit was by Snap-on, immortality would be blighted by the continuing credit payments.