Posts by Diez66

The only thing worse than being fired is scammers fooling you into thinking you're fired

Re: an email that appears to be a legal notice

Maybe DWP

Delays Work (until you're a) Pensioner.

Sure, we've got a problem but we don't really want to spend any money on the tech guy you're sending to fix it

Planes, trains and signatures.

Need to attend a meeting in Glasgow in case they have a technical question about the bid, OK. my Job, I'll go.

Air fare 30quid from Luton, (do not know if that was both ways but it was really cheap. )

Always best to check and sure enough there was a new cost saving rule, Air travel needed two directors signatures wtf, need to cut costs.

So, Tried and in the mean time found out train was going to cost 220, up the east coast, so a nice scenic days trip, which I liked the idea of but, not cheap.

Failed to get the sign off, paid my 220 and had a enjoyable 3 days, How many questions, well a few so needed to be there.

When I got back I decided, that was stupid but my mini boss backed me and we had the policy changed to one of financial sanity which actually saved costs.

YAY!

Large UK part of a Large German company and I loved it there but sometimes x

Missing Titan sub likely destroyed in implosion, no survivors

Psssst

It's reported the US Navy picked up the implosion days ago using a top-secret microphone system but kept quiet about it so as not to give away this special submarine-detecting capability.

You can buy a company. You can buy a product. Common sense? Trickier

GAS!

So my mate bought his new, old, house and within seconds of the removal firm asking for a tea the smell of gas was overwhelming.

Yup, they had taken the gas cooker/stove and just cut the pipe which was now open ended.

Laws around gas and safety are old and quite draconian it appears. The gas was turned off, the repairs safely made and the previous owner was tole he was a very naughty boy. That and the cost, the slap on the wrist and a fine. He could have even been jailed apparently.

Gas, such fun.

This was many years back now but I understand gas is still, I think rightly, very heavily regulated.

If you fire someone, don't let them hang around a month to finish code

Wot, no redundancy for you young man, well old git.

So, we were shedding staff left right and center and I was planning on retiring early so I put up my hand and Nope!

I tried really hard, I had had a few months of no real work. I was a technical trainer but no courses. I spent time learning all the new stuff that the move from copper TDM telco to VoIP was bringing, well you never know.

In the end I managed to get 5 months more with only 1 days training delivery plus they sent me to Munich to learn the new products ?????. Sweet, paid holiday and a chance to say Hi! and Bye! to all my old German friends.

Such Fun!

No redundancy but no work, happy bunny.

A moment of tension as the James Webb Space Telescope stretches sunshield on way to L2 destination

Re: Yep...

Loving the fact you (1.829 meter'ed) fathomed" it out.

Wi-Fi not working? It's time to consult the lovely people on those fine Linux forums

Re: I was taught this lesson in grade school

We used to get this on our, "many" Soft Skills" training at work.

We used to call them Fluffy Bunny days", I have no idea.

Of course being grown ups we had to do run up to the front of the room and shout your name.

Salute the door?

Shout out our favorite ice cream flavo(u)r and so on; maybe we were not good at maths

Loved the courses, training days, always a great day with friends, free lunch or more and no real work.

Afterwards we were oh! so much more productive.

Apparently, "There's a lesson in there somewhere..." :-)

Often I am to blame.

No comment needed.

Lack shame? Fancy some festive Windows knitwear? We've got your back

Maybe too late but hey, so is Windows

It's an XXXXXL, so, Bloatwear.

BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?

Loved it

Thanks, cheered me up wandering just along the thought train. Happy Days

A lightbulb moment comes too late to save a mainframe engineer's blushes

Big wall, small red button

So, we are bad people, big test lab set up to run rests throughout the weekend but it was ok for us to be there as our work did not clash.

So finished up, empty building and a football.

No, we were very careful. Just bounced it along the corridors and all was well until it was time to break for lunch, luxury.

Chuck us the ball, clunk, silence.

Pulling down a partition or knocking through a door does not necessarily make for a properly connected workspace

Gas, Cut those pipes, no worries!

OK, not at work, not even data but it is part of a network.

My parents house still had two capped off pipes where gas lights were once equipped.

They decided to redecorate, it really was time.

OK, gas off, cut the pipe; Hissssssssssssss.

Turns out they were connected to the neighbours house, laugh, well we did later.

At the time we ran away and got the man in.

What do you mean you gave the boss THAT version of the report? Oh, ****ing ****balls

Wrong Solution, oh!, just do what he wants.

Large, was Telecom, now all sorts company and was asked to write a report, by manager, "Ali B" to choose the type of cable system we should use, there were only two choices..

I did just that and submitted it.

It came back with various cryptic comments, this went of for several drafts until the penny dropped.

I had chosen the wrong connector.

I quickly re-wrote it favouring the "right" system. Job Done.

Nothing changed, got paid. yay!

I would drive 100 miles and I would drive 100 more just to be the man that drove 200 miles to... hit the enter key

Turn it off, not on again!

OK, long time ago, they all are?

Frantic, Sunday, phone call from the south coast, "It goes live on Monday morning and it keeps crashing"

We have tried everyone else and we have tried everyone else, there is no one who can help.

It was a PABX with twin, fully redundant, hot swap, processors, they kept swapping before they could get any useful data configured. All they told me was it kept crashing.

(I am guessing you know my Sunday fix already)

They must have been desperate, I was the technical trainer and, at that date, unproven to the field engineers. Can't do it become a trainer, can’t train, become a manager.

So, as a non overtime grade I drove from Luton down to the south coast where I was witness to all those Kiss Me Quick hats wearing holiday makers, me tools in hand.

I got to site, where the errant box was, no phones on that site as there were no externa lines connected yet, and a 20 minute drive to the main site that had service and possible support. You could feel their pain.

I asked them to show me the problem, sure enough it crashed and the hot standby took over but as they had been unable, in the time it was running, to save the database, it started empty.

I watched this a couple of times, turned off the standby processor and there it sat; unhappy, sulking a bit but up and running.

Silence, and joy; then off they went programming and saving until they were happy it would do the job. Shed loads of “WTF” alarms but stable.

Proper fix came late Monday.

Me, no glory from the mangers who said I should not have gone, true but unkind. The engineers, totally my best ever buddies. Really helped me in my job as they knew I could actually “Do It”.

Not being buried in the situation as they felt they were, I was able to see the wood for the trees.

Sometimes you just get lucky.

Oh! A surprise tour of the data centre! You shouldn't have. No, you really shouldn't have

Re: year 2000

I used to buy my alarms a battery for Christmas, wrapped them up the first year because I could.

That was when they replaceable with 1 year life. Happy days.

Re: year 2000

Mine remembers things that didn't happen, or she/I didn't do; ouch.

Guess who reserved their seat on the first Moon flight? My mum, that's who

Wonderful

Love the optimism, well done your mum.

I've got a broken combine harvester – but the manufacturer won't give me the software key

It's not the machine that's the probem

Bought new Washer Dryer and new dishwasher for a holiday home.

They are fine, so far. Well it's only been 3 years and well limited use what with Covid etc.

The biggest problem I have, to date, is finding somewhere to recycle all the mail I am getting from the manufacturer and their cronies about Insurance! It will go wrong, you will never be able to afford the repair without our wonderful product........; argh!

If they put as much effort into the product, eh?

Hubble, Hubble, toil and trouble: NASA pores over moth-eaten manuals ahead of switch to backup hardware

Re: Step 1

Every time I bog up a remote computer, they are in the same building so "not in a far away galaxy".

I am so chuffed I do not make the software for these beasts.

Also, I am very aware that no one in their mind would consider me for the job.

YAY!

Bezos v Branson: Battle of the wannabe Space Barons as Virgin Galactic cleared by FAA to start flying customers

The on board Log, in the on board bog.

What you need to know about Microsoft Windows 11: It will run Android apps

Central Windows Button

Why, now I will have to pay attention not just flick the mouse down:

OK I could use the key!, I could worry about something really important.

It will be configurable, please?

Pigeon fanciers in a flap over Brexit quarantine flock-up, seek exemption from EU laws

Re: Brexit.

You would be amazed at how may "exPats" did vote for Brexit or wanted to.

A few of them still think it is a great idea but don't stop going on about the 90/180 day limit to stay in the EU.

Yes, they never registered to live here and did not pay tax here, or there.

Now many have missed the deadline to register residency under the "When we were in the EU" rules.

The best expression I heard was: "You won, get over it!"

Me, to stay because I had had to do business before the single customs zone etc and it was a pain, it was expensive and it was just so dam difficult.

NASA's hefty Martian rover will use an AI brain on a robot arm to map out signs of ancient life on Red Planet

Re: Perseverance is shooting x-rays at Mars?

The Jolly Green Giant?, We will never know.

Salon told to change ad looking for 'happy' stylist because it 'discriminated against unhappy people'

When I was young and the world was, just how it was, I used to help shop for a neighbour and when we went to the butchers we used to ask for a "Happy Chicken"; not an eyelid was batted.

Looking back, A "Happy Chicken" and a butcher, Nope

This is why we need the PC brigade to stomp out such nonsense.

Cambridge student rebuilds Polish Enigma-code-breaking box that paved the way for Turing ... and Victory!

Just love to see something that is not dusty, old and rubbish looking

Looking at old original kit you forget how good it must have looked at the time.

All the sweet looking kit we get these days with all the sophisticated manufacturing processes and machines you look back at the museum kit and get, well I do, the opinion it was all a bit 2nd rate.

Looking at this, wow, how amazing it looks, it make you, well me, think how some of the other kit, war, domestic and so on, must have been seen in the eyes of those in the past.

What a great achievement by Marian Rejewski. Nice one Hal Evans.

Artful prankster creates Google Maps traffic jams by walking a cartful of old phones around Berlin

Re: Ingenious

Red balloons?

Ancient Ore Crusher or KillBot 2000? NASA gets ready to pick a name for its Mars 2020 Rover

En(d)urance

End, if it does early.

Endurance if it last a long time and finally, when it stops "End".

Boring but a good fit.

The time a Commodore CDTV disc proved its worth as something other than a coaster

From next door

My parents house has two end capped gas pipes over the fireplace, on the chimney breast, which used to have had lights in the distant past.

Yes, there were connected to the house next door's supply.

Discovered when the saw cut through the pipe.

No big bang, result.

UK.gov opens £250k competition to tackle first-world problem of crap conference Wi-Fi

They will need to bring, if they can get past the border, their own food.

This will also sort out the curly sandwiches, problem, at the same time.

Astroboffins have spied the largest star that has gone supernova and it's breaking all the rules

It is oviously as Sci-Fi special effects star, they always blow up several times.

The proof would be, "Can you hear it"?

Literally braking news: Two people hurt as not one but two self-driving space-age buses go awry

Re: Bus v Pedestrian or Pedestrian v Bus

Maybe it can be used in place of their brain.

Lucky they did not walk in to a lamp post, being the lampost's fault it would have to be removed from service and then no one could see a dam thing, (at night)

Operation Desert Sh!tstorm: Routine test shoots down military's top-secret internets

A very satisfying Flash / Bang

So a big old PBX, just installed and running the site.

"Lets check the standby batteries" said the boss.

He turn off the mains, silence and no lights? The battery fuse was disconnected so no batteries.

We get to witness; boss runs around a bit grabs the fuse and pops it in and the is a big old flash and a bang as the batteries start to supply current.

Boss falls backwards and does a bit of a somersault; all very pleasing to us chaps as we had told him let us check it had all been installed correctly and ready for testing but no!.

It appears on a more expensive system there is some circuitry to prevent big bang/flash but boss did not want to pay.

Made us very happy and did no damage other than split sides.

Before we lose our minds over sentient AI, what about self-driving cars that can't detect kids crossing the road?

Re: self-driving cars that can't detect kids crossing the road

Yup, I wondered that, maybe Skynet starts small.

Let's make laptops from radium. How's that for planned obsolescence?

Laptop from radium, Now I am a bit ignorant on how nuclear power stations work exactly, it's not a skill I have needed but from a simplistic point of view.

How Wonderfully Green.

Lots of radioactive laptops and they will all eventually need binning. They can all go to selective landfill, lets call it a reactor. Green Electricity!.

The users of said laptops may pass early, convert to them to Solent Green. Recycling? as a side effect, population reduction, a Virtuous Circle.

OK, radium, uranium not the same, Solent Green not real? But Hey, why let reality get in the way of, Hey that's a good idea!

Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

Someone/thing that does not listen to me

Felt like a normal day, sad.

It's a phone with a peel, but you'll have to wait a bit more for retro Nokia

Want one, well I did.

RAZR, awesome physical design, it was the only phone I actually, all but , lusted for.

As you say, once you got it, the way you accessed its limited functions were a wee bit disappointing.

Still, I always loved the feel, the way it looked, it was wow! at the time.

Open plan offices flop – you talk less, IM more, if forced to flee a cubicle

Open Plan, Me?

I was the noisy one, not using hands free but constantly chatting and basically quite noisy.

My boss did point this out.

My response was, "Well you knew what I was like and You! put me in an open plan office".

Not sure this make me a good guy?

I hate and hated open plan offices, I also know what I was like and knew I would bog it up.

I used to be a technical trainer, thank god for closed training rooms where my chat and banter seemed to be just right.

Brit regulator pats self on back over nuisance call reduction: It's just 4 billion now!

TPS, I re-register every now and then.

This seems to work well, very, very few calls and if I start to get some, I re-register and they seem to stop again, works for me.

Sysadmin unplugged wrong server, ran away, hoped nobody noticed

In the developed world?

In Spain, and a lot of Europe, the plug and cable are in a straight line, tug the cable, pull the plug.

Sweet.

We get other things right, maybe?

Friend of mine did accidentally hit a big red mushroom on the wall that shut a whole test and development lab down, we went down the beer hall and never spoke of it again., Well until today.

Nest bricks Revolv home automation hubs, because evolution

Re: "Is the era of internet-of-things bringing an end to the concept of ownership?"

D = Do-oh!