Posts by Sam not the Viking

Torvalds challenged the haters to fork Linux. Someone said 'hold my beer'

Re: ...we do approve of exploring and learning and having fun...

Often followed by "Oh dear...."

But, yes. So have one of these --->

Tech support chap told angry customer to think inside the box – and solved the problem

Re: "when many phones still had removable batteries"

Anyone else irritated by the trend for thinner but longer and wider mobile phones?

The thin section makes it more likely to bend, er.... break, and the larger dimensions mean it doesn't fit comfortably in a pocket. And so, so shiny, they have to have a case to stop them from slipping, destroying (or enhancing!!) the bling whilst increasing every physical feature.

Oh, it's Friday --->

How the AI bubble could pop and take down the global economy, according to the BIS

Re: In other news

In the 1980's our company was taken over by a much larger conglomeration who reorganised us into a common Engineering Department supporting three completely different Sales Teams. There was little cross-over of technical knowledge, each product demanded its own specialist expertise, but it was deemed that we must all sit in the same area.

The newly installed Engineering Manager then introduced 'Expert Systems' whereby each designer would lay out the exact steps necessary to create a new machine. These processes would be amalgamated into a procedure for anyone to use. By 'anyone', even a dullard was expected to produce a cost-effective, bespoke machine exactly in accordance with customer's specification. Of course, no-one's job would be affected.

Unsurprisingly, not a single procedure was produced despite some impressive table-thumping.

Undeterred, they then shut down one of the products which gave a few of us the opportunity to start our own business..... Guess which business is still running?

Sysadmin broke hardware worth more than he made in a month – and lied his way out of the mess

Re: "Shipping Damage"

We received a motor with the shaft-end sticking out of the side of the packing case. This motor weighed in excess of a tonne.

"That's how they pack them" said the driver.

Well, we laughed, but it transpired that the manufacturer had a new chap working in Despatch and he thought he could save the company money by using a smaller case.

Re: Probably told this one before

"Look boss, we need a modern power analyser to replace these masterpieces of Edwardian delicacy."

"How much cost?"

"£27 k."

"Oh. ..... OK."

A week later, the Financial Controller: "What the **** is this ******* multimeter?" Technically literate , they were not. There was no point in trying to explain to the boss or the accountants, but the boss had faith....... It was so useful it paid for itself within a few months.

Security boss thought MFA would be too much security

Re: Not quite the same but...

As a very new trainee in the Design Office, I followed procedure and left the building when the fire alarm went off. It turned out to be a false alarm, the fire brigade were dismissed and we returned to the office to find Malcolm still sitting at his draughtboard, completely oblivious to the evacuation and he had failed to notice the lack of personnel around him. He had been in the toilet experiencing his own 'clear out' when the alarm went off having turned off his hearing aid. The 'walk-through' by the fire warden coincided with his transit within the building and because a roll-call had not been carried out he was not missed at the outside assembly.

The resulting review called for extra fire-bells in the toilets.....

How dare you stop data loss – that's not your job!

Re: Clocking In and Out

We had a major element that had been incorrectly cast and although it was fully machined, it couldn't be balanced by metal-removal. It was scrap. "Oh no it wasn't" said the shop-floor manager, "We'll weld a piece on the outside. The customer will never know." Against all advice, he proceeded along these lines but was dismayed when the correct material (an exotic bronze) was not available. Undeterred, he went into the bonded-stock stores (MoD Approved) and withdrew a component held as a spare for a very important piece of machinery installed on a very important nuclear-powered machine..... It was the right material, he had a piece cut out rendering that donor-part scrap (and so reduced from a 250 kg mass to 249.95 kg..). Made a balance weight, welded it to the original casting and declared what a clever boy he was.

Anyway, the trouble was that the balance weight introduced other problems and our customer rejected the set on his inspection. Clever clogs had two items to replace at eye-watering expense.

Of course, we got the blame for late-delivery.

He was lucky he didn't have to explain the stock-shortage to our resident MoD Inspector. We hoped he might be tried for treason.

Re: Clocking In and Out

The forward-looking management, successful with good, long-term, orders, were ousted by the old guard when one of them was promoted by head office to be the new super-boss. Their previous failure to grow the business was forgotten and they duly arrived to take the glory for major contracts they had had no hand in. Every hour of our time had to be accounted for, time-sheets approved and signed by the relevant project manager and submitted to accounts every week.

Accounts couldn't handle all this information on a Friday afternoon so we had to submit our weekly, approved and signed time-sheets before the end of Wednesday. A complete farce.

It left Friday afternoons free for the 'late arrivals' following 'Team Meetings' --->

Tech support chap hauled out to help SWAT team saw his life flash before his eyes

Ignorance is bliss

A long time ago..... We were working at a remote site out in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in UK fenland. Fens can be very flat, very exposed and very difficult to navigate on the ground. Finding the site is often a feat of its own, sometimes the drift of power-lines can help. Anyway, two of us were going through the usual procedures when we heard a very loud, low-aircraft noise. By the time we looked out of the building the aircraft was out of sight apart from a tell-tale drift of exhaust disappearing over our horizon. Returning inside we were soon again disturbed by either the return of the same aircraft or another doing the same thing. Again, we were too late to see what was going on.

Later in the day, as we were about to leave site, an RAF bod drove up and on stepping out enquired the nature of the building. It turned out he had been practising a low-level bombing-run on a set of coordinates given to him and he was interested to know what he was (not, fortunately) attacking.

And, although he had found the location, he realised he had made many turns on tracks, around fields and ditches, could we help in returning him to the main (!) road?

Techie expensed a bag of oranges and then juiced up a stupid security incident

Re: "Food and Drink"

I've been reasonably fortunate in having almost all of my expense claims paid in full; my reason being that if the company didn't trust me to be fair/reasonable they shouldn't send me to site.

One employer had a policy where the most senior person on the trip has to pay the bill, in order to avoid a subsequent fiddle by signing off an underling's expenses. I've had a great time on this wheeze: At the end of one project my big boss came along to press the flesh with the customer and accept the praise and honours all non-participants deserve. About eight of us went for lunch, and it was a very, very good lunch...... When we left at about 4:00 p.m. the boss paid the bill: £2000..... He was driving home, I had my hotel..... I didn't have an evening meal that night.

We did get more business from that customer but the big boss never intervened again.

Ohio hits pause on datacenter tax breaks draining its coffers

Re: Do you suppose that there's an actual strategy there?

Don't mess about. Say what you really mean.

Under-trained techie didn't claim overtime for mistakenly failing to phone it in

Knowledge

The more you know, the more you realise how little you know.

Lab worker built a fake PC to nuke his lunch

Re: What am I missing?

I've mentioned before about the guy who re-heated his previous-evening's fish-curry for his lunch. The microwave in our office kitchen created a bigger hazard than any industrial radiation-emitter.

Brit mathematician lets AI agent loose with credit card – cue password leaks, CAPTCHA chaos and more

Re: Cassandra

To be fair, Odysseus was forewarned of a delay in returning home and so tried to get out of the expedition by feigning madness. This tactic has never worked as exemplified by Blackadder and Catch 22.

I wish it was fun watching Greek Myths being re-enacted in the present.

Hope your holiday was horrid: You botched the last thing you did before leaving

Re: "That Box Full Of Old Tech You Should Probably Have Thrown Out But Kept Just In Case"

In our loft, I still have the original packing-boxes for equipment that is long gone. Some of them contain a single lead which was probably vital to function......

User found the perfect formula to make Excel misbehave

Re: Analogue clocks

But the first number isn't one..... It's zero....

BOFH: Arrr, I smell piracy ... and it's comin' from a machine with executive privileges

Re: "didn't wash his† hands adequately after processing some rather hot chillis"

At university, one guy in our flats used to make a curry he named "Wallpaper stripper." And that was from the steam while it was cooking....

There was an antidote ---->

To fix this Wi-Fi network, we'll need a crane

Re: It is quite simple.

For some reason, not properly explained, my old secondary school started at '2' for first-years then inserted a mysterious 'Shell' between '4' and '5'. I just thought this was normal, but then a lot of strange things go past without me noticing.

Some years ago, we had a problem with alignment on some largish machinery which had been built on a huge concrete structure. The engineers were blamed for a poor installation but then we were called to install instrumentation and logging to see what was actually happening whilst the machinery was running. It was thought that one element (weighing several tonnes) must be changing shape during operation; unexpected, unlikely but possible.

We found a rhythm to the issues: Every twelve hours or so, things would cycle between good, poor, bad, poor, good and so on. Tides. Moving/distorting the entire building......

We joked with the project manager that he could sit in his chair outside and command the sea to go back. He wasn't a Cnut and took the banter in good humour.... The solution to the issue involved a different flexible coupling between rotating parts.

Friday --->

Junior disobeyed orders and tried untested feature during a live robot demo

Re: Makes sense

Amps can be imps and if they have high potential, shocking.

Sorry. I should not have taken this line of least resistance.

Competition watchdog cracks knuckles, probes legality of Adobe cancellation fee

Don't forget the updates....

To be fair, I think the 50% charges are to give the time necessary for the 'updates' to be completed before uninstalling the product.

While you're here, could you go out of your way to do an impossible job?

In the area....

Big trouble on an important site..... Customer very angry, demanding action: Sort it in the next week or else it will become very expensive.

As the senior engineer, and most able to withstand a bullying customer, I was tasked to investigate and do whatever was necessary to get things operational again.

I need to buy a specialist analyser to view this problem: expensive and I only knew of two likely suppliers. This was on a Wednesday, so I phoned the vendors and outlined the problem and instrument I needed and most importantly, the urgency. Both were very enthusiastic. One supplier was a couple of hours away, the other a lot further and travel would involve a flight.

Vendor 1 said they would get back to me.

Vendor 2 'had someone in the area' which turned out to be several hours away but nevertheless he arrived late on Wednesday afternoon and demonstrated the kit. Recognising our situation, he said that if we placed the order with him, he would set up his demo-device there and then, we could use it on site until the new instrument arrived. A few hours later we were in possession of a device I needed to get to grips with the problem and I travelled to site Thursday to get started. Our customer was impressed (but that was easily done), tempers eased as the system came back to 'normal' operation. It was several weeks before the plant could be handed over and we needed to re-visit once or twice weekly to run our surveys and report.

Vendor 1 called me on the Friday afternoon to say they had someone available 'in the area, next week' to discuss our requirements. They were shocked to find that we had ordered and installed the instrument before they even had time to make an offer.

Quicksort inventor Tony Hoare reaches the base case at 92

Condolences regarding your father.

I had a brief introduction/training on analogue computing at Uni a few years ago. Surely not fifty years ago...... I remember thinking it was impossible to produce a repeatable solution to a given set of inputs from a total reset.

I now find there is some doubt, albeit unproven, that the laws of fluid mechanics might somehow not be continuous and breakdown at some, as-yet undiscovered, set of parameters. My experience on analogue computing found exactly that: Operator (entry) error, so they said..... Is digital computing sufficiently discrete to be able to prove/disprove the postulate?

Now they're using AI to investigate. Soon the answer will be undeniable, or not. ( https://www.quantamagazine.org/using-ai-mathematicians-find-hidden-glitches-in-fluid-equations-20260109/ )

Preferred solution in fluid mechanics --->

BOFH: What physics defines as impossible, sales calls a challenge

Sales....

Mid 90's. Our company has new owners: New PCs were to be installed together with a smallish, customised MRP system; this was a good thing. We narrowed it down to two suppliers. One had a really good offer, well suited to our requirements; the other was more of an accounts package, suitable but nothing great. The first system was far more intuitive and 'ready to go', the second would need our existing data converting to the required format. The decision would be made after a presentation to manglement by each vendor.

So confident were Company 1 in getting the order, they went out on the piss the night before the presentation and were clearly hungover, almost disinterested. The second Company gave a really dull presentation but which our finance manager understood. Overwhelmingly, Company 2 were adjudged to have the better product.

We ended up with monochrome screens and dumb terminals. We didn't escape this return to the 70's until, having made a complete mess of a good company, we were sold again six years later. Fortunately, I had escaped by then.

Blustering Blackbeard's PC was all at sea, sysadmin got him shipshape in seconds

Re: Walk-trhough diagnose

I too have been caught in this dilemma.

My solution is to keep an old laptop 'off the books' and not connect it to the network in any way. At least it has the software and operating system compatible with the instrument. The data is transferred via a USB stick for further processing and record-keeping.

Otherwise it's a waste of a superb instrument.

Re: Bash,bash, bash. F*****g keyboard, grrr...

Yes!

The one that's plugged in......

Blank screens and faces......

It's such an obvious problem/solution. I have applied this miracle to others on several occasions. Of course, it never happened to me.

Not that anyone observed.

District denies enrollment to child based on license plate reader data

Wouldn't 'eating students' free up places in school?

UK copper fired after faking keyboard taps using photo frame

Nothing to see here.

I always feel that the object of the police is to prevent crime. Ideally, they should have no crime-solving to do.

"I was proceeding along Acacia Avenue and I found no crimes happening." Perhaps there is a link there?

Engineer held hostage by client who asked for the wrong fix

He could submit the Tale to Canterbury.

Delegate.

Before my time, my employer had some issues on a contract in the Middle East. It wasn't thought to be the fault of the company but in the interests of good relations, one of the Directors flew out to discuss the matter with the customer. On arrival at the airport, he was promptly arrested. It was explained to him that until the company sorted the problem he would be kept imprisoned.

He was released quite quickly after instructing that the necessary work be done.

Not renown for treating employees with compassion, I'm not sure what the response would have been if it had been a lowly engineer sent instead.

Hotel's rotary switchboard so retro it predates the concept of crashing

Re: who have not seen such a device in the wild (or at least outside a museum)

I feel old, therefore I am.....

My first employment had a switchboard manned by three telephonists, and a telex-room manned by three formidable ladies. Plus half a dozen pensioners employed as internal-mail collectors/delivery men. And tea-ladies. I can't bring myself to mention those in the typing-pool.

As a fresh graduate, I was terrified. I'm not sure that the scars have yet totally healed.

Work experience kids messed with manager's PC to send him to Ctrl-Alt-Del hell

We swapped some of the letter-keys on a poor fool in his absence.

He wasn't that foolish though, he swapped his keyboard for one from our secretary's PC. She never noticed. As a very fast touch-typist, she never looked at the keys anyway.

Prizes

We awarded 'The Pen' for the most stupid act or comment so far recorded. You could only pass it on if another person made a cock-up of equal or worse stupidity.

It was actually quite a good pen, from a competitor, complete with logo, but it would randomly stop working. Nevertheless, it had to be on display and be used. It was very embarrassing to be awarded this prize. The threat was sufficient to ensure actions and words were considered before rash action. Our Sales Director had it most of the time.

We created a book containing phrases that defied explanation ("We're going to come up smelling on this one....")

Every day in every way, passwords are getting worse and worse

Beware of middle men-in-the-middle.

I had to use 2FA to enter the portal to review my pension pot. Before letting me in, the portal asked me to accept the T&C's of its use. Hmm. Being a bit cynical, I read them, it was only one page. It transpired I had to agree to give them access to my pot of savings...... Their liability was limited to £1k. My liability if their software was compromised was unlimited!

I contacted my pension man and said, in no uncertain terms, that this portal-mob were not allowed access to my pot. If that couldn't be done, the pot was going elsewhere.

Re: Passkeys? Yeah, sure....

I agree. People are prone to injury which can severely affect biometric parameters. Are they to be locked out of communications because they suffered an accident or burns, for example?

I enjoy woodwork; my fingerprints can be temporarily altered/removed after using glass-paper (I was taught never to use the term 'sand-paper').

Hard drives already sold out for this year – AI to blame

Re: I still use HDDs.

I think I can reveal that not only do I have HDDs, but also an FDD: 'Just in case'. No floppy disks, though there may/will be some lurking in the box of 'essentials'. Box? Boxes.

Come on! I'm not the only one. Am I?

You can jailbreak an F-35 just like an iPhone, says Dutch defense chief

Re: You'd like to think

"Bandits at none-o'clock, Leader."

"Jolly good. Tally-ho, chaps."

"Your Windows update is complete. System restart -\I/- ....."

Final step to put new website into production deleted it instead

A very angry customer phoned our MD to say our software had caused a major incident; machinery had failed to operate and the consequences were serious. Not life-threatening but the local MP was involved. We were summoned immediately to site to meet with the end-user, a representative from the EA, the consultant, the main contractor and the leader of the Parish Council..... As the person considered best to offer as a sacrifice, (longest in the tooth), I was sent to investigate and download our logging/monitoring data. Tempers had eased by the time I got there but the tension was palpable.

Our logging device was simple but the data was not easily retrieved. Once in the software, the keystrokes to save or delete were easily confused...... as from experience, I knew...... Under watchful eyes, I carefully downloaded the machine history under the watchful eye of the consultant and gave him a copy of the unabridged data.

It was blindingly obvious what had happened; the machines had not been switched to 'Auto' and so were effectively switched 'Off'. Cue huge embarrassment to all (others) involved. We thought it prudent not to invoice for our call-out.

I still worry what would have happened if I had...... No I don't want to think about it ----->

BOFH: Loss adjuster discovers liability is a two-way street

On recovering the car, the insurer will also need some new wheels.

Radio is still working. Well, it would if the car had a battery.

Starlink speeds past terrestrial networks – and regulators

I was thinking that you need to get out more (moor?). But Galapagos and North Yorkshire, despite both being remote, distant and inhabited by strange beasts (I do have a connection....), indicate the search for the perfect pint is never ending. Like software, needing constant updates.

Cheers ---->

BBC bumps telly tax to £180 as Netflix lurks with cheaper tiers

You're not going to believe this, in the UK: 7/6d (37p).

More than two pints of beer!!

New hire fixed a problem so fast, their boss left to become a yoga instructor

I do hope they selected the correct vehicle for the occasion.

Made me smile ---->

Re: Kneeling Chairs

I returned to work after suffering a bad lower-back (poor posture mostly to blame) and our secretary suggested one of those kneeling chairs (Balans Chair). She had one and brought it in for me to try. I found it brilliant so I bought my own. I don't use it all the time but keep it for those times when I relapse my stance. The knee-supports are only supposed to stop you sliding off the seat, not to take weight.

Amazon can't build AI capacity fast enough, throws another $200B at the problem

Is the return worth it?

Adding 3.9 GW in energy.... About $5 billion per year extra costs then.

If it could be expressed as an increase in overall efficiency, thus resulting in a nett energy reduction, this might be impressive. But to produce more 'monetizing'.... For AI?

The world is going mad. As it's Friday, I suggest this solution ---->

Bots are taking over the internet and AI users are to blame

I feel that the buyers of ad-space must be AI Bots themselves.

Surely, no genuine human thinks that there's not enough advertising on a page?

Want more ads on your web pages? Try the AdBoost extension

That old saying....

Advertising is effective. Say the ad companies. Mandy Rice Davis applies.

Re: "If we don't feed the advertisers, then we'll be forced to pay artists for their creative work."

My Institution's Technical Periodical, in paper, changed from being technical, written by technical authors, interesting, to bland copy provided by marketing and advertisers. It became so off-topic that I resigned.

I'm not sure that these learned societies understand that the people who look to the future, plan and buy technical products, are not influenced by drivel.

Rant over --->

BOFH: Eight pints of a lager and a management breakthrough

Re: Very grin worthy

I was in a very heated meeting with our customer (end user), his consultant, the main contractor and ourselves (as target).

I knew the customer's representative (Chief Engineer) very well; over several years we'd done several projects together. After me taking a severe hounding, with the customer contributing little to the argument, the Chief intervened and called a halt to the discussion to say that he had reached a decision: The consultant's design was incomplete, the contractor had constructed it incorrectly and the supplier (us) were a convenient scape-goat. The consultant must complete his omission, the contractor will fix the construction. At their own cost. And that the meeting was over.

Both consultant and contractor were wary of us from then on.

Re: "often, in bad situations, doing something can make things worse."

From bitter experience, I recall:

1 Enthusiasm

2 Panic

3 Search for the guilty

4 Punishment of the innocent

5 Praise and honours for the non-participants