* Posts by TimMaher

982 posts • joined 7 Apr 2018

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Major IT outage forces UK emergency call handlers to use 'pen and paper'

TimMaher Silver badge
Flame

Per Ardua....

.... Adastra.

111 has become even worse than it was when it started. It is now completely useless.

Even 999 has deteriorated with some especially crap number pushing in some circumstances.

I had to phone both of them a couple of weeks back and it was really hard work.

I’m not talking about resources or waiting times here, I’m talking about the procedures.

Not good even before an outage.

Strike days should serve as 'wake-up call' to BT's top brass, says union

TimMaher Silver badge
Flame

Re: Where is it going?

Into the C-suite.

Bad news, older tech workers: Job advert language works against you

TimMaher Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re:- and

It seems to have become acceptable in the past few decades.

And even I now do it.

Sage accused of misselling perpetual licenses it knew would soon be obsolete

TimMaher Silver badge
Terminator

Re: Shadow...

I used to ask my team if they could tell when the boss walked in with out having to look.

The answer was that the temperature fell by two degrees.

Why the end of Optane is bad news for all IT

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

Re:- “Drums”

Some decades ago, a mate of mine told me a tale of when he worked at NPL in Teddington.

They had a very heavy, vertically mounted storage “disk”, much like a UPS centrifuge wheel (anyone remember them?). Apparently it had to rotate during the day, something to do with the Earths movement.

Anyway, one day it came loose, spun off the axle, zoomed across the computer suite (remember them?), bashed through a door, down the steps and into Teddington park.

At least that’s what he told me.

Akamai: We stopped record DDoS attack in Europe

TimMaher Silver badge
Gimp

Re:- “*some* videos”

Thought I’d donate you an icon for that one @Neil.

I paid for it, that makes it mine. Doesn’t it? No – and it never did

TimMaher Silver badge
Coat

Re: “Are you a goblin?”

Man in little green suit:- “No. I’ve just got a headache.”

Chinese booster rocket tumbles back to Earth: 'Non-zero' chance of hitting populated area

TimMaher Silver badge
Coat

Re: “here”

Where are you?

Your job was probably outsourced for exactly the reason you suspected

TimMaher Silver badge
Pint

Re:- 2 beers please

Both for you? Or did you have company?

My Big Coin founder is – you guessed it – a $6m crypto-fraudster

TimMaher Silver badge
Devil

Re: Get Crater!

Crypto tray slides away.

“I’ve got an idea.”

Crypto tray slides further away.

TimMaher Silver badge
Thumb Up

Trading Places

Or... you could drop an insider tip that is the reverse of reality and short sell.

Now that would be nice.

British intelligence recycles old argument for thwarting strong encryption: Think of the children!

TimMaher Silver badge
Big Brother

Perhaps...

Perhaps they posted the paper so that El Reg* would write an article about it.

Then they track all of the comments and flag each commentard as required, depending on what they write?

*Other, supposedly “technical”, journals are available.

TimMaher Silver badge
Joke

Re: “whips”

I don’t think it was Pincher @eclectic.

I think that @ken was referring to actual whips; across those beautiful buttocks.

TimMaher Silver badge
Big Brother

Someone’s creeping; round the corner.

Hi Mack, this is Google.

Our decryption bot spotted a message that said you have left your knife on the sidewalk.

Would you like to buy another?

TimMaher Silver badge
Coat

Re: self interest, an old joke.

A very old, very British joke:-

People who read The Times run the country.

People who read The Telegraph think that they run the country.

People who read The Grauniad think they should run the country.

People who read The Mail are married to those who read The Telegraph.

People who read The Mirror are married to those who read The Grauniad.

People who read The Sun don’t care who runs the country providing they have big tits.

Sorry guys.

TimMaher Silver badge
Gimp

Re: dead horse

Because they are “bestial, necrophiliac, flagellants”. As per one of my comments several years ago.

DiDi in deep doo-doo over 64 billion illegal acts of data collection

TimMaher Silver badge
Happy

Surely...

Dido don’t do data?

Java SE 6 and 7 devs weigh their options as support ends

TimMaher Silver badge
Headmaster

Named after an island.

After 40 years in tech, I see every innovation contains its dark opposite

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

Re: FORTRAN

Didn’t the Devils Dictionary describe FORTRAN as a language written for scientists, so that they could introduce their own bugs without the help of a programmer?

TimMaher Silver badge
Coat

Re: bloody elves and magic

Totally agree @Neil.

Nothing worse than having to push your way through some rowdy elves to reach up to the top shelf. And all this while keeping the little buggers out of your magic proof cloak, a garment of inconvenience if ever there was one.

Google, Oracle cloud servers wilt in UK heatwave, take down websites

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

I’ve had one of those.

During an exceptionally hot summer in two thousand and “cough”, I was running a network infrastructure for a company down in Kent.

As nothing was “designed” I had to look at a full height cab containing a stack of edge switches that were massively over heating.

The answer? Leave the doors open and put a fan on the floor.

Sad really. But... hey... it worked.

Russia fines Google $374 million for letting the truth about Ukraine be told

TimMaher Silver badge
Big Brother

El Reg

Is it available in the Soviet Union Russia?

TimMaher Silver badge
Trollface

Re: trolls are so tasty.

So are jellied eels... oops, sorry.

TimMaher Silver badge
Happy

Re:- left....

....behind?

Just because you failed doesn't mean you weren't right

TimMaher Silver badge
Happy

Rolls Royce

They were going to call one of their models “Silver Mist” until someone pointed out that they would have a large German market.

BT strikes to start this month, 40,000 workers to down tools

TimMaher Silver badge
Flame

Go for it

Well done strikers. Hit their bottom line as hard as you can.

Also the rail staff, lawyers, court security staff and anybody else.

Stuff them.

Crypto lender Celsius in Chapter 11 deep freeze

TimMaher Silver badge
Pint

Re: Kelvin

And 0 Celsius is still 32 Fahrenheit. Trebles all round.

TimMaher Silver badge
Pint

Re: Kelvin

Sounds a bit south of the river.

How’s about Fahrenheit? Could be Swiss or German. Solid, reliable.

Panasonic picks Kansas for $4b EV battery plant

TimMaher Silver badge
Coat

Dorothy Gale

She will be pleased.

Mine is the one with “The Wizard of Oz“ in the pocket.

Beijing residents blast COVID surveillance device

TimMaher Silver badge
Big Brother

That strap.

The one in the picture.

It’s the same strap that I wear on my FatBat.

Am I being surveiled?

Being declared dead is automated, so why is resurrection such a nightmare?

TimMaher Silver badge
Trollface

There only two certainties in life...

...death and taxes. Or was it taxis? What about Uber?

TimMaher Silver badge
Pint

Re: Remember Dabbs - He'll be missed

Often wondered if Dabbsy had a ghost writer.

That emoji may not mean what you think it means

TimMaher Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: escapement

Interesting point @mike but could you not also argue that the hand has to move from one point to another?

That makes it different from a digital one that only displays one state and does not normally show a relative position unless we choose the dial version. And that is just a trick for the eye.

Hmm. Don’t really know.

TimMaher Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Giant electric organ

Ooh missus! ——-> icon, not emoji.

Bosch to pour $3 billion into European chip fabs and research

TimMaher Silver badge
Trollface

Meanwhile. Back in the UK...

... Brexit Boris is seen eating a chip. Or was it a wafer?

What happened to that fab. in Wales?

BT strike action is coming: Comms union to serve notice to company

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

Re: Sounds of the seventies.

It’s still on Radio 2. Johnny Walker. Whispering Bob has moved on to “both kinds”.

I really liked his work on the “old grey rag”. Fabulous!

FYI: BMW puts heated seats, other features behind paywall

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

I remember...

Some time ago, could be years back, when there was quite a large debate, amongst El Reg commentards, about 365 and the cloud and “anything as a service”.

Many of the commentards evoked the motor industry as “the good guys” but where this could happen next.

They thought they were joking.

TimMaher Silver badge
Gimp

Re: Wanker

Made by Bavarian Masturbation Works.

Hive to pull the plug on smart home gadgets by 2025

TimMaher Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Hives

Apparently they are not very nice and can affect up to 20% of people.

NYC issues super upbeat PSA for surviving the nuclear apocalypse

TimMaher Silver badge
Devil

Re: Standard Operating Procedure upon Encountering a Nuclear Attack at Close Range

1) Stick your head between your legs.

2) Kiss your arse goodbye.

San Francisco cops want real-time access to private security cameras for surveillance

TimMaher Silver badge
Holmes

Meanwhile

Here in the UK, we are amongst the most heavily surveiled countries on Earth. But the roz do not have access to private cameras without a warrant or by voluntary submission.

As our busies couldn’t be bothered to investigate anything unless there is a public outcry and lots of press, it doesn’t seem to matter.

When they do, finally, get off their fat arse and investigate, they go around to the victims family and insult them a bit before before deciding that there isn’t enough evidence.

Sigh.

TimMaher Silver badge
Big Brother

Re:- Was fiction

But not anymore.

See another post about a Chinese cloud provider and document deletion.

Microsoft says staff layoffs not linked to recession fears

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

Age

Anybody know if the demographics analysed employee age and/or pension allowances?

Asking for an old friend.

Cloudy Chinese word processor vendor denies deleting defiant docs

TimMaher Silver badge
Big Brother

Re:1984

I’m more inclined to “Brazil”. Either the country or the film. Both qualify.

Leaked Uber docs reveal frequent use of 'kill switch' to deactivate tech, thwart investigators

TimMaher Silver badge
Facepalm

Panorama

Just watched it.

Uber are even bigger shits than I thought.

Used them once... never again.

Now-frozen crypto-lending biz Celsius accused of devolving into a Ponzi scheme

TimMaher Silver badge
Coat

Re: “tulips”

Thanks, yet again, to Douglas Adams.

The management consultant:- “Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we have, of course, all become immensely rich.”

Fabulous.

Mine has a copy of “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe” in the pocket.

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

Re: First of them.

Yup. I started mining back in two thousand and “cough”.

It looked hopeful but became boring and was trashing my GPU.

So I stopped.

I still have my wallet lurking in an image somewhere that I suppose I could revive if I can remember which drive it is on.

In the meantime and in the case of Celsius I only have this to say:

“Hah, hah, hah, hah, haaaah!”

Bloody idiots.

API rate limits at the core of Elon Musk’s decision to ditch Twitter

TimMaher Silver badge
Pirate

Re: Delaware/Switzerland

There is a downside to this.

I was once offered shares in a “Delaware” company as a tax avoidance scheme. The company was seemingly developing a gem mine in some dodgy South American jungle. Apparently this is commonplace. They tried a very hard sell.

I declined.

PC sales take double-digit tumble in Q2 amid economic downturn

TimMaher Silver badge
Windows

Resting, not dead.

Hah. Nice one.

My ancient Mac Pro is pining for the fjords.

Florida man accused of selling fake, broken Cisco devices from China to hospitals, schools, military

TimMaher Silver badge
Trollface

Trump?

Donald:- “Jen, JEN! Where’s Melania?”

Psaki :- “Somewhere in Eastern Europe I think.”

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