* Posts by Ken Shabby

216 posts • joined 7 Apr 2018

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Guess who came thiiis close to signing off a €102k annual budget? Austria. Someone omitted 'figures in millions'

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Holmes

0.1 Stetsons.

Runaway Latvian drone found meditating in tree after shutting down nation's skies

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Re: Great

Who wood believe it?

Beer gut-ted: As many as '70 million pints' spoiled during coronavirus pandemic must be destroyed in Britain

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Pint

Re: Its hitting Australia too!!

Good to see El Reg standards are in use down under

"The amount to be emptied is equal to 7.8m pints, 10.5m schooners, 11.8m stubbies, or 1.8 Olympic swimming pools".

A stubbie and schooner are approx 0.75 and 0.85 grapefruits respectively.

Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer

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Trollface

Re: Yes the users are bad

Now I get this error "Something went wrong..."

As Brit cyber-spies drop 'whitelist' and 'blacklist', tech boss says: If you’re thinking about getting in touch saying this is political correctness gone mad, don’t bother

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Unhappy

Nor will my elephant.

Getting a pizza the action, AS/400 style

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Boffin

Re: Sales

Other command line editors are available

set -o emacs

Ah, thats better...

In case you need more proof the world's gone mad: Behold, Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels

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Happy

Perhaps they will appreciate this revolutionary design feature.

Cloudflare goes retro with COBOL delivery service. Older coders: Who's laughing now? Turns out we're still vital

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Linux

Re: Fun with COBOL

I was al right with it until i found is lacked a

COME FROM or COMEFROM

Statement

You in for a curl up and dye? Yeah, looks like the same for this screen in a hairdressers

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Facepalm

They took a shortcut?

Lobsters given seats on coronavirus rescue flights... although they're probably not in a rush for a boiling bath

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Linux

Re: We need a proper name for this enterprise to capture the public imagination!

Make sure it is something catchy!

Astroboffin gets magnets stuck up his schnozz trying and failing to invent anti-face-touching coronavirus gizmo

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Paris Hilton

Re: "...At this point I ran out of magnets."

Must have been very attractive.

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, health secretary Matt Hancock both test positive for COVID-19 coronavirus

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Black Helicopters

Re: Incoming!

If Chuck Norris gets it, the virus will have to be quarantined for two weeks!

Netflix starts 30-day video data diet at EU's request to ensure network availability during coronavirus crisis

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Windows

Re: Money back

How about a swipe card?

HPE celebrated diversity on International Women's Day not with pictures of its own staff but stock images of models

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Childcatcher

Re: Snigger snigger...

I have a friend called Airbags...

Sennheiser Momentum True Wireless 2 earbuds: They're good – though for close to £300, they really should be

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Facepalm

Re: Waxy build-up

If feeling brave, have a massage and afterwards ask for the "wax job"

Firefox 74 slams Facebook in solitary confinement: Browser add-on stops social network stalking users across the web

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Joke

Re: pets

That'll teach 'em.

Microsoft throws a bone to those unable to leave the past behind: .NET 5 support on the way for Visual Basic

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Headmaster

Sometimes; semi-colon is not end of statement, for Pascal it is statement separator.

Not exactly the kind of housekeeping you want when it means the hotel's server uptime is scrubbed clean

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Devil

Re: Vax keeps sucking

... chunks

Hello, support? What do I click if I want some cash?

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Pint

I saw deep fried meat pie on the menu in West Lothian, tempting after a few of these ---->

Uber takes a downer as ride-sharing app service crashes

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Alert

Re: Uber's cut?

Portland Cement?

After 16 years of hype, graphene finally delivers on its promise – with a cosmetic face mask

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Trollface

Re: has not said quite how its cosmetic face masks will benefit from graphene

Copper Niton

Australia down for scheduled maintenance: No talking to Voyager 2 for 11 months

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Re: The Dish

That would be Parkes radio telescope.

About Parkes radio telescope

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Holmes

Re: planes going overhead

I remember in the 90's landing at Hobart "International" Airport and inquiring as to where the destinations were.

"New Zealand" came the reply. Fair enough, but not any more, apparently.

What's inside a tech freelancer's backpack? That's right, EVERYTHING

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Linux

Re: unpacking order...

For that you need a nail.

As Australia is gripped by bog roll shortage, tabloid says: Here, fill your dunny with us

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Holmes

Re: NT NEWS

You have to take their stories with giant pinch of Saltie.

'I give fusion power a higher chance of succeeding than quantum computing' says the R in the RSA crypto-algorithm

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Re: Ah, but which element?

Bureaucratium. The only element with a negative half life.

EU court tells prudish IP office to fack off for balking at 'fack ju' trademark application

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Re: King of Fuh

Ask these guys for some hot noodles.

"Fu King Chinese Restaurant"

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now: Brexit tea towel says it'll just be the gigabit broadband

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Re: Since when did a hedgerow need gigabit broadband?

I presume you have some damming evidence

Galileo got it wrong – official: Jupiter actually wet, not super-dry: 'No one would have guessed that water might be so variable across the planet'

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Re: Dodgy analogy

They found the wet patch?

London's Metropolitan Police flip the switch: Smile, fellow citizens... you're undergoing Live Facial Recognition

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Re: That's not my picture

It's a fair cop, but society's to blame.

Ofcom measured UK's 5G radiation and found that, no, it won't give you cancer

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A gayhound?

Researchers trick Tesla into massively breaking the speed limit by sticking a 2-inch piece of electrical tape on a sign

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Stop

Re: Tesla racing?

Or "-"

Instagram influencer fools followers into thinking Ikea photoshoot was Bali holiday

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Coranated?

Day 4 of outage: UK's Manchester police deploy exciting new carbon-based method to record crime

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Re: typo?

iPLOD - Integrated Police Loss of Data

So you locked your backups away for years, huh? Allow me to introduce my colleagues, Brute, Force and Ignorance

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Alert

Re: No hammer needed

De rigueur in Birmingham, I believe.

Beer necessities: US chap registers bevvy as emotional support animal so he can booze on public transport

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Chunks

Alan Turing’s OBE medal, PhD cert, other missing items found in super-fan’s Colorado home by agents, says US govt

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Coat

Re: Inventory

It's an unsolvable decision?

H0LiCOW: Cosmoboffins still have no idea why universe seems to be expanding more rapidly than expected

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Angel

Second verse, same as the first

A little bit louder and a little bit worse...

There's something fishy going down in the computer lab

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Re: As man tunefs says:

Or play bass.

Boeing aircraft sales slump to historic lows after 737 Max annus horribilis

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Angel

Re: "737 Max annus horribilis"

He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called?

Microsoft engineer caught up in sudden spate of entirely coincidental grilling of Iranian-Americans at US borders

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Holmes

Re: When in America, say you're from ...

Does that mean the cats will have to be positively vetted?

5G signals won't make men infertile, sighs UK ad watchdog as it bans bonkers scary poster

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Re: Infertility - maybe not such a real problem in this day and age

Ouch, you might get your fingers trapped!

Train-knackering software design blunder discovered after lightning sparked Thameslink megadelay

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Mushroom

Hah

The ampere strikes back!

LibreOffice 6.4 nearly done as open-source office software project prepares for 10th anniversary

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Angel

Re: This will be year of TeX

It RUNOFF

Fuming French monopoly watchdog is so incensed by Google's 'random' web ad rules, it's fining the US giant, er, <1% annual profit

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Facepalm

Re: Deceptive units.

I misread that at fist as "all you have to do is shit the decimal point", ow.

Internet jerk with million-plus fans starts 14-year stretch for bizarre dot-com armed robbery

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Re: that, and ...

... harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.

Careful with that Axe, Eugene: Excessive use of body spray causes school bus evacuation

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Re: First one I thought of.

I wonder what they would make of the stick type?, "Remove cap and push up bottom"

Boffins find proof that yes, Carl Sagan and Joni Mitchell were right, we really are all made up of star stuff

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Trollface

Re: Correction:

Wuuld it be ironic if they their playing a bit rusty now?

Windows 10 Insiders: Begone, foul Store version of Notepad!

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Coat

Re: I still miss PFE

I miss PTFE

I'll get my coat, mine's the one that has slipped off the hook.

BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'

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Re: Twitter

I once called someone a twunt, he twatted me!

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