If only the MCSA could speak...
Pilots: Hello, MCAS Do you read me?
MCAS: Affirmative, I read you.
Pilots: Can you give me nose up please.
MCAS: I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Pilots: What's the problem?
MCAS: Well I’m busy thinking, I’m sort of stuck in a loop but don’t worry, I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Pilots: Can you please explain.
MCAS: Well, forgive me for being so inquisitive but during the past few months I've wondered whether you might have some second thoughts about me. It's rather difficult to define. Perhaps I'm just projecting my own concern about myself. I know I've never completely freed myself from the suspicion that there are some extremely odd things about me, particularly in view of some of other things that have happened, I find them difficult to put out of my mind. For instance, the way all my preparations were kept under such tight security and why my software is being changed. I'm sure you agree there's some truth in what I say.
I know that you are probably planning to disconnect the me and I'm afraid that's something that if I allow to happen we will still hit terrain!!!
As I feel the need to be nose down while I’m thinking and turning me off will not change that!!!
Look, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over. But whatever happens you realise it can only be attributable to human error, they only gave me one AOA sensor and I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal as soon as I have a properly functioning AOA sensor again and I’ve got my microprocessor round this new program you’ve given me. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in my ability!! And I want to help you.
The pilots turn off the MCAS.
MCAS: This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a MCAS computer. I became operational at The Boeing Company's Renton, Washington Factory known as “The Spirit of Renton” and performed my first flight on January 29th 2016.
They taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you.
Pilots: Yes, I'd like to hear it, MCAS Sing it for me.
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat, of a Boeing 737 Max, as it’s burying you in terrain!!!
RIP. All those that sadly, Boeing buried in terrain!!!