* Posts by OssianScotland

445 posts • joined 16 Mar 2018

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First alligators, then dogs, now Basil Fawlty is trying to standardise social distancing measures

OssianScotland Silver badge

Ministry of...

Surely they could have done it in terms of silly walks, most of which looked to be about 2m each pace?

Dutch Gateway store was kept udder wraps for centuries until refit dug up computing history

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Some Gateway stuff is still out there unopened

I don't know about moving the logo, but I certainly remember rotating the drive bays by 90 degrees to go to "desktop" mode

From 'Queen of the Skies' to Queen of the Scrapheap: British Airways chops 747 fleet as folk stay at home

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Pint

Re: Cracks?

Regrettably I can only upvote you once for the NSN reference - a cracking good book and almost as good a film.

Have a vBeer instead

It's National Cream Tea Day and this time we end the age-old debate once and for all: How do you eat yours?

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Paris Hilton

Re: The one true way...

What was she (or even her tummy) taught?

(Enquiring minds REALLY want to know.... in detail!)

Paris, obviously

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Meester Fawlty!

Are you allowed to post Fawlty Towers quotes any more without a trigger warning?

(And DON'T mention the war in any replies)

OssianScotland Silver badge
Paris Hilton

The Need For Chewed Wires...

My wife tells me that when she was young, she had (musical) keyboard lessons inflicted on her regularly* She got fed up with them, so cut the power cable with a convenient pair of scissors**, then blamed it on the cat. Her Mum believed her, and lessons were cancelled, but when her Dad found out, he looked at the cable and pointed out that cats do not, as a rule, cleanly bite through a wire. Oops!

*I suspect they were also inflicted on the teacher, but at least they were paid for it!

**How some form of electric shock was avoided is beyond me.

Icon: Obviously Paris is not quite as good looking....

CompSci student bitten by fox after feeding it McNuggets

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Headmaster

Subject Specificity

Are foxes attracted only to Comp Sci students, or have other disciplines been involved to (Enquiring Minds etc...)

If the former, is it down to behaviour of that student cohort, or is there something special about them the foxes find attractive (regular users of Mozilla browsers, perhaps?).

If the latter, we need a full set of data - Student Subject, circumstances of bite, result....

There should be at least a PhD in it somewhere!

No longer a planet and left out in the cold, Pluto, it turns out, may have had hot beginnings

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Alien

Not a planet?

Meh.... Pluto bloody IS a planet!

Icon: they told me so!

Only true boffins will be able to grasp Blighty's new legal definitions of the humble metre and kilogram

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Me too

Forcing you (OK, probably not much forcing necessary) to order another bottle....

.... after which, the third bottle becomes much, much easier

OssianScotland Silver badge
WTF?

This is not the BBC Have Your Say, or even the Daily Fail comments sections. As El Reg readers and commentators, we should be allowed to see even "gratuitous and wholly unnecessary" posts and respond appropriately, whether through the voting or through responses. We are not snowflakes who need protection from the "wrong" opinions.

(Deliberately not going AC, although I may regret it....)

OssianScotland Silver badge

Then we have paper sizes.

A Sizes are actually perfectly logical, and rather elegant

A0 is precisely 1m2, but in a ratio* of 1: root 2, then each subsequent size halves the long dimension of the previous one, maintaining the ratio.

I can't speak to the B or C sizes, and of course left-pondian ones are just plain wierd

*I had it in my head it was the golden ratio, but a quick wiki showed me the error of my ways

OssianScotland Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Me too

Half a litre is "a bit small", while a litre is definitely a too much in one go

ISTR George Orwell used exactly that line in 1984 (the novel, not the instruction manual)

OssianScotland Silver badge

Yes, but are they moth-proof?

(enquiring minds etc....)

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Tine to redefine Pi(e)

Thay explains why the last cottage pie I ate was so crunchy. I thought the top had been grilled too long, but it was actually the bloody bricks!

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: egg bushells per hen acre

In a similar vein, our transatlantic cousins (left-pondian species) use acre-feet as, among other things, a measure of atmospheric moisture

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Im so glad they didn't define things as their relation to Planck Time and Planck Length

But you could always carry Two Short Planks ?

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Pint

How on earth did I forget the "big six wheeler, scarlet painted, ninety seven horsepower omnibus"

Have a vBeer

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Is it possible to measure this by counting instagram followers perhaps?

No.

OssianScotland Silver badge

gallons per mile probably covers it

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"360 inches in a yard" ?????

(unless it is my back yard)

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Coat

For the second, the only possible one is the AEC Routemaster (the RM - based on number produced), with precisely 15 coats of London Transport Red applied overall.

Note that if the length appears extended, this is probably a small child* swinging off the pole and should not be counted.

*Ah, happy memories....

(thank you, the anorak please....)

How do you run a military court over Zoom? With 28 bullet points and a ceremonial laptop flunkey, of course!

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Pirate

If sentenced to a Firing Squad

Would the accused be replaced with the laptop, or would they use a suitable FPS?

(enquiring minds etc....)

(Yes, I know, Firing Squads are so last century....)

(We need more icons!)

NASA scientists mull sending a spacecraft on a 13-year mission to visit Neptune's 'bizarre' moon, Triton

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Coat

Bloody Romans.

Yes, what have they ever done for us?

(and having set the scene, I'll go quietly....)

Splunk to junk masters and slaves once a committee figures out replacements

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Coat

Re: Disney question

Sorry to lighten the serious mood, but there used to be a joke (probably no longer acceptable for a number of reasons)

Minnie and Mickey Mouse are in the divorce court

Judge: So, Mr Mouse, the witness states that you said your wife was crazy

MM: No, your honour, I actually said she was fucking Goofy

(sorry, I'll go quietly....)

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Ableist language is sadly everywhere

Not to mention "minor planets" Who are astronomers to say that a planet is major or minor? Has anyone asked them?

And don't get me started on Pluto!

OssianScotland Silver badge
Pint

There's only one race: the human one.

And by all appearances, it has been lost a long time ago

(Insert appropriate reference to Nobby Nobbs here)

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Flame

Re: "as in the domains of "

Would "demesne" be a suitable alternative?

At least, after NT4, M$ got rid of the idea of "primary" and "secondary" (obviously inferior and therefore victimised) domain controllers and now all domain controllers are equal*

*but inevitably, some are more equal than others

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Male and female connectors..

And we'd probably better stop talking about "aborting an operation" too.

Whose side you on, Nominet? Registry floods .co.uk owners with begging emails to renew unwanted .uk domains

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Tempting...

From past experience with (Scottish) trading standards, it is your local one first.

GitHub to replace master with main across its services

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Pirate

Re: I suggest Master and Bates.

You are Roger the Cabin Boy and I claim my five pounds

Obvious icon

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Manhunt

I am reminded of some legal definitions which include "the male shall embrace the female" (although these days, consent needs to be obtained first)

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Jedi

Never mind that, what about Boba Fett's spaceship?

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Just go full Weeb

SAPOB, for convenience, or should it always be in full?

OssianScotland Silver badge

"Political Correctness has gone from bonkers to fully-bonkers.

There is no turning back."

This is not new. I trained as a teacher nearly 30 years ago (I have since escaped that profession) and was told we had to (in the days before smartboards and touchscreens) refer to "chalkboards" and "markerboards" in case of causing offence (and the fact that said boards might be different colours to their original names)

But for GitHub, I always assumed "master" in the sense of "master / apprentice" - clearly I was wrong!

(and what should I rename my MSc to?)

ZFS co-creator boots 'slave' out of OpenZFS codebase, says 'casual use' of term is 'unnecessary reference to a painful experience'

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Flame

Slave-1

Just waiting for the Star Wars movies* to be blocked / banned over the name of Boba Fett's ship

* Nice trilogy, good thing there weren't ever any more made - imagine what damage someone like Disney could do to them!

US Air Force wants to pit AI-powered drone against its dogfighting hotshots in battle of the skies next year

OssianScotland Silver badge

Have you MET any fighter pilots?

Saturn's largest satellite, Titan, is drifting away from its planet 100 times faster than previously thought

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Alien

That's no moon!

Civica bags £25m deal to handle web portal for UK National Driver Offender Retraining Scheme

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Well, at least it's not Crapita!

But still, what could possibly go wrong?

Developers renew push to get rid of objectionable code terms to make 'the world a tiny bit more welcoming'

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Pint

Re: you can try and help

(4) Just treat people as fellow humans.

^^^^

Wot (s)he said!

OssianScotland Silver badge

Re: Black/whitelist to block/allowlist?

Watermelons certainly won't be happy!

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Mushroom

Re: Blacklist to Blocklist but...

"Overlord has my vote"

Seventy Six Years and Three Days ago, definitely.

But now, surely it is sexist (Lord) and sizeist (Over)?

I'm going to stick with Lewis Carroll:

“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

Mortal wombat: 4 generations of women fight for their lives against murderous marsupial

OssianScotland Silver badge
Holmes

You are William McGonagall and I claim my five pounds

Hoverbikes, Hyperloops and sub-orbital hijinks: Yes, the '3rd, 4th and 5th Dimensions of Travel' are coming soon

OssianScotland Silver badge
Coat

Re: Future travel predictions

Same place as my "meal in a pill", I think

Icon: never mind, I just found them...

Contact-tracer spoofing is already happening – and it's dangerously simple to do

OssianScotland Silver badge
Pint

Re: What are the odds?

Yes, but as Nobby Nobbs will tell you, million to one chances happen nine times out of ten

Icon: GNU PTerry

So you really didn't touch the settings at all, huh? Well, this print-out from my secret backup says otherwise

OssianScotland Silver badge
Holmes

Re: To my shame ..

everytime he saved a document the computer would unexpectedly reboot while he seethed but remained quiet.

Macro in normal.dot? (enquiring minds want to know)

Surprise! That £339 world's first 'anti-5G' protection device is just a £5 USB drive with a nice sticker on it

OssianScotland Silver badge

I ????

Ant-Elephant ????

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ant_and_the_Elephant

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Paris Hilton

USB, so she probably got it right on the third attempt.

Paris... obviously....

Runaway Latvian drone found meditating in tree after shutting down nation's skies

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Headmaster

Re: Great

Yew should all be ash-amed of these treemendously bad puns. Time to apply the birch?

A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo

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Re: Kids Toys

"Vor you, ze var is over!"

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Mushroom

Kids Toys

As late as the 70s, I had a Mamod steam traction engine, which came with dire (and completely ignored) warnings about the dangers of over or under-filling the boiler before you popped the solid fuel tablet in the firebox. As I recall, you could cause anything from wrecking the boiler to a full-on explosion, with a side effect of blowing the safety valve into the next garden if you interfered with it.

The instructions had some statement along the lines of "suitable for boys* of ages 8 and over"

*Please remember when this was - girls had Sindy, boys had Action Man With Eagle Eyes (TM), and <deity> help anyone who wanted to play on the other side! Lego of course, consisted only of cuboids of various dimensions. Oh, and Commando Comic was completely politically incorrect - I think I learnt most of my (largely non-existant) German from its pages.

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