* Posts by OssianScotland

470 posts • joined 16 Mar 2018


China pushes back against Exchange attack sponsorship claims


Mandy Rice Davis

Well, they WOULD say that, wouldn't they.....

Trouts on a plane: Utah drops fish into lakes from aircraft and circa 95% survive


Re: wondering

No, they are fish, not petunias!

Icon because "Ford, you are rapidly turning into a penguin..."

UK urged to choo-choo-choose hydrogen-powered trains in pursuit of carbon-neutral economic growth


Re: Huh

You could even put the battery pack in a separate unit and place it at the front of the train.

We could call it... just a wild idea... a locomotive

Thank you, yes, the one with the (original) GWR badge, please

Hungover Brits declare full English breakfast the solution to all their ills


No mention of "Cold Carry Out" (Chinese or Indian according to taste) eaten at silly o'clock? That, plus hot, sweet, tea is my sovreign cure for over-indulgence.

Pigeon fanciers in a flap over Brexit quarantine flock-up, seek exemption from EU laws


Re: Round trip?

That deserves a toast!

Planespotters’ weekends turn traumatic as engine pieces fall from the sky in the Netherlands and the US


Re: RE: engine failure

Upvoted for the Susan Calvin reference.

Hero to Jezero: Perseverance, NASA's most advanced geologist rover, lands on Mars, beams back first pics


Re: jaunting

Another upvote for Gully Foyle

Microsoft kills broad entry-level IT certifications, replaces them with all-Microsoft curriculum


Microsoft have shot themselves in the foot...Again...

I'm just away to renew my MCT (15+ years) and am now having serious doubts about it.

Almost all their certifications are "cloud" and training and certification for the on-prem systems seems almost non-existent (current versions of Exchange, SharePoint and even Server 2019 gone, SQL Server hanging on, but only just...). Even Desktop OSes seem to have merged into "Microsoft 365". And of course older products are "no longer relevant" and certs and training courses are dropped too.

Maybe the market share is diminishing, but how much work does it take to update exams and courses to the new version, or even to keep older versions alive on the grounds they are still largely relevant?

Soviet 'Enigma' cipher machine sells for $22k at collapsed museum's exhibits auction


Instagrammable, interactive exhibits...

... with less context and labelling than an academic historian might have enjoyed

So just like pretty much every major museum, at least in the UK, then.

I took my family to the IWM and the Science Museum a few years ago, wanting to revisit childhood memories of lots and lots of information. Instead got minimal labelling, staff who knew nothing and gave me a total blank when I asked where I could find out more ("Try Google" was the standard staff response).

Honourable mention to the RAF museum, who still had real information including brief service histories, and links to find out more - a lot more - online.

(Obvious icon, since Paris didn't seem to fit anywhere....)

You can drive a car with your feet, you can operate a sewing machine with your feet. Same goes for computers obviously


Re: Dirtiest PC

Far, far worse - a PC on the factory floor of a fish processing company. I will leave the rest to the imagination, but whenever I went there I would walk, and be thrown into a shower when I returned home!

Looking for something on which to spend all that bonus Bitcoin? How about The Hoff's very own KITT?


And Lady Penelope in the back seat with you?

Raven geniuses: Four-month-old corvids have similar cognitive abilities to great apes at same age, study finds


Re: tasks testing addition and understanding of relative numbers?


(and yes, I am aware of the significance of five exclamation marks)

Oh, no one knows what goes on behind locked doors... so don't leave your UPS in there


Re: I still have my 8" floppies

There is medication available, you know....


Croydon Hilton.... Paris' less well-known brother (one of twins, the other being Gatwick)

UK union pens letter to data watchdog on icky workplace monitoring systems like Microsoft's Productivity Score


Re: Doing a deal with the devil, or maybe Jesus?

Are you saying Paris sucks?

Chuck Yeager, sound barrier pioneer pilot, dies at 97


"spam in a can"

The post is required, and must contain letters.


Nothing else need be said...

"Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,

I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air....

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue

I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace.

Where never lark, or even eagle flew —

And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod

The high untrespassed sanctity of space,

– Put out my hand, and touched the face of God."

Who knew that hosing a table with copious amounts of cubic metres would trip adult filters?


Re: Local knowledge vs auto translation...

Wasn't it Ronald Reagan on a state visit to Poland who managed to completely mistranslate "we want better relations with the Polish people"?


Email Filters

Working for an oil company meant a constant battle with the spam filters which,for some unknown reason, didn't like terms like "twelve inch pipe" (especially when combined with "drill"). Most were solved, but I could never get the filter to accept the term "hole expanders" which I was assured was perfectly legal, decent, honest and truthful in the industry.

Another story involves a manager in India who managed to send a set of (mindbleach still needed) VERY hairy images to the whole organisation list, not his intended recipient!

Network driver issue shaves 12 more hours off Microsoft's '365' infrastructure, and yeah, it was Exchange Online again


Bowl of Petunia moment...


Oh no, not again.....


Remember 2013? This coffee machine does: If I could turn back time – I'd reboot this PC


Re: Put the vending machine out of its misery.

Tea, Shirley?

We bought a knockoff Lego launchpad kit from China for our Saturn V rocket so you don't have to


Re: I am disapoint

Its not stepping on them, it when you kneel on the floor to help sprog-3 make something, and get a brick right in the kneecap,

(I was really looking for an "eyes watering at the thought" icon, but no luck...)

A freshly formed English council waves £18m at UK tech industry, asks: Can somebody design and run pretty much everything for us?



Is 18m enough to attract the hyenas that are Crapita, or are they only after bigger fish? If so, it may be a lucky escape

What a Hancock-up: Excel spreadsheet blunder blamed after England under-reports 16,000 COVID-19 cases


Re: A technical issue was identified

Computer User (Non Technical)

As we stand on the precipice of science fiction into science fact, people say: Hell yeah, I want to augment my eyesight!


Re: Pull my finger!

You might!

First alligators, then dogs, now Basil Fawlty is trying to standardise social distancing measures


Ministry of...

Surely they could have done it in terms of silly walks, most of which looked to be about 2m each pace?

Dutch Gateway store was kept udder wraps for centuries until refit dug up computing history


Re: Some Gateway stuff is still out there unopened

I don't know about moving the logo, but I certainly remember rotating the drive bays by 90 degrees to go to "desktop" mode

From 'Queen of the Skies' to Queen of the Scrapheap: British Airways chops 747 fleet as folk stay at home


Re: Cracks?

Regrettably I can only upvote you once for the NSN reference - a cracking good book and almost as good a film.

Have a vBeer instead

It's National Cream Tea Day and this time we end the age-old debate once and for all: How do you eat yours?

Paris Hilton

Re: The one true way...

What was she (or even her tummy) taught?

(Enquiring minds REALLY want to know.... in detail!)

Paris, obviously

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth


Re: Meester Fawlty!

Are you allowed to post Fawlty Towers quotes any more without a trigger warning?

(And DON'T mention the war in any replies)

Paris Hilton

The Need For Chewed Wires...

My wife tells me that when she was young, she had (musical) keyboard lessons inflicted on her regularly* She got fed up with them, so cut the power cable with a convenient pair of scissors**, then blamed it on the cat. Her Mum believed her, and lessons were cancelled, but when her Dad found out, he looked at the cable and pointed out that cats do not, as a rule, cleanly bite through a wire. Oops!

*I suspect they were also inflicted on the teacher, but at least they were paid for it!

**How some form of electric shock was avoided is beyond me.

Icon: Obviously Paris is not quite as good looking....

CompSci student bitten by fox after feeding it McNuggets


Subject Specificity

Are foxes attracted only to Comp Sci students, or have other disciplines been involved to (Enquiring Minds etc...)

If the former, is it down to behaviour of that student cohort, or is there something special about them the foxes find attractive (regular users of Mozilla browsers, perhaps?).

If the latter, we need a full set of data - Student Subject, circumstances of bite, result....

There should be at least a PhD in it somewhere!

No longer a planet and left out in the cold, Pluto, it turns out, may have had hot beginnings


Not a planet?

Meh.... Pluto bloody IS a planet!

Icon: they told me so!

Only true boffins will be able to grasp Blighty's new legal definitions of the humble metre and kilogram


Re: Me too

Forcing you (OK, probably not much forcing necessary) to order another bottle....

.... after which, the third bottle becomes much, much easier


This is not the BBC Have Your Say, or even the Daily Fail comments sections. As El Reg readers and commentators, we should be allowed to see even "gratuitous and wholly unnecessary" posts and respond appropriately, whether through the voting or through responses. We are not snowflakes who need protection from the "wrong" opinions.

(Deliberately not going AC, although I may regret it....)


Then we have paper sizes.

A Sizes are actually perfectly logical, and rather elegant

A0 is precisely 1m2, but in a ratio* of 1: root 2, then each subsequent size halves the long dimension of the previous one, maintaining the ratio.

I can't speak to the B or C sizes, and of course left-pondian ones are just plain wierd

*I had it in my head it was the golden ratio, but a quick wiki showed me the error of my ways


Re: Me too

Half a litre is "a bit small", while a litre is definitely a too much in one go

ISTR George Orwell used exactly that line in 1984 (the novel, not the instruction manual)


Yes, but are they moth-proof?

(enquiring minds etc....)


Re: Tine to redefine Pi(e)

Thay explains why the last cottage pie I ate was so crunchy. I thought the top had been grilled too long, but it was actually the bloody bricks!


Re: egg bushells per hen acre

In a similar vein, our transatlantic cousins (left-pondian species) use acre-feet as, among other things, a measure of atmospheric moisture


Re: Im so glad they didn't define things as their relation to Planck Time and Planck Length

But you could always carry Two Short Planks ?


How on earth did I forget the "big six wheeler, scarlet painted, ninety seven horsepower omnibus"

Have a vBeer


Is it possible to measure this by counting instagram followers perhaps?



gallons per mile probably covers it


"360 inches in a yard" ?????

(unless it is my back yard)


For the second, the only possible one is the AEC Routemaster (the RM - based on number produced), with precisely 15 coats of London Transport Red applied overall.

Note that if the length appears extended, this is probably a small child* swinging off the pole and should not be counted.

*Ah, happy memories....

(thank you, the anorak please....)

How do you run a military court over Zoom? With 28 bullet points and a ceremonial laptop flunkey, of course!


If sentenced to a Firing Squad

Would the accused be replaced with the laptop, or would they use a suitable FPS?

(enquiring minds etc....)

(Yes, I know, Firing Squads are so last century....)

(We need more icons!)

NASA scientists mull sending a spacecraft on a 13-year mission to visit Neptune's 'bizarre' moon, Triton


Bloody Romans.

Yes, what have they ever done for us?

(and having set the scene, I'll go quietly....)

Splunk to junk masters and slaves once a committee figures out replacements


Re: Disney question

Sorry to lighten the serious mood, but there used to be a joke (probably no longer acceptable for a number of reasons)

Minnie and Mickey Mouse are in the divorce court

Judge: So, Mr Mouse, the witness states that you said your wife was crazy

MM: No, your honour, I actually said she was fucking Goofy

(sorry, I'll go quietly....)


Re: Ableist language is sadly everywhere

Not to mention "minor planets" Who are astronomers to say that a planet is major or minor? Has anyone asked them?

And don't get me started on Pluto!



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