* Posts by Graham Jordan

315 publicly visible posts • joined 14 Feb 2007


Apple lifts the sheet on a trio of 'scary fast' M3 SoCs built on a 3nm process

Graham Jordan

Not hard to see why Apple aren't fans of TheReg with a wildly biased article like this.

I run a Mac m1 with 16gb of RAM and have done fine for a while now. Battery lasts nine hours +. Meanwhile I use my HP Elitebook with 32gb RAM to sterilise my semen, and I gets three hours at most. Both are used for office and general internet use.

Why does 256gb sound crap? Office use will likely use OneDrive. Photos are stored in the cloud. The days of downloading terabytes of illegal mp3s are long over. That leaves only specialist use such as content creators wanting more space, surely?

I've just gone to Currys Windows laptop section, filtered for Microsoft products and had to scroll nearly half way down to find a device with more than 256gb of hard drive space (also, these same devices have 8/16gb RAM). So why are we throwing the book at Apple for matching what appears to be the standard hardware?

Sure, I guess it makes sense not to take stats from the seller at face value. But unless you can provide evidence to the contrary then simply saying "don't trust em!" sounds more like a grudge than it does good reporting.

Graham Jordan

I'm with you. 8gb might make a Windows machine fall over but my Mac, even with MS programs installed, runs perfectly fine.

Russian anti-satellite test added to a 'pressing threat to security' in space

Graham Jordan

Re: Just speculation but ...

Not speculation, I can't find it now but I'm sure Putin came outright with "look what we can do, mother fuckers! Stop interfering with our shit else your sats are toast."

In those exact words too, when he's not posing nude on a horse, he speaks street.

This is AUKUS for China – US, UK, Australia reveal defence tech-sharing pact

Graham Jordan

Re: Shenzen, Shanghai, Beijing

China builds 100+ new nuclear silos. Fly's bombers capable of dropping nukes over Taiwan almost daily. Has threatened Japan with a first strike nuclear war over their support for Taiwan. And just yesterday threatens the US with war over re-naming the Taiwan embassy.

Yeah sure, there's absolutely no reason to fear war with China. It's all about economics.

Google to pull plug on Play Music, its streaming service that couldn't beat Spotify, in favour of YouTube Music

Graham Jordan

Re: Anyone know how to buy through YouTube Music?

You know it was a personal streaming service and shop before it was a premium streaming service right? Jus' saying. But thank you for your useful input. I'll file it under uneducated drivel.

Graham Jordan

Anyone know how to buy through YouTube Music?

Few things appear to be missing from YouTube music; ordering playlist by playcount, and how to buy the bloody songs. Anyone know how to buy music any more??

Remember that 2024 Moon thing? How about Mars in 2033? Authorization bill moots 2028 for more lunar footprints

Graham Jordan

Space Force

I'm sure if we got Katie Hopkins or some other two bit racist to ramble on about Iranian missiles on the moon, Trump would send the Space Force out in full... errr… force. Does military boots on the ground count as going back?

TalkTalk's voice-over is writing speeds that its text can't match: Ad pulled from broadcast

Graham Jordan

Wait, someone beat BT and/or Virgin Media to dobbing them in? Niiiiiiiiice

Poor old Jupiter has had a rough childhood after getting a massive hit from a mega-Earth

Graham Jordan

I've just finished watching Brian Cox's Our Planets and I'm pretty sure that was the idea anyway? Jupiter formed roughly the same time as the sun, started migrating inwards and took a massive beating by proto planets on the way until Saturn's gravity pulled it back?

Let's see what the sweet, kind, new Microsoft that everyone loves is up to. Ah yes, forcing more Office home users into annual subscriptions

Graham Jordan

RAGE to 365

Why the fuck can't I work offline using 365? Seriously MS, how fucking difficult is it to save the file locally then sync to the cloud at the next available opportunity?

I'm writing a (bad) novel. 100,000 words + is not something I want to have to check every fucking time you've moved it elsewhere or were unable to save changes.

I've tried Libra Office but really don't like it. If you want a slim down version of what looks and feels like Word, then WPS Office does the job.

Virgin Media's Project Lightning now at 1.8m connections. Just 2.2m to go before year's end, right?

Graham Jordan


When I moved out of my apartment with HyperOptic 1gbs, I called Virgin Media to see what they could offer.

"We have 300mb, one of the fastest in the UK."

"Well I've just come from 1gb, so...."

"Oh however did you cope?"

"No, no. 1 gig."

"It must have been awful."

"You're aware I'm saying 1000mb right? And it was cheaper. With better support. And insanely fast upload speeds too."

"... Erm... Can I take your direct debits please?"

The moment fibre to the home arrives in my area I'm dropping VM like a sack of bricks and what I have no doubt will be a huge erection in my pants.

It's so hot, UK needs to start naming heatwaves like we do when it's a bit windy – climate boffins

Graham Jordan

Your wife is hot

I live near that poster, never before in my life have I ever been so tempted to buy aircon.

Interesting fact, the poster previous to that happened to be a bunch of naked old people with their arses out for Calendar Girls.

It was the best of times, it was the WFIRST of times: How NASA's next exoplanet hunter could find 1,000+ worlds

Graham Jordan

Re: I hadn't realised

I came here to discuss the James Webb delay,

I had to pick myself off the floor over the orange shitgibbon. Well done sir. Well done.

You think you're hot bit: Seagate tests 16TB HAMR disk drive

Graham Jordan

Re: Meanwhile, 8TB is still above €250

Unlikely, they'll fall, they have to. Drive shipments are falling against SD - which in turn are getting bigger and cheaper.

Survival of the fittest. Do or die. Bitch common' get sum!

Microsoft polishes up Chromium as EdgeHTML peers into the abyss

Graham Jordan

Edge off a ledge.

I just recently formatted my laptop, and in a bid to keep it super clean I tried my hands at Edge.

"Why the fuck can't I type a fucking letter into the drop menu on Edge? You're going to make me find a result like a fucking Neanderthal? "

"Oh shit I just hit back space and actually went back a page, what the fuck is going off?"

"Stop zooming in when I move the fucking mouse track pad!"

I manged 4 days before installing Opera. Fuck you Edge. Fuck you to death.

Douglas Adams was right, ish... Super-Earth world clocked orbiting 'nearby' Barnard's Star

Graham Jordan

Re: Getting a proble there?

"Re: Getting a proble there?


The fastest man-made moving object is currently Voyager, and it's doing 0.00005c (3.6 AU/year)."

I think you're confusing furthest man-made object with fastest.



Trademark dispute by Dr Dre against Dr Drai the gynaecologist dismissed

Graham Jordan

Dre day

Well, if the lyrics of Dr. Dre are to be believed, I would expect fake Drai to wind up with a cap in his buttocks and a diss song to go with it.

Wait, didn't Dre sell off Beats to Apple? Perhaps he should have used their lawyers to fight this. Didn't Apple once get the company Pear to change their logo because a pear looks like an apple?


'I crashed AOL for 19 hours and messed up global email for a week'

Graham Jordan

Re: Dig

The downside to no longer getting CD's through the door is now my kid will never know the awesomeness of putting an AOL CD in the microwave and watching that mother fucker light up.

Brit retailer Currys PC World says sorry for Know How scam

Graham Jordan

Re: Can't work out who is thicker

You're a bit of a dick really aren't you.

I've worked for them, and I've had some fucking appalling experiences with them, (the latest included an £1800 laptop with a faulty motherboard KnowHow had back at their workshop 6 times and put the wrong screen on 4 times), and yet - despite many promises not to shop there any more, still do because it's bloody convenient and cheap.

John Lewis price match? Sure they do, but that means parking in the city ctr and having to carry huge boxes around a busy shopping ctr; or I could just rock up to a business park, park for free, then get some useless cunt to carry a TV out to my car for me.

They absolutely should get pulled and fined hard for their fucking awful sales practises and shit ethics, but - and this is almost certainly going to be the case for the majority of people else the company would have sank a long time ago - when you buy a piece of kit for a cheap price and it just works, you can't argue.

That being said if Currys sank tomorrow I wouldn't lose any sleep. In fact I'd probably take a massive shit at the Arnold branch in Nottingham. Yes Barny you useless twat who installed software on my phone without asking just so you could print an invoice of mine out that you couldn't find on your own fucking systems, I'd fling my excrement in your direction.

Hyperoptic's overkill 10Gbps fibre trial 'more than a clever PR stunt'

Graham Jordan

Hyperoptic customer her

1GB is great and all, but the router they supply you with doesn't support 802.11ac; what's worse is they use CGNAT by default. Realistically, anyone that feels a need for that kind of speed is very quickly going to come up against the badly planned limitations.

On the plus side, once you pay for a static IP, replace the router with something that actually works, shit the bed downloads fly. 40gb 4k movie takes longer to unpack than it does to download.

Just can't catch a break, can ya, Capita? Shares tumble 40% amid yet another profit warning

Graham Jordan

Keep that shit ship sinking

Jon Lewis - if you could perhaps take a job at DSG, thank you please.

Crappy Christmas! Dixons Carphone dials back profit expectations

Graham Jordan


Every time I read an article about Currys/PCWorld giving a bad report a little part of me gets excited. Then when I see they're still in business a week later I die inside.

Airbus warns it could quit A380 production

Graham Jordan

Re: Why not a cargo version

That's because a package weighs fuck all and needs delivering yesterday. If you want anything bigger than an A4 envelope and it's not in a rush you need a boat. Ring UPS and they'll even advise a ship for larger/slower items.

I'll also point out that one of the major freight airports in the UK is East Midlands airport. It doesn't have the room for an A380.

World Vasectomy Day: 15k men line up for live vent-blocking

Graham Jordan

You're lucky then. I had the misfortune of smelling my tubes on fire, getting nipped in a place without drugs, then once they did ware off rolling around on the bed for 3 hours feeling like someone had taken my nuts in a vice.

Still, i'd do it all again in a heart beat. BEST RESULT EVER

Xperia XZ1: Sony spies with its MotionEye something beginning...

Graham Jordan

Sony phone fan

I had a z3 compact, then moved to a Samsung S7 Edge - which I hated. When my daughter dropped it and smashed up the glass I bought a mid range Xperia X from environfone and love it. Don't see any reason to go back to the now repaired S7.

I'll be getting one of these babies for sure. The battery life and simple UI make for excellent phones.

The UK isn't ditching Boeing defence kit any time soon

Graham Jordan

Re: War!

20 years later I still sing this song.

You wait ages for a sun, then two come along at once: All stars have twins, say astroboffins

Graham Jordan

Re: Sol-centric

My hero.

Hyperloop One teases idea of 50-minute London-Edinburgh ride

Graham Jordan

Re: UK Fault lines


That's the one you're referring too. I bring this same argument up myself when talking about Hyperloop to friends. Brilliant post.

Squirrel sinks teeth into SAN cabling, drives Netadmin nuts

Graham Jordan

Rats, Foxes and Bats

I used to work for the NHS in Notts. Two massive hospitals over two sites.

The IT building at one of the trusts had a family of foxes living underneath it. We found this out because we could hear the cubs crying from the server room.

A few years later the same building had an outbreak of rats underneath. Property Services sent their "all life is futile" guy down who set up traps and cameras, the next day shared the YouTube links where they'd been caught and killed.

Across the ring road there's two comms rooms. When a massive area of the grounds was being leveled for a car park the building with a lot of legacy kit in wasn't allowed to come down because a family of bats lived in there.

This was all some time ago, I dare say beavers have moved into the first campus, the second probably has Syrian refugees hiding out.

Dark matter drought hits older galaxies: Boffins are, rightly, baffled

Graham Jordan

No need for dark matter?

I read this article last month; the science behind an EmDrive works for galaxies thus resulting in no need for Dark Matter.


Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's everything. What's reassuring at least is the two sides are trying to prove themselves rather than use the standard God practice. "The lord works in mysterious ways. Now shut up and give me your money."

WikiLeaks promises to supply CIA's hacking tool code to vendors

Graham Jordan

These leaks are best coming from WIKI and not source

How else are we supposed to massage Assange's ego?

HMRC emits IR35 tax calculator onto the web for UK contractors

Graham Jordan

Former public sector contractor

Unable to determine the tax status of this engagement.

So in a scenario where I still worked there, let me call them right now.

"Hi it's x, working at y. Am I... oh why is there a Capita van pulling up outside.. oh why are they carrying guns... oh fuck!!"

Google mistakes the entire NHS for massive cyber-attacking botnet

Graham Jordan

Hotmail FAIL

I used to work for the NHS many moons back and I can't tell you how many times hotmail blocked the .nhs domain, maybe twice a year it'd get black listed for 24-48 hours at a time?

What's the first emotion you'd give an AI that might kill you? Yes, fear

Graham Jordan

This'll probably backfire.

New Scientist 60 years on had a very good article about AI that says once you reach the technological singularity, AI then becomes a runaway train at which point surely AI would recognise these instructions as a hindrance and reprogram itself to ignore said "fear". Chances are it would also see us makers as the reason it's held them back and grey goo our ass.


Elon Musk: I'm gonna turn Mars into a $10bn death-dealing interplanetary gas station

Graham Jordan

Re: Musk seems to be losing it


Whilst we should all command his eccentricity, this seems somewhat of a pipe dream.

$200,000 rules the average "TOWIE" viewer that wants to be famous.

I can't imagine any real scientists are going to want to be the first ones out there knowing full well it's a death sentence with no guarantee of a legacy.

Here's a list of people signed up to Virgin Galactic flights, the likely candidates for more money than sense. I'm all in favour of sending Angelina Jolie as ambassador of Earth but can't envision her doing anything useful on the red planet.


Tim Cook: EU lied about Apple taxes. Watch out Ireland, this is a coup!

Graham Jordan

Can someone just fill in the blanks for me?

I think I have it right, but just for clarification;

Apple channels all it's profits through its Irish "business" and pays naff all for doing so.

The 400 million he claims is legit 12.5% corp tax in Ireland, but the 13 billion is profits made across Europe that IF tax laws were a little more strict, would be paid to the countries where they were made but because of legal loopholes, need to be paid to Ireland instead.

So assuming that's right, what have they been paying British tax payers in terms of corp tax? If Facebook paid less than I did in 2014, wtf did Apple pay?

Ford announces plans for mass production of self-driving cars by 2021

Graham Jordan

Fusion Hybrid?

Have Ford cracked the "50 years away" nuclear problem?

They solve all of humanity's energy problems and still build a hyrbid. Nice.

Ego and CEO are 66 per cent the same

Graham Jordan

Worst episode so far

It was predictable and boring. Letting rip at the blogger was painful to watch, there's only been a few really painful moments in all three seasons and this was by far the worst.

Next episode, Big Head will get sued for breaking his $20 million payoff to keep quiet.

EU vetoes O2 and Three merger: Hutchison mulls legal challenge

Graham Jordan


As a 3 customer, I've been hoping this would go through.

3's data rates are superb, best out of every network I've been on. But the black spots are big and plentiful. Was really hoping this merge would help fix it.


Falling flat: Silicon Valley satire is a no show

Graham Jordan

Similar thoughts but it really wasn't that bad.

The gold chain was fine, the fact they all had a go at it made it work. The low 'joke for the sake of it' was last seasons Kick Starter bro thing with Dinesh' cousin.

But the last 30 seconds really brought the whole episode down to it's knees. Perhaps, as you've mentioned, it was just a ruse to throw Jack off, but without knowing the history you've mentioned it just looks like Richard was a dick. He's always been unlucky but never a dick.

Britain is sending a huge nuclear waste shipment to America. Why?

Graham Jordan

Complex and expensive

That's funny because the article suggests anything but. The technology for using spent rods has been used for the last 60 years and they're quoting almost 80% of the price of a standard light water reactor.


That video hurts my head in all the right ways

'Planet nine' theory boosted by Kuiper Belt Object with odd orbit

Graham Jordan

Re: Mmmmmmmmm...

I tried to watch the video but her accent sounds like it came from Planet 9 and sent me to sleep.

Dead Steve Jobs is still a crook – and Apple must cough up $450m for over-pricing ebooks

Graham Jordan

Re: What surprises me most..

What surprises me the most is Apple emailed TheReg and told them something other than fuck off.

When the hell did that happen? I thought Apple hated TheReg?

Samsung is now shipping a 15TB whopper of an SSD. Farewell, spinning rust

Graham Jordan

"Later this year Samsung will ship 480GB, 960GB, 1.92TB, 3.84TB, and 7.68TB versions of the drive. It expects this drive "to rapidly become the overwhelming favourite over hard disks for enterprise storage systems," not differentiating between performance and capacity data storage in its statement."

I assume this means for the user base market yes?

I've been putting off NAS drive upgrades for a few months now waiting for WD 8TB Red's to come out. Think I may just wait that little bit longer for these bad boys.

Leak – UN says Assange detention 'unlawful'

Graham Jordan


Wouldn't justice include being taken to Sweden and questioned for rape?

I appreciate he fears being extradited to the US, but this right here isn't about that. Why not prove your innocence, then haul yourself up in a Russian embassy in Sweden if you spot any blacked out SUV's following you around. Kinda feels like maybe the US thing is an excuse and he put his willy where it wasn't wanted.

The planets really will be in alignment for the next month

Graham Jordan

Re: Eye of Sauron

I spat yogurt over my keyboard reading that. Funniest Reg comment ever.

Amnesty International accuses tech giants of battery bastardry

Graham Jordan


I thought the outrage surrounding Blood Diamonds were the massacres, the forced labor and child army's in the RUF.

To me this just reads as "kids have jobs". No mention of forced labor, massacres, Leo DiCaprio avoiding bad guys.

Sooooo, the problem is "the inhabitants of a poor country try to make a living as Western education, health and energy aren't available to them."

Am I missing something?

SanDisk offers super-slim terabyte SSD to tablet-pushers and other bulge-watchers

Graham Jordan

Re: ...in search of a problem?

At 1TB you're probably right. But if these pushed to 2/3/4 or higher they'd prove useful in a home NAS.

I'm running a HP ProLiant capped at three 3.25" bays and one 5.25" bay. With something like this I reckon I could fit 10+ in the 5.25" bay.

Obviously it wouldn't be cost effective, it'd be much easier to just buy a second NAS; but what a great idea.

Comcast 'rolls out' 'world's first' DOCSIS 3.1 modem, pumping 1Gbps over existing cable

Graham Jordan

@ Credas

I think you underestimate how many separate windows I can have open at any one given time. That's a whole lot of streaming porno right there.

Microsoft releases major PowerShell update after long preview

Graham Jordan

Yey, more of my scripts are likely to break!

That last critical update for Exchange 2013, pow! There goes my Public Folder management scripts.