* Posts by Chloe Cresswell

427 posts • joined 24 Aug 2007


Not too bright, are you? Your laptop, I mean... Not you

Chloe Cresswell

Re: me too

We had machines like that with a client. And the client's staff liked the "new" slip cases that had come out for laptops.

So every time they pulled their laptop out it's case, it snagged the wifi switch into the off position.

Scalpel! Superglue! This mouse won't fix its own ball

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Red Mouse mats!

Or red LED on early ones. Had a client where the mouse would go nuts occasionally. Tigger's nose on her mouse mat was the right shade, so every time the mouse crossed the nose it would go dead, then suddenly start working again when it crossed to another colour

Elevating bork to a new level (if the touchscreen worked)

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Reason for touch screen

Red Dwarf Xpress Lifts springs to mind.

One good deed leads to a storm in an Exchange Server

Chloe Cresswell

Pipex loop

We had a sales guy who had his email on Pipex.

One day his office based subordinate was going on holiday, and set their email to forward to him.

All went well till a virus infected email our system didn't detect came in. It forward it to pipex, who rejected it due to the content.

The NDR was duly forwarded, and rejected.

Cue 1 email loop around and around, slowly getting larger and larger.

It was about 3meg when we found it, on the n-hundredth loop.

It could been worse, but the slowness of our single ISDN channel kept the loop from going any faster!

Openreach to UK businesses: Switch is about to hit the fan. Prepare for withdrawal of the copper-based phone network now or risk disruption

Chloe Cresswell

Re: The future is coming

We have multiple clients where their current network connectivity is "adsl" or "leased line", it's weird how a small company with say, 8 phones paying £40 for their internet at the moment sees a £300 a month leased line as "a bit on the expensive side". Their choice for when ISDN goes? Sticking to adsl and doing all their calls on mobile phones seems to be their only choice.

London Greenwich station: A reminder of former glories. Like Windows XP

Chloe Cresswell

Re: re" FORMAT C:

1st degree toastercide?

Anyone still using cash? British £50 banknote honouring Alan Turing arrives

Chloe Cresswell

I still have some people pay me in cash - when we're doing work for someone on their home machine instead of a company they often want to pay on the spot, and that tends to be cash.

Chloe Cresswell

For me, Monday. Cards machines were out of action at my local butchers, so they were cash only. One internet fault and no bacon sandwiches...

Today I shall explain how dual monitors work using the medium of interpretive dance

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Laptop + Monitor = two computers?

I'm more with the late Mr Adams on that...

“Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.”

Hard cheese: Stilton snap shared via EncroChat leads to drug dealer's downfall

Chloe Cresswell

"Even one claiming to be encrypted and secure, because eventually it wont be secure anymore (once the Fuzz get hold of the servers)."

Not even then? Surely anything you share you're at a risk of someone else taking a copy/police getting their computer/etc and therefore getting a copy of the image?

I see sharing something like that in the way of keeping a secret - once you tell anyone else, you have to trust them not to share/leak it from that moment.

Here's how we got persistent shell access on a Boeing 747 – Pen Test Partners

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Bioterrorism Shock Headline

Sure that wasn't Jack Black trying to hide a packet of drugs?

Chloe Cresswell

Pretty sure the 747's APU is in the tail cone, not the nose cone.

Japan to start stamping out rubber stamps and tearing up faxes as new digital agency given Sept. 1 start date

Chloe Cresswell

It's as helpful as asking someone if they have tried not to be ill?

Using words would mean I don't just have to now get the letters right in the word (and in the right order) but to also beable to count them.. which means writing them down so I can count them. I might as well just carry the PIN written with me.

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Barcleys allow this

Unfortunately, when I go to a lot of banks and ask for chip and sign cards, I get told they don't offer them. So I'm limited to the banks that will accommodate my cognitive issues.

Chloe Cresswell

Barcleys allow this. I'm a chip and sign user due to my dyslexia, and run a business. The first thing you have to do to setup the app? Choose a 5 digit number.

I asked why they think I can remember a 5 digit number when they accept I can't remember a 4 digit pin, and their reply "It's not a PIN, it's a passcode".

Yes, they honestly told me that as it's got a different title, that should be enough to over come my inability to remember numbers in the right order :(

Protip: If Joe Public reports that your kit is broken, maybe check that it is actually broken

Chloe Cresswell

Had the son of MD at a client's site call us out due to not being able to email colleague sat opposite him.

Walked up, looked at screen.. "You've spelt the company name wrong", walked out again. Invoiced for time. Son sends email to all on site about how we are ripping them off.

George Clooney of IT: Dribbling disaster and damp disk warnings scare the life out of innocent user

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Am I Old?

First PC version of Elite. I'd never seen that version designed for the XT.

First machine I saw it on? A gateway 2000 P60. Yeah.. needed some slowdown!

Airline software super-bug: Flight loads miscalculated because women using 'Miss' were treated as children

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Huh?

Stall is when the lift can't sustain the weight of the aircraft, correct? So what is the wind speed needed for said 737 to make it's loaded weight shift by a couple of hundred kilos?

You don't need enough lift to make the aircraft fly, just enough to make the figures wobble.

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Huh?

Pointed out elsewhere: any air flow over the wings will generate little bits of lift, which would change the weight measured by the strain gauges in the landing gear...

Hacktivists breach Verkada and view 150,000 CCTV cams in hospitals, prisons, a Tesla factory, even Cloudflare HQ

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Nothing new?

"Products older that two years are obsolete and planned to be obsolete" some are planned to be obsolete at launch...

The next departure leaves in... have you thought about a Microsoft 365 subscription?

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Not just bus stops

Yeah, let me know when solidworks has a *nix version.

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Not just bus stops

Yeap, we've seen it a lot on updates when machines don't have an MS account linked to them.

So any machine running on a local account - "We see you aren't linked to an ms account, if you don't want to do this we won't include a 'no' option, just an 'ask me later' option"

Missing GOV.UK web link potentially cost taxpayers £50m as civil servants are forced to shuffle paper forms

Chloe Cresswell

Re: I'm still mystified

the fraggles do have jobs though, Red's iirc was to clean the main pool in the cavern, Mokey's was to get radishes from the gorg's garden...

Chloe Cresswell

Re: I'm still mystified

I wish people would stop insulting Muppets like this... ;)

How do you save an ailing sales pitch? Just burn down the client's office with their own whiteboard

Chloe Cresswell

We had a client with a US parent company, at the time their software ran on a *nix machine with IBM InfoWindow terminals. So the shipped over a MUX, terminals and printers for us to use. They made us buy 240/120 step down transformers for every item. When I checked them.. every thing they sent had auto ranging 100-240V PSUs. That's a lot of transformers we ended up just stacking in the warehouse.

Chloe Cresswell

That would be because the kettle lead is a C15....

Tesla axes software engineer for allegedly pilfering secret Python scripts after just three days on the job

Chloe Cresswell

Dropbox is (like chrome) one of those annoying programs that doesn't need admin rights to be installed...

Apple reportedly planning to revive the MagSafe charging standard with the next lot of MacBook Pros

Chloe Cresswell

Re: MagSafe was awful.

Bit of grit.. My normal reason for finding a client's magsafe was warm/not working was it had picked up a closed staple from their desk.

Next day delivery a bit of a pain? We have just the thing... nestled deep in the terms and conditions

Chloe Cresswell

Re: woopsie of a different sort appears to have been made.

reminds of of Dave Gorman's first episode of Modern Life is Goodish, where he does that with the TFL hire bike T&Cs (30+ pages iirc) where he found TFL didn't know how many days were in a leap year.

Comcast to impose 1.2TB-a-month broadband download limits across more of America from next year

Chloe Cresswell

Re: 1.2TB a Month??

55 days of "streaming per month" assumes only 1 stream. Add in say 2 streams, a twitch watcher, etc and I can see it quickly building up,

I pay for 2 lines with Zen, my house and my employee's (which is his partner and himself).

We all work from home atm.

My down/up total for this month is 302.7GB down/182.3GB up.

Theirs is 659.6 down, 43.4 up.

Need a hobby for lockdown? Perhaps check out the CMOS battery

Chloe Cresswell

Damn right it is.

Brexit travel permits designed to avoid 7,000-lorry jams come January depend on software that won't be finished till April

Chloe Cresswell

What's in a name...

They might be officially KAPs, but I bet they end up referred to as Kermits. Although that set of Muppets would probably have it working on time.

Google wants to listen in to whatever you get up to in hotel rooms

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Okay Google:

I take it a 16lb one for 1st degree googlcide? Because like the toaster, it won't be an accident...

A bridge too far: Passengers on Sydney's new ferries would get 'their heads knocked off' on upper deck, say politicos

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Thinking outside the box

My favourite bit is where Moriarty's card lists him as a sunken Westminster pier specialist.. "At last! Employment!"

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced techie is indistinguishable from magic

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Light sensors!

I had a primary school where mice kept acting up, but the teachers couldn't work out why it worked for some people (them) and not others (pupils).

I traced it down to the mice casing allowing IR to pass though it when the sun was in the right (wrong?) place. The kids hands were too small to cover the entire mouse body, but the teacher's did.

Coating the inside of the shell with paint fixed the issue till the mice were eventually replaced with the new fangled optical mice.

Cool IT support drones never look at explosions: Time to resolution for misbehaving mouse? Three seconds

Chloe Cresswell

Re: I'm sure we've all done this too

To quote alt.sysadmin.recovery:

I've found an axe can do a lot for a paper-mangling printer. Especially if you shout for one at the top of your voice, and then a cow orker brings you said instrument.

Suddenly, no more paper jams.


Dude, where's my laser?

Chloe Cresswell

I think the best explanation of this is the episode of Citation Needed ;)

It is unclear why something designed to pump fuel into a car needs an ad-spewing computer strapped to it, but here we are

Chloe Cresswell

Re: The real question is

...Who is Round, and to what does he object?

Britain has no idea how close it came to ATMs flooding the streets with free money thanks to some crap code, 1970s style

Chloe Cresswell

I take it the one after a FFT would just be called "Strewth"?

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate

Chloe Cresswell

We had a client in the 386/486 days who liked his HP desktop so much, he upgraded it himself to a small 386 motherboard.

Issue was the pitch of the ISA slots between the 386 and his HP's case wasn't the same. When I met this machine, most of the card bracket had been sawed out, and the cards held in with wood screws and hot melt glue!

Vodafone issues a stay of execution for Demon domain hold-outs

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Blast from the past

I believe Douglas Adams was the author of a game based along these lines... ;)

Dumpster diving to revive a crashing NetWare server? It was acceptable in the '90s

Chloe Cresswell

Re: A long time ago

The short version: There's nothing more permanent than a temporary fix.

Getting a pizza the action, AS/400 style

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Savagery?

Surely the cheese is the sign of grateness...

Consumer reviewer Which? finds CAN bus ports on Ford and VW, starts yelling 'Security! We have a problem...'

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Just a reminder here...

My original thought on that when autoparking systems were first being sold was "What if you could tell the system left is right?". Would anyone have the strength to over power it, esp as more turning left would make the car try to go harder right?

Hey, friends. We know it's a crazy time for the economy, but don't forget to enable 2FA for payments by Saturday

Chloe Cresswell

Re: SMS is U/S for 2FA

I'm dyslexic and have issues with numbers, and use chip and sign cards.

I looked at the app for my credit card, to find the same, a) it's a full on banking app, and b) you have to set a 6 digit PIN to use it. Again I'm in the situation where the bank/etc understands I can't use a 4 digit PIN to use a card, but can't understand why I can't just use a 6 digit number I can remember for their app/etc. :(

Chloe Cresswell

Re: SMS is U/S for 2FA

I've just had to delete my online banking with M&S credit cards, because they need you to use a pin based token, or a pin based app on your phone. I have chip and sign cards.

As usual the response "Can't you just use a number you'll remember?", and yet no one seems to understand the idea that if I could remember numbers like that, I wouldn't have or need chip and sign cards in the first place!

Next suggestion is of course to write the PIN down for when I need it... :(

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Simon reading my journal again??

Maybe they have a pair of smelly shoes they would like to be a mile away... ;)

We regret to inform you there are severe delays on the token ring due to IT nerds blasting each other to bloody chunks

Chloe Cresswell

We had 10base2 so no issues with that kind of packet. But we also had the original release of doom. Everything was ok till someone found the chaingun. IIRC the first version sent a packet for every bullet fired...

Your McDonald's demo has expired. For full functionality, please purchase a licence or try another fast-food joint

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Never ever ever ever install a demo version on a production box

See it often at one McD's I go to. 2 tills. One will show it for a week or so, then a month later the other will be showing it for a week...

C'mon SPARCky, it's just an admin utility update. What could possibly go wrong?

Chloe Cresswell

Re: rm -rf *

This wasn't even that new. This was a clone of a dos/windows using laplink.

160MB scsi to a *gasp* 420mb ide.

I got the remote and local sides mixed up. On the same screen. Where one was empty. Whoops!



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