* Posts by Chloe Cresswell

396 posts • joined 24 Aug 2007


Brexit travel permits designed to avoid 7,000-lorry jams come January depend on software that won't be finished till April

Chloe Cresswell

What's in a name...

They might be officially KAPs, but I bet they end up referred to as Kermits. Although that set of Muppets would probably have it working on time.

Google wants to listen in to whatever you get up to in hotel rooms

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Okay Google:

I take it a 16lb one for 1st degree googlcide? Because like the toaster, it won't be an accident...

A bridge too far: Passengers on Sydney's new ferries would get 'their heads knocked off' on upper deck, say politicos

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Thinking outside the box

My favourite bit is where Moriarty's card lists him as a sunken Westminster pier specialist.. "At last! Employment!"

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced techie is indistinguishable from magic

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Light sensors!

I had a primary school where mice kept acting up, but the teachers couldn't work out why it worked for some people (them) and not others (pupils).

I traced it down to the mice casing allowing IR to pass though it when the sun was in the right (wrong?) place. The kids hands were too small to cover the entire mouse body, but the teacher's did.

Coating the inside of the shell with paint fixed the issue till the mice were eventually replaced with the new fangled optical mice.

Cool IT support drones never look at explosions: Time to resolution for misbehaving mouse? Three seconds

Chloe Cresswell

Re: I'm sure we've all done this too

To quote alt.sysadmin.recovery:

I've found an axe can do a lot for a paper-mangling printer. Especially if you shout for one at the top of your voice, and then a cow orker brings you said instrument.

Suddenly, no more paper jams.


Dude, where's my laser?

Chloe Cresswell

I think the best explanation of this is the episode of Citation Needed ;)

It is unclear why something designed to pump fuel into a car needs an ad-spewing computer strapped to it, but here we are

Chloe Cresswell

Re: The real question is

...Who is Round, and to what does he object?

Britain has no idea how close it came to ATMs flooding the streets with free money thanks to some crap code, 1970s style

Chloe Cresswell

I take it the one after a FFT would just be called "Strewth"?

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate

Chloe Cresswell

We had a client in the 386/486 days who liked his HP desktop so much, he upgraded it himself to a small 386 motherboard.

Issue was the pitch of the ISA slots between the 386 and his HP's case wasn't the same. When I met this machine, most of the card bracket had been sawed out, and the cards held in with wood screws and hot melt glue!

Vodafone issues a stay of execution for Demon domain hold-outs

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Blast from the past

I believe Douglas Adams was the author of a game based along these lines... ;)

Dumpster diving to revive a crashing NetWare server? It was acceptable in the '90s

Chloe Cresswell

Re: A long time ago

The short version: There's nothing more permanent than a temporary fix.

Getting a pizza the action, AS/400 style

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Savagery?

Surely the cheese is the sign of grateness...

Consumer reviewer Which? finds CAN bus ports on Ford and VW, starts yelling 'Security! We have a problem...'

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Just a reminder here...

My original thought on that when autoparking systems were first being sold was "What if you could tell the system left is right?". Would anyone have the strength to over power it, esp as more turning left would make the car try to go harder right?

Hey, friends. We know it's a crazy time for the economy, but don't forget to enable 2FA for payments by Saturday

Chloe Cresswell

Re: SMS is U/S for 2FA

I'm dyslexic and have issues with numbers, and use chip and sign cards.

I looked at the app for my credit card, to find the same, a) it's a full on banking app, and b) you have to set a 6 digit PIN to use it. Again I'm in the situation where the bank/etc understands I can't use a 4 digit PIN to use a card, but can't understand why I can't just use a 6 digit number I can remember for their app/etc. :(

Chloe Cresswell

Re: SMS is U/S for 2FA

I've just had to delete my online banking with M&S credit cards, because they need you to use a pin based token, or a pin based app on your phone. I have chip and sign cards.

As usual the response "Can't you just use a number you'll remember?", and yet no one seems to understand the idea that if I could remember numbers like that, I wouldn't have or need chip and sign cards in the first place!

Next suggestion is of course to write the PIN down for when I need it... :(

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Simon reading my journal again??

Maybe they have a pair of smelly shoes they would like to be a mile away... ;)

We regret to inform you there are severe delays on the token ring due to IT nerds blasting each other to bloody chunks

Chloe Cresswell

We had 10base2 so no issues with that kind of packet. But we also had the original release of doom. Everything was ok till someone found the chaingun. IIRC the first version sent a packet for every bullet fired...

Your McDonald's demo has expired. For full functionality, please purchase a licence or try another fast-food joint

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Never ever ever ever install a demo version on a production box

See it often at one McD's I go to. 2 tills. One will show it for a week or so, then a month later the other will be showing it for a week...

C'mon SPARCky, it's just an admin utility update. What could possibly go wrong?

Chloe Cresswell

Re: rm -rf *

This wasn't even that new. This was a clone of a dos/windows using laplink.

160MB scsi to a *gasp* 420mb ide.

I got the remote and local sides mixed up. On the same screen. Where one was empty. Whoops!

Chloe Cresswell

rm -rf *

Never wiped out a filesystem with rm.

Now, the time I cloned a new fresh HD over the boss' actual HD instead of the other way around? Yeah...

Things I learned from Y2K (pt 87): How to swap a mainframe for Microsoft Access

Chloe Cresswell

Re: bare hands?

Creative spelt "Photonicinducation"? ;)

Is everything OK over there, Britain? Have you tried turning the UK off and on again? ISPs, financial orgs fall over in Freaky Friday of outages

Chloe Cresswell

That'd be Anchor?

Who says HMRC hasn't got a sense of humour? Er, 65 million Brits

Chloe Cresswell

Re: It's funny....

I got a letter reporting that I had failed to submit PAYE returns for a company of mine.

For the year after the (non-trading) company had been closed, struck off, HMRC informed, etc.

So we have a company with no income, no employees and doesn't exist, being threatened with fines/etc for not supplying information that couldn't exist in the first place!

Chloe Cresswell

Re: They do have a sense of humour sometimes

Now I have the image of getting a package from HMRC with a chocolate bar in it..

(and a form to mark it as a benefit in kind, and therefore not tax deducible)

Whirlybird-driving infosec boss fined after ranty Blackpool Airport air traffic control antics

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Over here:

"His licence was suspended after the incident and the CAA will decide whether or not to return it." they have pulled his license.

I hope we'll get an update when the CAA decide if he gets it back or not.

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Just a fine?

"His licence was suspended after the incident and the CAA will decide whether or not to return it." he's grounded for now *nods*

Y2K quick-fix crick? 1920s come roaring back after mystery blip at UK's vehicle licensing agency

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Who's a betting man?

How's your left side?

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret

Chloe Cresswell

Plus clearing the sick taste from your mouth with beer would be a waste of beer?

We won't CU later: New Ofcom broadband proposals mull killing off old copper network

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Spare a copper?

The OTN needs power, and can also have a battery unit connected to it (which takes AA's I believe) which is the user's job to keep an eye on and replace.

The router and phone then connect to one of the sockets on the OTN.

Chloe Cresswell

Re: reliability

to be technically correct, given how adsl/adsl2 is deployed here, that would be the distance from the exchange. VDSL is the only normally fitted in the cabinet (and therefore that would be correct for it - distance from the cabinet).

Chloe Cresswell

Re: reliability

KC started to deploy using a semi-rigid tube with the fibre blown down it. By the time I needed an openreach fibre installed on a site (last year), it was fitted as a self supporting fibre - basically a steel wire or 2, with the fibre part of the make up. I think this was a single wire, which I believe is a wire with a groove in it - the fibre goes into the groove before the outer layers are applied. It's only going about 30 metres from the pole to the building's 2nd floor, but so far the wind hasn't caused any issues.

Smart speaker maker Sonos takes heat for deliberately bricking older kit with 'Trade Up' plan

Chloe Cresswell

On all the sound bars I've used, you have to select bluetooth to enable it, otherwise it's not available, and also not when the unit is in standby. It's always been turn on, select bluetooth to find it with them.

So if you are woken up at 3am because you left it turned on, and had the bluetooth input selected, then I'd say that's more your security issue, not the soundbar.

Chloe Cresswell

You mean someone could find a flaw in it if you leave the bluetooth on and they could play *insert current band/artist of meme hate*?

Wham, bam, thank you scram button: Now we have to go all MacGyver on the server room

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Dont have your machine room at the top of a building

Makes me think when I was told about cam.ac.uk having a halon dump on a false alarm.

That's when they found there was plumbers grease in the halon pipework. Well, there was. It was atomised and deposited all over and in their new mainframe.

Register Lecture: Can portable atomic clocks end UK dependence on GNSS?

Chloe Cresswell

Who sets the standard? Why it'll be a British Standard... and like most standards, therefore there will be at least 2 competing times to set yours to...

Bose customers beg for firmware ceasefire after headphones fall victim to another crap update

Chloe Cresswell

Re: What a time to be alive...

Why, that was no accident, that was 1st degree toastercide!

Chloe Cresswell

Re: I mean since when did headphones even need firmware updates?

Someone's been listening to HolRock?

Halfords invents radio signals that don't travel at the speed of light

Chloe Cresswell

Re: What's DAB for?

It's not so much the broadcasters want DAB - iirc the government won't let you have an FM licence now unless you have DAB, and the more that are on DAB, the greater the chance of flogging off some more spectrum...

150 infosec bods now know who they're up against thanks to BT Security cc/bcc snafu

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Who?

You mean a normal/traditional complete balls-up by BT...

Chloe Cresswell

Team size increases...

"we'll be increasing the size of our security team by 25 per cent..." 25% +1 now, maybe?

When the IT department speaks, users listen. Or face the consequences

Chloe Cresswell

Re: User ignore email

ASR once had the comment of:

"*sigh* Oh, how I wish lusers could read documentation more than they read porn..."

(and the reply...)


"...and as she finally reached orgasm, she screamed 'the mail server will be down for three hours tonight! Yes! Oh, yes!'" ' ;)

Socket to the energy bill: 5-bed home with stupid number of power outlets leaves us asking... why?

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Forget the risk of fire spreading through the holes in the wall

I see timber interior frame walls with brick exterior (load bearing) walls around here.

Remember the big IBM 360 mainframe rescue job? For now, Brexit has ballsed it up – big iron restorers

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Seriously?

Yeah, I mentally went though my clients drags, as we work for a couple of international hauliers.

It's the tail lift that's the deal breaker. All the artics with lifts are normally doing food type work and aren't so much in the general pool of available units.

Mandatory electronic prescriptions was the easy bit in NHS paperless plans

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Three gas guzzling trips coming up

My GP has on their IVR "We do not accept requests for repeat prscriptions over the phone"

And most of the pharmacies I tried last time it wasn't a case of "call to notify you", it was "We can not get these, we will not accept this prescription for dispensing"

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Pharmacy out of stock of a medicine ?

My record in the past year has been needing to go to 6 pharmacies to fill a 6 week prescription. The 6th had 4 weeks worth and were willing to let me take that.

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Three gas guzzling trips coming up

For myself, getting a repeat prescription is: Drive to GP (2 miles), order prescription. 2-3 days later, drive to GPs to see if it's ready, if so, take it. Then start the round of walking at the weekend to fill it. My record so far is needing to go to 6 pharmacies, because 5 didn't have it. The 6th had 4 weeks out of a 6 week prescription, and 2 weeks later were able to fill the missing 2 weeks with a different medication.

So I guess I'll be sticking with paper too.

I see your blue passport and raise you a green number plate: UK mulls rewards scheme for zero-emission vehicles

Chloe Cresswell

Re: Go Dutch?

Well, if you remove things like the side impact protection systems, etc, I'm sure you'd reduce the weight of the 2019 astra a lot.

A History of (Computer) Violence: Wait. Before you whack it again, try caressing the mouse

Chloe Cresswell

We had a user kick a dent into the side of his new computer because it was slow. This wasn't the worse thing he did while we worked there, but it was the most visible.

Three UK goes TITSUP*: Down and out for 10 hours and counting

Chloe Cresswell


Nice, but I'm only collecting the ones in articles.. I have a pastebin where I add them when I see them ;)

Chloe Cresswell

Yay, another titsup backronym to add to my growing list!



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