* Posts by shedied

109 publicly visible posts • joined 9 Feb 2018


Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz? Detroit waits for my order, you'd better make amends


Re: Dear Lord...

You're familiar with the answer to *that* prayer:

Big booming voice from up above:

"Oh come on, throw me a bone here, will you? Just go on and BUY A TICKET!"


Re: Dear Lord...

You know the answer to that...

Big booming voice from up above:

"Throw me a bone here, FFS. At least BUY a ticket!"

To have one floppy failure is unlucky. To have 20 implies evil magic or a very silly user


Re: The last straw

11 feet =1WTF

(I am not a farmer, so measurements are not accurate in any way)

Pizza and beer night out the window, hours trying to sort issue, then a fresh pair of eyes says 'See, the problem is...'


Re: Pineapple on pizza

Some fast food joints have tartar sauce with some of the seafood/burger meals; could have been that.


Re: ~/.procmailrc

"It's a barcode, no one can crack it. You'd have to eat the email once you print it out."


Re: Doubtless with the assistance of a baseball bat peppered with rusty nails.

A poster would be sufficient, but not everything has to be in 3d, FFS

The curse of knowing a bit about IT: 'Could you just...?' and 'No I haven't changed anything'

IT Angle

Re: Printers attached to PC's

..and THAT was how she had stumbled her way into I.T.

UK firm NOW: Pensions tells some customers a 'service partner' leaked their data all over 'public software forum'


Re: How thoughtful

Email was sent to the affected parties, letting them know that their info was now all outfo

Mine's the one with scribbled IOU's...

Oh, no one knows what goes on behind locked doors... so don't leave your UPS in there


General public? READ?

Don't forget to include last week's gem "For the network to work, the cable must be plugged at both ends"

Who knew that hosing a table with copious amounts of cubic metres would trip adult filters?


Re: Hardcore Visual Basic

So what you're saying is, the erection took place.

Boy, that's hard^W difficult to deal with


Re: monitoring software

There *must* be a comic book (or movie adaptation) for that type of hero.

When even a power-cycle fandango cannot save your Windows desktop


Re: a perfectly understandable error

You left out the preface there are two types of people in the world

Congrats, Meg Whitman, another multi-billion-dollar write-off for the CV: Her web vid upstart Quibi implodes


Re: featuring Hollywood A-listers

So content and CEO doomed it

*That* was supposed to be their winning formula!

Help! My printer won't print no matter how much I shout at it!


Offer an *out*

It's all about the distraction.

"Was there a power outage recently?"

Then you power the thing on.

The power of Bill compels you: A server room possessed by a Microsoft-hating, Linux-loving Demon


Re: No FreeBSD daemon?

My dad used to say No wonder they fed you to the lions!

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced techie is indistinguishable from magic


Re: Reminds me a bit of the "More magic" switch story

Ah yes, designed by the same guy who must have read about the dual key launch control system on nuclear submarines, what could go wrong?

I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault


Re: Ahh yes the

Whoa Dijk Van Bikes!


There was one time I walked into the data center to find the CE in that classic plumber-tooling-under-the-sink position, way deep in the interior of our mid-range.I was wondering what necessitated this house call when I turned to the co-worker nearby and said, You know, sometimes it's not in the hardware...

That's how we roll: OWC savagely undercuts Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels with bargain $199 alternative


Re: There's 360˚ of rotation

You are referring to the wheels used on shopping carts, always ordered in bulk and guaranteed to work, but fixed in that 1˚ (the direction you're not going)

What evil lurks within the data centre, and why is it DDoS-ing the ever-loving pants off us?


Re: Update (mis)-scheduling

It was around that time that you found out that you had your own version of the bottomless cup of coffee

China successfully launches Mars probe that packs an orbiter, lander, rover


Re: a camera capable of two-metre resolution from a height of 400kms

Ya, you were all distracted by that so-called face in the rock for ages, do we have to put another willie to get your attention

Soft press keys for locked-down devs: Three new models of old school 60-key Happy Hacking 'board out next month


Re: Alternatives?

That would be as good as my handy reminder before you rush out from the COVID-19 lockdown. The extra LED would be a status indicator for critical information:

'0' - pants are off

'1' - pants are on

These would be much better than the breeze you feel in your nether region; by then it would be too late

'One rule for me, another for them' is all well and good until it sinks the entire company's ability to receive emails


Re: Good riddance

No downvote means he hasn't read your post yet

Mirror mirror on the wall, why will my mouse not work at all?


Re: All been there

I keep yelling that the auditions will be held at the studio, not HERE, so did off


Re: But if you're used to it...

I recall reading somewhere that Solitaire came with the package to acquaint the newbie with click and double click even click-and-drag.

I recall the manual even offered ergonomic tips to prevent RSI. It had illustrations, so this comicbook fan had no problem reading the guide from cover to cover

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate


Re: Sounds to me like ...

As the elevator doors begin their slow crawl, you hurriedly mention something about the top half of the card kept in the Ta!

OK brainiacs, we've got an IT cold case for you: Fatal disk errors on an Amiga 4000 with 600MB external SCSI unless the clock app is... just so


Don't have recurring nightmares?

Waking up in the middle of the night, yelling It's the letter K, FFS!


Re: Just a guess, TTL timing?

At least she didn't insist that you place your left foot at a certain spot after putting the clock in the corner

That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2


Re: Trying to teach...

And I was just about to watch this clip on YouTube about a seagull that ate pigeons. After this, and your post, I am not quite sure why I passed it by, in favor of ball pythons feeding on rats. I must have been thinking about management, but that's another story, for another Friday


Re: Technical management tips

I had just started out coding, when I was lucky enough to have been assigned to join up with the application development staff of an affiliate bank. Their managers were incredible as "buffer zones" and ensured that none of the flak, politics, and non-technical issues ever reached the coders. We always got the job done.

Disk stuck in the drive? Don't dilly-Dali – get IT on the case!


This is the one and only time I feel that the question is warranted: Did you have to snap off the frozen stream when you were done

Tech can endure the most inhospitable environments: Space, underwater, down t'pit... even hairdressers


Re: Surprisingly ...

Thank you, I have been using Ctl-L since the dawn of the internet.


Re: Surprisingly ...

NOW I realize why I despise touch pads on laptops. Too many users having to resort to this when Tab could have done it directly in half a parsec. (Me? I'm the trackpoint zealot.)


Re: Surprisingly ...

Maybe you meant keyboard + (shift) + gentleness; unfortunately take away the shift and the gentleness goes away too


Re: Hair today, gone tomorrow

" The computer?"

"Yes, in the back, I was told"

"Walk this way, sir"

Cue Igor's walk from the Mel Brooks' film Young Frankenstein


Re: What's in the box Doc?

The really scary part is when you ( the tech) turn to the customer, and say the female lays eggs

Start packing, and make your quickest exit ever.


Re: Might have mentioned this before...

Customer: How much for the work?

YOU(looks at coins): That's a good start; the actual repair will be the next item on the agenda...

The self-disconnecting switch: Ghost in the machine or just a desire to save some cash?


How to tell which half is yours

Ah yes, the internal divider. One must have it installed correctly: the other side (other company's side) can be left unpainted, but covered with the filthiest porn available. Nobody asks questions, but you will know for certain which half belongs to your firm.

Beware the Friday afternoon 'Could you just..?' from the muppet who wants to come between you and your beer


Standard rate

For close friends I charge for a whole pizza (enough for everyone), and beer. Except the beer has to be the *imported* stuff, you know Belgian, Japanese, or anything you really have to go to a specialty liquor store for. I give them directions when they get curious about this 'acquired' taste. Either they forget about the task at hand or switch priorities; you can tell at some point.


@the curmudgeonly one

"I just got off the phone with him (he's a good friend of mine); he says that it's my turn to play the rogue, as you put it, in the next round of support calls -- yours included."


Re: The obvious get-out phrase...

For the Mac and Linux folk asking for assistance, I believe they have discovered (stumbled upon?) that using alternative OSes requires searching for alternative means of support as well. Other descriptions, such as "whereabouts unknown" and "nonexistent" also apply.

El Reg presents: Your one-step guide on where not to store electronic mail


Re: No Limits!

that's contempt of court territory could have been shortened to isn't that Hillary territory

Don't blame me; I happen to be a reader that follows visual cues (even if those cues came from El reg)


Re: Deleted

"stupidness" - when stupidity did not quite cover it, also see raising the bar


Re: Deleted


Computer: shows graphic of cleaning lady throwing her match into the trash

You: NO!

Computer: Oh well. Incinerated anyway

Cheque out my mad metal frisbee skillz... oops. Lights out!


Re: Cheques still relevant... at leastt for someone

uncertified cattle? Must be some tough meat, and their certs are tattooed on their hides

Why is the printer spouting nonsense... and who on earth tried to wire this plug?


Re: Not on the wall socket

Competent in this case, does Not mean being able to survive carrying what amounts to a full load from the mains -- anyone can do that.

Den Automation raised millions to 'reinvent' the light switch. Now it's lights out for startup


Say what?

Me speed reading through the post misread it as ---

She so sad on Facebook

which still made sense, whereupon I figured it was more speed reading and lurching than just plain reading and re-reading.

Whoooooa, this node is on fire! Forget Ceph, try the forgotten OpenStack storage release 'Crispy'


Re: Thermal Incident

Ah yes, the folder with all the precious minutes happened to be in the same case as the extinguisher, with the words BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF FIRE in bold type


Re: Back when OpenStack was launched with NASA, you literally ...

I'm tempted to call him a NASA- hol* if I knew the downvoter