* Posts by shedied

85 posts • joined 9 Feb 2018


Mirror mirror on the wall, why will my mouse not work at all?


Re: All been there

I keep yelling that the auditions will be held at the studio, not HERE, so did off


Re: But if you're used to it...

I recall reading somewhere that Solitaire came with the package to acquaint the newbie with click and double click even click-and-drag.

I recall the manual even offered ergonomic tips to prevent RSI. It had illustrations, so this comicbook fan had no problem reading the guide from cover to cover

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate


Re: Sounds to me like ...

As the elevator doors begin their slow crawl, you hurriedly mention something about the top half of the card kept in the Ta!

OK brainiacs, we've got an IT cold case for you: Fatal disk errors on an Amiga 4000 with 600MB external SCSI unless the clock app is... just so


Don't have recurring nightmares?

Waking up in the middle of the night, yelling It's the letter K, FFS!


Re: Just a guess, TTL timing?

At least she didn't insist that you place your left foot at a certain spot after putting the clock in the corner

That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2


Re: Trying to teach...

And I was just about to watch this clip on YouTube about a seagull that ate pigeons. After this, and your post, I am not quite sure why I passed it by, in favor of ball pythons feeding on rats. I must have been thinking about management, but that's another story, for another Friday


Re: Technical management tips

I had just started out coding, when I was lucky enough to have been assigned to join up with the application development staff of an affiliate bank. Their managers were incredible as "buffer zones" and ensured that none of the flak, politics, and non-technical issues ever reached the coders. We always got the job done.

Disk stuck in the drive? Don't dilly-Dali – get IT on the case!


This is the one and only time I feel that the question is warranted: Did you have to snap off the frozen stream when you were done

Tech can endure the most inhospitable environments: Space, underwater, down t'pit... even hairdressers


Re: Surprisingly ...

Thank you, I have been using Ctl-L since the dawn of the internet.


Re: Surprisingly ...

NOW I realize why I despise touch pads on laptops. Too many users having to resort to this when Tab could have done it directly in half a parsec. (Me? I'm the trackpoint zealot.)


Re: Surprisingly ...

Maybe you meant keyboard + (shift) + gentleness; unfortunately take away the shift and the gentleness goes away too


Re: Hair today, gone tomorrow

" The computer?"

"Yes, in the back, I was told"

"Walk this way, sir"

Cue Igor's walk from the Mel Brooks' film Young Frankenstein


Re: What's in the box Doc?

The really scary part is when you ( the tech) turn to the customer, and say the female lays eggs

Start packing, and make your quickest exit ever.


Re: Might have mentioned this before...

Customer: How much for the work?

YOU(looks at coins): That's a good start; the actual repair will be the next item on the agenda...

The self-disconnecting switch: Ghost in the machine or just a desire to save some cash?


How to tell which half is yours

Ah yes, the internal divider. One must have it installed correctly: the other side (other company's side) can be left unpainted, but covered with the filthiest porn available. Nobody asks questions, but you will know for certain which half belongs to your firm.

Beware the Friday afternoon 'Could you just..?' from the muppet who wants to come between you and your beer


Standard rate

For close friends I charge for a whole pizza (enough for everyone), and beer. Except the beer has to be the *imported* stuff, you know Belgian, Japanese, or anything you really have to go to a specialty liquor store for. I give them directions when they get curious about this 'acquired' taste. Either they forget about the task at hand or switch priorities; you can tell at some point.


@the curmudgeonly one

"I just got off the phone with him (he's a good friend of mine); he says that it's my turn to play the rogue, as you put it, in the next round of support calls -- yours included."


Re: The obvious get-out phrase...

For the Mac and Linux folk asking for assistance, I believe they have discovered (stumbled upon?) that using alternative OSes requires searching for alternative means of support as well. Other descriptions, such as "whereabouts unknown" and "nonexistent" also apply.

El Reg presents: Your one-step guide on where not to store electronic mail


Re: No Limits!

that's contempt of court territory could have been shortened to isn't that Hillary territory

Don't blame me; I happen to be a reader that follows visual cues (even if those cues came from El reg)


Re: Deleted

"stupidness" - when stupidity did not quite cover it, also see raising the bar


Re: Deleted


Computer: shows graphic of cleaning lady throwing her match into the trash

You: NO!

Computer: Oh well. Incinerated anyway

Cheque out my mad metal frisbee skillz... oops. Lights out!


Re: Cheques still relevant... at leastt for someone

uncertified cattle? Must be some tough meat, and their certs are tattooed on their hides

Why is the printer spouting nonsense... and who on earth tried to wire this plug?


Re: Not on the wall socket

Competent in this case, does Not mean being able to survive carrying what amounts to a full load from the mains -- anyone can do that.

Den Automation raised millions to 'reinvent' the light switch. Now it's lights out for startup


Say what?

Me speed reading through the post misread it as ---

She so sad on Facebook

which still made sense, whereupon I figured it was more speed reading and lurching than just plain reading and re-reading.

Whoooooa, this node is on fire! Forget Ceph, try the forgotten OpenStack storage release 'Crispy'


Re: Thermal Incident

Ah yes, the folder with all the precious minutes happened to be in the same case as the extinguisher, with the words BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF FIRE in bold type


Re: Back when OpenStack was launched with NASA, you literally ...

I'm tempted to call him a NASA- hol* if I knew the downvoter

Vote rigging, election fixing, ballot stuffing: Just another day in the life of a Register reader


My father always said No wonder they fed you to the lions! Bless his soul, he was saved from learning to be PC, and all that.

The silence of the racks is deafening, production gear has gone dark – so which wire do we cut?


Re: Don't die on the Job

Don't forget

Employees are not encouraged to donate any internal organs. You were hired with everything intact, so giving one of your kidneys away would mean a reduction of your salary ( even if said organ was taken under unusual circumstances in your recent leisure trip to Vegas).

IT protip: Never try to be too helpful lest someone puts your contact details next to unruly boxen


Re: On-call???t

You left out the 400% charge for calls that coitus interrupts because there was a time when weekends meant for some bonding time with a nonbeige nonmetallic SO.

Remember the 1980s? Oversized shoulder pads, Metal Mickey and... sticky keyboards?


Re: My scripts are not Y2.1K compliant

So somewhere out there, in a very distant future, a long ignored support line on an otherwise dead planet etc. etc. the phone rings. Reminds you of a tree falling in a forest with no one around


Re: It was something we used to do in the 80s

Did he also fail to mention that said religion had a current population of 1 follower (the rest decided to lead ---er, leave, that is

Behold the perils of trying to turn the family and friends support line into a sideline


Re: Twas ever thus

Humanity? But we're talking about IT people here!

Oh wait...

Right-click opens up terrifying vistas of reality and Windows 95 user's frightful position therein


A demo in real life! Bravo! (and ballsy) Here's one for the road ---->

I just love your accent – please, have a new password


A nonreflective dis-whatever

As in take a dim view of?

I couldn't possibly tell you the computer's ID over the phone, I've been on A Course™


Re: He should be proud that of that guy

"oh god you're one of them"

AND he's reading our stuff! The world ends tomorrow, by the way. Ta!

Here's to beer, without which we'd never have the audacity to Google an error message at 3am



Makes me wonder if he had clicked on I'm feeling lucky that night.

Our hero returns home £500 richer thanks to senior dev's appalling security hygiene


Re: Ahhh passwords...

They just didn't stick around long enough to have that blamestorming meeting

UK rail lines blocked by unexpected Windows dialog box


Re: Windows

It sounds very plausible to me

...specially when read aloud using Comic Book Guy's voice.


Re: "Why a copy of Office is needed on a PC tasked with showing line information is anyone’s guess"

Andthe bit about him standing at the station, looking at the terminals, suddenly remembering the portion of the script he neglected to comment out before he was abruptly let go. He was late for work, but he was smiling at his handiwork.

City-obliterating asteroid screamed past Earth the other night – and boffins only clocked it just 26 hours beforehand


Overheard at a Brazilian observatory

It's coming right for us!

Be quiet, will you? Don't you have any other English sentences to practice with? I swear, if I hear it one more time...

Never let something so flimsy as a locked door to the computer room stand in the way of an auditor on the warpath


Re: What is it

And then divide the total number of legs by 6, to get ... 0ne second, *that's* not a leg...

All good, leave it with you...? Chap is roped into tech support role for clueless customer


Re: DIY Server Support

but the server was back online in time for the next shift at midnight

Did your apprentice come back -- ever?

Border guards probe 'suspicious bulge' in man's trousers to find he's packing fluffies


and really really close to where it matters. For warmth. In a tropical destination.

Huawei MateBook Pro X: PC makers look out, the phone guys are here


Re: Not surprised

Now that I've seen the prices... could you show me the bag?

Nikola Tesla's greatest challenge: He could measure electricity but not stupidity


Re: The name 'Tesla' has been hijacked

Reminds me of the Chevy Nova having a hard time selling to Spanish speaking countries (where "no va" translated roughly to "no go").

Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?


Re: Spooning toner into the copier

Jug of milk was the sort I had to deal with, refilling the large format Laser printers (HP, Ice et al), and they were held vertically upsidedown till empty. Trust me I've read every comic book-style instruction set there was, to keep my shirt clean.

Morrisons supermarket: We're taking payroll leak liability fight to UK Supreme Court


Something new

He went postal first.

London's Gatwick Airport flies back to the future as screens fail


You almost forgot the must-have accessory for the modern whiteboard: the whiteboard backup tool that can save what was written, and save the information in a highly compressed format. It is commonly called the whiteboard eraser so that the nontechnical people can also use it, without having to resort to a "HOWTO manual" but they find the entire set very easy to use (whiteboard+marker pens+eraser), especially in a tight situation like the system failure at Gatwick's.



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