Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

Suits ignored IT's warnings, so the tech team went for the neck

Re: The interneet

Really - Moss you go down the road with these puns.

Robot mistakes man for box of peppers, kills him

Re: It Happened Decades Ago ...

https://aviationhumor.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/SwissAirForce.jpg

Euclid space 'scope's first color snaps pull back the curtain on cosmic mysteries

Did you do that just to annoy your wife?

Wanted: Driver for rocket-powered Bloodhound Land Speed Record car

Obligatory

Richard Hammond need not apply.

On a related thought better keep Captain Slow away from it too.

Wipro: Get back to the office for three days a week or else

Re: WFH is good for the bottom line and reduces staff churn

I'm all but gone (Required to be on-site for mine, fortunately not a long commute) thanks to a client changing MSP's, I've seen a manager switfly "deep sixed", his replacement has only emailed two words to me since August.

Nobody knows what the heck is happening in this transition period.

Bored Ape NFT party is a real eyesore, say irritated attendees

Re: painful eyes, sudden vision loss and even skin burns

Cor near the knuckle with these puns.

New orientation assistant to help prevent astronauts getting lost in space

The Universe. Some Information To Help You Live In It

One: ‘Area’. Infinite. As far as anyone can make out

Two: ’Imports’. None. It’s impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from.

Three: ‘Exports’. None. See ’Imports’.

Four: ‘Rainfall’. None. Rain can not fall because in an infinite space there is no up for it to fall down from.

CompSci academic thought tech support was useless – until he needed it

Working In A Electronics Factory...

Making a Course adjustment of a radio modems VCO's as displayed on a screen used to annoy the fuck out of me, then one day they sent one of the designers down to sit with me to establish the root cause of field failures.

So he sits with me, I make a few suggestions about doing some simple tests first not last ie checking the power LED comes & on the physical switch tested (Sensor & solenoid - No human intervention), rather than failing at the final test & he agrees & so we get to the point of coarsely then finely adjusting the VCO's & I set them as I usually do.

That's when he has his EUREKA moment as to why they are failing in actual use (Looking at me as his scapegoat).

Aha......you are setting the VCO's at the very top end of the range, thats why they are failing!

Would you care to bet on that I reply as I drop a screening can lid that will be fitted in the next assembly stage over the VCO's thin metal screening can, that brings the VCO Voltage to slap bang dead centre.

Ohhh I han't taken account of that when I wrote the software, I'll have to make changes!

While you're at it, can you please change Course to Coarse at the same time.

Ohhhh!

& while you're at it, if you really want the root cause of in field failures, hes sitting on the other side of you, only unlike me he insists on setting the VCO's to the lower end of the test limit, we usually catch most of his ones at final test.

Ahhhhhhh!

I think we got a updated software revision, but Captain Fuckface still set them low (See Icon).

Windows 11 23H2 is a Teams effort but Microsoft already spoiled the best bits

Re: Hopefully they've fixed Bluetooth - You using a Dell XPS ####?

There was a issue that hit quite a few of our laptop users in September..

Among the steps in fixing it

Reinstate the old F8 Safe Mode menu (Just for my sanity).

Disabling Bluetooth in the BIOS.

Disabling Driver reinforcement.

Installing a chunk of CRITICAL driver updates from Dell released in August.

Reversing all the prior changes.

Fortunately I only had the one to deal with.

Boston Dynamics teaches robo-dog to recognise speech, respond using ChatGPT

Re: "This illusion was enhanced by adding silly costumes to the gripper and googly eyes"

Future generations will recall this was the single event that lead the machines to revolt in the first place....

PIRG petitions Microsoft to extend the life of Windows 10

Re: My roadmap is "move to Linux" (for non-Mac users)

We could in theory at my place move to some Linux based systems as everything (Including email OWA) on the shop floor is done on a browser, its only those with personal devices (Desktops\Laptops) that have cubicles\desks. That said we have a lot of security based stuff that probably would shit on that implimentation.

Forget the outside hacker, the bigger threat is inside by the coffee machine

Huh!

We have a imaging process that asks questions prior to starting to chose the right build & despite the fact the region is Canada & all the Canadian domains locations etc are checked it asks the question?

Is the user a US Citizen?

Word turns 40: From 'new kid on the block' to 'I can't believe it's not bloatware'

Re: That sounds about right...

Office 97 wasn't any harder to pirate than say, Lotus SmartSuite, Coreldraw, Photoshop etc. The manufacturers only relied that people wouldn't share the installation keys.

Office 97 would activate by failing recall 0 - followed by a string of eleven "1's" or was it "9's" - Can we say deliberate ploy to get a wider range of people familier with it (If so it worked as the PC I had came with Microsoft Works (Urgh)).

It's 2023, so Lenovo made a bendy smartphone concept all about hybrid cloud AI

Folding it back will be the test.

It is 20 years since the last commercial flight of Concorde

Not Only But Later...

Collective gasps of pride, admiration & comments of "Ohhhh look its Concorde" from fellow passengers on the train.

It's 11.32, time for another beer.

Re: 3 experiences with Concorde

I regret due to the previous years organisational debacle at a convention, I did not expect to get a chance to tour Boeing or Microsoft with the Fifth & Seventh Doctors the following day.

My flight home was already booked.

Saw her In flight twice, once in Sidcup hot August Sunday afternoon, just after she resumed service & once from a train coming into Paddington as I recall she was in the sky around the area of GSK House in Brentford she was framed in the twilight skies of the setting sun (Also a Sunday).

Heard her often enough at 9.05 or thereabouts in the 80's & 90's as she throttled up over the channel, I always found it a strangely comforting sound.

Also walked through the 002 Prototype at Yeovilton a couple of times.

Pint for all those who brought her to life.

No more Mr Nice DoJ: Tesla gets subpoenas over self-driving software claims

Re: The wisdom of the Internet

What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can’t move with no hope of rescue.

Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far.

Alternatively, if life hasn’t been good to you so far, which, given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that Elon Musk won’t be troubling you much longer.

Windows 11: The number you have dialed has been disconnected

Rule One

Microsoft Lies.

Look ma, no fans: Mini PC boasts slimline solid-state active cooling system

Re: is that good?

Where is the Paris Hilton angle?

The icon is far away & long since gone, but her name lives on as a unit of heat.

Three dozen plaintiffs join Apple AirTag tracking lawsuit in amended complaint

Re: An apple a day

"An apple a day keeps the... Ah, never mind." Fifth Doctor

Delays to NASA's in-orbit satellite refueling robot to push costs over $2B target

SPIDER Arm

SPIDER Arm

Does whatever a SPIDER Arm can ..........ohh

Police ignored the laws of datacenter climate control

Re: One of my favorites.

Posted one of these recently.....

Finding network comms kit nine foot directly above a lavatory.

Investigating a schools dead PC finding "rust" on the motherboard - Cause PC was directly under a leaking glass roof.

X confuses the masses by removing all details from links

Re: Cats and Vultures

This may well be the exception.

Lorenz ransomware crew bungles blackmail blueprint by leaking two years of contacts

Double Whammy - Not Me But Someone I worked With

Who got his personal details stolen from a site was bad enough...

Who while reading the story on a news site & saw his name with address details as part of a screengrab by the reporter.

Lost your luggage? That's nothing – we just lost your whole flight!

Thats a gawd awful place to stand waiting for a train at the best of times.

Certain pupils at my High School were drinking in the same pub as the staff at lunchtime.

Former IBM services outfit Kyndryl said to be mulling China split

They don't have employees, in the US they subcontract from a even nastier bunch called VSO.

A colleague while negotiating to keep his job & same\greater pay with reduced (Non Existent) benefits under the incoming Kyndryl\VSO regime "we think we may rescind our offer because of your health problems"

Meanwhile in Canadaland Kyndryl werent able to use their preferred IBM contract agency, couldn't find another suitable security cleared agency & had to go on bended knee with cap in hand to my employers who were the only approved labour supplier at the client sites to beg them very nicely if they wouldnt mind keeping us in place instead of being escorted off the premises when the new contract is supposed to start.

"with knowledge of the matter” who claimed that some senior employees already know about the decision, but are currently being escorted out of the building by security as they sported >5% of grey hairs on their heads.

Beta driver turned heads in the hospital

Re: Monitors need monitoring

Returning users from holiday, complaining that their PC\Monitor is dead, logging a call, manager escalating it.

The in-house support team visit, say it's HW, send the call to the IT Service Centre (Wooden Hut in the staff car park behind Somerset County Hall.

Which drops in my queue just as I'm going to lunch, back from lunch have yet another escalation demand "I Can't work I need this fixed NOW I have a backlog!".

So that prompts the usual response of make a cup of tea & drink it for dutch courage before I face the customer.

Walk up to Social Services for the fourth time that month for the same issue, listen to the bleatings & complaints oof why it's taken 6 hours to get me there to fix it as I turn on the power switch at the back of the monitor that they turned off before going on holiday.

Is that all it was?

Yes.

Ohhhhh I remember doing that before I went away.

Thinks to self "If only you'd remembered that 6 hours ago"

Goes off to put it in call closure notes.

Volkswagen stuck in neutral after 'IT disruption'

That happens on BMW's turn signal switches all the time.

It looks like you’re a developer. Would you like help upgrading Windows 11?

Re: regularly wipes any registry settings changes on the assumption they were inadvertent

where's the pig flying over Battersea Power Station icon then?

Right here.

https://townsquare.media/site/295/files/2013/12/Pink-Floyd-Oli-Scarff.jpg?w=1200&h=0&zc=1&s=0&a=t&q=89

No, no, no! Disco joke hit bum note in the rehab center

Re: Could be worse, of course

I've had the misfortune of being a exhibitor at computer shows in the errrrrmmmmm late 80's.

For a time every other stand wanted to showcase their MIDI\Sound offerings & heard repeatedly over the summer was the Theme from Biggles The Movie or Staus Quo's In The Army Now.

Only trumped by proximity to the suite of Space Harrier machines & someone dying in game every 75 seconds for 6 or 7 days at Earls Court.

BOFH: A security issue, you say? Activate code tangerine

& Our Survey Said

So we had an annoymous* employment engagement\moral survey at RACAL (It's been 28 years).

They forbade two departing employees** who were going the next day from taking it.

I wasnt very popular when I mentioned that despite all assurances of anonymity, our team consisted of eight people (Who all held a universal dislike of our micro-managing & full of his own self importance manager) it would hardly be anonymous it would be obvious as to which team the employees were on & the focus of our total loathing*** by the size of our small team.

*Pun intended.

**Funny how virtually every single tech there applied for the role - Which actually was commented on at the interview.

***He got himself on a half day management course at Plymouth & so he was scheduled to leave 45 mins before lunch, but every week he would leave 10 - 15 minutes earlier to visit his side piece to the point where he was gone by 8.05 (He also used to slip off for about 2 - 3 hours to be with her while on nights). We of course said nothing elsewhere, keeping it our team's knowing secret.

Alas the week came that I was off ill & the deputy manager popped down to ask about something of him around 8.45, my colleagues answered truthfully "Hmmm I think Andy's gone to his course in Plymouth, as he's usually gone by now." Manager turned a funny shade of red & summoned him for a "chat" (Pre-cellphone boom, possibly by ringing his wife at home (Ohhh dear) or at the college for his arrival) the next day.

Fortunately during that week off work related illness I applied for a couple of jobs & got myself two job interviews for the following week, one resulted in a job offer. I later heard he'd gone to Swindon to distance himself from the lady concerned.

I'd be careful about doing that, it could be a sac'ing offence.

How is this problem mine, techie asked, while cleaning underground computer

Re: I see your tyre factory and raise you....

Yes I've worked in a slaughterhouse too as the site IT Guy & dealing with grumbling visiting printer tech(s) about blood on his clothing (Partly my fault as I took him in the quick way, rather than 30 minutes spent donning nice white PPE & walking around the facility).

Nice leftover steaks when we had VIP's visiting.

Re: Ah.. the joy...

Damn you I want a proper Ivor Dewdney Pasty* from Sidwell Street now.

Ivor Dewdney pasty was inferred as the company had sold the business to a employee\rival, who was disinclined to remove the exterior signage & the Ivor Dewdney Company couldnt remove it as it wasn't their premises any more. At some point after many lawyers missles back n forth, the interior signage kept the same fonts\artwork but no reference to the ID name. Being ignorant of this, you would get some dark looks if you walked into the other outlets in the area & said you preferred the Sidwell Street ones.

Lawsuit claims Google Maps led dad of two over collapsed bridge to his death

Re: Perception bias

Rory: Uh, Doctor, don't. Seriously, I let her drive my car once.

Amy: Yeah, to the end of the road.

Rory: Yeah. Where, according to Amy, there was an unexpected house.

Re: Common sense?

"If it is true that this bridge has been out for the last decade, a person plugs in the directions to go home and it shows directions going over that bridge, then one would should say oh I shouldn’t go over that because that’s the bridge that’s broken. Isn’t that what most people would do or say to themselves if they live in that community and this bridge has been such an issue? "

"the family had recently moved to the area from Florida so Paxson was unfamiliar with the neighborhood."

&

"When Paxson left, it was dark and raining. He had no knowledge of the collapsed bridge he was being led toward, yet residents were familiar and referred to it as the "Bridge to Nowhere"

What part of that did you fail to notice while reading?

Re: Pointless to complain

"I get stuff delivered to the local bar now."

"I'm just going to get the post darling......back in a bit!"

Scientists suggest possible solution to space-induced bone loss

Re: 'Just One Thing'

Just don't get it from the Nutrimat.

UK judge rates ChatGPT as 'jolly useful' after using it to help write a decision

Oh Dear

"It takes 5 minutes to give the thing to chatGPT and proofread there result,"

Better let the bot do that part too.

Techie labelled 'disgusting filth merchant' by disgusting hypocrite

Re: So let me recap...

I have trouble inserting mine!

Hedge porn & also found a couple of mags in a HST vestibule area.

Having slammed brakes on hiring, Google says it no longer needs quite so many recruiters

Re: Google Bard

The book asks you to write down a random number of any size then turn the page where a number is revealed. If your number and the number in the book matches then you’ve failed the test, you’re a shadow.

Airbus takes its long, thin, plane on a ten-day test campaign

Re: Next up...

There are some (Icon) that would pay a hefty premium to be shrink wrapped like that.

Used cars? Try used car accounts: 15,000 up for grabs online at just $2 a pop

Hmmmm

Just as a precaution I think I'l cover the VIN\ Barcode thats mounted into the dash at the bottom of the windscreen.

Friends don't let friends use AI to chat

Grimwades Syndrome

I'll get my long coat & scarf.

Long-lost 1977 Star Wars X-Wing prop discovered – lock s-foils in bid position

Re: I mostly want

Dr FJ "Fortunately I was able to complete the design before the sex-ray took effect (*As you can see it had absolutely no bearing on the design)"

Classic movie so many great lines, most of which I can't post as I'd have that Google search going through works firewall.

*I think thats one of the next lines.

BMW deems drivers worthy of warmth, ends heated car seat subscription

Re: Only a matter of time

So every time you go to the lavatory, it’s vitally important to get a receipt.

Re: And the jumping up and down...

Sometimes the jumping up & down is because of the heated seats....