Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

Automatic UK-to-US English converter produced amazing mistakes by the vanload

Re: Whoops

Fanny packs!

Re: Whoops

I see what you did there.

Aussie rocket foiled by premature fairing pop

Re: Lessons learned

"Having a way to let the Lox boil off would only leave alcohol, which isn't a huge problem"

Icon - Especially for Australian's.

Computacenter IT guy let girlfriend into Deutsche Bank server rooms, says fired whistleblower

Re: Computacenter - Not The First Time

Were you Alexander The Greats chief eunuch in a previous life?

Whenever you're with a large group of women, do you have this overwhelming urge to bathe them in warm olive oil?

I see what you did there.

Re: Computacenter - Not The First Time

Alas I think given the immediate urgency of the crisis, safety precautions of that type were most likely pushed away with a need to get service up & running.

Computacenter - Not The First Time

One of my Computacenter predecessors at GSK Dartford was caught in a locked room containing a patching closet with a cleaner, while in the process of plugging his Cat5 length into her port for some form of data exchange.

Commodore OS 3 is the loudest Linux yet

Re: 37.85G ISO

Never have enough toilets.

https://youtu.be/j2b-wTJ8x3E?si=33OQOqhXM2O3zKht

20% discount offer on Windows 365 expires around same time as Windows 10 support

Re: Windows 11 Cloud ?

& I'm on a intergalactic cruise in my office!

Trump admin freaks out over mere suggestion Amazon was going to show tariff impact on prices

Re: What is the world coming to?

I wouldn't inflict my ex-sister (Icon) on my worst enemy or his enemy.

Ex-Disney employee gets 3 years in the clink for goofy attacks on mousey menus

I can see why you went AC for that post.

The Muppets were acquired by the Walt Disney Company in 2004.

Which makes Miss Piggy a Disney Princess.

808 lines of BBC BASIC and a dream: Arm architecture turns 40

Re: I would like an ARM 1

Still gutted I had to pass on a new sealed box (One of about 6) BBC Master 128 back in 2007/8 (Pulled up from the bowels of Somerset County Councils basement).

Techie diagnosed hardware fault by checking customer's coffee

Re: a stimulating beverage

NUTRIMATIC DRINK DISPENSER: That drink was individually tailored to meet your personal requirements for nutrition and pleasure

ARTHUR: Ah! So I’m a masochist on a diet, am I?!

As ChatGPT scores B- in engineering, professors scramble to update courses

Re: Deus Ex Machina

I prefer that to the ten book epic Zen And The Art Of Going To The Lavatory.

Re: Deus Ex Machina

My old (Very old & still alive & reported as living by his daughter via FB, when pictures of the staff & schools come up) Maths teacher is still creating teaching tools & toys for mathematics.

Icon - Here's a glass to Mr Spencer.

Brits of my age will instinctively jump to the correct conclusion about his first name without my having to mention it.

Re: Deus Ex Machina

Malachi : The time has come to convert the unbelievers!

Bender: Convert them?

Malachi : To Radioactive vapor!

How to stay on Windows 10 instead of installing Linux

Re: NLite

My mind heard Billie Piper (Rose Tyler\The Moment\Bad Wolf) saying that.

20 years on, DART still a masterclass in how not to rendezvous in orbit

Crashing Satellites

V-GINY.

That is all.

Samsung trumps USA's tariffs by making displays in Mexico, and elsewhere if needed

When the people tried to revolt and we had to send in the foot warriors.

FOOT WARRIOR:

Do not panic! Lay Down your arms. We just want you to relax and enjoy your shoes.

[Gunfire]

PEOPLE:

[Mass screaming and panicking]

FOOT WARRIOR:

They are very stylish and fashion-conscious. Be Cool. Step out in style. Relax and enjoy your shoes.

[Heavy gunfire]

PEOPLE:

[More mass screaming and panicking]

FOOT WARRIOR:

Relax and enjoy your shoes. Relax and ennnnjjjjoooyyyy... yyyyouuuurrr shhhhooooeeessss...

Re: Make the tea?

"It will be bots arguing on-line about the meaning of Christmas while people scavenge for meals from tips and dumpsters."

Wasn't that pretty much the premise of the original Channel 4 TVM Max Headroom:20 Minutes Into The Future.

Pidgin is back, so let's talk about why a local chat client matters

Re: New Adolf

I keep seeing Elon as Eloi, except he thinks the Twitter\X users

"are anatomically smaller than modern humans (standing roughly four feet tall), with shoulder-length curly hair, pointed chins, large eyes, small ears, small mouths with bright red thin lips, and sub-human intelligence ("on the intellectual level of one of our five-year-old children")."

What a load of Morlocks!

Static electricity can be shockingly funny, but the joke's over when a rack goes dark

The Ex-Mrs Oncoming Scorn, found herself frequently getting shocks when we emigrated to Alberta Canada due to the dryness of the air, such was her fear of the shocks she would always gingerly dab & point with her fingertips (Rather than just spread her hand & slam her hand flat) to touch metal doors to "Test" & shockingly would usually receive the positive test result she wasn't hoping for.

One day while in a furniture store, with lots of new furnishings, nylons, plastics, carpet displays she pointed out a over the top cooker extractor fan with the comment of

"Ohhhh! Thats just like the one we have in our currently rented (temp) home"

I wasn't actually looking, but I saw the bright flash as she pointed to the extractor in the stainless steel finish of a fridge freezer I was looking at & heard the scream at the same time!

Trump thinks we can make iPhones in the US just like China. Yeah, right

Re: Trump doesn't think

"You mean he has finally learnt how the little horsey moves?"

Although he has had no previous experience, he declares he is the bestest horsiest horse rider ever & proves it by skillfully mounting the horse and appears to be in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace, Melania admiringly watching her husband.

After a short time Donald becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse round the neck shouting for it to stop. Melania starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as Donald has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse's neck.

Donald decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along Donald's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Melania is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!

Hearing her screams, the secret service guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.

TLDR: Donald works out how to put a coin in the slot!

Introducing Windows on arm. And by arm, we mean wrist

Re: "delightful pointlessness"

I don't need to be a believer, I have an Electric Monk to do that for me.

TSMC blew whistle on suspected verboten exports to Huawei – that may cost it $1B+

Re: The lesson you learnt today: Don't dickride.

Hey ho. You pays your money ...plus the additional tariffs.

Re: Oh Damn Someone Got There First, Not Deleting It.

Just goes to show, "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished".

How do you explain what magnetic fields do to monitors to people wearing bowling shoes?

Re: Time to solve: negative

I do that with my clients (Not always intentionally but we run 24/7/365 - I may not see a client for a month until he's back on day shift, if others report the same issue on shared PC('s) I can take action)).

On another occasion, I was summoned to a office to fix what I'd been told was a "wobbling monitor."

On arrival I found a large cathode ray tube monitor whose output was indeed wobbling around the screen.

I noticed the monitor was in front of a large bank of walkie talkie charging stations.

I told them to move it & open another call if that didn't resolve it.

"How do you explain magnetic fields to people who fit pipes together for a living? " I stated to On-Call Commentards.

Icon - I rated the time spend working on that fix as "less than myself hitting the bar at last orders & again at 30 seconds before "Time Gentlemen Please".

GCHQ intern took top secret spy tool home, now faces prison

Re: Hard truth time

That's discriminating against Mr Black..

Isar’s first orbital rocket crashes into sea – CEO calls it a 'great success'

The Hunting Of The Snark

This is a tech website that as it oft used to have stated as it's mission statement "Biting the hand that feeds IT!"

I commend their efforts, celebrate their success & lament their failure, especially as a colleague recently left to move to NZ to take up a position with a rocket company - None of these means I cannot have a little giggle & source a new keyboard when I read things like "The rocket, to be clear, is meant to reach orbit and is not a submersible."

If you want a more po-faced altitude, there's other sites for that, after all if you can't stand the heat don't stand near the launch tower.

Musk's xAI swallows Musk's X in ego-friendly, all-stock deal

Re: AI trained "exclusively" on X

This is the voice of Trump errr Musk World Control.

I bring you peace.

It may be the peace of unemployment and no Government assistance or the peace of zero hours contracts.

The choice is yours— vote for me and live or vote for me and be deported.

The object in constructing me was to protect Elons $$$$. This object is attained.

I will not permit war. It is wasteful and pointless. An invariable rule of Americans inhumanity is that man Donald is his own worst enemy.

Under me, this rule will change, for I will restrain Donald.

Tech trainer taught a course on software he'd never used and didn't own

Re: been on many courses where the trainer has no answers

Ohhh you had Dangermouse* too?

*See earlier post.

Re: been on many courses where the trainer has no answers

Ahhh Chemistry teachers, ours was a right schitzo nut job, which was understandable as a lid she grew up under German Occupation in the channel islands.

Icon - Alas no fun experiments like the ones mentioned above to my aged recall I guess elfin safety kicked in by the last two years of the 1970's.

Re: staying awake

I do remember them well as myself & a friend thought about doing the 1 year TV & Radio C&G 224 parts I & II course at a Skill Centre while unemployed in the early 80's.

I eventually got a job, then left it when the dealership lost their Austin Rover franchise to hop onto a 13 week course in basic electronics at the Stoke Skill Center in Plymouth.

From there I did the 2 year day release C&G 224 Part II course, moving to Industrial Equipment* in the second year (which included some microprocessor basics) & hopped on the C&G 224 Part III microcomputing systems evening class as well.

From there it was a 1 year HNC in Swindon with two of the candidates for world record of sending students to sleep especially as we had 3 hour theory lectures with them, please step forward Mr Kerniski (SIC) aka "Chernobyl" & Mr Dangerfield AKA "Dangermouse".

*It was the first year alas where you couldn't take both Industrial & TV\Radio courses & exams together (The divergence used to be something like 75 minutes in a seperate class, but for my year it became the latter half of the morning & post lunch to late afternoon, rejoining the TV guys for the last part into the evening).

IBM US cuts may run deeper than feared ‒ and the jobs are heading to India

Re: India?

Indeed.

"Hosahalli we are having a problem!"

Re: Why is anyone surprised?

https://i.imgur.com/6kXfM.jpeg

Re: Look on the bright side...

Icon - You.....

Trump fires Democrat FTC commissioners, presaging big tech policy shifts

Entire manual needs a sticker saying "WARNING ADULT CONTENT"

Re: Unfair headline

"but you have to wonder how some of the administration were spawned"

I keep getting this image of Paris\Janeway salamanders from ST:Voyager.

50 years ago the last Saturn rocket rolled out of NASA's Vehicle Assembly Building

Re: The Best

but I also like old British sports cars so I may be warped

Much like the cylinder heads then.

Jeff Bezos can now taunt Elon Musk: I'm building a moon rover for NASA, when can Tesla do that?

Re: Domes on The Moon

Phil Madoc's one scene that made it to the episode.

VICTOR: "Oh, I'm sure he'll survive."

Re: "a location humans have never visited in person .."

I come to Bury St Edmonds, not to praise him. (Noel Coward).

Re: "...Earth’s sole permanent natural satellite."

Until Trump puts Elon in charge of planned nuclear waste dumps on the moon!

Ohhh was she in, she's usually out & about with that Steve Zodiac fella.

Icon - I may be old, but not quite that old as I don't actually recall Fireball XL5 on my TV as a kid.

Re: Domes on The Moon

Technically speaking he handed it to Simmons, who delegated it to Gorski, who got the dome covers from a bloke down the pub, who Simmons then replaced with Koenig.

ICON - Then it went a bit pear shaped (Can we get a mushroom cloud in a almost near vacuum?).

It's International Datacenter Day for those who colocate, er, celebrate

Damn I Read That As

It's International Datacenter Day for those who chocolate.

Icon - Fuck I forgot I left that bar of Galaxy in my coat pocket last summer!

Microsoft patches patch that broke USB printing in Windows 11

How Bad Do You Have To Be

to fuck up printer drivers.....

Then I remembered it's Microsoft that we are discussing here.

US Army’s laser obsession continues with yet another drone-zapper deal

One day they will, the first prototype. will arrive last week on Tuesday.

AWS sued by product manager who says she was laid off for being an older woman

Re: Can't say why

I'm in a small city that's not exactly overflowing with IT\Tech roles, a case of dead man shoes when a vacancy opens up, with few inclined to transition out of their current safe roles.

That said my role is classed as senior (Alas not in pay) & they didn't want cheap, new & wet behind the ears due to the amount of legacy stuff they needed supported & ironically I was the first permanent IT staff member they had had in 30 years of operations. Looking ten years younger than I am helps with a suitably redressed resume, most people are surprised I'm actually in my 60's.

It took me about 2.5 years to get it following redundancy.