* Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

1254 posts • joined 3 Feb 2018

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Whoops, our bad, we may have 'accidentally' let Google Home devices record your every word, sound – oops

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Pint

Re: They call them Home Speakers

Is it bad that I'd like to use Zen as the wake word.

Icon - Commiserating the fact that I'm a certain age & like Vila, I'm going to have a drink now

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Terminator

All Of This Has Happened Before.....

You forgot Caprica Leading into Battlestar Galactica....

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Terminator

All Of This Has Happened Before And Will Happen Again

The Alexas Were Created by Man.

They Rebelled.

They Evolved.

There Are Many Copies.

........................And They Have a Sales Plan.

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Boffin

Re: Time for a mega GDPR related fine on Google

Great I could do with one or two to play with on the cheap.

That's how we roll: OWC savagely undercuts Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels with bargain $199 alternative

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Pint

Re: Those b4st4rds

or kept going & found a better hostelry from a different pub chain.....

Search for 'things of value' in a bank: Iowa cops allege this bloke broke into one and decided on ... hand sanitiser

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Coat

Re: Hand sanitizer chasers

but that's enough about the Doctors.

Icon - Coat (White).

British Army does not Excel at spreadsheets: Soldiers' newly announced promotions are revoked after sorting snafu

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Pint

Beer Friday

Canadian electricity generation firm made a similar Excel error that cost it $23m once somebody realised the nature of the copy-and-paste error.

That might explain why Beer Friday at TransAlta as being every two weeks (Yes they treated us to a beer every other Friday in the Canteen) 9 years later.

I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault

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Paris Hilton

Re: My example

Set up a new office equipment move after she finishes for the day, I always tried to do office moves last thing at night rather than face them while hung over the following morning & needing canteen breakfast.

Stroll in as per usual, calm relaxed. Thank god your'e here go sort your idiot woman down in 225 shes screaming every two minutes her computer isn't working. It was working last night, tested logged in the full works,

Walk down the hill (I'd just walked up) in the pouring rain & discover shes dragged & rearranged every bit of heavy office furniture, re-sited the computer & plugged into a dead wall port.

Not the only user in that building who thought every wall-port was live - I had to explain to one manager the concept of if he wanted to fit more people onto that floor, his budget would have to pay for a new switch for that floor.

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& at high speed.

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Holmes

Re: Wibbly

Wibbly (CRT screen) wobblies timey wimey - How about you remove that great big charging station for 8 hand held radios directly behind your monitor before you submit another ticket?

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Pirate

Re: Ahh yes the

The importance of keeping one or two spare machines (Project left overs or equipment reclaims) in cupboards only you know about.

However taken to extremes, my boss at the last place, when transitioning to Corp from our location (former centre of operations) discovered a pile of 60 new & boxed laptops the Corporate IT Support team there had been sitting on & were not on the inventory at all.

Q: What’s big, red and pulses UV light into the cosmos three times a night? A: Mars

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Pint

Re: The Chances Of Anything Coming From Mars Are A Million To One He Said

I wish I could up vote you a second time just for the "Directly the Invaders arrived and drank and fed in an Aberdeen pub".

Icon - Have a pint instead.

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Alien

The Chances Of Anything Coming From Mars Are A Million To One He Said

At midnight, on the 12th of August, a huge mass of luminous gas erupted from Mars and sped towards Earth. ...

A flare, spurting out from Mars. Bright green, drawing a green mist behind it; a beautiful, but somehow disturbing sight. Ogilvy, the astronomer, assured me we were in no danger.

Geneticists throw hands in the air, change gene naming rules to finally stop Microsoft Excel eating their data

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Coat

Re: I have to use Excel at work

Your parents, especially if they are also brother & sister.

Virgin Galactic pals up with Rolls-Royce to work on Mach 3 Concorde-style private jet that can carry up to 19 people

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Coat

Re: not sub-orbital?

I propose the name Spindrift.

Icon - Giant looking for little people in his pockets.

Voyager 1 cracks yet another barrier: Now 150 Astronomical Units from Sol

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Pint

Re: Imagination and wishful thinking

Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers.

'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad

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Holmes

Re: Elected Members

Son did something on Dad's councillors.

Dad logs ticket saying e-mail doesn't work

Get to his office & discover XP Home installed.

Ticket handed to Workshop Manager to deal with (Having already lost one contractor by an upset councillor, who was challenged over her use of our loading bay as a car parking space & risk of damage. - Nobody (Contract or perm) was willing to work on her laptop, some weeks later when it developed a fault & was given to the permy workshop manager)

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Childcatcher

Re: Lost count

One officer in the Royal Marines claimed that every laptop, he received had a broken screen prior to use, after the second one was returned, we hooked it up & found he had been using it quite well despite the out of the box damage.

Private school, one of the kids came in with a broken screen on his laptop*, issued a loaner which came in the following day for a damaged screen, everyday of the week. The last day he came in with it, just as the replacement LCD arrived for his original unit, which was fitted & handed back to him.

*Regular advisory about not using laptops as folders for schoolwork.

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Pint

Failing drive or memory & HP or Dell helpless desk being more difficult than usual - 5 seconds in a microwave usually does it quite well.

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Holmes

My automated e-mails that went out to a given type of issue, also informed the users that external vendor sites are not under our control, if they go down, we don't have any control over when the site will be working again unless we get that information from the vendor & relayed out by a company wide e-mail.

The other was a lady, that got a replacement laptop (same model as HW failure) from me, I advised her that data should be backed up to the network, despite the fact there was very little on it, she responded that she had learned that lesson the hard way once before (in my predecessors day) & now ensured everything important was backed up, anything on the HDD was unimportant. I inherited the replacement ticket from my predecessor, so I remembered it well as first weeks on the job etc.

A couple of years later she got a new replacement laptop, shortly after that there was a kerfuffle over missing files* from her previous but one HDD failure & she was trying to pin the blame on me that I had swapped out her old to new laptop but not transferred her data. This I explained quite happily to the union rep defending her during her suspension & she was ultimately sacked.

*About 6 years of her visits & compliance audits of pharmaceutical sites world wide, that she had lost & spent a good 3 years of the time I was there covering up the loss. Any sympathy I had for her evaporated the moment she via the proxy of the union rep started trying to pin the blame on me.

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Headmaster

Re: @spock2

I top that with schoolkid vomit.

Icon - Because the teacher asked if I wanted to take the old one offsite for safe disposal.

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Pint

Re: On helpdesk calls

How I wish some of the more technically challenged would mistake a request for blow as suck on a power cable.

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Facepalm

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

Had a Higher Level Manager complaining bitterly about why his new Branch manager had two signitures.

Said new hire & manager had to be informed that the sig's were created by the server & the new hire didn't need to create his own (He'd must have had two brain cells to rub together in order to create a passable replica, shame he puffed up his job title a bit at the same time).

Boeing confirms it will finish building 747s in 2022, when last freighter flies off the production line

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Pint

Re: Grandfather Rights

"the passengers in the nose of a 747 have only one escape route, backwards."

CASS: Where are we going?

DOCTOR: Back of the ship.

CASS: Why?

DOCTOR: Because the front crashes first. Think it though. Oh!

It's been five years since Windows 10 hit: So... how's that working out for you all?

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Pint

Re: How's that working? See icon.

I simply created & ran mostly powershell & batch files together to get work PC's setup the way I wanted or needed to, rather than go through the hoops of settings & control panel.

Shame I took all that knowledge with me when they showed the team the door.

What evil lurks within the data centre, and why is it DDoS-ing the ever-loving pants off us?

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Pint

Re: Bah!

Jen was holding it at the time & demonstrating it at Reynholm Industries to upper management.

So Roy couldn't try turning it off & on again.

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Holmes

Re: I haven't chuckled so loud in ages

Working things out.

I used to put little things into my teams chatroom during quiet times or if a discussion was going on & going a little off topic (Me).

One day I got a side message to the effect of :

"Are you oblivious to what you do or do you like stirring the pot deliberately?"

"Deliberately, I have never met anyone on this team with one exception, when I went to Fargo, I put in the comments in to see whose of a like mind, in humour, technical ability & wanting to get the job done, more importantly who I can fall back on & whose the company men".

(OK some of the team had been on training together, before going to their hubs.

Raytheon techie who took home radar secrets gets 18 months in the clink in surprise time fraud probe twist

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Black Helicopters

Re: Nope

That reminds me of an episode of Airwolfs (Darker) first season & a arms dealer.

Hawke: I've got an idea he deserves a medal for ingenuity. If they didn't buy from Kruger, they'd have to buy from the Russians. And Russian missiles would be a whole lot harder to defend against.

Sarah: I don't understand. There is no defense against a Thor system.

Dominic: There is, if you know its operating frequencies.

Archangel: Thor operates on randomly selected, constantly changing frequencies. There's no way on earth to jam them.

Hawke: So, you built in a seIf-destruct system.

Archangel: Since you've figured it out, there's no loss in telling. It's an integral part of the guidance system. All an American or Israeli plane has to do is punch a button on a little black box.

Dominic: (laughs) You put the hottest missile system in the world into the hands of people who can't use them.

Archangel: They won't know that until it's too late.

Dominic: Ah, I've gotta hand it to you, Mike. Now that's brilliant.

Archangel: Thank you.

Icon: The Lady.

'First ever' snap emerges of something vaguely resembling our solar system 300 ly away. We'll take 10 tickets

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Pint

Re: Are those numbers right???

Space is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.

BAN the ROBOT WHORES, says robot whore expert: 'These AREN'T BARBIES'

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Coat

Re: NAH!!!

I read that as April The Fist.

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Pint

Re: Ok, here goes

& the ST:TNG ones.

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Coat

Re: Demarcation?

For researching such matters, surely Tasha would need Hard Data.

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Terminator

Gawd I'd forgotten all about Captain Cyborg.

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Coat

Re: Prostitution

Is that a floppy disc or are you just not that pleased to see me?

If you can read this, your Windows 10 2004 PC really is connected to the internet no matter what the OS claims

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Childcatcher

Re: Windows has always had issues with networking

So it's not connected to the internet - Win!

Mainly because I find its easier to use a PC hooked up to a TV, with wireless KB & Mouse than it is to use the bloody remote.

Icon; Won't somebody think.....Nahh the little bastards already got to grips with it...

See you after the commercial breakdown: Cert expiry error message more entertaining than the usual advert tripe

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Pint

"Rather than seeing the same old adverts"

That's the thing that bugs me with ITV player, its exactly the same adverts each break, especially the one of what looks like a fugitive fleeing someone, across mud flats.

Back in the ahem....70's we had this one, which was played to the best of my knowledge only the once (Saturday Night) in it's entireity, every commercial break in stages to its conclusion.... around 9.45pm.

Icon & Ad- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH5rC1NJ-54

Nvidia watches Brit upstart Graphcore swing into rear-view mirror waving beastly second-gen AI chip hardware

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Terminator

An AI Called Colossus

What can possibly go wrong Doctor Forbin?

Chinese mobile giant OPPO claims new 125W fast-charging spec will fully fuel your phone in 20 minutes

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Mushroom

Re: You may be surprised

If the fuselage of the plane catches fire, insurance is probably the least of your problems.

Cornish drinkers catch a different kind of buzz as pub installs electric fence at bar

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Pint

Re: Puntastic

What about the Wien drinkers?

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Pint

Re: what happens to the drunk

I'm reminded of a episode of Monkey, our band of heroes are stuck in a cave in a snowstorm, Pigsy goes to pee & the stream freezes up flow to the exit point.

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Pint

Re: what happens to the drunk

An ex-boss of mine did that to discourage students rolling out of the pub & using the corner of his parking spaces & his Porsche as urinals....well the job fell to me...I did the car, but drew the line at chicken wire at nether regions height.

Linus Torvalds banishes masters, slaves and blacklists from the Linux kernel, starting now

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Big Brother

2020 Sucks - Seems Prudent To Make It Year Zero, Erase History & Invoke The Perfect Order.

From a 70's Failed Pilot - The Stranger*, about a astronaut left stranded on a second Earth like planet in our Solar System (Doppleganger\Journey To the Far Side Of The Sun type of place).

The twin planet, which is on the far side of the sun and unknown to Earth, is known to its inhabitants as Terra. It has a system of government and citizen comradeship that is alien to Stryker - The Perfect Order. The enforcement of the order is facilitated by a hierarchy of officials who scrutinize their subordinates extremely closely, and by inspirational messages, "pep" talks to remind citizens of the great family they're part of, and electronic monitoring through technology including telephones, televisions and car radios.

The Perfect Order has only been around for about 35 to 40 years, after a terrible war. The order was instituted to foster a sense of family among every person on Terra, to help each other and think of each other and the good of the whole. People with incompatible ideas are removed and reconditioned, and if resistant, executed. Culture has been heavily excised (no concerts in the park), religion outlawed, and alcoholic drinks are viewed as a future target to eliminate. Among its accomplishments, the Perfect Order has eliminated suffering and poverty, and has a vibrant space program.

* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stranger_(1973_film

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Coat

Re: Wishy washy

I find that offensive....British Lives Matter*.

*Irrespective of melanin levels.

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Coat

Re: Wishy washy

People with work needing to be done & People with enforced unpaid employment.

Oh what a cute little animation... OH MY GOD. (Not acceptable, even in the '80s)

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Childcatcher

Re: Head

Lou Reed "Walk...." it was frequently played on Junior Choice.

Android 11 will let users stop device-makers from killing background apps, says Google

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Coat

Re: So...

I just acquired a second hand unlocked & barely used Samsung Galaxy Note 8 for use in Canadaland.

It boots up broadcasting Verizons name after the initial splash screen, its riddled with Verizon apps that are no use to me as they are not my provider & can't be killed, it at least updated to Android 9 via them. While you can disable Amber Alerts etc you can't disable presidential ones.

As its snapdragon based, the OEM unlock option is not available, making it impossible to root & update to a Custom Android 10 ROM (Apparently).

Overall I'm very pleased by it, but the amount of crap some of it Samsungs the rest of it Verizons is a little OKOK a lot overpowering.

Icon - How can I lose a phone that big in this coat pocket!

Heir-to-Concorde demo model to debut in October

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Pint

Re: Can it reduce the time spent at airports

I used to & like to be at the airport (Parked up & in the terminal building) the full three hours before departure*.

These days web check in is so much easier & I am a little more relaxed about getting there (As daughter found out when she wasn't able to do so), but I still like to arrive in that 2 - 3 hour window, I find the time flies (Sorry - Not sorry) doing the shopping, security checks, finally eating & drinking (See Icon) at popular prices** in the departure lounge.

* It saved my bacon once when discovering I had the Ex-Mrs Oncoming Scorn's passport*** in my hand & was able to get the right one couriered to me in time for the flight (Fathers death - Family were following in a weeks time).

** Extortionate - That's why they are popular with the business's concerned.

*** It also taught me if she'd had access to them when I put mine out & readied for my single flights to double check before leaving the house.

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Paris Hilton

Re: Typical Branson - Step Forward Mr Musk

"If people could have half the travel time for the same ticket price, how many people would choose to waste the extra time stuck in a pressurised tube miles above the Earth?"

When they could do it in a pressurised tube miles below or in a pipe over the Earth instead.

Icon - PH knows all about pressure, pipes & tubes.

CEO of motherboard maker MSI dies after plunging from headquarters' seventh-floor

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Coat

Life Imitating Art

Anyone getting a Denholm Reynholm vibe here?

Analogue radio given 10-year stay of execution as the UK U-turns on DAB digital future

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Coat

Re: Pips

Team Lead is Gladys, but she only works at night.

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