* Posts by The Oncoming Scorn

1200 posts • joined 3 Feb 2018

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Capita Consulting ditching more than a quarter of its workforce 45 days after consultations with consultants

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Pint

Re: Er ...

The spec was for Robocop, what they'll get is "Would anyone like any toast?"

FTFY - No Charge, well maybe a beer if you are buying.....

Cool IT support drones never look at explosions: Time to resolution for misbehaving mouse? Three seconds

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My last day at one job included this gem of a slow running systems in the morning at a Doctors office especially on a Monday morning. So Friday afternoon go to site.

Router is in a wall mounted cabinet, they left open for access to medical supplies during the day, but at night.......

Other stories from Somerset County Council around the time of South West Con......

Users blocking up vents by storing handbags & bankers boxes of papers & files

Users blocking the top vent over the fan with Sony monitors with circular bases that when artistically centred covered the vent.

Overheating machines following a new suite & office moves done by Deskside support over the weekend (They worked in the council offices, the field/hardware guys worked in the wooden ht in the car park), pushing the side vents to the soft fabric new cubicle walls & being artistic with the Sony monitors.

Their other project was memory upgrades which failed brilliantly thanks for using mismatched memory.

Wiser heads (Me!) redid the work by pairing up machines & putting in new memory in two banks & populating all the banks with the old in the other.

Icon - Beer O'clock

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Pint

Re: Impress the senior sysadmin

The BOFH in me thinks to send the command remotely to close the drawer, spilling the tea\coffee over the user & play a wav file\Windows dialogue box saying

"I don't enjoy having tea\coffee spilled over me! Do you?"

Boffins baffled as supergiant star just vanishes – either it partially blew itself apart or quietly turned into a black hole

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Re: Occam's Razor and Astrophysics....

.....by an enormous mutant star goat.

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Re: Two alternative options

Actually its now 42 years.

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Or its Skaro's sun, which Davros was suckered into blowing up by The Hand Of Omega.

Icon - The Seventh Doctor looking for his spoons.

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth

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Pirate

Re: The Need For Chewed Wires...

Dismantling a shore station (Radio beacon), my assistant\driver\stores guy, cut through the power cable & was surprised by the fact that just because its disconnected from the beacon, it also needs to be disconnected from the batteries.

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Pirate

Re: chewed wires

They described it as the Guinea pigs committing suicide and taking the tropical fish with them.

Avon: Auron may be different, Cally, but on Earth it is considered ill-mannered to kill your friends while committing suicide.

CompSci student bitten by fox after feeding it McNuggets

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So Then No Mozzarella

& obviously no FriesFox.

Fasten your seat belts: Brave Reg hack spends a week eating airline food grounded by coronavirus crash

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Australia's most-polluted waterway: Alexandra Canal

Was that before or after this culinary experience?

Enqiuring minds need to.....err rr on second thoughts no we don't!

Icon - Going with beer "Of course, lager! The only thing that can kill a vindaloo!" - Lister.

The girl with the dragnet tattoo: How a TV news clip, Insta snaps, a glimpse of a tat and a T-shirt sold on Etsy led FBI to alleged cop car arsonist

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FAIL

Re: Has no-one...

Is it just me that finds a certain irony that while you post as an AC, using the Guy Fawkes mask from V for Vendetta & you incorrectly name the book\film that you reference.

PS I did google to see if there was by remote chance a "V for Vengeance".

Windows 10 once more in print condition: Microsoft applies out-of-band fix to Patch Tuesday cock-up

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Alert

Re: HP

Yes - I set up my personal printers as LPR ports & Windows 10 used to keep changing them to WSD devices.

Had the same issue at last place of work, install them manually through the print wizard, it changed them at a point of its own choosing, use a scripted install or via SCCM (pointing back to the script) no problem. We had to educate a number of our field guys who used the print wizard.

Take the bus... to get some new cables: Raspberry Pi 4s are a bit picky about USB-Cs

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Ohhhhh The Horror That Stalks The Foggy Specs &

The Phantom Raspberry Power Of Old London Town.

Couple wrongly arrested over Gatwick Airport drone debacle score £200k payout from cops

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Black Helicopters

Re: I have to admit...

Considering the screams & calls for this couple to be strung up by the neck & other unpleasantries by the mob rule of FaecesBook & also IIRC suffered vandalism to their property, while they were in custody & while the drone operators hunt was still on-going.

I'd follow one of my ex-bosses Golden Rule of keeping a ultra low profile too (Shame he didn't adhere to it himself BTW).

Bloke rolls up to KFC drive-thru riding horse-drawn cart only to be told: Neigh

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Pint

Re: So...No Then To Disability Scooters, Not

Now you have me nostalgic for a Wimpy burger with ketchup & the finally diced onion, I always try to seek one out when I am back in the UK & or a roadside diner that has Westlers hot dogs boiling away (Another guilty pleasure because mum wouldn't let me have one when taking me to the Odeon).

here in Canadaland, Harveys has a similar logo to Wimpy's in blue, the onion is cut chunkier & alas the burger uninspiring.

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Pint

Re: Burgers?

I have just come back from a shopping trip & was able to enjoy the "eat-in" (10 tables provided for the purpose) experience for the first time since February in Five Guys.

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Pint

So...No Then To Disability Scooters, Not

Only Foals & Horses.

Icon - Pint Down The Nags Head with Trigger!

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Coat

Re: So what's with the ban on horse-drawn conveyance in the drive-through?

Little Chef, a part of my childhood there when travelling & in teenage years, our group of motorcyclists stopping in one (Usually at the top of Telegraph Hill), burgers & chips with pancakes & ice-cream to follow.

Icon - Getting me Belstaff.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes: UK man gets 3 years for torching 4G phone mast over 5G fears

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Re: Gullibility is no excuse.

IMIPAK - Induced Molecular Instability Projector and Key.

IMIPAG - Induced Molecular Instability Projector and 5G.

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Re: He used the wrong excuse

Just for shit's n giggles, I renamed my two guest SSID's to Provider1_Covid19_5GTestt_LocalArea & Provider2_Covid19_5GTest_LocalArea.

I'm terribly sorry & now realise my honest mistake, I should have named them to Provider_Covid19_5GTest_NextCity3HoursToTheNorth.

Smart fridges are cool, but after a few short years you could be stuck with a big frosty brick in the kitchen

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Thumb Up

Not All Kitchen Appliances Are Different

I have Alexa turn on a kettle first thing in the morning or a small sauce pot AKA mini Crockpot for food that doesn't need to be simmering away for >5 hours (Smaller volume) around mid-day.

Ooo, a mystery bit of script! Seems legit. Let's see what happens when we run it

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Angel

Re: Purely accidentally ...

I must make sure I don't make that mistake...

If you bought a CRT monitor, TV 13+ years ago, hold on a little longer, there may be a small check for you

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The Last CRT Monitor I Bought

Came with the PC in 1997, all the rest have been LCD or salvaged from e-waste.

Beardy Branson’s 747-assisted sat-launcher can’t get it up

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Q

I think he's attempting re-entry Sir!

Dude, where's my laser?

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Paris Hilton

Re: Not unbelievable

"Wouldn't even tickle Pussy Galore".

She would have liked that, she was a lesbian in the original story.

Runaway Latvian drone found meditating in tree after shutting down nation's skies

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Coat

Re: Great

Oakay!

Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes

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Pint

Re: ID10T error

The users at my last place were incapable or unwilling of reading the e-mail announcements or following the instructions, treating it as a SEP.

Bit them on the ass when they were on-call & hadn't set up the 2FA (Or even signed into the Windows 10 replacement for the old one) on the branches "On-Call" laptop, when they were at home & ended up having to go back to branch to set up 2FA & deal with their own on call call-out.

For the record I printed out sheets & applied stickers with each Departmental On-Call Windows 10 laptop advising of this & that phone calls at 5pm for this would possible result in them staying in branch until 7pm gotta love multiple time zones across Canada, so they had best set this up in the morning. Those too were promptly ignored.

Icon - I give up, I need a beer!

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Childcatcher

Re: Yes, Daily, or even hourly!

I repeatedly had to try & tell children at a private school that you cant edit a picture once it's been saved into a PDF as its not a picture format like a jpg.

They were all coming from the same class too.

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Facepalm

Re: Seriously though...

I had to do that with most of my users who were really really challenged, I had a script ready to go, that pushed out the appropriate common fixes via email with screenshot attachment .

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Childcatcher

Re: Black and white

My youngest asked something like that to my dad.

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Pint

Re: User education

I can't even begin to describe in detail some of the phone calls & texts (She never manages to send the picture of the screenshot shes texting me about) I've had with my massage therapist, after I upgraded her laptop to W10 & a SSD in January. Its not been helped with the lock down, I'd have solved them in the time it takes to drive there, 5 min's onsite & back again, compared to the 1 hour & up phone calls.

Won't boot she's on a external monitor that the back light has failed on & hasn't looked at the laptop screen itself.

That one was my fault in part so she wasn't seeing the Windows update messages...."do not reboot".

Trying to talk her into F8 for safe mode (Also above - Added a batch file running at startup calling bcdedit /set {bootmgr} displaybootmenu yes & a 5 second delay).

Outlook not working for her, shes so used to the web portal for e-mail.

One of her USB devices now doesn't like the port it's plugged into & causing the laptop to hang at the BIOS splash screen, having to repeatedly talk her through the concept of unplugging one USB cable at a time to establish which one it is (This was yesterday after she finally dropped it off last week for me to look at due to self isolating & picked it up the night prior ).

The concept of Windows updates applying themselves at 3am & her coming to find the machine hung if she can't find the correct USB cable (See above).

Complaining that the system has frozen with a pretty picture of a cave with time & date on & the keyboards not working - System is still working in the background & not ready for keyboard input at this precise moment (Also yesterday).

Icon - Needed one yesterday while helping her yet again.

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Pint

Re: Funny that

If I was prowling the floors of Building 225 at one place, I would in true BOFH style ctrl+alt+arrow key the screen orientation to any unlocked PC & tell their co-workers.

"I'm in Room 322 or thereabouts if Izzy wants to come & tell me what she did wrong, otherwise I'll be back in 20 minutes to ask her!"

Fair does that department always tried to poison me with weird confectionery from overseas trips.

Windows Terminal hits the big 1.0: Fit for production?

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Fine for WINWORD

FTFY.

A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo

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Re: Test passed

Was the fisherman of German descent, by the way?

Prince Charles?

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Childcatcher

Re: Of course it was going to hit the boat!

kids going off the local woods without adults

Probably safer than going with them.

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Flame

Re: Of course it was going to hit the boat!

6) Light wick - it is recommended to use a cigarette to light the wick instead of a match (sorry, can't remember the reason why)

Probably the same reason as using a lighted wick not a match or a lighter on Bonfire Night its not a naked flame.

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Re: Of course it was going to hit the boat!

When I worked in Swindon we had a nice little jolly out of town. Nice days..... mount up these radio beacons on a trig point (OS Marker) & calibrate them for the known distance between the country & the single radio beacon on the companies roof.

Few hours out in the sunshine..(Near The Grand Tours home I believe) possibly a pub lunch to boot (Didn't happen for me alas).....

Then someone (The Utter Bastard) decided it was more efficient to set up each of the 6 beacons on the roof & send one guy out to the country for a hour

We're going underground, and this time it's not an inebriated banker crapping themselves, but Transport for London

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Pint

Re: That API is public

Attuned to Paddington Station in the early noughties..... my train home was always the 18.35 from Cardiff\Swansea, always 10 minutes late & accessible from the over bridge, once passengers disembarked, (myself & the few regulars who shared this secret) just waiting for the cleaning crew to start & replace the paper signs in the windows, taking my seat 6 minutes before the sheep on the concourse were let through the turnstiles.

Beer because I was already comfy with one for the journey, as everybody scrabbled & fought to get to a seat.

Mirror mirror on the wall, why will my mouse not work at all?

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Pint

Re: Mices...Aahhrg

Missed a true BOFHery moment there......confiscate Brenda's mouse as non approved hardware.

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Childcatcher

Re: I've seen worse... much worse!

Sat with a religious woman (The family kept the PC in the parents bedroom for "Safety" against inappropriate use), investigating a Adult Pass charge to their phone bill, found a cookie with the timestamp of the charge.....& found ourselves gazing at meat n two vegs.

Thus the deeply religious parents found out their son was into men (Although at the time not knowing the family (Friends of a friend), my money was on the hubby).

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Pint

Re: Even easier to get wrong with Sun optical mice

You were lucky to have a GRID that you could print out! There were a hundred and sixty pencil lines written on the lid of a small shoebox in the middle of the road.

Another pint for Timbo!

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Joke

Re: Right click

I think they meant autistic....

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Pint

Re: problems getting started

You are Soppy Kershaw (Who used to do this to his dad for beer money) & I claim my call out fee.

Danger zone! Brit research supercomputer ARCHER's login nodes exploited in cyber-attack, admins reset passwords and SSH keys

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Angel

Re: I blame

LANA!!!!!!

The Rise of The (Coffee) Machines: I need assistance. I think I'm running Windows. Send help

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Re: Red Dwarf, perhaps?

Aah, so you're a waffle man.

Microsoft doc formats are the bane of office suites on Linux, SoftMaker's Office 2021 beta may have a solution

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Re: @Reg Reader 1 - You seem to

& can't differentiate between Internet Explorer or Edge.

It go so bad that I had a "Help document" that showed the different browser icons we supported for a given application.

Icon - Because the users at that place were more challenged than the norm & I needed a drink as a reward for dealing with them by beer o'clock.

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Pint

Re: The disadvantages are that there is no cloud version

Having bought a many a grey market Office licence from the purveyor that's up a long big river for less than half the price of this product that will last me the life of the machines I install them on suits me fine.

I had three years on this machine before I upgraded to Win10 & the old licence wouldn't validate. A trip up the river got me a new licence that validated & installed for less than the old ones cost.

Yes they want me to sign in to get the cloud "benefits", but no thank you.

It is unclear why something designed to pump fuel into a car needs an ad-spewing computer strapped to it, but here we are

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WTF?

Re: I hated the pump ads...

Here in Canadaland, the fuel sales typical just covers the rent & fee's the site operator has to pay, their income comes from the non-fuel sales. Close their station down, they are chomping at the bit to be back up. I had one complain about 10 minutes downtime, while I switched out a UPS.

This is an mix of the two calls, once for the fitting of a non-approved UPS as a stop-gap & its proper replacement two days later (Oh & the project to replace all the PedroCaanada UPS's a few months later).

Why do you need to do this now?

You logged a ticket, we have a SLA to be on site within X hours\We have a project from Buncorp to do this.

Why don't you come back tomorrow at 5am before the station opens & do this!

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Stop

Re: I hated the pump ads...

"Rarely go anywhere near a filling station"

I'm sure you do, you just don't need to stop at them.

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Re: "engineers should never, ever get involved in User Interface design"

Had a piece of equipment test software that always bugged me & a member of the design team from the first floor (AKA Skylab) sat with me to investigate the failure rates of the units out in the world.

He jumped on me when I set up a Voltage Controlled Oscillator at the upper end of the test limits (Unlike my idiot co-worker who always aimed them for the bottom of the range, we usually caught his ones at final test).

"WHOA! That's why they are failing in the field, you set them up too high" He smugly pronounced.

"Watch this" I replied even more smugly as I fitted the screening can lid I had kicking about & the VCO fell to dead centre of the range as I had hoped.

"Ohh I hadn't accounted for that" he dejectedly replied.

"Well while you are accounting for that, can you please correct the spelling of Course Adjustment to Coarse Adjustment at the same time"

CO

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