Posts by Blockchain commentard

Tragedy: CES squeeze forces frequent flier hotshots into economy hell

Did Great Funbags, or whatever her name is, go? I'm sure she'll have an opinion about all that flying.

EA boots Linux gamers out of multiplayer Battlefield V, Penguinistas respond by demanding crippling boycott

'course, he could have been banned for cheating by using an OS that's better than Windows !!!!!

Rowhammer rides again as FPGA attack, RSA again reportedly up for sale, anti-theft kit to nuke laptops, etc

and if you go to all that trouble of plugging a USB stick in and then tying to yourself, why not just use a cable with a Kensington lock on it so that the laptop doesn't get taken in the first place?

Don't Xiaomi pics of other people's places! Chinese kitmaker fingers dodgy Boxing Day cache update after Google banishes it from Home

So, I can use this when the missus catching me on camera banging the babysitter - 'honest love, it's a well known feature, must be someone else'.

Makes my year :-)

TikTok boom: US Army bans squaddies from using trendy app on govt-issued phones

Just give the squadies a Nokia 3310. Another benefit is that it was considered bullet-proof !!!!

A user's magnetic charm makes for a special call-out for our hapless hero

Ah, degaussing

Years ago, moved to a new job where they had reel to reel tapes to backup their S/38 minis. Some bright spark decided that that nights tapes should be degaussed in the morning and we had a fancy machine to do it. Put the tape in, press the button for 20-30 seconds, repeat with the other 5 tapes. For a laugh (seemingly), the new operator on his first day would be tasked with this job but the others would 'forget' to mention the lead lined apron you had to wear to protect your you-know-what's. Did it happen to me? Nope, because just as I was going to put the first tape in, a junior manager (who actually took his job seriously) was passing and stopped me and told me off for not wearing the apron. What apron I asked. Cue the other operators getting a bollocking (literally). That 'initiation' practice stopped that day.

Mine's the lead lined one....

I caught Disco Elysium fever. No, not the Saturday Night kind. I was really quite poorly

"bathed in the soggy, stinking darkness of the mother of all hangovers, splayed out on the floor" - er, are you just waking up in the WeWork bar or have you started the review?

Londoner who tried to blackmail Apple with 300m+ iCloud account resets was reusing stale old creds

a six-month electronic curfew

What's that then, not allowed to use computers at night time or having a baby monitor in his bedroom?

Emirati 'surveillance app' ToTok promoted by Huawei as Apple punts it from store

So a company from one oppressive regime is promoting an app on behalf of another repressive regime? Where's the 'bleeding obvious red flag' icon when you need one?

Starliner: Boeing, Boeing... it's back! Borked capsule makes a successful return to Earth

Calypso?

More like Apocalypso !!!!

Tracking President Trump with cellphone location data, Greta-Thunberg-themed malware, SharePoint patch, and more

Disagree that phishing emails to .edu email addresses means they know their targets. The majority of kids are unlikely to have bank accounts and the teachers have nothing in theirs!!

'Tis the season to be wobbly: HSBC online and mobile banking services suffer not one but two major outages in 12 hours

Re: Hum

I was trying web based banking this morning. Was cursing my ISP for being crap but other sites (like this worked) so I just swore at HSBC. Eventually pages updated, but it was like a MITM attack where they were using an old XT PC (remember them!!!).

Cheque out my mad metal frisbee skillz... oops. Lights out!

I take it TSB has a regular cheese 'n' nibbles party with their IT supplier?

Capita unfurls new consulting arm. Hmm, what shall we call it?

But look at the possibilities ... Capita Insulting, Capita C*ntsulting, etc. Ideal for jaded hacks looking for click-bait headlines ;-)

Who's that padding down the chimney? It's Puma, with its weird £80 socks for gamers

If gamers are going to sit on their arse for hours, DVT is likely (especially if their only exercise is with their thumbs). Perhaps these socks are like those for flying/in hospital?

It's time you were T0RTT a lesson: Here's how you could build a better Tor, say boffins

So, the software nerds create a hardware problem. Solution - buy new hardware. Not really a solution is it?

You cannae break the laws of physics, cap'n... Boffins call BS on 'impossible' black hole, fear readings were botched

Can't we send someone like Piers Morgan out there to investigate? And if he gets too close to the black hole, meh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ericsson throws $1bn at US authorities to make bribery probe go away

So, they're bribing the DoJ and SEC with $1bn to make the previous bribery allegations go away. Setting themselves up surely?

Behuld – zee-a internet ouff tuilet tissuoe at Meecrusufft Sveden. Bork bork bork!

No partitions today. Tomorrow, the managers order whiteboards, many boxes of paper, coat racks. You get the idea.

Two can play that game: China orders ban on US computers and software

And whose to say, a mandated hardware and software backdoor has to be implmented. For the safety of the people, obviously.

Homeland Security backs off on scanning US citizens, Amazon ups AI ante, and more

John Wagner, deputy executive assistant commissioner - so they probably also have an executive assistant commissioner, a deputy executive commissioner and an executive commissioner. Making up positions/job titles at the DHS for time served civil servants to give the illusion of importance?

Elon Musk gets thumbs up from jury for use of 'pedo guy' in cave diver defamation lawsuit

M̶u̶s̶k̶ Money talks

Nokia 2.3: HMD flings out €109 budget 'droid with a 2-day battery

Re: Should please some around here

Yep, the 3rd pint was obviously off !!!

Doogee Wowser: The S40's a terrible smartphone, but a passable projectile

Should they rename the company Dodgee?

Tricky VPN-busting bug lurks in iOS, Android, Linux distros, macOS, FreeBSD, OpenBSD, say university eggheads

If they've already access to your network, you're compromised anyway, regardless of how you access it.

Huawei with your rural subsidies ban: Chinese comms bogeyman fires sueball at US regulator

Why doesn't China ban Chinese telco's from using Cisco kit? They do tit-for-tat with import tariffs, why not telco/ISP hardware?

Just in case you were expecting 10Gbps, Wi-Fi 6 hits 700Mbps in real-world download tests

So, all their testing is effectively just streaming. What's it like in the real world such as opening web pages, gaming etc. which needs to continually establish connections and transfer just small amounts of data?

Escobar Fold 1 snort all it's cracked up to be: Readers finger similarity to slated Chinese mobe

Like his brother's business model - get 'em hooked cheaply then screw them later. He'll probably lock the phone and demand Bitcoins to release it once you've got all your contacts, photos etc. on it.

Amazon drops battery-powered Echo speaker so you can play Despacito on the go

Won't the Indian authorities insist everything the Bezos-bot hears will have to be kept in India for them to listen to. You know, to find terrorists and other criminals.Not to suppress the masses though. Oh no. Not that at all.

EU wouldn't! Uncle Sam brandishes 'up to 100%' tariffs over France's Digital Services Tax

Isn't Trump's retaliation a little 'cheesy'? Oh, don't 'wine' about it !!!!!!

Astronauts brave razor sharp edges and fiddly pipes to bring joy to boffins

Wouldn't a Dremel have been easier to use than a hacksaw?

Apple completes $1bn amputation of Intel's 5G modem biz, Chipzilla out of mobiles for good

If Intel sold it at a multi-billion dollar loss, why not sell to Apple for more than a billion? It's not like Apple is short of money.

Judge to interview Assange over claims Spanish security firm snooped on him during Ecuador embassy stint

"none of its actions broke its moral or ethical rules" but doesn't say if they broke the law. Telling.

You can forget about that Black Friday deal: Brit banks crap out just in time for pay day

BF sale - Big F*&%ing sale?

Why can't passport biometrics see through my cunning disguise?

I've a round, bald, tanned head. Guess what my passport photo looks like?

Google: We caught a Russian state hacker crew uploading badness to the Play Store

Simplified naming system....

Hacker group A - the Chinese gov't

Hacker group B - the North Koreans

Hacker group C - the Russians

Hacker group E - that Israel company

Hacker group F - spotty faced kid, living in his mum's basement, doing it for LOL's.

Edited. Where did Hacker group D go? Damn interfering NSA.....

Christmas in tatters for Nottinghamshire tots after mayor tells them Santa's too busy

Do ya reckon it's cos he dresses up in leftie red the mayor was trying to tell the kids that Labour won't be around this Christmas? Get the voters when they're young.

Open-source Windows Terminal does the splits: There ain't no party like a multi-pane party

"an attempt to indulge in some drag-and-drop shenanigans as administrator will result in a crash" - but isn't Terminal for keyboard botherers? Keep those pesky mice at bay.

'Ethical' hackers say: It's just hacker. To be one is no longer a bad thing

Surely a hacker is someone who hacks things together (hardware or software). A cyber-criminal is someone who breaks into someone's computers.

Microsoft takes us to 2004 with new Windows 10 so you don't mistake it for Server 2003

Could be '04 rather than '03 because they know it won't be launched in March? Expect the '09 to be renamed '11 as well !!!!

In Rust We Trust: Stob gets behind the latest language craze

Re: Do...While

Do

Read El Reg

While The Boss !Watching

No wonder Bezos wants to move industry into orbit: In space, no one can hear you* scream

Reminds me of Star Trek - Deep Space 9. I always wondered by they send rocks up to the space station to be processed by belligerent rebels when they could do it on the planet. Obviously the Cardassians were so eco-friendly (back in the early 90's) they just wanted to save Bajor.

And yes, I'm also wondering if Jeff has been watching DS9 thinking it's a documentary.

Bose customers beg for firmware ceasefire after headphones fall victim to another crap update

With Microsoft's W10 update disasters, you could roll back or at worst, just re-install from scratch. I take it Bose don't offer this with whatever system they use to upload firmware?

'Horndog hackers' have a Wales of a time slinging smut from UK gov Twitter account

This is the kind of thing that makes me occasionally think of getting a Twitter account.

Taxi for Uber: Ride-hailing app giant stripped of licence to operate in London

Passenger safety is our priority. This is from both TfL and Uber. It's a pity one of them has standards that are woefully shocking in their bid to make money. Guess which one.

Take a Big Blue cheque and go: IBM settles 281 UK age discrim cases

Well, no one's ever been fired for buying IBM. Same can't be said if you're an oldie working for them !!!!

From July, you better be Putin these Kremlin-approved apps on gadgets sold in Russia

Is Russia going to fork AOSP, because that comes with nothing pre-installed? AOSP is the open source version of Android for those not familiar with it.

Found on Mars: Alien insects... or whatever the hell this smudge is supposed to be, anyway

As for those 'insects', everyone knows the fabled two-tailed semi-aquatic bats that lived around Syrtis Major Planum have eaten them all and those are just the husks left over. And that's why the bats died out - they consumed all their natural resources. Let's hope a highly intelligent creature on planet Earth doesn't do the same.

Chancers keep buying up dot-UK company name domains: Got a problem? That'll be £750 for Nominet to rule on it

How about a chancer buying nominet.uk and flogging it to themselves. See how they like it

Totally Sardonic Bank: Well, it must be, to have a TITSUP* the same week as THAT report

The bank has learnt from it's mistakes - their customer's apathy about changing banks means they can continue to provide a shit service and neither customers or any toothless regulatory body will do anything worse than a tweet. Nice was to run a business.