Posts by onefang

Due to Oracle being Oracle, Eclipse holds poll to rename Java EE (No, it won't be Java McJava Face)

Re: I do wonder what coffee addict was desperate enough

"Bloody civets, pooping all over the place. Get off my lawn! ..."

Have a beer, it will help wash away the taste of that coffee.

"The civet isn't really a cat at all. An actual cat would be a lot more likely to eat the civet than to eat the coffee beans... which I suppose would be one way to get the coffee beans into the actual cat."

Sounds like the perfect drink to wash down a turducken.

I do wonder what coffee addict was desperate enough to be the first one to try making and drinking coffee out of beans that had passed through a cat. And purely for the sake of completion, has any one tried other breeds of cat?

Re: Lame name options IMHO

'"Robusta" could have been nice: it is a variety of the coffee plant, and also associates with robustness, something one wants in an enterprise platform.'

I was under the impression that what people wanted in an enterprise platform was expensive bloat and job preserving complexity.

C-- is already taken, it's what I call Microsoft's C#. Maybe they could use --C?

Yorkshire cops have begun using on-the-spot fingerprint scanners

Re: Digital?

"the grey beard says over 18"

My beard has said I was over 18 ever since I was 14, though only now I'm well over 18 is it turning grey. I call it "The font of middle age", everyone has thought I was early to mid thirties since I was a teen, I've never had anyone check my age.

Re: Non binary DNA

"Pub quiz level knowledge (XX=female, XY=male) is a bit of a simplification, old bean."

Then there is XXY, and several other variations.

Boffins upload worm's brain into a computer, teach it tricks

Re: Jesus!!

"For bad eyesight I sentence you to six male hairies!"

A new elReg unit of measurement? Alas I am but a single hairy male.

Talk down to Siri like it's a mere servant – your safety demands it

I have a thick Aussie accent that even some Aussies don't understand, haven't had much luck getting voice recognition to work. So if I ever was foolish enough to use one of these spy devices, I'd have to use a different voice just so it could work.

UK ICO, USCourts.gov... Thousands of websites hijacked by hidden crypto-mining code after popular plugin pwned

Is it just my dirty mind that saw cunny.edu, escorts.gov, and lu.ser?

Re: Don't load third-party scripts

'Congratulations, now you spend your whole life saying "no" to the marketing department.'

You say that like it's a bad thing.

It took us less than 30 seconds to find banned 'deepfake' AI smut on the internet

Re: Pornhub is NSFW?

"Who'da thunk?!?"

Depends on what you do for a living. I used to be in charge of a popular web filter used by local schools. Sometimes I had to surf porn sites, purely for professional code maintenance reasons. I would warn the rest of the office (glass walled cubicles), most wouldn't care, some would stand behind me and watch.

Re: think Margaret Thatcher after she went on an all-night bender

"Why I want to fsck Ronald Reagan."

Ah, that explains a lot, data corruption.

Re: Seeing the goods

"Maybe it is time for pr0nstars to have a unique bar code tattooed somewhere on their skin. It would have to be in a place that would be readily visible in a porno. Hmmmm, where, exactly????"

Considering that in a lot of porn you often don't get to see uninteresting things like the guys face, pornstars have a tendency to have unique tatts and body jewelry that makes it easier to identify them.

Welcome to Jamaica, and have a nice day.

No sh*t, Sherlock! Bloke suspected of swallowing drug stash keeps colon schtum for 22 DAYS

Back in my day, the cops would just beat the shit outta him.

Re: "But, for a change, @Big John has not been downvoted!"

Gun racks are not a good thing to ignore.

Re: Iconic

"Alimentary my dear Watson"

FTFY

I guess it's expected after an article like this, that it attracts lots of shit comments.

Mines the bad smelling brown one.

No yolking matter: Google Translate cock-up gives Norwegians more than un œuf eggs

Please stop! I'm alleggic to these puns, they are scrambling my brain.

Bzzzt! If you're in one of these four British cities, that was a drone

"These drones are going to put all the drug dealers out of business. Just imagine: ring your dealer and five minutes later a drone appears at the bedroom windows."

That depends on who's drone appears at your bedroom window, the drug dealers drone, or...

Re: "Military drones tend to be quite good at deliveries too"

"Mind you, the recipients are less likely to complain."

I think they'll complain very loudly if the delivery misses.

Corpse! of! Yahoo! drags! emails! of! the! dead! case! to! US! Supreme! Court!

Re: Privacy for the dead but not the living

"Good comment, but please, it's "lose" for God's sake!"

I always get lost when there is a loose "lose" around.

MY GOD, IT'S FULL OF CARS: SpaceX parks a Tesla in orbit (just don't mention the barge)

Re: Does it have all-season tires?

"People think vacuum is "infinite", like pressure can be infinite. But the tires would probably hold 47 PSI, although how long I dunno. And the ride would be pretty rough."

Only if the Tesla gets really really close to those asteroids.

Re: GPS

"Hopefully the space Tesla will still be in range for the OTA update, or it might get lost."

It got lost - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2018/02/07/spacex_telsa_roadster_asteroids/

Any book that includes a fat lady astronaut singing is Space Opera, Shirley?

Re: GPS

"Fortunately, I hear there's a completely new SatNav application due to land Real Soon Now, and being an honourable company Tesla will roll it out to all their cars using the OTA update mechanism."

Hopefully the space Tesla will still be in range for the OTA update, or it might get lost.

Re: Hey Mac, you can't park that there!

Is the driver licensed? Imagine the fine for going several thousands of km/h over the speed limit.

Re: Academics

"Sod yer flying cars!"

I think you'll find there is now a car flying to Mars.

"So, Bertrand Russell. Never mind a teapot, it's a red electric car orbiting the Sun somewhere in space between the Earth and Mars."

I'm sure that person in the space suit is on the lookout for the teapot, and will grab it to hook up to the infinite improbability drive in the Tesla. If we suddenly lose contact with it, we'll know. Might be why the video feed from the sea platform landing cut out early, whale landed on it.

Home taping revisited: A mic in each hand, pointing at speakers

Re: What I do actually miss is..

"....taking the specific ring pulls off of Coke/Pepsi cans and then flicking them."

At some point in the '70s they made soft drink cans with pop tops, two circular "buttons", one large, one small. Normally you pushed in the small one, which relieved the pressure enough so you could push in the large one, then guzzle it down with continuous air flow between the two.

Except I would shake them up, push the small button slightly open against my teeth, letting the extra pressure from the shaken soft drink squirt the liquid out , and completely empty them of liquid, but leaving them still sealed, coz the button sprang back when you did that. I ended up with a large collection of empty but still sealed soft drink cans.

US Pentagon scrambles after Strava base leaks. Here's a summary of the new rules: 'Secure that s***, Hudson!'

Re: Sigh

Highly edible memories? So you are a zombie then?

I see you're writing a résumé?!.. LinkedIn parked in MS Word

I also deleted my LinkedIn account, though I think I did so just before Microsoft bought it. Though I knew it was never gonna actually be deleted. So first thing I did was change my name to "Deleted Account", and ever since I have been getting emails from LinkedIn that start "Dear Deleted".

Boffins crack smartphone location tracking – even if you've turned off the GPS

Re: Magnetic heading?

"By the gyroscope. Both it and the magnetometer are tri-axial and can measure in three dimensions. The gyro tells the phone which way is up for auto-rotation and the like (VERY old hat, that). Given that, it's easy to interpret the magnetometer to orient a 3-D compass."

Except for the large amount of drift in those gyros. Gyros are used to track head rotation in VR headsets like Google Cardboard and Daydream, and drift a lot in a few minutes. Which is why Daydream has the built in "hold down the home button to line things up properly" function.

Re: So...

"While the typical firewall use is to keep things from getting in, in this case and as the other poster says, the purpose is to keep things from going out. Kind of sad, isn't it?"

Google apps totally ignore my "give fake GPS results to apps" app, I'm sure they'll totally ignore firewall apps to.

I need to root my new phone some day soonish. Only thing that has stopped me so far is that rooting involves asking permission from Motorola, who will then void your warranty. sigh

Re: Great!

"Slightly more worrying is the way Amazon etc calculate your street address via your IP address. And get it wrong. Careful when ordering or your neighbours may get your stuff."

Using my IP address to figure out where I am either results in the capital city of the Australian state to the south of me, or the data centre on the other side of the planet where my server lives, coz I proxy most web stuff through that server. IP to location data is only as accurate as your ISP tells the world, coz that's where the information comes from. If your ISP tells the world "all our customers IPs are located at our HQ in Sydney", tough luck. I wonder how many Amazon deliveries get sent there?

Re: Great!

"I keep location switched off because I know where I am. I have yet to find an app that tells me something useful about my location that is anything other than fucking irritating."

In all my years of owning a GPS capable smart phone, I've never once had to actually use it for figuring out where I am. I still turn on GPS regularly to use Google Daydream apps, coz Google insists, which wouldn't be so bad if they actually used that to figure out tho position of my head, instead of only using the rotation of my head. Google have no valid reason for needing GPS data in Daydream. Considering any VR app can drain my battery in a couple of hours, leaving the GPS turned off would be a good thing, the battery would last a little bit longer.

LISA Pathfinder sniffed out gravitational signals down to micro-Hertz

Trying to wrap my brain around gravity waves really hertz.

US broadband is scarce, slow and expensive. 'Great!' says the FCC

Australia is about the same size as USA, waaaay less people, most living on the coast. By the looks of it USA is trying to reach the same level of crap Internet we have here. Usually it's the other way around, Australia importing all the worst ideas USA has. I'd laugh, but most of my Internet travels via USA to get to the rest of the world.

Can't wait to get to Mars on a SpaceX ship? It's a cold, dead rock – boffins

The chances of anything evolving on Mars are a million to one, ...

A Hughes failure: Flat Earther rocketeer can't get it up yet again

Re: 1,800 feet

"I'm somewhat confuddled now.

"A friend of mine, at the actual pub and not facebook, last night said that he'd recently experienced the Rim of the World, nonTM, and yet i'm sure he's also said he's never been outside the UK, certainly not San Bernadino and certainly not by train.

"Surely there must be some other explanation?"

How much had your friend been drinking?

Re: 1,800 feet

"Why does he need to go up?

"Can't he just journey to the actual edge of the earth?"

Coz that's much further away than going 1,800 feet up.

Re: Your'e joking, right?

"Jeez, making him have a XXXX, thats a bit cruel isnt it? It was only a joke after all..."

Meh, I don't actually like beer, but I do live in Queensland, so I just went with what I know.

Re: Your'e joking, right?

As an Aussie, I'm glad you put the joke icon on that. Have an up vote, and a XXXX.

‘I crashed a rack full of servers with my butt’

It pays to plan ahead.

A few years ago I was the sysadmin for a medium sized company. They had two racks in their server room, and had grown to the point where they needed a third. It was gonna be a bit of a tight squeeze, luckily they had the foresight to measure me up at the same time they where measuring up the room. So they could fit in their third rack, and still leave room for me to squeeze between them when I needed to. I joked at the time that if they had not done that, I would have had to swap jobs with one of the programmers, a tall skinny guy.

Much further back in time, when I was a programmer at some other company, I had noticed the hardware guy had a habit of powering up clients computers very quickly after powering them down when he needed to power cycle them. I warned him a few times that he should wait at least five seconds between off and on, which he ignored. Hey, I'm just the software guy, what do I know? Much to my amusement I had the joy of watching him do that to his own computer one day, with a loud bang and smoke just before my " told you so".

Re: Balls

"I had the ability to switch it on with my balls."

I guess that's better than the ability to turn them off with your balls.

No, Windows 10 hasn’t beaten Windows 7’s market share. Not for sure, anyway

Re: Win10/1709

So what you are saying is that Windows 10 works fine, so long as you replace large parts of it with something else.

The solution to security breaches? Kill the human middleware

"It's software all the way down."

Not all the way down, eventually it hits insecure, bug invested, hardware.

Women beat men to jobs due to guys' bad social skills. Whoa – you mad, fellas? Maybe these eggheads have a point...

Re: Ahem...

Oops, I did quickly scan the comments to see if some one else commented on that. I've withdrawn my similar comment. Have an up vote.