Posts by onefang

Commonwealth Games brochure declares that England is now in Africa

Let me guess, the dunderhead that made this mistake got their geography lessons from a school in USA?

Microsoft: Yes, we agree that Irish email dispute is moot... now what's this new warrant about?

Re: What Does This Mean in Practice?

'Instead, what they're doing is saying "We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Microsoftses. We will be wicked, tricksy, false!". '

FTFY

2001 set the standard for the next 50 years of hard (and some soft) sci-fi

Re: Taking sci-fi seriously..

"... Star Trek was probably the first accessible and generally well written Science Fiction ..."

I've recently started re-watching Star Trek from the very start, "generally well written" is not a term I would apply to it. Way too many holes.

Facebook want us to believe banning Putin's troll army safeguards Russian democracy

Re: Getting tired of the whole "anti Russia" campaign

There has to be some big bad, preferably foriegn, to point at and get everybody to hate / be afraid of. Even better if there are several, makes it easier to keep the population distracted from their own big bads that are in control.

Law's changed, now cough up: Uncle Sam serves Microsoft fresh warrant for Irish emails

"For example, because U.S.-based companies host and carry much of the world’s Internet traffic, a foreign country that enters one of these executive agreements with the U.S. to could potentially wiretap people located anywhere on the globe"

For those outside of USA that like their privacy, Internet routing is about to become much more complicated.

Millionaire-backed science fiction church to launch Scientology TV network

Re: a scientologist, a jehova's witness and a seventh day adventist

'After various experiments with Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and the like, I have discovered that a polite "No thank you" is the safest option. It doesn't leave much conversational entry.'

My favourite tactic is to turn my head away from the door, and shout to some one in the other room "The virgins are here, we can start the Satanic Mass now!".

Why a merged Apple OS is one mash-up too far

Marzipan?

If Apple can hold the patent on rectangles with rounded corners, couldn't Google hold a copyright / patent on naming OSes after desserts?

I'll get my coat, I'm hungry and due for a visit to a supermarket so I can eat. Wonder what I'll get for dessert?

Mad March Meltdown! Microsoft's patch for a patch for a patch may need another patch

Re: Useless bastards

My Windows computer is switched off. Oh wait, my computer that has a Windows partition is switched on, but hasn't booted into Windows for months. The Windows partition is firewalled off from the Internet anyway.

Tech’s big lie: Relations between capital and labor don't matter

The union in Australia for computer people would never let me join so I never joined. Don't think they did a lot of good anyway.

China to offer recoverable satellites-as-a-service

Re: Oak heatshields

'There's at least one type of eucalypt so dense that it's known as "firebricks" - it's almost impossible to work as it ruins metal tools and it's around twice the density of water.'

Only one problem with using eucalypts as heat shields, eucalyptus oil tends to burn far too easily. Just ask any Australian fire fighter.

Linux 4.16 arrives, keeps melting Meltdown, preps to axe eight CPUs

Re: "the absence of an MMU was a PITA..."

"Turns out that a machine designed as a premium games platform may not have been a total success as a game machine, it made a wonderful multitasking machine."

Even funnier when the IBM PC became known as a games machine.

Re: "the absence of an MMU was a PITA..."

"That was fun. What was not fun was pouring ultra-fine cat litter out of the box every 3 months, because that's what we manufactured."

At least it wasn't used cat litter.

Slightly less fun, I used to do sysadmin duties for a clay tile company. All that fine clay dust covering the insides of the computers, and sucking moisture out of the humid sub tropical air, then setting.

Re: "the absence of an MMU was a PITA..."

I recall the Amiga had a multi tasking OS sans MMU.

Google Flutter hits beta: Another go at cross-platform mobile dev

"N(ot) A(nother) F(ramework)...NAF Sounds like a great name for yet another framework. Anyone suggest a word for the second F to make the name complete - NAFF...I'm stumped..."

I'll bite. Not Another Fucking Framework. But you knew that.

The Register Opera Company presents: The Pirates of Penzance, Sysadmin edition

Another Bug In The Code, Part 2

Way back in 2015 I wrote this, sung to the tune of a well known Pink Floyd song, from one of their more famous albums. I've been a programmer for longer than I've been a musician, so I refactored out the duplications, to avoid The Wall of text. Insert David Gilmour guitar solo where appropriate.

We don't need no compilation.

We don't need no source control.

No damn subversion in the repo.

Coders leave them bugs alone.

Hey! Coders! Leave them bugs alone!

All in all, it's just another bug in the code.

All in all, put just another bug in the code.

Crashed, run it again!

If you don't edit yer code, you can't have any debugging. How can you have any debugging if you don't edit yer code?

You! Yes you behind the segfaults, STAND STILL LADDIE!

Intel outside: Apple 'prepping' non-Chipzilla Macs by 2020 (stop us if you're having deja vu)

"The twisted part of me is also thinking RaspberryPi OSX is probably not far behind either."

Apple really doesn't like running their OSes an other peoples hardware, so that would be an Apple iPi running Mac OS. It would cost more and be bigger, coz Apples are bigger than Raspberries, though less sweet.

Re: Bootcamp?

I bought a Mac Mini specifically to do cross platform development, it also doesn't have Bootcamp installed on it.

Re: Spelling

I read it as calamari, which I originally typed as calimari, which lead to typing that into start page to check the spelling, which lead to https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=calimari

Sometimes it's hard keeping your mind out of the gutter.

Elon Musk's mighty erection fires sperm at orbiting space station

Re: confirmation classes

Blue balls in SPAAAAAACE!

First time human sperm was sent to space?

Think there's been far too many virile male astronauts shot into space for that claim.

User fired IT support company for a 'typo' that was actually a real word

Re: Which is better: EMACS or VI?

I've used far too many text editors in my lengthy career. There was a time when my job involved using what ever text editor that happened to be installed on the computer I was using at the time, which often meant half a dozen different editors in a single day. From that time I have my hard and fast text editor rule. If it's not easy enough to figure it out from the moment you start using it how to do really basic editing stuff (move cursor, insert text, delete text, save, exit) then it's a complete failure. Both emacs and vi fail that test. Nano passes.

I have memorised one vi command though, coz it does tend to pop up unexpectedly every now and then -

killall -TERM vi

These days the very first thing I do for any new computer, if possible, is install mc (Midnight Commander). Usually easy to do on any Linux computer, and even my Mac and Windows boxen have it. It's also on my Android phone. mcedit works fine, passes my test, and mc works OK as an IDE.

Autonomous vehicle claims are just a load of hot air… and here's why

Re: Deep Learning is the problem

"So people in wheelchairs (nonpedal) or using canes (tripedal) are fair game?"

Yes, coz you get more points for hitting them.

Mines the hi vis vest.

SUSE bakes a Raspberry Pi-powered GNU/Linux Enterprise Server

"How is a RAIP (Redundant Array of Inexpensive Pi's) not enterprise class ?"

It's the word "Inexpensive". Enterprise class means "add a little functionality, and a lot of price".

Facebook's inflection point: Now everyone knows this greedy mass surveillance operation for what it is

Re: "Imagine, if you will, a new Android phone....location data..."

"Oh? What if the chair has wheels and it's rolling without your knowledge because, you know, you're basically BLIND?"

If at that point a little popup appears telling you "Watch out for the cat, and the wall behind it!", then it might be worth it. Doesn't do that though.

Re: ChatBots. A.I. They'll EAT your FaceBook.

We should get an army of these AI chatbots to feed random data to FB and friends, the chatbots pretending to be a few million real people. That could be fun.

Re: FB didn't do anything wrong

"Send an email to a "friend" that you are thinking about getting a new car and see what happens. Mention that you are thinking about going on a cruise in a private email."

Ah, so I should be sending emails and making FB posts about how I'm planning on buying lots of posters of <list favourite sex symbols here>, wearing as little as possible, to cover my bedroom walls and ceiling. It would almost be worthwhile disabling my ad blockers.

Paris, coz she's on that list.

Re: if you search for my real name online

"I'm very close to dumping the internet entirely"

It will be sad to never see posts from Anonymous Coward ever again. Oh wait...

Re: if you search for my real name online

"Anyone who does search for your name (under the given circumstances) is either (i) you, (ii) someone you know or (iii) pure guesswork."

You left out (iv) someone searching for the name of someone else that shares your name. I was quite surprised several years ago to stumble across the fact that there are half a dozen people in a public USA phone book site with the same name as me, despite it being a rather rare last name. No doubt there are others in other countries. I do know that one of those turns up in Google searches almost as often as I do.

Now if your name is John Smith or Jane Doe...

Re: "Imagine, if you will, a new Android phone....location data..."

"Plus the application that menace you about not working if you don't give 'em all the rights they ask... even when you wonder why they need them..."

Like Google Daydream for instance. Why a VR app, that is designed for sitting in a chair type VR, needs to know exactly where on Earth that specific chair is while you are sitting in it with a brick strapped to your face is beyond me. I have a brick strapped to my face, that chairs not going anywhere, it's only spinning in place.

Re: "Imagine, if you will, a new Android phone....location data..."

"I'll give you a tenner if you can find the location permission toggle for Play Services on Android 8."

Even methods used to provide fake location details don't work on Google apps. Well, not without root.

Re: ICO is go!

"The pictures are all over the media. Very cute crates. Big ones. In fact, I want to know who is their crate supplier - I would like to get some of these."

Well that bit of subliminal advertising worked out well then.

Re: "It's compliemtary. It's not free." Words to *always* keep in mind.

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair".

Maybe it was a mistranslation, and should have been "Look on my feet, ye mighty, and despair."

Please no Basic Instinct flashing, HPE legal eagles warn staffers

Re: I Think I'm Going To Throw Up

It helps that I used to be in the school band. Once you have performed badly in front of your entire high school, everything else is easy.

Java-aaaargh! Google faces $9bn copyright bill after Oracle scores 'fair use' court appeal win

"In order to avoid any nasty fallouts due to languages, it is deemed best to code directly in Assembler."

Assembler may be covered by both copyrights AND patents. Not sure on that one.

You would also need to avoid using libraries, those come with APIs that might be copyright.

Best bet is to use butterflies, coz at least you have plausible deniability. https://xkcd.com/378/

Re: Bifurcating a spectrum often leads to problems

"So here's to endless appeals, and huge retainers and refreshers for m'learned friends! Cheers!"

Not to mention huge profits for sellers of popcorn.

Re: Why are Oracle always being such a bunch of

'Have you seen how many yachts Larry Ellison owns? Well, he "needs" some more.'

When the North and South Poles melt, and the sea level rises enough to wipe out most coastal cities, Larry wants to have enough yachts to lash them together and build his own floating country.

Re: "What next, copyrighted DNA"

"Your parents may wish to sue. Did they grant you a licence?"

Well my mother must have granted me a licence to replicate my DNA while in vitro, she seemed rather keen to help with that entire process. Not like I could do anything if she chose to not grant me that licence at the time. From what my parents told me, they where both very keen. In the 57 years since, neither parent has tried to revoke that licence, and one of them is still alive. She knows where to find me if she changes her mind.

If Micky Mouse keeps extending the length of copyright, all three of us will likely be long gone before the copyright expires. Once mum dies I'm not sure if the copyright passes to me, or either of my siblings, unless specifically written into her will. If by law it's a three way split, I'm sure we'll negotiate a settlement where we each have full rights to our own DNA. We are reasonable like that, unlike Oracle.

What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

Re: Bah!

Graphic violence is banned, so I guess skyping while using an AK47 is fine so long as their's no pictures or video.

Re: WTF!

"WTA FTW!"

Careful, the dyslexic might confuse FTW and WTF.

WTF icon FTW!

Re: WTF!

"the lawyers having multiple orgasms"

I think that would count as porn, and not be allowed. Something good may cum of this after all.

"my xbox is a glorified media box"

Ah, but what if you are watching a movie with a lot of swearing and graphic violence in it?

"involving, for example, nudity, bestiality, pornography, offensive language, graphic violence, or criminal activity"

Dear Microsoft,

go suck on a dead dingoes donger, you motherfucking cunts.

Yours sincerely,

onefang.

I guess that covers bestiality, pornography, offensive language (I used the word Microsoft), and the icon should cover graphic violence. If I could include two icons, the second would be Paris, coz (at least in my imagination) she's nude in that photo. As for criminal activity, I'm sure something in this post is criminal in some country somewhere.

If this post ends up on Bing, I'd be happy for Microsoft to delete all my Microsoft accounts. Then I might finally stop getting LinkdIn emails addressed "Dear Deleted,".

Microsoft's Windows 7 Meltdown fixes from January, February made PCs MORE INSECURE

Re: Microsoft is killing the Planet!

I think you'll find that farts are mostly methane, though it's still a bigger hot house gas than carbon dioxide. Maybe someone more chemically minded than me could tell us if it's better for the planet to light 'em? The farts I mean, not Microsoft.

Re: From the desk of /dev/null

That's a great plan JJ, have an upvote.

Re: Should I be worried...

"I have no idea how a normal user is supposed to update thier Window 7 machine."

Last time I checked, a normal user is supposed to "update" their Windows 7 machine by installing Windows 10 on it. At least that's the official word from Microsoft.

Slashing regulations literally more important than saving American lives to Donald Trump

"leaving aside the bike maxim of "what's behind you doesn't matter"'

Last time I had a major accident on my motor bike was coz the guy behind me was going way faster than me.

I know, necroing the thread, but I had to respond to this, even if no one reads it.

"The US Department of Transportation estimated that the tech – which has been developed over a decade at the cost of countless dollars"

I doubt the bean counters are not counting those dollars, that's their job.

Google lobbies hard to derail new US privacy laws – using dodgy stats

Facebook v Google. This'll be fun to watch. We need a popcorn icon. I need a bigger bag of popcorn.

Re: Time for transparency

"Can you build your own smartphone from parts bought on the open market (i.e. retail)?"

Maybe not a smart phone, but certainly Android tablet, laptop, and other devices can be bought on the open market, or bare metal devices, and install Android on them. I've even installed Android on desktop computers. For free. https://www.olimex.com/ is at least one source of such devices, some of which you can build from parts. A lot of their devices are open hardware, and they sell kits.

Not to mention installing free Android versions on existing phones. http://xda-developers.com/ has a lot of details about that. You can even compile these versions yourself. Still for free.

I think you still need to pay for a license to run Windows, even if you can download it for free. No need to do that for Android.

Re: Time for transparency

"Microsoft does get paid for each copy installed though, for licencing fees (last I heard it was about $5)."

I don't pay Microsoft any money each time I install Android on something. They extract that fee from the manufacturers that are installing Android.