Posts by Tom

Car-prang secretary bites off boss's todger

World according to Garp

*ouch*

Visa yanks creds for payment card processing pair

Blatant secure web app secure coding training

If you do a quick google for "ASP.NET PCI DSS training", give the top-listed company a call (starts with J) and ask for Tom, I'd be glad to help....We do Java, and PHP-flavoured secure coding training too, focusing heavily on best practices, and can be tailored for on-site delivery too.

Don't forget to ask for Tom, and mention El Reg while you're at it and I'll bung you a 5% discount off public course prices.

Blatant plug over...you may get back to spluttering over your morning coffee now :-)

US Navy SEALs buy twin-screen laptops, refuse Vista

RAM nerdery

They're wasting a gig of RAM if they're going to stick with a 32bit OS. I suppose they could be going for XP 64, but I'm guessing penguins are likely to have better driver support than that beleagured old platform.

Samsung boffins demo transparent OLED screen

I'm interested

...in getting hold of the Samsung promo material. Because I'd like to learn yoga. Yes.

Learn yoga.

RISC daddy conjures Moore's Lawless parallel universe

Singularity

If you haven't already, go out and buy Charles Stross' Toast, and/or Accelerando, for some well-informed and thought-provoking ideas on where all this stuff is going. Throroughly enjoyable sci-fi written by a geek, for geeks. This message has been brought to you by the Charles Stross Marketing Board.

'Meh' makes Collins English Dictionary

Could have been worse...

...could have been "LULZ".

Brits allowed in to OLPC's 'give one, get one' scheme

Mark - worry not about Microsoft's coffers

It runs a variant of Fedora Linux, isn't it.

http://laptop.org/laptop/

Wikipedia plumbs the filthy depths of plumbing

Brings to mind

an old joke about McEnroe and a visit to a fertility clinic.

On an entirely unrelated note, is there something a little goatse about this icon? No? Hmm.

Slimline Xbox 360 due in December?

New dashboard?

Bunch of old horse cock if those screens from the new dashboard are to be believed.

Can anyone say "I want to be a Wii"?

Stick your avatars up your collective fudge tunnels, XBL!

Or alternatively, give me a choice as to whether I want to fuck up my xbox or not.

Ubuntu zoo preps for new arrival

Nubnutsu 9.10

I'd like to see it called the "Kinky Kinkajou", isn't it.

Beeb to resurrect Reggie Perrin

I'd be happier

if my license fee was spent on turning the BBC into "The Family Guy and Futurama Channel". No need for any of that other nonsense they piss my money up the wall on.

Please don't get me started on the London Olympics.

Man buys $1,000 worth of iPhone pixels by accident

Bangkok Chick-boys

Ben: Oh, what you will have done is, when it flashed up on your screen, "Do you want to watch Bangkok Chick-boys?" you must have pressed the button that said "yes".

Alan: Yeah, well, as I say, it's very confusing.

Ubuntu man challenges open source to out-pretty Apple

Nice desktop dave lawless, but

you might have wanted to hide the shemale videos folder before doing the screencap.

Vodafone presents punter with £500k phone bill

@Ian: I like this!

That is all.

Sky beams TV onto PSP

Uhm

I'm in two minds, as (a) I'm lazy...but (b) I'm a tightarse. If I could be bothered, it really wouldn't be too hard to use Sky+ to record the shows I like from my standard Sky subscription, stream the lot to a DVD-recorder, then use a ripper to grab it all and spurt it into my favourite handheld.

Navy sonar dolphin 'massacre' - the facts

Can't help thinking

There's something a bit Hitchhikers about all this.

Boffins build self-replicating replicating machine

makes me wonder

if my trip-hop band, the universal constructors, can make some fast bucks out of our URL one day... www.universalconstructors.com ...where free mp3s of our tunes abound!

Apple mega update strikes out calendar bug

Yarrr!

The tagline really shivers me timbers and it bain't even be International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Wii still king in US

I'd love to see the figures

on how many people continue to use their Wii for more than a month after purchase.

This from a Wii owner by the way (whose Wii is gathering dust - it's crap!).

Vatican star watcher says aliens may be out there

@ Jim Booth

Option 3) made me laugh out loud, in the literal sense. A rare feat, well done!

*goes off in search of batteries for his Thumb*

LapDome Planet Business laptop bag and shade

Missed opportunity!

No solar cells?

That's MY idea and I'm patenting it. IP FTW!

Hellboy helmsman to direct The Hobbit

re: Walken

Agreed. After "Weapon of choice", it's obvious the man can do anything.

D-Link touts telly as remote PC screen

...and for the same price or less...

...you could get a (not so old) 2nd-hand lappy or slimline PC box with the relevant video-outs and bung a TV-friendly OS on it (and get yourself a generic remote of some kind too I should have thought) ...Share a few folders over your network, perhaps run remote desktop, set up myth, and - ah okay, it's not particularly plug and play, but probably a more involved and pleasing method for a lot of El Reg readers :-)

Blu-ray Xbox 360 to be sold at a loss?

High Definition Shite

I'm wracking my brains trying to think of any good films that have come out recently that warrant me spending money on hi-def.

I canceled my Amazon DVD Rental after about 3 months because I'd watched everything I wanted to see. Am I alone in my world-weary cynicism, or do other people also feel that there's bugger-all that's worth watching coming out of Hollywood (or heaven's above, UK cinematography)?

Gibson and Activision duel over Guitar Hero

Gibson giving itself a bad name? Shirley not!

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/news/general_music_news/gibson_screws_musician_out_of_10000_worth_of_equipment.html

The penguin, because I finally got compiz working on my x1950...Go me.

Police raid CeBIT stands

Oggy oggy oggy?

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Windows Vista Ultimate SP1 delayed

*starts to turn blue*

Foolish of me to hold my breath. Tonight I am going to promote (X)Ubuntu from its current position of "Saviour of Old Computer Hardware", to "Wine Gaming Platform Experiment on my Main PC".

Time to reach for Acronis and buckle up. Vista Ultimate 64, kindly shuffle over a bit, you're about to get dual-booted.

MIA in Iowa - personal data on 3m UK driving test candidates

80 The Strand

...Is where Dorling Kindersley / Penguin (a Pearson group subsidiary) are now housed. Sadly, I got the boot (along with the rest of the multimedia division) just before they moved there. This icon almost looks like a dead penguin.

Google permits Dell to sell Dell servers

Shirley

...El Reg hasn't just regurgitated a press release has it? For shame!

If only I could do something about my SME's document searching requirements...that doesn't impact upon firewall security ...Any ideas? Anyone?

Bueller?

MySpace ads zero in on user data

adverts?

I remember them.

</adblock+ smugness>

Record labels to ditch CD singles for USB Flash drives

USB in-car grooviness

My H&B car stereo has USB and SD-RAM slots in it. Best £80 I ever spent. Something tells me that they mightn't have paid any licensing fees for the mp3 codecs though - they don't seem to make them any more.

That's neither here nor there though. Record companies can go stick their DRM-infested USB sticks up their A&Rs.

By the way, get your free, unshackled ambient dub and trip-hop electronica mp3s at http://www.universalconstructors.com :-)

Microsoft patents brain-computer link

It looks like you're trying to compose a thought

Would you like me to think it for you?

Currency launched to cover the cosmos

Gronda gronda!

That is all.

Japanese to patent transparent frog

Every day the day today

This has to be the best Morris-like* headline to date.

Brilliant.

* I will not deign to use "-esque"

Adobe improves Flash video

Wonder how long it will take

...for MS to get El Reg to get an article up about the wonders of Silverlight

Talking of which, if you want some really good Silverlight training, google "JB International", give them a call, and ask for Tom ;-)

Counting the seconds till my shameless plug gets pulled...