Posts by short a sandwich

Digital ID is now less about illegal working, more about rummaging through drawers

That's a marketing "exciting".

"It will not, however, be used for surveillance or required for access to other services." Chinny reckon, Sir Starmer.

Word to the wise: Don't tell your IT manager they're not in Excel

Axe and pigs here. There's enough pigs to deal with one body a week just outside the office.

‘IT manager’ needed tech support because they had never heard of a command line

Treating un-professional behaviour requires: carpet, quick-lime and a shovel; or a hatchet, plastic lined room and access to pigs.

Reg hack attends job interview hosted by AI avatar, struggles to exit uncanny valley

Re: If an employer asks you do to this ...

< Wouldn't you rather see that cost saving become an extra perk for their employees >

Riiight, like that's going to happen. HR need to get off their backsides and expend some effort doing their jobs, because if they don't AI will be doing it shortly.

Hyundai: Want cyber-secure car locks? That'll be £49, please

Re: Game Boy-like gizmo worth around £20,000

That's when packing the boot for a trip with the family.

Problem PC had graybeards stumped until trainee rummaged through trash

Re: Pharmacists

I have a colleague who uses his piling system on the desk. He knows where everything is which is great if he's working in the office. Not so good if the rest of the team needs something he has been using.

Techie exposed giant tax grab, maybe made government change the rules

Re: Hmm

But avoidance currently isn't which is also dodging of taxes but legally mandated (for the time being). If your marginal rate of tax as a percentage is less than that your staff pay one is a tax dodger!

Automatic UK-to-US English converter produced amazing mistakes by the vanload

Re: Surely simpler to stick with correct English

Who had you upset to get a "present" of Budweiser?

Techie solved supposed software problem by waving his arms in the air

Doughy

He certainly rose to the occassion after the first proof.

'Cybertruck ownership comes with ... interesting fan mail'

Re: Courts to the rescue

Someone's guide dog will need chastising in that instance.

NetAdmin learns that wooden chocks, unlike swipe cards, open doors when networks can't

Re: How did you get into this room?

Roll of carpet and bag of quicklime in the cleaning cupboard, it's the BOFH way.

Woman uses AirTags to nab alleged parcel-pinching scum

Re: "police declined to pursue the matter"

<quote> The bikes don't have markings</ quote>

All of mine have a serial number on or under the bottom bracket, components are also stamped with markings too.

BOFH: The true gravity of the Boss and the 3-coffee problem

Re: caffeine intolerance is a real thing

Those are amateur numbers 1.5 to 2kg a month at home and filter in the office. I don’t have a problem, I can afford it still.

CrowdStrike meets Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will

As the saying goes

To err is human, to really mess things up one requires a computer!

CrowdStrike file update bricks Windows machines around the world

Re: Who me?

Were El Reg involved? There's regular requests for more stories for the feature.

Someone has gone big and is not going home!

Apple says if you want to ship your own iOS browser engine in EU, you need to be there

This will be followed by find-outery and howls from the shareholders at the penalty.

BMW calls for vendor openness in quest to mine its own processes

Re: Lass dich ficken, BMW.

The second hand buyer is assured of mint condition fully functioning indicators though. Which is nice.

BOFH: So you want more boardroom tech that no one knows how to use

Re: Laminate everything

Shrink wrap using a heat source from a small jet engine?

Work for you? Again? After you lied about the job and stole my stuff? No thanks

Re: Being polite is great

With a 4 hour minimum.

Air Canada must pay damages after chatbot lies to grieving passenger about discount

Disqualified from the human race for pushing was the last adjudication on Mr Nobbs

Junior techie had leverage, but didn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation

Overhead transmission from the grid sees to that!

Logically the electrons benefit from gravitational help to keep the rack running smoothly.

Post Office boss unable to say when biz knew Horizon could be remotely altered

Re: s/unable/unwilling/

Not if the legislation enacted specifically mentions Post Office and Horizon only, there would be no problem with a specific act. My thoughts go to acts of parliament necessary to enlarge Felixstowe Port which did not permit all ports to expand the size of their sites.

Broad brush legislation should not be encouraged for interference in the judiciary.

Fujitsu wins flood contract extension despite starring in TV drama about its failures

Due Diligence?

How are we still employing this criminally negligent contractor?

Re: Historical effects.

Unite will see you right on representation. There's sections from the oldTGWU that were staff/office workers.

Swedish Tesla strike goes international as Norwegian and Danish unions join in

Re: Exactly what destroyed the UK car industry

Poor management killed BL aided by strong unions. Everyone sees the red menace but ignores the extremely poor management team who thought they were still part of the empire, we're British and too big to fail, we don't need to innovate. Compare the Austins of the late 70's with the offerings from VW and tell me that the management team were competent.

Ex-school IT admin binned student, staff accounts and trashed phone system

Re: NerdRageQuit

Would have got away with it too, except for those nosey kids!

Switch to hit the fan as BT begins prep ahead of analog phone sunset

If only the grid had been able to expand to keep up with demand. The NiIMBYs and planning departments saw to that, maybe direct your ire about the unreliable network there not at those of us that want to hand an habitable planet to our descendants.

Chap blew up critical equipment on his first day – but it wasn't his volt

Re: Should this be so easy?

With a large enough hammer any shape can be made to fit any hole.

I'll see your data loss and raise you a security policy violation

Re: Regomiser

Wasn't Hu on first according to the Marx Brothers?

IBM shows off its sense of humor in not-so-funny letter leak

Dad Jokes

Surely the joy of dad jokes is that both parties to "the joke" are aware that they are experiencing/delivering the worst of the genre.

Last rites for the UK's Online Safety Bill, an idea too stupid to notice it's dead

Re: Not holding my breath

MK has Stevenage and the other Garden Cities as competition for great cycle networks

Producers allegedly sought rights to replicate extras using AI, forever, for just $200

Images rights and their ownership across the pond are different to those in UK

UK's proposed alt.GDPR will turn Britain into a 'test lab' for data harvesting

Re: Can it just be delayed?

The chaps who saw war service who were Home Secretary in the 70's and 80's used to tell them to jog on. The civil servants and chief constables could never put a convincing argument together for mass surveillance nor ID cards. The current crop since the 90's don't have this experience and didn't learn from their elders. We need a set of politicians who understand why we shouldn't have these things due to the risk that they pose to the populace from future nutters in power.

Pornhub walls off Utah in age-verification law protest

Re: Time for the Monty Python singers!!!

According to Python the third world is in Barnsley not Utah!

The UK's bad encryption law can't withstand global contempt

Re: Idiots have taken over

“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.”

DNA had it all that time ago.

Don't worry, that system's not actually active – oh, wait …

Re: Why would one ...

We did have one enterprising chap attempt to reheat hi mouse mariniere in the kettle at the mill. The tea was interesting for a while afterwards.

If you have a fan, and want this company to stay in business, bring it to IT now

Re: air CON

A similar experience in a flour mill control room. Engineer says this is perfectly sized for your environment. Being slightly aware of the calculations needed and where to find the information to do a slightly better job. I pointed out that the machine supplied was one third the output it should be (for just about meet the spec control of room temperature for testing purposes) and possibly one quarter of the output for a bit of reserve on the warmest days.

Engineer bitched a bit, manglement spent the money on the just about adequate solution and we were able to test flour at the correct temperature for the rest of my time there and be comfortable when the roller floor was running in excess of 30C.

In a time before calculators, going the extra mile at work sometimes didn't add up

Re: Of course, Britain went decimal shortly afterwards!

Everything silver with a 1947 and earlier date had sufficient silver content to double it's value, or so I was told many moons ago.

This is the military – you can't just delete your history like you're 15

Re: Written reports on pron.

One local insurance office had to employ a sign language interpreter for a deaf employee who was caught by the network skin filter. The signer had to work through all sorts of standard sexual practices and one or two that were little more specialised.

Yodel becomes the latest victim of a cyber 'incident'

Re: So, Yodel are immune to cyber attacks?

Missing packets in large numbers is their MO surely?

Amazon fears it could run out of US warehouse workers by 2024

Re: elon to the rescue?

Robots tend not to buy anything from anyone, more robots will not generate extra profits if no one is buying.

I was fired for blowing the whistle on cult's status in Google unit, says contractor

Re: Google is a cult?

Spelling mistake?

Nothing says 2022 quite like this remote-controlled machine gun drone

Re: Fortunately Useless

Conundra surely?

Learned from graffiti in the Temple area on a construction hoarding. Top tip don't abuse Latin in the vicinity of large numbers of lawyers.

When management went nuclear on an innocent software engineer

Re: Next time

Nuclear generation is literally the one man and a dog job. The man to monitor the equipment, the dog to stop the man 'adjusting' it. With maximum toothy prejudice if required.

A discounting disaster averted at the expense of one's own employment

Beancounters

I work for one. He has realised if I specify something it will work. If he cuts corners it will cost money, time and customers. We now do everything well more or less first time.

The time you solved that months-long problem in 3 seconds

Re: Fuck that

It's my prime source of what to watch out for when doing the little syadmin work I need to do

Debugging source is even harder when you can't stop laughing at it

Also known as a Nebbish, when one leaves the others look up to see who's just entered the room.

Brave takes the spring out of creepy bounce tracking

Aha

That's why Google ad links are failing to load on Brave now. A light has dawned.

UK govt signs IT contracts 'without understanding' the needs

In other news

The stove is hot

Bears relieve themselves in tree rich environments.

The leader of the Roman Catholic Church has a big balcony and red socks.