* Posts by petethebloke

36 posts • joined 28 Jul 2017

Captain Caveman rides to the rescue, solves a prickly PowerPoint problem with a magical solution


I once got a call-out on Boxing Day to "fix" an installation of some Christmas software on a Windows machine.

After a few unsuccessful attempts, I removed the CD and wiped a fat, greasy thumb print off it (probably turkey-flavoured). Everything then worked fine.

"Twenty-five quid??? For wiping off a thumb print!!!", he shrieked.

"No. Twenty-five quid for knowing how to", I answered.

What would Jesus tweet? Church of England hands down commandments for Anglicans on social media


Re: Wrong about the Pope

I think the point here (if Jesus will forgive me... but thats what he does, so I might be OK) is that the money is not important; the important thing is to be faithful to God. We should not lose sight of what matters in life, and it sure ain't money. See?

Former Oracle product manager says he was forced out for refusing to deceive customers. Now he's suing the biz


"Managing Customer Expectations"

I bet some readers hear that phrase every day. I do.

Mozilla expands bug bounty program and triples payouts for flaw finders for hire


And where's Reynard?

Where's the obligatory photo of a cunning vulpine? Surely you could have found one eating an insect?


Invitation only

This image-recognition roulette is all fun and games... until it labels you a rape suspect, divorcee, or a racial slur


It does say Provocation

The classification terms were added on Amazon's mechanical Turk. The AI has Trump voters at the foundation... so you get what you pay for.

(Does that offend any Trump voters? I hope so - you offend me.)

Today in tortured tech analogies: Mozilla lets Firefox loose in the hen house, and by hen house, we mean the tracking cookie jar, er...


Re: Chrome is a PUP

Hasn't Opera been sold to a Chinese company? I'd be nervous about that. (I'm nervous about everything).

Whistleblowing saboteur costs us $167m bellows Tesla’s accountant


Re: Are you f**king kidding me?

RIP. I loved my Palm(s).

I couldn't possibly tell you the computer's ID over the phone, I've been on A Course™


Was it Tanker?

Ranker? Lanker?

Security? We've heard of it! But why be a party pooper when there's printing to be done


Physical Security v Computer Security

I've heard a story (maybe apocryphal, probably on the interwebs somewhere, but entirely plausible) about a pen-tester who was contracted by a car dealership for security testing. A few days later, and without much difficulty, he was able to drive a brand new Porsche out of the showroom in the dead of night. The car salesmen were outraged - at him - but I can't remember if he had his contracts all signed and secure. I hope he did.

Let's talk about April Fools' Day jokes. Are they ever really harmless?


Go and have a barBQ

A few years ago I used PHP's mail() function to send a message from the CEO to a few lucky people telling them that it was a lovely day and they could take the afternoon off to enjoy the sunshine and cook up a barbie. One of the idiots replied to him to say thanks very much. I still blame him for the tightening-up on office banter.

Cop a load of this: 1TB of police body camera videos found lounging around public databases



Terrabytes? Presumably from an underground operation?

Please be aliens, please be aliens, please be aliens... Boffins discover mystery mass beneath Moon's biggest crater



Enough said

If the thing you were doing earlier is 'drop table' commands, ctrl-c, ctrl-v is not your friend


All the helpful comments/suggestions above make me think my father has come back to life.

Dad - don't tell me you never made a fook-up, because I remember the trip to A+E after the knife-in-artery incident.

Could OpenAI's 'too dangerous to release' language model be used to mimic you online? Yes, says this chap: I built a bot to prove it


In English

I'm vaguely surprised that his conversations are in English.

Customer: We fancy changing a 25-year-old installation. C'mon, it's just one extra valve... Only wafer thin...


Re: Valves!?

Me too. I was seriously impressed by the idea too.

IBM so very, very sorry after jobs page casually asks hopefuls: Are you white, black... or yellow?


Google Translate?

It looks a bit like someone in a less-enlightened part of the world used Google Translate. What a fook-up.

After IBM SoftLayer fails to scrub bare-metal box firmware of any lurking spies, alarm raised over cloud server security



"...grin and bare it".

Honestly. My old man's jokes were better than that.

How AI can help halt human sex trafficking – by identifying victims' hotel rooms from pics



If the bad-arse perpetrators left the exif data in their photos, it would be easier still.

In fact, they should take the photo as a group selfie.

Et tu, Brute? Then fail, Caesars: When it's hotel staff, not the hackers, invading folks' privacy


Tending his resignation?

Is that what one does?

Yubico snatched my login token vulnerability to claim a $5k Google bug bounty, says bloke


Web Giant?

When did Google stop being "Advertising giant"? Why has El Reg stopped saying it like it is?

You know that silly fear about Alexa recording everything and leaking it online? It just happened


Faustian Pact Goes Wrong

What a feckin surprise

UPnP joins the 'just turn it off on consumer devices, already' club


Thanks GRC

www.grc.com recommended turning this off about a hundred years ago. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I believed them.

Twitter: No big deal, but everyone needs to change their password


Re: (as a best practice you shouldn't be reusing passwords anyway)

That's a good idea if your password is never stored in plain text, but it falls over pretty quickly otherwise. Let's see if I can guess your password for pr0nhub.... um.... Pr0nhub5ucks! ??

RIP: Sinclair ZX Spectrum designer Rick Dickinson reaches STOP


Re: With all due respect to the family and friends of the deceased

I agree. While we're at it, can we ditch the "battle with cancer" myth as well?

Having said that, RIP Rick Dickinson.

Meet the open sorcerers who have vowed to make Facebook history


Goodbye Emojis?

I 'kin hope so. Colon bracket was so much better than a stupid yellow face.

'There was no monetary incentive for this' = not what you want to hear about your tattoo


Re: what about

I didn't look closely - I just assumed it was his prison number. I used to teach HTML in one of Her Maj's institutions and will forever associate tattoos with baseball caps, rollies, big muscles and bad complexions.

Sky customer dinged for livestreaming pay-per-view boxing to Facebook



I thought it was going to be an article about children filming themselves putting presents back into boxes.

Archive of 1.4 billion credentials in clear text found in dark web archive


Length is Everything

My wife agrees

Ex-cop who 'kept private copies of data' fingers Cabinet Office minister in pr0nz at work claims


If he didn't break the law (and it sounds like he didn't) then the worst offence is wasting time at work. Since MPs are (technically) self-employed, who cares?

What is the probability of being drunk at work and also being tested? Let's find out! Correctly


Agreed. I think there might be other ways of getting the wrong answers in the table (from those suggested in the article) - they don't even follow a progression, which is odd. Monthly is the same as annual.

Sci-Fi titan Jerry Pournelle passes,
aged 84


Pass? Why not die?

Are we too sensitive for the word 'die'?

Crypto-busters reverse nearly 320 million hashed passwords


Not really correct, but close

Most of the sites that have leaked passwords are not banks. If you get a "password" from a hash collision it is still unlikely to work in other sites.

@symon It does matter for Git because open-source relies on hashes not colliding to confirm that the code is right and proper.

Watch this nanochip reprogram cells to fix damaged body tissue


They said the size of a cufflink. El Reg says the size of a smart watch screen. To me it looked the size of a postage stamp. Can anyone clarify?

The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY


Fried bread should never be like warm lard. It should be dropped into smoking fat, turned and served within seconds and it'll be dry and crisp. Smear marmite on one side before frying for an extra zing.


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