* Posts by Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?

419 posts • joined 21 Jul 2017

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IBM job ad calls for 12 years’ experience with Kubernetes – which is six years old

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Do you need a towel?

I'll have you know that I'm the type of hoopy frood who knows exactly where his towel is

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Woohoo! Payoff!

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Re: It is in base 3 for obvious reasons

Ooh, HR AC strikes again! As I scroll the comments I find myself genuinely excited to see if there are any more. The anticipation!

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Re: And so it ever was.

Uh oh, we have an AC who works in HR, mind your manners everyone.

Trump's bright idea of kicking out foreign students unless unis resume in-person classes stuns tech, science world

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Is it possible to gaslight an entire country?

“We hope that most schools are going to be open, and we don’t want people to make political statements or do it for political reasons,” Trump said.

...he said in a political statement, which was made for entirely political reasons.

UK space firms forced to adjust their models of how the universe works as they lose out on Copernicus contracts

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Re: I GOT 1 wordz 4 all u traytowers!!!

We won, Get over IT.

You did, congratulations. Enjoy your Pyrrhic victory.

It’s happened again: AT&T sued for allegedly transferring victim's number to thieves in $1.9m cryptocoin heist

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I have questions...

So I'm quite willing to accept that the individuals in this and the previous story were targeted specifically. I don't believe that hackers are picking phone numbers at random in the hope of hitting one that holds crypto, never mind high value crypto. But how did the hackers know to go for these phone numbers? I guess either the victims were bragging about how much (fake) money they had, in which case made themselves targets, or the people who run the repositories or whatever they are where people keep their wallets know the value of said wallets, know who the owner is and therefore know which phone numbers they need to intercept to get the really high value ones.

And if it's the second option, then why the hell does anyone trust this crap? As previous commenter said, I wouldn't trust $24m of my money (if I had it, I wish!) to a single reputable, insured, regulated financial institution, never mind some faceless internet people who cobbled a few web pages together. In what world does someone think "I don't trust these financial institutions to look after my money, I don't trust FIAT currency but I'll leave enough money to live the rest of my life without ever having to work again and be able to pay myself $250,000 per year for life with money left over in some bizarreo mystery tech storage place. I'd want that money out as soon as possible and somewhere much more reliable.I just don't believe it frankly. But then as is often noted: people are strange.

One does not simply repurpose an entire internet constellation for sat-nav, but UK might have a go anyway

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Re: Brexit sat-nav eh?

When you wrote that, did you think "this is edgy stuff, nobody has thought of these jokes before"?

Every joke has been done before, one way or another, it doesn't stop things bringing a little light relief to someones day. People have been taking the piss of the government of the day for decades if not longer. In that time many have been done about travel of officials, elected or otherwise. There's no such thing as a new joke, only new actors in the situation.

On another subject, is this what retirement looks like? A quick browse of your profile shows 14 posts in the last day or so (at the time of writing) so I have to ask, do you really have so little to do with your time that you're constantly scouring the reg for things you can get annoyed at? I mean seriously, try some herbal tea and get yourself a nice hobby which gets you outdoors a bit. I find myself genuinely concerned for your well-being. You keep on getting this angry at entirely inconsequential things (for that's what comments on an internet news article are after all) you're going to give yourself a heart attack or something.

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Brexit sat-nav eh?

So it'll tell you you're going to one location when in fact you're heading in completely another; will lie about toll roads (they don't exist, no really you won't have to pay a thing); will claim the journey you're about to undertake it the easiest, most straightforward journey in the history of journeys despite it then being horrific; swear it will only take you to quality food outlets which you later find only sell chlorinated chicken, before directing you to drive straight of the edge of a cliff.

All via Barnards Castle, obviously.

Sounds amazing.

And yes I know this is supposed to be about satellites not the driving units. Thank you in advance to those of you for pointing that out.

CompSci student bitten by fox after feeding it McNuggets

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Re: Some of the sheep

Oz joke? I thought this was courtesy of Sir PTerry, in "The Last Continent" , circa 1998.

Death held out a hand. I WANT, he said, A BOOK ABOUT THE DANGEROUS CREATURES OF FOURECKS–

Albert looked up and dived for cover, receiving only mild bruising because he had the foresight to curl into a ball.

After a while Death, his voice a little muffled, said: ALBERT, I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL IF YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND HERE.

Albert scrambled up and puled at some of the huge volumes, finally dislodging enough of them to allow his master to clamber free.

HMM… Death picked up a book at random and read the cover.

DANGEROUS MAMMALS, REPTILES, AMPHIBIANS, BIRDS, FISH, JELLYFISH, INSECTS, SPIDERS, CRUSTACEANS, GRASSES, TREES, MOSSES, AND LICHENS OF TERROR INCOGNITA, he read. His gaze moved down the spine. VOLUME 29C, he added. OH. PART THREE, I SEE.

He glanced up at the listening shelves. POSSIBLY IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF I ASKED FOR A LIST OF THE HARMLESS CREATURES OF THE AFORESAID CONTINENT?

They waited.

IT WOULD APPEAR THAT–

“No, wait, master. Here it comes.”

Albert pointed to something white zigzagging lazily through the air. Finally Death reached up and caught the single sheet of paper.

He read it carefully and then turned it over briefly just in case anything was written on the other side.

“May I?” said Albert. Death handed him the paper.

“‘Some of the sheep,’“ Albert read aloud. “Oh, well. Maybe a week at the seaside’d be better then.”

The incumbent President of the United States of America ran now-banned Facebook ads loaded with Nazi references

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Re: Golly. RED trangles?

I never realised I've been carrying Nazi symbols in the boot of my car AS REQUIRED BY EU LAW

You may be carrying all sorts of nazi paraphernalia around in your car, that's your business. There is no EU law mandating that you do so.

However, for the hard of thinking, lets be clear:

One of the nazi symbols is a red triangle. That DOES NOT mean all red triangles are nazi symbols, including the red warning triangle you allude to in your post. (triangle outline usually, points upwards when erected as opposed to the solid red downward pointing triangle shown in the twitter post referenced in the article)

Lets try another: The Ford logo is a blue oval. Not all blue ovals are Ford logos!

Again: The Reg logo is a vulture. Not all vultures are Reg logos

Another: The US president is a lying orange shyster with stupid hair. Not all lying orange shysters with stupid hair are US presidents.

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"So they try to invent excuses to block the president’s campaign inventing random meaning to symbols and then blaming the supporters for using them"

Given as the red triangle symbol was provably used in concentration camps by nazis, does this comment count as holocaust denial?

Only true boffins will be able to grasp Blighty's new legal definitions of the humble metre and kilogram

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So, you're saying as long as we count 9,192,631,770 snaps, crackles and pops, we're good?

Do we need to buy more milk for this?

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I know what a decent fuel economy is for a car in miles per gallon, not in litres per 100km. So I buy my petrol in litres and compute fuel efficiency in miles per gallon.

<GrandpaSimpson>My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's how I like it!</GrandpaSimpson>

US govt: Huawei is a national security risk and a menace, except, you know, when we need it for 5G standards work

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Trollface

“The United States will not cede leadership in global innovation,”

Well no of course not. You cannot cede that which you do not have.

Bite me? It's 'byte', and that acronym is Binary Interface Transfer Code Handler

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"As in Worcestershire, which is pronounced Worstershire if I'm not mistaken."

Unless you're from Sheffield, in which case it's pronounced "Hendo's"

Surprise! That £339 world's first 'anti-5G' protection device is just a £5 USB drive with a nice sticker on it

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Re: How Gullible are you ?

I would hope so, considering neither of you can spell "gulliable"

Come on, do you think I'm a gullabull? Or even a gullacalf?

Turns out Elon can't control the weather – what a scrub: Rain, clouds delay historic manned SpaceX-NASA launch

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It's not just a question of the correct orbit and position of the ISS. I watched the webcast and they spoke at length about the energy calculations and how they are based on the liquid oxygen and other propellants being in a specific temperature range. If they hold too long, even minutes, the propellants warm up and they don't get the performance they calculated.

Dude, where's my laser?

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Alien

It's always aliens!

Remember that time we used up a whole bog roll in a day? You thought that was aliens as well.

You know this Land of the Free thing, yeah? Well then, why allow the FBI to trawl through America's browsing history without a warrant?

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Re: land of the free...

"You are free to do as we tell you!"

https://youtu.be/sUUwcNeecvI

NSFW due to language

I often wonder what Bill Hicks would make of the world today.

Huawei's defiant spinning top says Chinese vendor can cope with renewed US sanctions

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Indeed. See also: the USA.

Ampere, Nvidia's latest GPU architecture is finally here – spanking-new acceleration for AI across the board

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Trollface

That's all very impressive...

...but can it run Crysis?

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

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Re: He didn't get rich writing checks!

Is the Junior Vice President available for comment?

Twitter sticks a beak in, Clippy-style: Are you sure you want to set your account alight with that flame?

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Joke

Re: Scunthorpe

Also an issue for those who live in or around Penistone in South Yorkshire

UK finds itself almost alone with centralized virus contact-tracing app that probably won't work well, asks for your location, may be illegal

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Re: Hanlon's razor

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"

Why do people always leave off "...but don't rule out malice" when quoting this? It's important!

UK COVID-19 contact-tracing app data may be kept for 'research' after crisis ends, MPs told

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Re: Apple and Google wont allow this on their platforms?

Surely this breaks all sort of polices from both Apple and Google. How will the Government compel them to allow this on their closed eco systems? They can even compel them to follow the law and pay tax

They certainly seem to be going out of their way to make Huawei's Google free experience seem ever more attractive

NASA signs deals to put a rocket under Artemis flights until 2029

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"The same reliable engines that launched more than 100 space shuttle missions have been modified to be even more powerful to launch the next astronauts who will set foot on the lunar surface during the Artemis missions."

I hope this is simply an oversimplification. Surely we all know that if you take a reliable engine and modify it to create more power, the reliability of said engine take a natural hit?

But then I'm not a rocket scientist.

Realme's X50m is a decently specced 5G phone – for the price of a 1995 Nissan Micra

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As a fellow Honor 9 owner, I thought the same. I keep thinking I should replace my phone, but it does everything I want and more and still works perfectly. The RealMe looks tempting so I ran them both through GSMArena:

Honor 9 vs Realme X50M 5G

Short version, the RealMe has a bigger screen and better battery, but the pixel density of the screen is lower than the Honor (428ppi to 399ppi). Also the RealMe has a better camera cluster. The only other difficult comparison is the processor because the Honor uses Huawei's Kirin chipset. I found a website which claims to be able to compare the two:

Kirin 960 vs Snapdragon 765 - On paper, the Kirin looks faster. I think I'll keep the Honor!

Web pages a little too style over substance? Behold the Windows 98 CSS file

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Ah, feck it! Fed up with briiiiick!

House of Commons agrees to allow Zoom app in Parliament, British MPs will still have to dress smartly

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Excellent

Now they can attend Parliament remotely as it were, this means there is no longer a need for every MP to have a tax payer funded second home in London, doesn't it? They can all live and remain in their constituencies, just as they should.

"In his speech, Rees-Mogg affirmed this change would be temporary, and would not represent a fundamental reworking of Parliamentary protocol. The new rules will remain in place until May 12, unless an extension is deemed necessary."

Well, shit.

Taiwan to develop military exoskeleton because it's not like these things are open-sourced or one-size-fits-all

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Re: Aren't.....

I was thinking it was sounding more like Fallout Power Armour. But then I'm coming to the end of a Fallout 4 play through, so I guess I would.

Watch out, everyone, here come the Coronavirus Cops, enjoying their little slice of power way too much

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Re: "Now they are your best friends? sigh..."

Some of us are American citizens, some permanent residents, some legal immigrants, but one thing is clear: it is un-American to not probe and demand more from our elected officials.

Has anyone informed the President of this?

Here's what Europeans are buying amid the COVID-19 lockdown – aside from heaps of pasta and toilet paper

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Joke

Re: Lost post

Well I hope that they are all now suitably enlightened.

Announcing the official Reg-approved measure of social distancing: The Osman

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Re: On the other hand

From Polymorph: "What about the Rimmer directive, which states never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond Family."

So can we use the Reg Unit to be something like 1 Osmand = a Great White Shark?

European electric vehicle sales surged in Q4 2019 but only accounted for wafer-thin slice of total car purchases

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Re: Indeed

See, this is why everyone should use the El Reg standards.

If they'd have said 5747787 Linguine or 36610 Brontosauruses, we'd know what they meant.

Not exactly the kind of housekeeping you want when it means the hotel's server uptime is scrubbed clean

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There's a Terry Pratchett Quote for That...

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”

US telcos tossed yet another extension to keep going with Huawei kit despite America's 'security threat' concerns

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Pint

Re: Ugh

OrangeHeadedShitGibbon

Thank you, that's a keeper! Have a beer

Rocket Lab wants to break free, hopes next mission is more 'A Kind Of Magic' than 'Another One Bites The Dust'

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Between this and the 737-MAX fiasco, who would want to be a Boeing employee right now, really?

You've duked it out with OS/2 – but how to deal with these troublesome users? Nukem

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Funny, it was only the other day we were reminiscing in the office about the emergence of the C:\MYDOCU~1\ directory.

Aah, the memories. Or should I say AAARRRGGH! The memories!

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

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I thought the commentard said a good reason?

Disk stuck in the drive? Don't dilly-Dali – get IT on the case!

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You'll get your money – when this bank has upgraded Windows 7... or bought extended support

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It's about time we had some decent puns in the comments...

I've been getting withdrawal symptoms...

If people could form an orderly queue, you can deposit them here.

I'll cheque them for you.

Death and taxis: Windows has had enough of clinging to a cab rooftop in the London rain

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Re: Manure in the cloud

"Over The Rainbow" would lose some of the magic as well.

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Maybe don't put Windows on top of a taxi.

Wouldn't that make it a sunroof?

Nokia said to be considering sale or merger as profits tank

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Dear Huawei,

Please buy a massive stake in Nokia.

Purely because it would be funny to see the reaction of the incumbent US Prez.

Yours,

Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?

Pope tells his followers to log off for Lent

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Re: Down with this sort of thing

Careful now

Spider-eyed Lite version of Huawei flagship flies out before actual P40 launch event

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Re: Target market

Speaking as the husband of a wife who bought a Samsung Galaxy S8 while I chose the Honor 9 at the same time, its not just price. The rebadged Huawei has generally lasted far better. The battery lasts way longer than the Samsung, it hardly ever crashes while the Glaaxy crashes fairly often, in fact the only thing I can really point to as having ever been better on the Samsung (noticeably anyway) is that the Sammy has a much better, more capable camera.

Can't speak for Apples though, although I'm fairly sure Huawei have never pushed an update to deliberately slow my phone down.

YMMV though.

Breaker one-nine, this trucker's rubber ducked, facing a year in the slammer for Acer laptop thefts

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GBI agents also found that Kevliyan had gambled at the Virgin River Hotel and Casino in Mesquite, Nevada, with over $11,000 in cash after arriving from Chicago.

Kevliyan's wife, two sons, and sister submitted letters to the court attesting to their father's otherwise good character and difficult circumstances.

Perhaps the "difficult circumstances" were brought on by a significant gambling habit? If the defence is "I stole these things because I can't afford to feed my family" I have some sympathy, but when the defence becomes "I stole these things because I can't afford to feed my family because I have a gambling problem I don't intend to do anything about. Then pissed it up the wall in a casino anyway" my sympathy gland dries up.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now: Brexit tea towel says it'll just be the gigabit broadband

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Re: I voted for BREXIT

As I understand it:

  • An end to free movement of people, whilst maintaining free movement of people
  • No border in the Irish Sea, while there is a border in the Irish Sea
  • It saving loads of money, while it costs loads of money
  • Being free of "unelected bureaucrats making all the decisions" while we currently have unelected bureaucrats making all the decisions (I'm looking at you, Mr Cummings)
  • The easiest trade deal in history, while it is in fact probably the most complicated trade deal in history

On the plus side, Brexit Got Done™. So obviously we know all the answers to these questions, right?

Yo, Imma let you finish, but for the 6,000 people still using that app on a daily basis ... we have a question: why?

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do you mean this??

https://youtu.be/T8XeDvKqI4E

Sort of but not directly. It's sort of a reference to what some people think might have been a reference to Monty Python. Back in the old days (OK the 90's) we didn't have social media, we had mIRC (an IRC client) and in mIRC you could /slap people.

It was a simpler time. Aah, the memories....What did I come in here for again? Keep off my lawn you damn whipper-snappers! Buggerit, buggerem, millennium hand and shrimp.

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