* Posts by Michael Born

13 posts • joined 17 Aug 2007

BOFH: Xmas party: Get a wriggle on

Michael Born
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Absolute Quality...

I gotta say that Simon is definitely back on top of his game (even if his CP batteries are exhausted!!!

My company bash is black tie, formal dress, couple of free drinks and a pop-idol failure for entrainment!

After the drinks run out, you have to start using your own beer-vouchers - SCANDALOUS!!!

Personally speaking, I'd rather listen o my 1 Yr old screaming than go to that!!

Ahhhh, Xmas, a time for good will, secret-Santa (with alluminium-foil wrapping paper, and good will to managers (damn it, gotta stop drinking at lunch time - didn't mean that, honest!)

Have great weekend people!

Bastard Printer Engineer from Hell

BOFH: Spreading the festive cheer

Michael Born
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And the Xmas cheer keeps on comming...

Yep, confirms my suspicion that Simon is still on stop of his game!

I have to say that as far as vendors go, this is about the most truthful description you can get, and bearing in mind that the people at the "coal-face" who DO the work never get the appreciation they richly deserve...

Now then, where is that stack of "re-usable" card and tippix?

Only kidding, NEVER send out a "used" card, it sets a bad precedent!

Have a great weekend people!!

And remember, "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy EVERY minute of it!!!"

BOFH: Workplace accidents = 0

Michael Born

Ahhh...good to see that Simon...

Still has his Homicidal tendencies, and they can't be removed by the ravages of time!!

It really is good to see the BOFH at the helm of another 'inexplicable' accident (even if he didn't cause it), but at least we know that, if it came to the crunch, HIS name would be where the CEO is now (could also mean some form of blackmail for increase the "operating budget", methinks!)

I would have started the monitors running the moment the boss had walked out, keeping a "technical" eye on things, but can't win 'em all, eh?

Great weekend to all the people in BOFH land

Your friendly neighborhood Printer Engineer From Hell!

BOFH: Budget cuts

Michael Born
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A curiuos turn of events for Simon, methinks...

I have to say a little bit on the week side for Simon, but still an experience we can ALL relate to (as soon as BEANCOUNTER was mentioned, most of my keys stopped working in sympathy!) and having no "Operating Budget" can be a right downer this close to the weekend!!!

As for losing an iPhone, crashing a monitor, running out of larger and using Windows VIsta?

Hmmm..The iPhone I can relate to dumping, the monitor probably had it coming, and no larger is bound to make ANYONE do something out of the ordinary, but Windows Vista?

I Use Vista at home, and find it to be ever-so-slightly resourced addicted, but quick to respond and runs Couter-Strike Online without issues, so can't really fault that one!

Have a good weekend people - LAGERS' UP!

BOFH: A foray into HR

Michael Born
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You know, it's funny that theymention HR...

At the moment I am engaged in a pitched battle with my current employers' HR department, whereby I cannot get them to accept that they were wrong.

Now in an ideal world, it would require an on-the-fly mod to the HR database, drop the user tables and clear the event logs and the problem sort of goes away, but they removed my connection to the server, so I guess I have to do this the old fashioned way, like Industrial Tribuneral!

Hey, you live and learn!

Anyway hats off to the BOFH and the PFy for dealing with the HR Droid in such a characteristic manner (lift, darkness, disconnected phone, etc), the only thing missing being the liberal amounts of smut in his in folder and that log of FARMASUTRA entries in his web browser, still, can't sort everything out in 5 minutes, can you?

Later people - good weekend to all!!!

BOFH: The bastard wants to know

Michael Born
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When it comes to the paperwork

I find that the best method is to stick it ALL in an envelope, then post it INTERNALLY to the HR department.

They haven't got a clue on what to do with it, so they file in on some dweebs desk for about 3 months, then when "National-Tidy-Your-Desk-Day" comes around, things kinda take care of them selves.

Anybody who requests feedback, I say I passed it to the relevant department for processing and hand them the HR Service Desk number!

Works like a charm!!!

Saves on the old leg-work of having to walk to the other side of the cube-farm to get to the shredder!!!

BOFH: A tragic accident

Michael Born
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Isn't it tragic....

How little attention is paid to work=-place safety these days (NOT!)

Personally speaking, I have to follow all sorts of rubbish to sort out my day-to=-day work, ad the H & S people tend to have a hissy-fit if you don't and I really can't be bothered to argue with them anymore, not since they removed most of the plug sockets and I can't charge the cattle-prod any more!!!

Bloody criminal if you ask me!

I even have to get permission to re-charge my mobile; phone!!!

Well done to the BOFH and the PFY for dealing with yet another company 'Insultant' in sucha professional manner...

Have a great weekend people.

BOFH: Skip diplomacy

Michael Born
Dead Vulture

And the fun keeps on comming...

I gotta say another outstanding episode for the BOFH!

To be honest, I can think of most of the companies I support having to use the 'Skip' mentality when it comes to their IT kit, especially printers, as I have to deal with them day-today!

When it comes to camaraderie, most of my 'colleagues' are worthy of my having some fun with their eye-lashes, a tube of super glue, a wheelie chair and a multi-story car park!!!

I think I may have to start siem radical re-programming of my own - Keep 'em coming Simon!!!

BOFH: You think you know a guy...

Michael Born

And I started out on in the computing industry...

An OLD BBC computer (showing my age now) and it worked OK - Had to vector all graphics images using the mouse (no tablet and pen in those days!!!).

The unit worked a treat, and for once was a testament to British micro-electronics!!! (probably the ONLY time British equipment was ever revered and respected!!!)

Nowadays, everything has it's own processor (my phone, TV, DVD player, etc - lack of decent intelligence though!!)

To be honest, I find that the older kit (when you come across it) still works OK but lacks a little bit in support and peripherals - However, having worked on some MAC's in my time, I feel that Simon has a point - They are a pain in the proverbial butt, and can cause more problems that they solve!

The worst case is a MAC evangelist!! Living proof of the requirement for involuntary euthanasia if ever there was a need to justify it!!!)

Give me a PC/Server based on Intel/AMD anytime - I KNOW where I am with it!!!

BOFH: In search of the lazy atom

Michael Born

I can't be sure, but I may...

Have found the 'HOST' for the lazy atom!

It is basically a viral intrusion on my entire department!!!

Lately, I have found that everything everyone else touches that I have to revisit turns to custard and stops working, and then I have to sort it all out!!!

Ahh...hang on a minute...nope, could be wrong, could be that my colleagues are all 'TARDS!!!

Yep, aftwer seeing the emails flying around from the guys with nothing better to do, I am CERTAIN that it is the LAZINESS ATOM at work!

Thank you to the BOFH for highlighting it!!!

BOFH: Building changes

Michael Born

Talking of office moves...

The most recent brainwave of my management is that the customer service, scheduling and technical functions all need to be separated to operate together more efficiently!

My Customer Service team is moving to Milton Keynes, UK and my Scheduling function is moving to another building!!

I, personally,, think that management should NOT be given direct/indirect access to planning materials as a matter of course, 'cos as soon as they get involved in an office movement, EVERYTHING WILL turn to custard!

On a personal note, I am looking to get out of here anyway, but it's going to be fun watching the operation go through it's death-throws whilst I am here!

Looks like my management actually DO care about there staff - They cared enough to move them to nice surrounding (at a cost to the business in man-power, support, and logistics, of course!!!)

Have a good weekend people!!!

BOFH: Chilling the bearings

Michael Born

Speaking of IT management...

I gotta say ti is good to see the BOFH back on form, and as 'cool' as ever!

I can think of at least 1 manager I have at the moment that could do with clloing down (and I'm not talking about a period in neanderthol chilling!)

Not only does he take upton 4 hours to reposnd to an 'emergency@ (yours, not mine!) request, but when he does reposnd to a face-to-face meeting request, he phones me form the other end of the offcie to 'talk about it'

Now, where did I leave the keys to the canteen freezer.....They must be here somehere...Ahhh, here theyare, now where do I access his online diary again???

Management, you gotta love them to hate them, to know them to make sure that the beahve or esle!!!

BOFH: New toys

Michael Born

And new kit is not user serviceable

Personally speaking, when it comes to 'NEW' kit, I feel techincally OBLIGED to take the bastard apart to check what it does/how it works!

However, I know several hundred 'Service Engineers' (Spanner jockeys) who would bakl at getting a screw driver out to open thier flies!!!

MY best one was taking a Xerox Phaser apart for a laugh, and then watching the workshop teams trying to put it back together again (while I held the main mounting to the fusing assmebly behind my back!!!)

Oh how wonderful those days were - Now with the advent of rivets, it means you just have to change your spanner/screw-driver for a cordless drilll and cover the unit with a pillow to drown the noise out!!!


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