* Posts by bofh1961

17 posts • joined 19 May 2017

Things can't go on like this. You need to get fit for the sake of your health. I'm going to write you a prescription for... an e-bike


e-Bike gum?

Sorry, couldn't resist that one...

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you


Doesn't "Microshaft" date back to the days of DPM's diary in Computer Weekly?

Getting a pizza the action, AS/400 style



Pineapple on a pizza is the sign of true greatness.

More than a billion hopelessly vulnerable Android gizmos in the wild that no longer receive security updates – research


I wish I'd been aware of this when I bought my first smartphone...

I've still got it and I'll be going back to a dumbphone rather than be forced into upgrading perfectly good hardware. I've never been too keen on Google/Sony/EE having more control over the device than I do either. What Google have done with Linux is way beyond the pale as far as I'm concerned.

Sketchy behavior? Wacom tablet drivers phone home with names, times of every app opened on your computer


This isn't even vaguely reasonable

If it was justifiable then the same functionality would be in the open source drivers. The fact that it isn't tells us everything we need to know about Wacom's attitude to its customers. I doubt they're the only company out there doing this.

Verity Stob is 'Disgusted of HG Wells': Time, gentlemen, please


As mind-boggling as Christopher Priest

But with a lot more humour!

Take DOS, stir in some Netware, add a bit of Windows and... it's ALIIIIVE!


All IT issues are caused by management...

Even in 2008 a migration from NetWare to Windows servers could be iffy. The company I worked for opted to use a consultancy to design the Active Directory database and they decided to do things very differently to how it had been done with eDirectory. The end result was that it took the PCs four minutes to execute the huge login script and a rights issue that allowed every client to see each other's supposedly private home directory. The old eDirectory login script had a sub-second processing time and there had been no rights issues at all. On top of that the budget for the servers was so low that the backup took about twenty hours. The servers had to be replaced in less than a year...

We live so fast I can't even finish this sent...


Nothing is meaningless

Although the meaning of many things in the modern world, especially online, is a simple one of; "Notice me!" That's it. No meaning at all beyond the intent of diverting the attention of others. Politicians, memes, ransomware - it's all the same shit.

Hate speech row: Fine or jail anyone who calls people boffins, geeks or eggheads, psychology nerd demands


I always preferred to think of myself as a "propellerhead"

For those who remember "Wacky Races" I always identified with Professor Pat Pending...

What if tech moguls brewed real ale?


Old Tekkie's Champale 11% ABV

For celebrating the successful completion of a project that even the IT management thought was impossible. Erases all memories of the last few months...

'Facebook takes data from my phone – but I don't have an account!'


My phone is full of unwanted apps

I'm pissed off with my android phone constantly telling me that it's running out of memory and that I need to transfer apps and data to the SD card. Which has over 15 GB free. The phone would have enough left of its own 8 GB if it weren't for the plethora of installed apps that I can't remove. Why the frog would I want to watch video on a screen that small? I don't want the YouTube app but I can't get shot of it. I've no freaking idea what the Google app does apart from open itself spontaneously now and again.

I want a Linux phone that I have full control over with no apps and everything online accessed through the browser of my choice. Google, Sony and EE have more control over my phone than I do and that really pisses me off. I don't put up with Microshaft and HP controlling my PC...

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave


There seems to be a trend among large companies that they see their web servers as a means of keeping customers away from what they want rather than a means of helping them find it. HP has been impossible to penetrate without using Google for as long as I can remember. IBM somehow manages to be worse... it once took one of their own staff several weeks to find out that the files his customer wanted were hidden on an FTP server somewhere in Boulder, Colorado.

There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick


Alistair, to anybody significantly older than you, you too a a thick youngster...

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried


I can't remember the last time I let out such an evil laugh...

Boring. The phone business has lost the plot and Google is making it worse


Mobile phones have always been boring. If you're lucky you can find one where the basic functionality works well and the battery lasts a couple of days. All a phone needs is the ability to make calls and send texts with good reception and a decent battery life. All a smartphone needs to add is mobile broadband and a decent web browser. You don't need an app to access Amazon from Linux so why is it necessary on Android? By now you may have guessed that I'm not young any more...

Home taping revisited: A mic in each hand, pointing at speakers


I still have a record deck for some of the old stuff and a cassette deck for demo tapes that are possibly now unique. I still use an FM tuner because I don't like the sound of DAB or online radio - a radio should sound like a radio! I know longer own a CD player. Mostly I listen to FLAC files using a modern(ish) PC and DAC through an ancient amp and speakers. It works for me.

Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers


Just be nasty

I just tell the guy to; "Get cancer!"


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