* Posts by Chairman of the Bored

933 publicly visible posts • joined 19 Apr 2017

For blinkenlights sake.... RTFM! Yes. Read The Front of the Machine

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Communicating with only obscenities?

That's fucking brilliant!

Chairman of the Bored

Communicating with only obscenities?

1) The amount of information your drill instructor can convey using only screamed obscenities is truly staggering. It's a wonder I can even pee in a parabolic arc anymore without someone screaming, "That fucking thing is so small, why the fuck do you need to use your hand?"

2) I had a piece of equipment RMA'ed back to the States from somewhere hot and sandy. The only documentation was the spray paint on the side of the crate: "WTF assholes? This POS is NFG"

Feature bloat: Psychology boffins find people tend to add elements to solve a problem rather than take things away

Chairman of the Bored

I think the authors missed some irony-

Writing a paper asserting people are hardwired to create more complexity, while working in a field in which your worth is measure by the number of papers one writes.

Back to my day job of creating more product...

We are all hamsters on the wheel, my friends.

How to ensure your tech predictions catch on in a flash? Do the mash

Chairman of the Bored

Jackie Chan kung-fu fighting scenes...

...set to heavy metal. Or soft classical.

You're welcome!

Airline software super-bug: Flight loads miscalculated because women using 'Miss' were treated as children

Chairman of the Bored

Re: 11 stone..

Air conditioning? Nope, I owned a Ford.

Imagine your data center backup generator kicks in during power outage ... and catches fire. Well, it happened

Chairman of the Bored

Re: A feeling of impending boom

Indeed! Even without the energetic nature of O2, a failure would be spectacular... I was near a 10,000 liter dewar of LN2 that experienced fracture of a large liquid line. All hell broke loose, and I left the area like Usain Bolt

Chairman of the Bored

Re: A feeling of impending boom

@Eclectic Man, I'm quite happy that you were able to attend George Porter's lecture and meet the gentleman. That sounds like an outstanding evening. Sadly I do not have a copy of his Christmas lectures, I'm more or a sparky than chemist.

Back when I was in the service, though, we were shown a grainy, B&W video on the "Dangers of LOX". One thing I will never get out out of my head is a quick clip of a man stepping in a puddle of LOX. The oils on his shoes flashed over and I presume he died from horrific burns. It looked like his clothes, skin, everything flashed over when he fell down. Lots of LOX shipboard. My take away was "never mess with that stuff".

Chairman of the Bored

A feeling of impending boom

I happened to observe something at my local hospital that gave me a feeling of impending boom: a Caterpillar Mobile Power trailer installed adjacent to a rather massive liquid oxygen tank. The power cables run right next to the tank.

MP vans are typically 500-625kW and have enough fuel inside to run 24+ hours.

The good news is that this whole assembly is roughly 100m from the hospital building proper. But then, given several thousand liters of LOX, I'm not sure that matters.

Reported the problem of course. Not sure if anything happened.

Facebook says dump of 533m accounts is old news. But my date of birth, name, etc haven't changed in years, Zuck

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Time for the usual security advice

Using your congressman's phone number to catch all the phish? You are a gentleman and a scholar. Have a pint!

Ship stranded in Suez Canal shifts, but not before spawning some choice tech memes

Chairman of the Bored

First words the captain said when oranges?

Oh, ship!

Samsung spruiks Galaxy Buds Pro performance as comparable to hearing aids

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Shop around.

I wonder how much my birth control glasses provided by Uncle Sam cost the government? Production couldn't have been more than 50 cents, but I wonder what the Pentagon shelled out...

SAP exec reminds the world that Microsoft is a customer

Chairman of the Bored

A useful turn of phrase

My boss invented the term "craptivity"

Craptivity is a state of being for those using an software and systems that are so crap and unfit for purpose that they suck in all available resources. The firm spends so much treasure and talent keeping the business alive - despite the crap - that no resources are available to talk procure a better solution.

At the time we were in a state of craptivity, at the hands of SAP

Ministry of Defence tells contractors not to answer certain UK census questions over security fears

Chairman of the Bored


I know a chap who served in the special forces who would summarize his occupation with some subtlety:

"I'm a physical fitness expert. I enjoy long walks in the woods and exploring mountains and caves. I enjoy walking on beaches at night, after the moon has set."

Don't be a fool, cover your tool: How IBM's mighty XT keyboard was felled by toxic atmosphere of the '80s

Chairman of the Bored

When using a keyboard condom...

...does it take longer to do a proper job because of the loss of sensation?

Jailed Samsung boss accused of abusing Propofol aka ‘the milk of amnesia’ or 'the drug that killed Michael Jackson'

Chairman of the Bored

A telescope of unusual size

Just before the anesthesiologist hit me with milk of amnesia, he directed my attention to the tray on which the colonoscopy endoscope sat. I was shocked at the length of the instrument, and the last thing the doc said before I dropped was, "Check out that telescope! It's big enough to see your anus..." Between that and the drugs I awakened laughing my ass off.

Boeing successfully flies unmanned autonomous military 'wingman' aircraft that may become pilot's buddy

Chairman of the Bored

I thought...

...the purpose of a wingman was to run interference for me in the bar. How does this work if it's unmanned?

Linus Torvalds went six days without electricity, swears smaller 5.12 kernel is co-incidental

Chairman of the Bored

A useful project

A guy in my local Ham radio club built an extremely useful piece of kit-

It's a steel hand cart with about 75kg of sealed lead-acid batteries, a decent inverter, 20A or so of 5V USB ports, and Power Pole connectors for radios. Above the batteries there is space to store a few sq meters of solar panels. Naturally you can charge everything off of mains as well.

It takes up very little floor space standing upright in his garage, but is relatively easy to transport and move around. Large soft tires so one can move it across the ground.

That cart has helped quite a few people!

The Fat iPhone, 11 years on: The iPad's over a decade old and we're still not sure what it's for

Chairman of the Bored

Outstanding telework tool

For non-critical meetings where you are required to attend but needn't truly participate, it is fine to prop up the iPad underneath your large, widescreen monitor - which is ergonomically elevated to eye level.

Then you can perform tasks on your real computer without having to switch windows back and forth. Actually joining the meeting takes only a stab or two at the glass under the monitor. If you have to keep a camera on, the audience will believe you are looking at the meeting device whilst you actually work on your computer.

Would I pay my own money for this use case? No. But my employer provides the tablet...

I was targeted by North Korean 0-day hackers using a Visual Studio project, vuln hunter tells El Reg

Chairman of the Bored

NK Missed a trick

Personally I'd prefer my cover name to be Hugh G. Willy.

But to each their own, I guess.

Tesla axes software engineer for allegedly pilfering secret Python scripts after just three days on the job

Chairman of the Bored


I question the investigator's tactics - supervising destruction of evidence? Tampering with a material witness? Seriously?

It sounds like they had enough information from their security software to get an emergency injunction. Given that document Microsoft could freeze the Dropbox account and archive relevant log files. Then you file a criminal complaint, which would spawn a search warrant. Then you grab the employee's computer, the Dropbox, everything.

Doing anything else does not maximize ones chances in court.

Bye-bye Bridenstine: Outgoing chief leaves NASA in good shape, though Boots on Moon by '24 goal looks doubtful

Chairman of the Bored

Bridenstine's marching orders?

From Netflix's Space Force, referring to a tweet from the President:

He calls for "boobs on the moon," but they're pretty sure he means "boots on the moon.

Back to the office with you: 'Perhaps 5 days is too much family time' – Workday CEO

Chairman of the Bored

One great benefit to WFH

One of my teammates has an aggressive degenerative bone disease that has, over a limited time span, transformed him from a reasonably athletic man to one who is wheelchair bound.

He says that when contributing in a WFH status, he feels "whole" again. Clients and staff see his contributions, not his disability.

This is a small silver lining, but at this point we need whatever victories we can find.

Boeing confirms last 747 to roll off production line in 2022

Chairman of the Bored

So long!

It will be decades before the last 747 makes a final approach and landing, but that date is definitely moving closer.

While I am glad that newer designs are more economically and environmentally sound, I must admit the 747 is one hell of an engineering feat.

Plus, it looks absolutely stunning.

I will miss long flights between Frankfurt to Washington, drinking whatever beer Lufthansa has on offer.

That's it. It's over. It's really over. From today, Adobe Flash Player no longer works. We're free. We can just leave

Chairman of the Bored

Re: "hoping no one ever creates software as insecure as that ever again"

Aye, drink up and you will feel better.

Same drill on the left side of the pond. We had to do a year's worth of mandatory training in one week, as th Flash sunset would have otherwise precluded completion.

I use the royal "we" because I paid my kids to take some of it for me...

Microsoft adds Breakout functionality to Teams that Zoom has had for ages – and people still don't like it

Chairman of the Bored

Of course I don't bloody like it

Fact is, like many people I'm stuck in group gropes involving several dozen people for hours at a time. So, I run these on my tablet and turn down the volume to a level just sufficient to hear my name being called, and fix my attention on my large monitors so I can catch up on email. Meetings become a blessing because nobody calls me on the phone ... I've got the perfect excuse for not answering every ping: I'm "in" a meeting.

But it you put me in a breakout room with a handful of people, I'm forced to participate while the emails stack up...

A tale of two nations: See China blast off from the Moon as drone shows America's Arecibo telescope falling apart

Chairman of the Bored

How far we have fallen...

See title

Don’t panic, but five jet drones just used their AI to chat and collaborate while in flight

Chairman of the Bored

Did they chat?

Of course! The AI was trained by fighter pilots.

And how do you know a fighter pilot is in the room? Don't worry about it, within 20 seconds he will undoubtedly announce his presence.

My daughter asked one time: "Imagine a vegan fighter pilot who does cross-fit. Which is he going to tell you about first? Or will he explode trying to figure out which piece of awesomeness to push first?"

Microsoft engineer thinking ahead? Troubleshooter doc for Active Directory references 'Florida Retirement System'

Chairman of the Bored

Probably an intern

And a first-year intern at that. By the second year I expect my interns to create new terms of art with amusing acronyms. When I look at an interns worth, I have some standards:

-10 points if EEO gets excited

-5 points if we've seen it before "Software Hardware Integration Task" Again? Sigh.

-2 points if it's lame or leet

+1 point if it elicits a chortle

+2 points for double entendre

+10 points if passes the chortle test and makes it past the tech editor

AWS boss calls for racial justice, slams enterprise rivals, unveils a raft of real and promised services

Chairman of the Bored

I wonder...

Had the election gone the other way, would Jassy have had the balls to call for justice?

'We've heard the feedback...' Microsoft 365 axes per-user productivity monitoring after privacy backlash

Chairman of the Bored

Constant surveillance

I survived a manager who weighed one but the kilo of briefs and emails sent. Every day saw another half hour to 45min justifying ones existence.

When one lady was called on the carpet in front of the entire team to explain why she only sent a few emails over two days, she exploded, "I've been writing the fscking proposals that bring in the money that pays for all this bullshit!"... Long pause... "Can you prove it?"

Happy ending though: our team was so successful our sociopathic leader was promoted to senior executive. Up, up, and away!

Who knew that hosing a table with copious amounts of cubic metres would trip adult filters?

Chairman of the Bored

Failure Analysis

We had a guy appointed head of Failure Analysis (FA). So he started occasionally wearing a kid's paper crown and announce that he is the King of FA.

If you called his office you might get his deep, booming voice ask, "So! What is your FA King problem?"

Chairman of the Bored

Trying to buy a trailer...

I needed to purchase a "low boy" long haul trailer. After considerable review of quotes I selected an Eager Beaver product.

Went to show the purchasing lady the trailer I picked out, and we discovered there are fundamental differences between going straight to eagerbeavertrailers.com and doing a google search for Eager Beaver...

Send to you from a town fairly close to Bumpass, Virginia.

Yep, the usual suspects are sitting down to feast: Dominant vendors get a fat slice of CIA cloud pie and so do IBM and Oracle

Chairman of the Bored

I thought...

...the point of a source selection was to foster competition, which would force vendors to offer a compelling product at a competitive price. Use open or standards-based requirements to avoid vendor lock-in, and rinse/repeat every few years.

If everyone wins, it's not a competition. You get a 'national team' like NASA's National Space Alliance. That worked well <snort>

NASA building network cables that can survive supersonic flight - could this finally deliver unbreakable RJ45 latching tabs?

Chairman of the Bored

Slow day in the NASA public affairs office

See title.

Want to be retentive? A dab of 3M DP-420 epoxy will do ya. AFTER you make sure the connection actually works. Don't forget that part... Almost sailor proof.

EU says Boeing 737 Max won't fly over the Continent just yet: The US can make its own choices over pilot training

Chairman of the Bored

AOA disagree warning...

...was standard equipment on the 737-NG (third gen) aircraft, and about a $40k option on 737-MAX. I think Southwest Airlines and very few others purchased it.

Per the Indonesian accident report, it would have been highly beneficial to have AOA readout and/or AOA disagree light.

It's a software function, as the AOA information is on the PFF monitor. $40k for a damn software function that used to be standard and is already written.


Trump fires cybersecurity boss Chris Krebs for doing his job: Securing the election and telling the truth about it

Chairman of the Bored

Fired through a tweet

Yet again, not even a pink slip.

It's an absolute dick move. For a very small dick. That is all.

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

Chairman of the Bored

When reality sucks more than fiction

When I worked for a government agency, let's say for sake of argument the world's largest operator of nuclear powered aircraft carriers, all chairs and desks WERE considered computer desks and chairs.

Out of a desire for control, er, efficiency the pointy hairs required that an "IT Purchase Request" had to be generated, staffed, and approved before one could buy a fscking chair or desk because they "might be used to hold to use IT equipment" and "we need a database of all IT equipment" and "this is critical for cyber security!!!". This process could take weeks to months.

UK tax dept's IT savings created 'significant risk', technical debt as it faces difficult conversation with Chancellor

Chairman of the Bored

Killing maintenance budgets


You are indeed correct that spare parts inventories are the first victim of a budget cut - assuming there was a spares budget in the first place. But over the last few years I've seen a trend where PHB read about "Just In Time" manufacturing methodologies and misinterpret the manifesto to mean that one actually saves money in an IT or other operation by eschewing minimum essential spares.

"We can get what we need through the channel! Just in time!" As the mission critical system lies silent.

Biden projected to be the next US President, Microsoft joins rest of world in telling Trump: It looks like... you're fired

Chairman of the Bored

Congratulations you poor bastard

Ding dong the witch is dead, but now Biden gets to deal with a raging pandemic (+anti-maskers and eventually anti-vaxxers), 10 million unemployed, higher debt to GDP than at any time since WWII, probably a divided government, and "friends" on his own side as batshit crazy as his more extreme enemies on his other side.

It's an improvement, but damn - what a row to hoe.

I think I would start drinking like Yeltsin, immediately.

Hey, over here, I'm talking... Academics help computers figure out which way you're facing when you speak

Chairman of the Bored

But what about voices under stress

Let's say for sake of argument a punter is screaming their safe word while 'loud banging sounds' are also present. Would that change the frequency distributions enough to fail?

Are you seeing this, Amazon? British military steps up robot tech tests with drone capable of carrying 60kg payloads

Chairman of the Bored

Redneck skeet shooting with prizes

The trick is using enough bang to down the drone, but not enough to cook off the mortar shells it's carrying...


Uncle Sam's legal eagles hope to get their claws on $1bn in Bitcoin 'stolen by hacker' from dark-web souk Silk Road

Chairman of the Bored

A new golf cart?

I don't know how much those cost but a billion may not get as much for the president these days as one may hope...

Apparently getting a tug n blow from Stormy Daniels cost $420k, including overhead for lawyers. Of that I think something like $130k went to Stormy.

So $1e9 only buys you about 2381 blowjobs. That's only about 6 1/2 year supply.

Dollars just aren't worth what they used to be.

Remember when the keyboard was the computer? You can now relive those heady days with the Raspberry Pi 400

Chairman of the Bored

All it needs..

Is a Radio Shack CoCo emulator and I will have come full circle with home computers attached to TVs. Memo to self: needs to design a cassette tape to USB interface...

Confirmed: Barnes & Noble hacked, systems taken offline for days, miscreants may have swiped personal info

Chairman of the Bored

Headline writers missed a trick?

No nookie? Because of crookie? Time to take matters into your own hand with a real bookie...

US Supreme Court Justice flames lower courts for giving 'sweeping immunity' to Facebook, YouTube, etc when it comes to harmful content

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Publishers?

Well, in a town less than an hour from me, a Nazi killed one person and injured nineteen more by ramming them with a car.

I can walk downtown right now and more likely than not find some swingin' dick walking around with an assault rifle and more crap on his vest than I carried in Iraq.

Now we have plots to kidnap and/or assassinate Governors.

So, yeah, we've got issues.

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Publishers?


No down vote because I am a major free speech proponent, but I do feel we need some limits. I'd say a man who incites murder is culpable. Extreme example- how many people did Hitler personally kill? Stalin? Mao? Pol Pot? My estimate is zero. But are they not culpable for the death of millions?

I've got actual, literal, Nazis marching through my town. This is no longer a theoretical problem.

What is your 'intent'? Google Assistant opens door to chatting with third-party apps

Chairman of the Bored

Voice recognition plucks

It just does. I can see it now:

"Google, call that gal back and set up a meeting for 6 o clock"

"Okay! The call girl will be here at 6 o clock"

"Google, WTF! I don't want a call girl! I want to reschedule my 3 o clock for 6 o clock!"

"A threesome at 6 o clock. Very good sir. That's going to cost about 200 dollars. Want me to pay that out of your joint account?"

Microsoft tells staff work-from-home is now ‘standard’ – with caveats galore

Chairman of the Bored


Working from a pub with tea and coffee all day... That is absolutely brilliant. Depending on how the day goes, I suppose something flammable might be consumed as well.

My town has a nice coffee shop with a similar sort of deal. Very cozy place to telecommute during mid-day. Sadly I've not been there since the start of COVID