* Posts by Chairman of the Bored

932 publicly visible posts • joined 19 Apr 2017


Foot lose: Idiot perv's shoe-mounted upskirt vid camera explodes

Chairman of the Bored

Is it too early to ask....

...who "foots" the bill for his medical care?

Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Pretty sure some other bloke is having a bad day...

In US service the man stuck with this duty is called the "meat gazer".

Chairman of the Bored

Pretty sure some other bloke is having a bad day...

...Not too long ago I had some cut-n-paste work done on myself at a fine medical institution. Anesthetics and chemicals used in recovery involved copious amounts of opiates.

As with many in this community I'm subject to random drug tests. As luck would have it I got called for a whizz quiz two days in.

I handed my prescription paperwork to the pecker checker and he shouted at me 'just stuff it, save your excuses for the appeal! ...BUT I came up clean.

Three possibilities:

(1) Nothing is actually tested and testing contractor is a fraud

(2) They are not looking for opiates,,, I've got a hard time seeing that

(3) Some poor bastard got my sample and will now get the third degree...

IBM memo to staff: Our CEO Ginni is visiting so please 'act normally!'

Chairman of the Bored

Most effective flag officer I ever met...

...would show up in business casual, have his uniformed staff pin down the O5's, O6's, public affairs droids, strap hangers, sycophants, sociopaths, etc in 'urgent' sidebar meetings and somehow escape from the handlers. He would then walk the halls, buy lunches, help with labor... whatever people seemed to need he would just fall into doing. He would treat everyone he met with respect, and just listen. People would talk to him, and he would act on a somewhat clearer picture than possible from the wheelbarrow loads of crap that had been prepared

Sadly leaders like that are an endangered species.

Chairman of the Bored

No elevator pitches?

Does that mean BOFH is specifically prohibited from pitching people down elevator shafts, or am I reading too much into this?

Regarding head restrictions, we had a manager send such a request via email only to get a Reply All from a guy saying "I will take care of my needs at a time of my choosing, only now every time I take a dump I will think of you."

New Python update slithers into release

Chairman of the Bored

A truly epic xkcd...

...especially since I lost two hours of my life this morning simultaneously fighting autoconf and matplotlib due to python revision hell... I think this calls for a pint.

Uncle Sam is shocked, SHOCKED to find dark-web bazaars trading drugs, weapons, etc

Chairman of the Bored
Thumb Up

With apologies to Stanley Kubrick

From Dr. Strangelove:

(Maj "King" Kong) "...Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."

Air Force Won: Nutanix lands $45m deal to ply US flyboys with hyperconverged kit

Chairman of the Bored

Two questions...

(1) WTF is a "federal vertical"?

(2) What Air Force civilian employee is about to get a nice position @ Nutanix or the channel partner? $45M is probably too small to bag a cushy sinecure for a flag officer; seems like a good place for a GS-15 to land though...

GDPR forgive us, it's been one month since you were enforced…

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Dicks sporting goods misbehaving?

Oi! Must have been rough in school for W. Kerr. Or American race car driver Richard Trickle.

Worst one I've seen from an IT end is a Korean gentleman I worked with who transliterated his surname simply as a capital O. Broke an awful lot of software and wetware "Mister you need to fill out your full name. If you just put in an initial..." Ended up changing to Oh

In my other life I work with kids. Recently had one upset I struggled with her first name. Spelled: L-u. Confused? Its pronounced "Lee Dash Uh". How the hell what I supposed to figure that out?

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Dicks sporting goods misbehaving?


Now .that. is an interesting turn of phrase. If I understand correctly it means one who is very odd indeed, or someone who is exceptionally tight with their money. If you go in their shops it appears Dick's is very proud of their name. If we change it to "Cheap, Very Strange Sporting Goods" I think that would work. Drink up! We're going in.

I wonder how on earth the word went from a diminutive form of Richard (Rick) to a reproductive organ, then to an epithet...

As an aside I served with a man named Richard Holden. NCOs loved shouting at every opportunity, "Holden, Dick! Stand at attention!" Etc. Poor guy.

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Dicks sporting goods misbehaving?

Nominative determinism... I think so! Thank you, sir, you've expanded my vocabulary with a useful phrase. Upvote!

Chairman of the Bored

Dicks sporting goods misbehaving?

Surprise, surprise.

For various OT reasons I had to visit their web services portal at least weekly. I went in using a fully armored Linux box and a standalone instance of Firefox plus NoScript that got blown away after every session when dealing with those dicks. NoScript would be absolutely slammed; never seen a site light it up like Dick's.

Moral of the story? Don't be a ...

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Don't fret. It is all part of Trumps grand plan

I'm not favorably impressed with the environmental side effects associated with our fracking binge. My folks' towns in PA used to breathe the poisoned air from mining operations and comparatively filthy mine power plants. Now they drink poisoned water from the fracking operations. Short lives ending badly.

Same story around the country but what do we care? Just dump the pollution problems on those ignorant, drug addicted hicks... At least that's the attitude I'm seeing in our cities

White House calls its own China tech cash-inject ban 'fake news'

Chairman of the Bored

Can we please dispense with the term 'fake news'

When I was growing up we called this sort of thing bull$hit. I even have a brown BS flag I can throw on the field

See? Thanks! CB

The strife of Brian: Why doomed Intel boss's ex86 may not be the real reason for his hasty exit

Chairman of the Bored

Re: HR Policy

Having an actual system is a great step. What comes afterwards is the tough work of consistent, transparent enforcement. My org has a decent system and policies but my team is in morale hell right now due to a problem of different spanks for different ranks.

We lost a good team member due to fraternization, while two members of our senior leadership are routinely and publicly involved in offshore drilling and navel exploration activities. I'm unimpressed.

Chairman of the Bored

I sure hope he is fired for the specified reasons

Sexual harassment and even victimization are real problems in many organizations. Sometimes strong remedies are needed. But if the real problem with the CEO is performance and the board uses his sexual indiscretions as an excuse to force him out, we've got a problem - their actions greatly undermine legitimate use of the anti-harassment tools.

If you want to sack a guy because of nonperformance, have the guts to say so and act.

Don't have the guts? Take up gardening and grow a pear.

User spent 20 minutes trying to move mouse cursor, without success

Chairman of the Bored

A pint for Wanda

Any lady willing to manipulate a perfect stranger's fuzzy balls is okay. Just sayin'

Cops fined £80,000 for revealing childhood abuse victims' names

Chairman of the Bored

I want an electromechanical system built...

... into every workstation that reaches up and slaps offenders in the face with a rotten fish, when the offense is one of the following:

(1) idiots that 'reply all' telling idiots doing a 'reply all' to a group email that they shouldn't 'reply all'

(2) guys who 'reply all' to emails I BCC'ed on and out the fact I BCC'ed

I take some responsibility for (2); I no longer simultaneously use Bcc and Cc list, too risky

Chairman of the Bored

I'm floored

The few law enforcement information systems I've been around use formal configuration and content management subsystems to segregate "Law Enforcement Sensitive" information from Official Use Only and releasable... And I would fervently hope that identities of assault victims would be accorded such protection.

It takes a deliberate act to transmit LES information over email, and LES identities are in separate contact lists to avoid precisely the fsckup this law man committed.

Not foolproof, but at least its a speed bump.

Then again, for every procedure I can find you an idiot that will overmatch it...

AI is cool and all – but doctors and patients don't really need it

Chairman of the Bored

Re: I thought we were already there in some areas

Not been my experience with cancer treatment in US - done the "ride alongs" with the radiologists using the software and machine vision tools for inspection along with his Mk 1s. Quite happy, especially seeing as how I'm still above ground.

Where the 30 yr old Zeiss comes in to play is during your surgery. As tissue is removed its flash frozen, sectioned, stained, and quickly inspected under optical to make sure the margins are clean ... no time to screw around because the patient is lying open to ambient air at that point and the whole team is waiting.

Lately the trend seems to be outsourcing radiology reads to India. Your MRI, CT, whatever produces digital output so the medical firms gladly charge you going US rates while some doc in Bangalore does the read at pennies on the dollaar. Mixed feelings about this, beyond getting screwed financially. I'm sure the Indian docs are properly trained and certified but as PHB insist on ever more efficiency how long before we get some random punters doing the reads?

How did our software outsourcing work out?

As an aside: cost of spine MRI w/ contrast in a 3T Siemens machine in US for me last year? ~$1600. Exact same protocol and machine in Bangalore? ~$150.

Chairman of the Bored

I thought we were already there in some areas

The line between 'machine vision' and 'AI' is blurry. But machine vision systems have been assisting radiologists for some time, though of course the human has the final word and responsibility. For me and my lesions though Im profoundly grateful to have both!

The US FDA has approved an AI from Arterys earlier this year to make clinical decisions concerning hard tumor diagnoses. Apparently its more sensitive and specific than your human radiologist now. Good on them. I'm a yuuuuge fan of early detection.

Japanese fashion puts the oo-er into trousers

Chairman of the Bored

Re: But where's the technology angle?

I always thought Wang should have expanded it to read "Wang cares deeply". Can go for the subtitle "We've got fast, slick solutions that meat your needs"

Chairman of the Bored

Design not bad, but some suggestions

1 - needs to be at least somewhat elastic

2 - needs something to stay on in really cold conditions

3 - under no circumstances should the phrase "remove before flight" appear anywhere near the, er, peccant part

Comcast's mega-outage 'solution'... Have you tried turning your router off and on again?

Chairman of the Bored

Running around like chickens?

Never works, things just get clucked up.

Tor-forker Joshua Yabut cuffed for armoured personnel carrier joyride

Chairman of the Bored

Re: I'm curious..

@Allen George Dyer,

Good points, the tactics suck. I think what you have going on is a male group bonding experience brought on by the combined influences of testosterone, adrenaline, and endless weeks of boredom and crap duty punctuated by paperwork.

When something interesting presents itself I think the primal urge to get a piece of the action is far stronger than vague notions of tactics or common sense.

DIYers rejoice: Hitting stuff to make it work even works in space

Chairman of the Bored

My introduction to percussive microwave engineering

I was sent to study what a tech was doing to tune a waveguide manifold for a radar antenna feed. Picture a rectangular pipe ... machined to incredible precision ... with a large number of branch lines coming off, each fed through a carefully designed and calibrated slot. Opposite the slots are dozens of little screws (with lock nuts) that partially protrude into the guide for tuning. Tens of thousands of $, and hooked to hundreds of grand worth of test equipment

And the tech? Carefully filing off all the exposed cal screws and brazing the stubs to render useless. He has a stick with quarter wavelengths marked off and is industriously beating divots into the E plane with a ball peen hammer or crushing the guide with a C clamp on H, with his beatings or bulges aligned with the quarter wave marks. He's concentrating very hard on the network analyzer display while beating the hell out of the guide.

Me: "why dont you just use the tuners?"

Tech: "you gotta eliminate any adjustment. Leave a screw head exposed and some sailors gonna turn it and fsck up everything "

Tech: "do it my way and she stays tuned forever"




"Tech: what happens when you give a sailor three large ball bearings?

Me: ?

"Tech: ones gonna get broken, ones gonna get lost, and ones gonna get pregnant "

And so I shut up and learned f

Clock blocker: Woman sues bosses over fingerprint clock-in tech

Chairman of the Bored

And in the middle of the Venn diagram...

You've got the intersection of the "stupid" and "HR" sets.

One of the guys in my office is missing an arm, and one fingerprint on the remaining hand is badly distorted. HR and security weenies still occasionally call and ask him why he doesn't have a full set on file. If this keeps up, at some point people will get some knuckle prints...

Ex-US pres Bill Clinton has written a cyber-attack pulp thriller. With James Patterson. Really

Chairman of the Bored
Thumb Up

Is it too soon to say...

..Billy C is now an 'up and coming' author?

Linus Torvalds decides world isn’t ready for Linux 5.0

Chairman of the Bored

Please no v5, stay on v4.x.x forever?

I've said it before... if the numbers are meaningless then have a heart and do not step the major number.

The reason I say this is there are a great many long-suffering customers trapped in craptocratic organizations in which a major version step requires a whole new accreditation process.

Platinum partner had 'affair' with my wife – then Oracle screwed me, ex-sales boss claims

Chairman of the Bored

Goes without saying...

...if you've got a medical issue, document it! If you need to take more than an absolute minimum number of sick days, make sure you keep your receipts and scripts in order. Small pieces of paper, but make sure enough to cover your whole a$$. Definitely saved mine.

Feel for this guy, esp since the wife has been doing offshore drilling and navel exploration with the partner. Usually doesn't end well.

It's all true – I bribed big city's IT boss with fat bathroom bungs, admits tech biz chief exec

Chairman of the Bored

Agree the salary is decent

But we are talking about Detroit. In addition to my salary I want hazardous duty pay, foreign post differential, and a uniform allowance so that I can upgrade my shooting leather...

Storm in a teapot: Anger brews over npm's jokey proxy error messages

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Fuck off

Agreed; so long as a humorous message or whatever does not cause user confusion or hurt ones business case, why not?

My favorite was a little box that popped up in some test code:

Some things in life

Are inevitable

Death. Taxes. Lost data.

Im your storage unit

Guess which I bring?

Police block roads to stop tech support chap 'robbing a bank'

Chairman of the Bored

Absolutely not IT...

...but great use of available tools. Worked in a pretty high security installation, and couldn't help but notice a huge amount of police activity at a gate.

Turns out a lady driving alone felt she was being followed by a couple of guys. This had been going on for a number of turns, and they had already "bumped" her vehicle. Decided to drive to a public place to see if they would back off, saw our gate, and went for it. Don't know if she realized it had armed guards, but good move!

Idiots behind her followed her in that last turn; probably realized they screwed up but were boxed in by everyone else entering the gate. Ended up looking down the wrong end of some fine Beretta and Remington products. With very excited men behind them.

FBI agents take aim at VPNFilter botnet, point finger at Russia, yell 'national security threat'

Chairman of the Bored


In all other respects FBI has had an absolutely horrible week. Let 'em have one uncontested and relatively harmless press release...

Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom

Chairman of the Bored

WTF did they eat??

Mid-September, 2011. Washington, D.C. At the General Services Administration building, toilets *exploded*, injuring two employees.

You cant (ahem) make this $#!t up.

Chairman of the Bored

Some signs I've seen in the heads @ defense establishment

(Above urinal) Men! Be careful! The future of the world is literally in your hands!

(Above urinal) Attention! We all know its easier to hit a target if you've got a long firearm. From the looks of this floor, you guys are packing at best snub nosed .22 revolvers. While drunk. -facilities

(Above commode) Warning! This container is not authorized for storage of classified defense information!

(Added later) Unless you are Hillary.

(On wall) Notice! These urinals contain biological information that is covered by the Privacy Act. (On floor) report any spillage to your security officer for cleanup

Boffins urge Google to drop military deal after Googlers storm out over AI-based super-drones

Chairman of the Bored

Re: I'm not so worried about the drones...

On the other hand one could argue that the drones result in less immediate collateral damage that old-school air dropped gravity bombs or even laser-guided bombs, which tend to be pretty sizable in terms of mass.

BUT my word "immediate" is chosen deliberately. Id like to see a cost-benefit analysis on how many terrorists we create through drone strikes versus how many are sent to the grave. Putting myself in the others' shoes: if someone were to whack one of my family members from the air... sure, I would go retro. I value human life but I grade on a curve, and any of the foreign bastards invading my homeland becomes a valid target in such a scenario.

Outside the combat zone, how do you place a value on reputational loss to your nation or western civilization as a whole? For years now we've forgotten there are other measures of national power than the mailed fist. You cannot kill your way out of every problem.

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Oppenheimer, Teller, Page

@AC, quite true... Just wonder if there was a way we could have done proper rocketry without the Nazis. Unfortunately the US Army's projects were something other than fully successful.

Worn the green suit and definitely lost some scruples or two myself, but looking at the mess we left behind ... Every day I've got to ask if it was worth it.

Chairman of the Bored

Re: In fairness

Sex robot gap? Sound titillating. I can't keep up, I'm still working on plastic disposable handguns.

Chairman of the Bored

I'm not so worried about the drones...

...what I'm a lot more concerned about is AI that has Google's total access to everyone's online life and will be trained to sniff out thoughtcrime. I can easily see myself and loved ones getting arrested not for what we write, but what some AI believes we are thinking. Guess I will see you in the place where there is no darkness...

Chairman of the Bored

Re: Oppenheimer, Teller, Page

Von Braun... Well, my question to him would be something like, "well, if the missiles target is not your department, then what about the thousands to tens of thousands of Jewish slaves which died in your factory"

My country has had a lot of moral triumphs and a lot of moral failures. But Operation Paperclip... Where we brought these Nazis over and turned a blind eye to any and all crimes so they could work in our great new defense-industrial complex... Is inexcusable.

Chairman of the Bored

In fairness to Oppie

...his thoughts on the Bomb seem to have been fairly nuanced. I think what drove him was fear the Nazis would first acquire the Bomb and achieve world domination. Given prewar German progress in fission and quantum mechanics, combined with what Heisenberg briefed Bohr about Germany's atomic bomb during the war - info which got back to the Manhattan Project - you can forgive Oppenheimer from being a bit terrified. Once we had VE, no bomb (yet) but still a war in the Pacific, things got tougher for Oppenheimer to noodle through. Naturally the McCarthyites destroyed the man and his reputation post-war.

Now for an absolute whore to developing weapons technology and damn the moral consequences, I give you: Edward Teller.

Teller of course played a significant role in crushing Oppenheimer as well... Oppenheimer opposed developing fusion weapons and became a proponent for international control of nuclear arms.

Icon because, well, the little silver bombs!

Microsoft returns to Valley of Death? Cheap Surface threatens the hardware show

Chairman of the Bored

Re: "deploy surface so far; one at a middle school library and the second at secondary school"

@AC, not sure why you got the downvote. Good points. Yes, the school environment is abusive. These were older surface and the admin tools generally didnt work too well, took a lot of manual labor on some devices to get them to play.

I honestly do not know how much the district paid for the devices, if anything. A lot of firms - including Microsoft - seem to believe that if you hook kids on your tat early, they will continue using the same for life, kind of like hard drugs. Charitable donations and various marketing approaches distort the prices paid in the education sector beyond.any recognition.

Supposedly this approach is what make Apple into the juggernaut it is today ... hooking kids on Apple II's sold at or below cost to schools. I dont buy that argument. I remember those days; the reality is that the Apple was a hell of a product. I had access to a TRS-80 CoCo outside school, some friends had Commodore. All good machines but the Apple I and II were very good, regardless of subsidy. But sooner or later we all got sucked into the WinTel monopoly's grip anyway.

Chairman of the Bored

Re: I've bought them and the surface is by far the best

I'm glad it works for you. For me it's been a different story: In my other life (part time educator) I've seen two attempts to deploy surface so far; one at a middle school library and the second at secondary school. Utter failure. The hardware just cannot handle even "benign" use. The Chromebooks on the other hand literally take a beating, and are trivial to manage.

Chairman of the Bored

When I read about MS and 'surface'

Well, to quote my chief engineer, "I've got the strangest sense of deja vu about this .... Haven't you already fscked this up? Repeatedly?"

He's fun at design reviews!

America's forgotten space station and a mission tinged with urine, we salute you

Chairman of the Bored

Eye? Aye!

@handleocast, have an update on that post. I had no idea, and that's an awesome bit of knowledge.

Chairman of the Bored

OP is quite correct

Skylab B in the National Air and Space Museum is quite a sight to behold and walk through. The whole museum is great, but the Skylab is mind blowing. Realizing you are standing inside a decked out *upper stage* fuel tank really drives home the immensity of a Saturn launch vehicle. In another exhibit you stand with your head inside the nozzle of a F-1 engine and realize that things just got real.

The one question I always had was how the astronauts could squeeze through the small hatches, what with their massive brass balls clanking together and all. Falling asleep while sitting on top of a bomb? I'd hate to see what makes these guys wake up...

Airbus windscreen fell out at 32,000 feet

Chairman of the Bored

Sounds like the only thing that kept the pilots in their seats

Were their great big brass balls. Well done!