* Posts by Danger Mouth

19 posts • joined 17 Mar 2017

Xerox: Prepare to say cyan-ara, HP Inc. We're no paper tiger. We're really very serious about that hostile takeover

Danger Mouth
Trollface

New Merged Company Name

Xerox could provide the leading X and HP could provide the trailing P, so that the new merged company could have a merged name that reflects its place in the modern world :-)

'Hey Google, remind Greg the locks have been changed, and he should find a new place to live. Maybe ask his mistress?'

Danger Mouth
Facepalm

Candy Crush EULA Line 31,415

Embedded deep in the bowels of various ELUA's will be something like:

The owners of Candy Crush will be automatically added to any Family and Friends Google Groups. By continuing to play this game, you accept these terms and conditions.

You play a game at 09:50 then...

From your Google Assistant:

10:00 Candy Crush says: Remember to play Candy Crush

10:03 Candy Crush says: Sweet.

10:06 Candy Crush says: Tasty.

10:09...

22:30 Candy Crush says: Sweet Dreams

22:33 Candy Crush says: Special offer, only available for the next 30 mins. Buy one....

02:00 Candy Crush says: Are you awake?

02:10 Candy Crush says: Are you awake?

02:20 Candy Crush says: Have you tried playing our new game: Insomnia Saga?

...

Microsoft debuts Bosque – a new programming language with no loops, inspired by TypeScript

Danger Mouth
Facepalm

Why the urge to dumb everything down?

We have so many layers of abstraction between the program and the device now that in the future you'll be able to author a new web browser with a few thumb ups, a cat and smiley emoticon.

We had some grads a couple of years ago, who were young, hip and the future of all the programming here. They couldn't get Jenkins to work because they had no idea how a windows path works and the .exe wasn't in the path.

Technology wise, we're getting towards being a crew of a round the world boat race, where nobody knows how to swim.

BOFH: Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...

Danger Mouth
Thumb Up

Re: My OCD is firing up

I see they fixed the URL :-)

Danger Mouth

Re: My OCD is firing up

Oh and we really do have a box of brightly coloured balls sat in the store cupboard.

Danger Mouth
Facepalm

My OCD is firing up

Fantastic to have the second BOFH of the year, but any reason the URL says it's from 2018?

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2019/03/29/bofh_2018_episode_2/

On a related note...

We now have fruit delivered every day - not too bad, but you'd better get in quick before all that's left are sour green apples. F*cking bike horns and wall mounted sirens to announce that someone is about to give a talk next to your desk about how wonderful their life is now that they found they can use either hand to scratch their ass. Huge yoga balls that make you look like you swallowed gum and farted. Motivational posters that make you want to slash your wrists, along with posters explaining how and when you should drink water. Contemplation booths that are just full of dust. The people who come up with this b*ll*cks must be stopped!

Not cool, man: Dixons spanked over discount on luxury 'smart' fridge with wildly fluctuating price

Danger Mouth
Coat

Ultra HD Fridge

But a 4K fridge is so much better than a 1080p fridge. The chilled water comes out soooo much clearer.

Error pop-up? Don't worry, let's just get this migration done... BTW it's my day off tomorrow

Danger Mouth

Project Planning

I've had holidays booked in months where nothing was planned to go live you can pretty much guarantee the dates will slip, slide and meander to the dates I've booked off. The only way to plan a holiday and guarantee not to be in a go live where I work is to book it for the original planned release date.

TSB goes TITSUP: Total Inability To Surprise Users, Probably

Danger Mouth

Re: banks should charge fees like any other business

Every month I lend my salary and savings to a bank. They then use that money to lend to someone else making a lot of money in the process. Charging me for the privilege of lending them money would be taking the Michael.

Four hydrogen + eight caesium clocks = one almost-proven Einstein theory

Danger Mouth
Joke

Re: This is why science rocks

To quote the Daily Mash:

Scientists have found dangerously low concentrations of homeopathic medicine in tap water...

Half of all Windows 10 users thought: BSOD it, let's get the latest build

Danger Mouth
Facepalm

Random Freezing

My home PC updated (an old Dell XPS I7 series 2), gave me some new data siphoning options, which I turned off and then the OS started randomly hanging. Not a nice ctrl+delete recoverable kind of hang, but a mouse pointer works and nothing else kind of hang.

It looks like it's also a known issue with 10.

I guess I have a 10 shun deficit disorder, because I didn't shun the update.

Within Arm's reach: Chip brains that'll make your 'smart' TV a bit smarter

Danger Mouth

Re: 1984

Ummmm. 40 years.

Who wanted a future in which AI can copy your voice and say things you never uttered? Who?!

Danger Mouth
Facepalm

Banking security

Haven't the banks decided that your voice is your password?

HSBC and Santander have this in place. If this software can include the biometric markers of the voice, which in principle are just the type of inflections and patterns already being replicated, then surely this authentication method is now broken.

Mm, sacrilicious: Greggs advent calendar features sausage roll in a manger

Danger Mouth
Coat

I took the window of opportunity

Is this based on the Greggorian Calendar?

Jupiter flashes pulsating southern pole, boffins understandably baffled

Danger Mouth
Trollface

I saw something that looks suspiciously like --------------------------------->

Can you get from 'dog' to 'car' with one pixel? Japanese AI boffins can

Danger Mouth

Looking at it from the other end...

Your self driving car uses a camera. A pixel, or few on the sensor die over time and suddenly the "no entry" sign becomes a "national speed limit applies" sign to the AI.

Say Hello to my little friend: Nest blasts IoT world with doorbell, home security gear

Danger Mouth

Just what the world needs ...

Doorbell as a Service.

For just £60 a year...

Bargain.

UK not as keen on mobile wallets as mainland Europe and US

Danger Mouth
Facepalm

Trading security for convenience

Making something convenient usually means giving up some security. In this case, we've traded the any form of authentication for the convenience of paying up to £30 10 seconds quicker.

I recall issues where M&S were reading chips/cards of nearby people, rather than the actual customer and there was the POC where someone wandered around a railway station with a bag containing a battery powered card reader and harvested hundreds of pounds in minutes.

This is a dumb concept, on the lines of the automatic door release on cars if an impact was sensed on the bumper. Kick the bumper and you can burgle the car in less than 10 seconds.

Spammy Google Home spouts audio ads without warning – now throw yours in the trash

Danger Mouth
Big Brother

Not an ad, they say.... but an invitation to be a guest and share.

Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide

And when it breaks down

Or starts to annoy

Or grinds when it moves

And gives you no joy

Cos it's eaten your hat

Or had sex with your cat

Bled oil on your floor

Or ripped off your door

You get to the point

You can't stand any more

Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'.

Care of: http://www.hhgproject.org/entries/shareandenjoy.html

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