Posts by Robert Moore

Busty Ohio mannequin survives assassination attempt

A new high water mark.

This article has raised the bar for double entendre, and innuendo.

Well done.

Canada founded on 'relentless pursuit of beaver'

As a Canadian

I have spent most of my life in the 'relentless pursuit of beaver', Nice to know there is an historical reason why I felt this compulsion.

MC Hammer getting into search business

At last

I will be able to find some meaningful results when searching for "parachute pants"

'iPhone 4 to be free' when new iPhones ship

Bondi Blue

The iphone 5 will only come in Bondi Blue.

You heard it here first.

Bargain-basement botnet kit – yours for just €5

VolksBot

Google now a serious rival to Microsoft in cloud email

Stupid, people stupid!

Anyone who uses Google docs, or gmail for business purposes will end up one of two ways.

1. Out of business.

2. As a wholly owned subsidiary of Google inc.

We need an evil Google icon.

HP to 'spinoff PC biz'

HP Store (Apple store ripoff)

There is an HP store on the same block as my work. I walk past it several times a day. Big surprise the store is empty every time I walk past it. So it really doesn't surprise me that they are thinking about selling off their computer division.

LOHAN seeks mighty thruster for trip to heaven and back

One more time

I said it before, and I will say it again. To be named LOHAN it must be alcohol fueled.

LOHAN: She's low orbit and helium assisted

Just a thought

But with a backronym like LOHAN wouldn't the most logical rockets be alcohol fueled?

Vatican launches second website in just 2000 years

As a recovering Catholic

I am begging everyone and anyone to hack the church website.

Posting up selected tracts from the Satinist bible might be fun.

Amazon heralds unstoppable rise of the e-book

I love my Kindle

but they have not made any money from me. I have been catching up on classics from Project Gutenberg.

http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page

So far everything I have wanted to read I have been able to download in .mobi format.

Also I find that I am reading more than I have in years.

Google floats monthly subscriptions to Chrome OS notebooks

A first.

I have never used this phrase before. But I feel it is time.

Epic fail!

There I feel better.

Microsoft coughs to wobbly Office Live problems

Say it isn't so

Microsoft having trouble with an online offering... That just never happens.

China sets out space-station plan, asks public to name it

Take away

I just keep wondering if the ISS can grab a quick take away Chinese dinner.

MYSTERY of huge Canadian chicken-shed EXPLOSION

commie chickens

Well of course it is, and don't call me Shirley.

Upgrade-hungry office drones ponder PC prangs

I did this once.

Many years ago I was assigned an IBM (something) but as I recall it had a Pentium 166. I tried everything. Blocking up ventilation. Removing RAM, and CPU while it was running. Removing the heatsink and running it all day. Combing my hair with the pins on the CPU. Shorting pins on various chips. You name it, I tried it, but it just wouldn't die.

Finally I talked to my friend at head office. We made up a BS story about intermittent faults, and I got a lovely 600MHz machine as a replacement.

Wi-Fi security befuddles clueless home users

Cheep bastard

But if too many people secure their wireless then I might have to start paying for internet.

Heaven forbid.

Google whacks link farms

block or demote experts-exchange.com

In FF at least the answer is still there. Scroll all the way past their "Please sign up to see this answer crap" and down, way down at the very bottom. The answer you seek.

Open-source forkers declare Oracle independence

Only one left.

When will they get to VirtualBox?

Oracle has achieved what even Microsoft has been unable to do. Become the recipient of my complete and utter contempt.

The cost of beating Apple's shrewd screws? £2

When will you people learn?

The only screw worth using is the Robertson.

A Canadian invention. :)

Who will rid me of these obsolete PCs?

As a geek and a packrat

I find that old computers seem to orbit around me.

When i bought my house, I find 15 old machines in my office/storage room.

I just dumped then beside the bin, and they were gone in 2 hours.

I like to think they went to a better place. :)

Microsoft boss to wave tablets in CES faces – again

Brilliant business plan

Keep showing my products that are not available anywhere.

I get excited about tablets.

I buy an iPad.

How much is Apple paying for all this fantastic advertising?

US politician: 'homosexual agenda' behind TSA groin grope

Pool

So I am starting a pool on how long before this wackjob is caught with a homosexual prostitute.

I am guessing 3 months.

Flames for the flaming fruit this guy probably is in private.

BURNING LUST for SEXY BUSTY BLONDES - Science explains

Interesting

I find it interesting that Marilyn Monroe, is frequently pointed out as the standard of feminine beauty, and I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone who wouldn't place her among the most beautiful women to have ever lived.

But by today's standards she is fat, and would never have had any kind of movie career.

(For the record, I put Marilyn Monroe as the second most beautiful woman to have ever lived.)

(Paris doesn't place.)

Canada steps closer to legalising sex work

To quote the great George Carlin.

Selling is legal. F_cking is legal.

Why is selling f_cking illegal?

Anti-bullying charity demands more laws on cyber-bullying

Will not work.

I was bullied through most of my school years. So I can tell you with some authority that nothing theses groups do will have any effect.

The only thing that works is for the bullied, to grow a pair, stand up straight, look the bully straight in the eye, and break their freaking nose.

Go ahead and ask me how I know.

How to improve productivity in the workplace

Simple

Just block access to Facebook, Twitter, hotmail, gmail, and El Reg.

OK, maybe not El Reg.

Frenchman cuffed for naughty lip-slip email to MEP

"displaying contempt towards a public servant"

If that is a crime, I will never set foot in France.

I personally hold the members of my government in utter contempt.

'HULC™' robot exoskeleton war-walker suit 'at gen 2.0'

Surplus?

I can't wait for my local Army Surplus store to get these into stock.

Vulture 1 rolls out of fab bunker

Wrong pilot

I would have used the Taliban Playmobile character. Just to frighten Americans. :)

OOo's put the willies up Microsoft

Anyone else remember WordStar

I miss WordStar.

Damn I feel old.

Symantec HackIsWack contest packs in

I think you mean

I think you mean "A laptop running slow as shit!"

"A laptop that is only useful as a space heater."

"A laptop begging to have Linux installed on it."

Canada prostitution laws pulverised: politicians apoplectic

Business licence

Now they will just bust the girls for not having a business license.

As a Canadian, I would suggest if it is legal, then it can be taxed. So lets get these girls working, and start saving me some money.

But it said so in the manual

More proof

This is just more proof the Microsoft is just not ready for the server room.

At least not MY server room.

Nutter repairmen scale 1,768ft TV mast

Where do I apply?

Looks like fun.

Blockbuster winds itself into Chapter 11

Thats your problem.

No porn. Of course they are losing money.

Oracle preps Google and Microsoft Office challenger

Yet another WTF cloud moment

I am not doing my word processing, or spread sheets on an outside server. EVER!

I am not going to deal with any company foolish enough to use these services. EVER!

That said, if I could buy the same service and put the whole thing on a server in my server room, you might be on to a winner.

Oh, and make the server run on Linux.

Oracle on Unix biz: We can rebuild it

49998 and falling.

Probably 2 years until the last of the Solaris boxes leave here, but it is on its way out the door.

I used to think of Solaris as Linux' grown up big brother, but I have come to realize Solaris is really Linux' retarded brother.

You can't even encrypt the file system, not even part of the file system! I have clients who demand this.

Intel trials downloadable CPU upgrades

clippy

Why do I see a clippy like addon?

I see you are trying to transcode video.

Would you like to:

Buy more cashe.

Buy hyperthreading.

Buy another core.

Buy two more cores.

Or I could just send an email to the MPAA about this transcoding business......

GoDaddy seeks $1bn buyer

Danica Patrick

Maybe they should have found a better ad girl than Danica Patrick.

I mean 3 pounds of makeup makes her acceptable looking, but doesn't really hide the fact that she is not beautiful.

In her "career", she has a grand total of one win.

Plus, most importantly. She CAN'T ACT!

Rackspace claims credit for shushing Koran-burning 'pastor'

I live in the wrong place.

I would truly love to hang around in front of his "church" with a few fire extinguishers all day.

Or maybe just burn a few bibles across the street.

PARIS lifts skirt on hot CAD teaser

PARIS

Paris has never looked so lovely.

Yahoo! begins Bingification in North America

Bing = useless

I was setting up a new laptop, and wanted to download Microsoft Security Essentials. It was a new laptop so the only browser installed was IE which defaulted to Bing for search. I figured why not, it is their software, and typed "Microsoft Security Essentials" into the text entry field, and hit Enter.

To my surprise there was not a single link to the software I wanted to download on the first page.

I jumped over to google.com, and the same search gave me a Microsoft page with a download link as the first search result.

Microsoft: Hotmail fix coming soon to a browser near you

POP3

While it is not IMAP, you can connect to Hotmail with pop3.

Works quite well.

Oracle has '$70bn, five-year acquisition plan'

They say that now

But I can't help bet wonder what, once cool, company they will buy, rape, pillage, and destroy next.

Just look at what they have done with/to Sun as a road map to destruction.

Vatican Google-bombed over weekend

As a recovering Catholic

all I can say is Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well deserved.

Flames for obvious reasons.

Top Solaris developer flees Oracle

Solaris is dead

May it rust in pieces.

Long live the penguin.

Hugh Hefner makes private offer to Playboy shareholders

Paper based Pr0n?

They have 1.5 Million subscribers.

What I wouldn't give for that list. 1.5 million people who are not tech savvy enough to realize you can get all the free pr0n you want on the internet. Now there is a valuable list.

Paris for obvious reasons.

iPad not hindering Mac sales

Proof

This seems like proof that iPads are a gateway drug.

They must be stopped.

Apple in the workplace

Love them

All my developers are using Macs. They require less support than the Windows machines.

My Developers love them.

I have more Macs than Windows PCs, I spend more time supporting windows.

Now if I could just get rid of the last 10 Windows machines I would be a happy man.