* Posts by jonathan keith

540 posts • joined 14 Aug 2007


Halloween approaches and the veil between worlds wears thin – the Windows 10 October 2020 Release walks among us

jonathan keith Silver badge

My work Lenovo E585 ThinkPad still hasn't had the 2004 update switched on for it, apparently because of disagreeable drivers causing boot loops. Fingers crossed that Microsoft and Lenovo can sort their shit out and the 2010 update or whatever it will be called isn't so fucked (to use a technical term).

With no viable alternatives, big names flock to Adobe's cloudy wares amid global pandemic

jonathan keith Silver badge

Funny that...

... nearly all the people I know who were using Adobe's suite have bitten the bullet and moved to other products. Adobe's subscriptions are now more expensive than the cost of learning new tools, workflows and muscle memory. And I suggest that for the vast majority of users out there, the alternatives are now entirely good enough.

The power of Bill compels you: A server room possessed by a Microsoft-hating, Linux-loving Demon

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Windows boot power draw?

It's partly due to the required Nyarlathotep invocation.

Snowden was right: US court deems NSA bulk phone-call snooping illegal, possibly unconstitutional, and probably pointless anyway

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Re: Secret Law?

Welcome to Franz Kafka's future.

Five Eyes nations start new club for competition regulators and paint target on digital giants

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Re: I await with baited cynicism...

If not by the US then likely by by the UK government.

Techie studied ancient ways of iSeries machine, saved day when user unleashed eldritch powers, got £50 gift voucher

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Re: took 3 times to read this

PTSD flashbacks - the gift that keeps on giving.

Samsung slows smartphone upgrade treadmill with promise to support three Android generations on Galaxies

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Great. Now all the phone manufacturers need to do is end the planned-obsolescence cycle by reintroducing things like user-replaceable batteries and the like.

I won't be holding my breath, mind you.

I can see my house from here! Microsoft Flight Simulator has laid strong foundations for the nerdy scene's next generation

jonathan keith Silver badge

I had that very argument with my elderly parents the other month. I think it was just after they'd started watching the latest series of The Crown. I also suggested that the gardens should be turned into allotments at the same time. They were suitably outraged.

The Surface Duo isn't such an outlandish idea, but Microsoft has to convince punters the form factor is worth having

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Move along, nothing to see here.

Let's see how they do with the Courier Surface Neo, whenever that's finally due.

Texas jury: Apple on the hook for half a billion dollars after infringing 4G LTE patents

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My dilemma

Who to support here? Apple? Patent Trolls? This is a genuinely painful quandry! Is there any way for them to both lose?

We have bad news for non-US Microsoft fans: The incoming Surface Duo is underspecced, overpriced, and over there

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Why?

Their Sidewinder Force Feedback 2 joystick is absolutely first class. Mine is still going strong after twenty two years.

That's how we roll: OWC savagely undercuts Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels with bargain $199 alternative

jonathan keith Silver badge

Do they do wheeled monitor stands?

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: "Roughneck Dolly" from Wickes. Which is not a sex toy,

Well, there's always this:

SFW image

Virgin Galactic pals up with Rolls-Royce to work on Mach 3 Concorde-style private jet that can carry up to 19 people

jonathan keith Silver badge

and fuelled with..?

So this is going to be entirely powered by renewables, right? Right?

Struggling company pleads with landlords to slash rents as COVID-19 batters UK high street. The firm's name? Apple

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: My heart bleeds

Oh, I entirely agree that the whole system is massively out of kilter, as a result of decades' worth of a multitude of contributary factors. At the moment it's rather like a badly-levelled washing machine with worn drum bearings that will eventually just destroy itself, and unfortunately Indesit don't sell shiny new High Streets, complete with three year warranties, for £200. However, something has to change, and as with so much else in the UK, I think that full-fat localism is a large part of the answer.

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: My heart bleeds

I have a mad dream that High Street property would be acquired (probably with compulsory purchase orders) by the lowest level regional authority body - something like a town or parish council, and managed as a public good by a local not-for-profit organisation. Sort of like a Housing Association for commercial property. Rents would be capped at a minimum, businesses could apply for leases on vacant properties, but local residents and workers would have the final say on whether or not to allow a business to open, or to renew a lease, in a balloted vote.

I know it's an idea likely riddled with flaws (and socialism!), but ultimately about the only thing that stands a chance of keeping our High Streets alive and reversing the chain-store desertification is some form of active localism.

Intel couldn't shrink to 7nm on time – but it was able to reduce one thing: Its chief engineer's employment

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Just desserts

Ain't karma a bitch, Intel?

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: and the position will be eliminated from its corporate structure

... although there's little that's more effective than a circular firing squad.

PC printer problems and enraged execs: When the answer to 'Hand over that floppy disk' is 'No'

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... but throwing in a deliberate spelling mistake as well is the mark of a true sadist.

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: We had the inverse issue

I never knew Rod Hull had a town named in his honour. Every day is a learning day at The Reg!

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes: UK man gets 3 years for torching 4G phone mast over 5G fears

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: He isn't all bad.

Just goes to show that, very occasionally, someone can be right for *all* the wrong reasons...

Ardour goes harder: v6.0 brings 'huge engineering changes' to open-source digital audio workstation

jonathan keith Silver badge


Never used Ardour, but if anyone's looking for a DAW I cannot recommend Reaper highly enough.


Micros~1? ClippyZilla? BSOD Bob? There can be only one winner. Or maybe two

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Runners and riders

They're hardly out of the gate and already it looks like we have a winner here, Dave. Surely this one's Micros~1's to lose?

That's right, Jim, but Micros-1 has form for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory with new projects. This could well go all the way to the line.

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

jonathan keith Silver badge


In honour of their greatest achievement, how about The Organisation Formerly Known As Microsoft, which conveniently reduces down to the handy acronym TOFKAM?

Gmail and Outlook sitting in a tree, not t-a-l-k-i-n-g to me or thee

jonathan keith Silver badge

Er, what?

I'm honestly at a loss here trying to understand what's so bad about - for example - using the Outlook desktop client to handle email from an Exchange account, and both my Fastmail account and a Clook account via IMAP.

Or is the problem just that I'm not down with the cool kids?

ICANN finally halts $1.1bn sale of .org registry, says it's 'the right thing to do' after months of controversy

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Practice, don't preach

So "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" was in fact their second choice then.

IBM Watson GPU cloud cluster Brexits from London to Frankfurt – because GDPR

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Re: This needs some thought

Multiple SNAFUs are always multiplicative, never additive. It therefore doesn't take much to blow past the FUBAR threshold.

Australia to make Google and Facebook disclose ranking algorithms and pay for local content

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Re: too few Australian eyes

They're probably stealing Australian children - all that content doesn't just dig itself out of the mines, you know.

jonathan keith Silver badge

Frankly, Google needs to be broken up.

A paper clip, a spool of phone wire and a recalcitrant RS-232 line: Going MacGyver in the wonderful world of hotel IT

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Re: Proper lash up

It's a racing certainty that two days after being renamed "Permanent Overpass" the whole thing will disintegrate into dust.

Cloudflare outage caused by techie pulling out the wrong cables

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Cables with labels on

Same here. I was tested by my optician when I was about 14 / 15 years old as part of the whole 'careers advice' thing.

At the end of the test, he handed me a document (three A4 pages, single-spaced print on both sides) that listed all the jobs that colour-deficient vision disqualified me from ever doing, with Military / Commercial Pilot on the first line.

This was at the bottom of page six:

Careers where colour blindness may be beneficial

Camouflage detection

Obviously I'm unable to discuss any subsequent work for Military Intelligence.

UK govt probes Brit chip biz Imagination after growing Chinese ownership sparks national security fears

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Um...

Damn it! Does that mean the Chinese will have to scrap their plan to move the buildings, brick by brick, to Shenzen? I bet they're furious.

ICANN suffers split-personality disorder as deadline for .org sale decision draws close

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Opportunity Knocks

Everything is politics.

OK brainiacs, we've got an IT cold case for you: Fatal disk errors on an Amiga 4000 with 600MB external SCSI unless the clock app is... just so

jonathan keith Silver badge


obviously. Or 'technomancy' if you want to be all modern about it.

Signal sends smoke, er, signal: If Congress cripples anonymous speech with EARN IT Act, we'll shut US ops

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Re: I think it would be rather splendid

3. US citizens shrug, go about their normal daily activities

4. Profit for data miners, brokers, lobbyists

jonathan keith Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Alternatively, this one ==>

(Substitute Kelvedon Hatch Secret Nuclear Bunker for Montana mountain bunker complex.)

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: "a political body that devotes a lot of attention to national security"

It was actually the FBI who flagged that up. When the FBI asked the CIA if they had info in their files about any of the names on the FBI's list of arabs attending US flight schools, the CIA hid the fact that two people on the FBI's list were known al-Qaeda members.

Still waiting for your Atari retro gaming console? You're not alone: Its architect has just sued the biz for 'non-payment'

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So when's David Levy going to be suing Atari for maliciously ripping off his business model?

Time to brush up on current affairs. Because we're predicting Li-ion batt lifetimes using impedance and AI

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Re: Sounds nice

... and it has a USB-C connector allowing testing of phones and laptops.

NASA mulls restoring Saturn V to service as SLS delays and costs mount

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Well done.

Blimey! Is it that time already?

Zoom's end-to-end encryption isn't actually end-to-end at all. Good thing the PM isn't using it for Cabinet calls. Oh, for f...

jonathan keith Silver badge


The 'percentage of turnover' fine is..? Anybody?

Microsoft expands AI features in Office, but are they any good? Mixed, according to our vulture

jonathan keith Silver badge

Office365 SKUs

All well and good for admins of the corporate moneybags lot with their swanky Pro Plus* subscriptions, but what about those of us having to make do on (and I use the term very relatively) cheap Business Premium or Business Essentials subs?

* Pro Plus might have some more fully-featured admin tools, but bizarrely costs £2 a month more per user (+VAT) and doesn't include any of Microsoft's cloudy service goodness like SharePoint, Teams or even Exchange.

Lost in translation and adrift in cloud storage

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Apparently, "beheerder" means "administrator".

Throughout the whole article I was reading it as "beeherder", and thinking "I know those Dutch are crazy, but WTF?"

More caffeine required.

That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: "arsehole manager"

They are a very rare breed but they do exist.

One common factor seems to be the lack of an MBA.

PC owners borg into the most powerful computer the world has ever known – all in the search for coronavirus cure

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Very worthy

Added my Ryzen 3700 rig into the mix. Go Vultures! Awk! Awk! Awk!

Thought you'd go online to buy better laptop for home working? Too bad, UK. So did everyone. Laptops, monitors and WLANs fly off shelves

jonathan keith Silver badge

The Lenovo laptop I bought two weeks ago for £320 is now £150 more expensive, and it seems you can't buy a webcam less than £300 for love nor money.

Apple updates iPad Pro with a trackpad, faster processor. Is it a real computer now?

jonathan keith Silver badge

The one accessory the new iPad is missing is a mounting adapter for the (£950) Pro Stand.

Zoom goes boom, Teams tears at seams: Technology stumbles at the first hurdle for this homeworking malarkey

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Important question: UK or US pants?

Latest bendy phone effort from coke empire spinoff Escobar Inc is a tinfoil-plated Samsung Galaxy Fold 'scam'

jonathan keith Silver badge

Re: Fools and their money

A splendid idea! Now, if you'll just follow me over here, I have a very new, ever so shiny gizmo that I know you are just going to fall in love with, and which I guarantee will make you the envy of your friends...

Budget 2020 in tech: UK.gov splashes cash on broadband and R&D while trying to limit impact of COVID-19 outbreak

jonathan keith Silver badge

Let [category] {VAT rate} = 0

Invoice sent separately.



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